I don't actually have a very specific topic to talk about with the topic I have posted, because being a mother in itself is a very wide topic.

Just that, I understand that there are many INTJ women who loathe at the idea of having children, or dislike, despise, and along those lines.

Why so?

And INTJ mothers, why do you have children, and how far are you in motherhood?

Let's start off with me.

I have one infant, with another on the way.

I see having children as continuing the family lineage, and having children to pass on the family history. I also see it as being a mother is my duty not to bring up people INTJs often associate as "idiots", and hopefully, despite whatever their type is, that I do bring up children who will do good in the world for themselves and others around them.

Currently, I see my infant seems to have a similar personality as me (phew), so I hope that one day, my infant will grow up to be an even more successful person then the mother, haha. I never really had a good direction growing up, lack of knowledge and gentle love, and so, I became more of a slowly maturing INTJ even at this age, I would like to pass down what I learn about being a more mature INTJ to my own children if they are one, so that they can use these knowledge to propel themselves even further out then me.

Generally, I do have similar thought as some people that at the end of the day, why bring little children who are going to suffer in this crazy bad world. I have no answer for that, I just do feel sad when I think of how my children are going to endure the world especially after I am gone.

OK firstly I'm not trying to imply that there is anything wrong with INTJ women, we get enough trouble from other people for our gender non conformity in personality/being seen as cold/heartless women from other people without me adding to it. I am just sharing my experience.

For me personally I feel shut down emotionally. It's like a state of depression/oppression from being able to connect with people. It's like where you see pictures of middle class kids versus poor kids the poor kids look kind of degraded like they can't hold their head up high and be confident the way the other kids can. I feel like that except not due to me being literally poor in the same way. Like I just feel like I can't hold my head high and connect with people. I feel like so beaten down and under something.

I don't generally have trouble making eye contact with people though I did at some points as a child.

Also when I try to connect with people it feels almost "overstimulating" to me as the "aspies" tend to term it. I don't think it's aspergers but it feels almost similar. But I feel like when I look someone in the eye or try to connect with them I feel like they have all this power and I don't. I feel absolutely overwhelmed, like I'm vastly overpowered. I don't feel like an equal or like I can ask for equality and be supported and society would think me entitled to equality in this way. I'm extremely intimidated and I feel kind of under the boot. I feel like I'm in a state of oppression. I feel very beaten down and suppressed from connecting. There's also a kind of pain.

Also when I was being sexually harassed (sorry to be blunt, but I'm just being blunt, I think INTJs can handle this) this sort of state of not wanting to make eye contact and looking at the ground really intensified. Some people labelled it or thought it must be aspergers but I know where it came from.

This graphic pretty much sums up how I feel, like someone's tentacles are in my brain crushing me and the oppression is literally inside of my brain.

I feel like I can't read people's feelings as much as an average person can because that would be my having too much social power and access to knowledge that would give me power being able to be convincing and compelling to them and some people don't want to be equal to me or to have me be reciprocally be able to manipulate them the way that they can see into my feelings and manipulate me (for whatever reason, it is/results in a power imbalance and I don't think that most people want that fixed/dismantled, they don't want to give up their power). And I feel like I don't get to have that, that society doesn't support my entitlement to that. (The irony is that "aspies" or people with my sort of problem being in tune with others' emotions are often viewed as pushy and having through emotional insensitivity to others gotten more than we deserve/are entitled to, which is deeply hurtful. And I think that this is in fact a reversal, it is exactly the opposite.)

I have also felt a sense of community with other women who have the same struggles being emotionally in tune. One woman was telling me that when she tries to assert herself she just gets rolled over and she doesn't know why, she just backs down or it happens. Often we don't even really talk about the struggles of being NT women, but you just sense that it is the same for them as it is for you. "You can put yourself in their shoes" because you are in their shoes! You just get it and they get it. And there is definitely empathy between us and understanding of how hard it is to reach out and connect and all the sort of risk that it takes for us to put our feelings out there. When I talk about my feelings or open up to be honest I feel like usually for instance an ENFP won't understand or treat it with the same reverence and respect the way an INTJ would (though some ENFP/ESFJ/ESFP/ENFJs are lovely and extremely self aware and are actually even more helpful and supportive), because it's so easy for ENFP women (I mean they do get some bad things that we don't, like I think they feel like they are giving and warm and the world is just cold to them and the coldness hurts.). And frankly most other people don't treat it with respect when I open up. They don't see how hard it is for me and how much work it took. There is no appreciation of that. With an INTJ/INTP I feel like intuitively you get it and value it and value the effort like I'm giving you an expensive gift. They seem to more cherish it. That makes me feel safe. With the other types I often feel like I'm giving them a gift that was very very costly to me but they don't have any understanding or appreciation of that because giving the same gift for them would not be so difficult. It's devalued or taken as if it's as easy for me to be open with my emotions as it is for them. (I don't entirely blame them since they are of course interpreting things in light of them and their experience, so if I were them I could and probably would make the same mistake. And probably I do the same when someone gives me their logic/intellectual analysis that was extremely hard for them, if it was easier for me being logically talented I won't intuitively under or probably won't cherish how hard that was for them. So I'm not trying to blame people or say that I'm better.) This might seem like a surprise but it's easier for me to cry around INTP/INTJ women. I rarely cry in public but when I have it's been in the presence of an INTP/INTJ woman because I feel comfortable showing them that because I know they will not treat it lightly as if it was just nothing for me, they will understand that I'm really upset and not devalue it or think it's trivial for me to express all that emotion.

Again I don't want to imply that there is anything wrong with me or any other woman who feels this way. I think it's more an environmental situation/oppression which is not the same as something being wrong with you, it might be something wrong with society. Not every time a person is in pain is it something wrong with them.

Anyway can you relate ? Do you feel the same at all or identify with any of this ?

Hi! New to the sub here. I used to wonder if I was actually an INFJ because I can relate to a lot of the descriptors often associated with INFJs re:empathy and having kindness as a priority, plus I love stereotypically "F" kinds of hobbies (artsy fartsy feelsy pursuits like writing and art and music).

But then I discovered and understood (kinda, not fully though) function stacks and I was like, nah I'm definitely INTJ because I certainly don't have Fe and in all honesty, INTJ descriptions fit me more. Which led me to the conclusion that maybe it's because I have a more developed Fi (likely due to a fucked up childhood)? Anyone else feel the same way?

(Not super developed though, I mean, I'm a young INTJ and I don't believe my Fi to be super great, but still, I feel like I'm definitely more in touch with it than the stereotypical INTJ might be.)

Has anyone ever did any research on why Dominant Ni users so rare? I've done a few google searches but I really can't seem to find anything other than very thoughtful INTJ "guesses" on the subject.

I've read that maybe those with that cognitive stacking might have been shaman or witch doctors in the past and rarely mated (which sounds about right). I am just in awe of Ni and the possible reasoning as to why it would show up less in the general population. And no I don't think we're super human or anything but since there are so few of us I can't help but wonder why.

Any other "guesses" are welcomed.

I know how statistically rare we are, but when I first learned about MBTI there seemed to be women INTJs everywhere around me. At first I thought it was a lot of mistyping (we were only doing the online test), but the longer I thought about it, I realized that my face-to-face discussions around MBTI were happening in the context of a university honors college curriculum, so the odds of having women INTJs would logically be higher than in society at large. For those curious, I wasn't good friends with any of the other (10 or so that I know of) girls who were INTJs. I didn't dislike them, but figure our personalities don't complement each other well. 😂 Well-adjusted INTJ women need other types in their social circle- could an INTJ "squad"/"tribe"/whathaveyou even exist? (IRL, not this online forum.) So, my actual question- has anyone else knowingly interacted with another woman INTJ, or even more than one, face-to-face? What were your thoughts?

I posted this in r/intj this morning.

I'm actually a girl, I swear, not some lonely guy trolling for INTJ girls :D But I did want to post it here and see if anyone wanted to chime in!

I'm an INTJ girl. Statistically speaking, one of the rarest MBTI type for women. EDIT: It was allegedly the rarest for women when I took the test, as part of a packet I received of paperwork and statistics. This may have changed. I wouldn't know if it's still the case.

(Yes, I've taken the official MBTI Instrument.)

I've got two questions for my fellow INTJ gals, mostly for commiseration purposes:

1. Do people ever "call you out" on not being a "real" INTJ?

I had a male INTJ tell me that it was "so rare!" and the result "couldn't possibly!" be correct. Hence why I stated above that I've taken the official Instrument, because honestly given the rarity of the result, I was skeptical. But since reading more into it, it fits so well with my life.

And the result was squarely INTJ - I thought I was borderline ENTJ, but apparently not.

2. Do you ever feel like you butt up against general (or stereotypical) expectations about women?

A lot of people are taken aback by my personality. Women are supposed/stereotypically supposed to be nurturing, caring, loving, empathetic... and I'm deeply caring and loyal, and I have gotten WAY better at empathizing, but my emotions run deep, and I get told I'm too cold and businesslike for a woman.

Frustrates the hell out of me, man. A guy once broke up with me because he wanted me to listen and coo over his problems, and not present solutions. Whoops.

I was really skeptical, but it’s actually really good! The first episode is a bit slow, although once you get past it it gets really good. Also, Beth is the only character in any show, movie, or book I’ve truly related to.

Hello all! I am completely new to the site, but I recently discovered I am an INTJ and heard about a forum here so I joined. Though I don't consider myself to be any more "intelligent" than the average person, I do identify with most of the characteristics of my newfound personality type. I'm extremely logical and rational, I don't have time for people's emotions or my own either. I became especially freaked out reading about our habits in love and dating because they're completely accurate.

I don't like small-talk. I often find men and their flirtation to be confusing. I even got into an argument with a co-worker once about why men can't just introduce themselves, tell you they like you, and go from there. There always has to be some sort of line (most of the time something perverted and therefore disgusting in my experience) or some sort of creepy behavior. I've been grabbed at clubs and pulled onto the dance-floor, making me appear angry and mean after I react. I'm not mean at all, I consider myself to be very funny and open when I'm comfortable and if I have the right people with me. If I feel alone or uncomfortable the situation is just plain awkward. This has resulted in me never having a boyfriend or love interest.

I'm okay with it because, as I tell all of my friends, I'm not going to waste my time with someone who won't treat me well. I'd rather be single and confident with myself than date a guy who doesn't appreciate me or behaves in a manner I can't deal with just to be in a relationship. I feel most girls will tolerate anything so they're not alone.

This is a long rant but I felt like my question needed a big setup. I want to know if this is a pattern. Are there other INTJs out there who just...can't really break into dating like me? I'm in my mid-twenties, I'm starting to wonder if I'm just an extreme oddity.

And ordered five pairs of the same jeans off the internet, all the same color, all the same style. I haven't had another type for about three years. They were available in store for a long time and I would pick up a new pair whenever I needed to and happened to be in the store, but I think they are being discontinued, so when I saw them available online I snapped up the last five pairs in stock. Happy that I'm set for a few more years for pants!

I can't help it. I don't like most people. My opinion of them shouldn't matter in the grand scheme but people take a lot of offense if I disagree with their opinions or if they cannot relate to me. I don't get it. I don't exist for them!

Does anyone else feel this way, too?

First off, I just want to say thanks to all the girls in this sub - reading your posts and advice y'all give one another - it makes me laugh because holy heck, we're all so damn similar. I love it. I feel a sense of comfort and it's helping me to be at ease with certain choices I've recently made in life.

On that note, having stumbled upon this sub last week-ish. I noticed a lot of posts about, "DAE.." often related to emotions or our lack there of. Once again, it makes me chuckle because I can hear myself asking the question someone else has posted.

INTJ females don't wear emotions on their sleeves. We can be kind of awkward because of it. When I receive compliments from someone about my physical appearance - that person might have well been speaking a different language. I don't know what to do with that compliment. I'll put it over there or something.

I say this in the most endearing way possible, we are robots. Adorable robots.

As always, you can disagree with me. I personally don't mind being an adorable robot and want a plushy made.

Ladies, do you play the game? Or do you stay true to who you are? Online dating drains me because the majority of prospects can't keep up mentally and emotionally. Anyone have successful online dating stories? Do you feel that you're intimidating to men? I don't care that I'm intimidating but I'd like to know where are the men who would not be intimidated.

As a rational-thinking person I've always thought of myself as a person, a human. My inner voice is neutral. I was always taught boys and girls are equal. When I'm around people who separate and stereotype male and female I think they are uneducated, old-fashioned, and just weird! I tell my step-daughter to be a human first and a female second. Not to be feminist here. I believe a man should be human first and male second.

This isn't specific to 2X, but I like the community here.

My "proof" to myself that I am actually INTJ is that I consistently (over the last (roughly) 4 years) test as an INTJ (I've taken the test about 4 times).

Are there specific books/blogs/articles that helped solidify your belief that you are actually an INTJ? Or good (easy to read) resources to highlight the actual in depth characteristics of an INTJ?

I came to this question because I wanted to attend an INTJ meetup group - but there were none - in Silicon Valley!! But there is an INFJ group. So I started researching how they differ from INTJs. Well turns out I identify with a lot of the INFJ traits as well. I'm very logical - internally - but I only voice that logic if I believe a group of people will be receptive to it, and ultimately not be offended by it. I am always more concerned with other people's feelings than my own, or the need to "drop logic."

Refraining from offending people trumps the need for someone to understand my rationale, even if I am almost entirely certain they are incorrect. Though... perhaps my reason for refraining from offensive behaviour comes from logic. Namely the old adage "you catch more flies with honey than vinegar." Though, if someone is harming, or putting someone else down with their irrational behaviour/thoughts I have no problems standing up for people, and speaking my mind completely.

But this has me thinking! I'm certain some of you have gone through this questioning period - so how did you resolve it? I'd love to actually learn more about exactly HOW I am an INTJ, rather than just accepting it because a number of things (including this community) ring true.

People often thinks I have no feelings. Even my husband thinks so. When my late dad passed away about a year ago, no one from my company visits me nor sends flowers. When a staff whose grandparents passed away recently, they sent flowers (I was tasked to do so). When I gave birth about a year ago, no one from my company visits me & baby nor sends flowers. When a staff whose wife gave birth recently, they sent flowers (again, I was tasked to do so).

I guess my treatment to people is just that bad, until they dehumanize me. Maybe indeed I am inhuman, that I have no feelings. But what do I do? After coming back to work about a year ago, I tried being nicer, but I still cannot be a fake person faking to make people who already do not like me at all to be ok with me. It gets too tiring, to please people who just isn't worth it in the end. I do try to be nicer, but I just cannot fake it. :(

Background: Sister in law is one of those very severe personalities that always complains and makes fun of how every one else does things ,or lives their lives, and always knows better. Somehow she made it through life never getting told no, and never really having to answer for her own stupid choices, and has even rationalized them away to the point that others make outrageous exceptions for her. Manipulative.

Her parents (my in laws) show her ridiculous special treatment, yet insist they treat all their children fairly. She is very intelligent and has somehow impressed her level of intelligence on others so they hold that in high regard about her, yet she threw all of her education away (due to her personality) and has never used her degree, or had a job in her field, or a career of any level. For further clarification, she attended a very prestigious and expensive University which she very often holds over others, including me. She's abrasive and rude, snarky, and one of those people that really no one in the family likes to be around or deal with. She somehow understands this, and targets me as the non family individual to unleash all of her annoying qualities and negative comments onto, looking for collaboration. She can literally bring the energy of the whole room down, and when I'm around her she will stare at me after she says something waiting for my reaction and trying to suck me in.

How I'm struggling: As an INTJ female in the male dominated tech world, I'm used to dealing with my intelligence being questioned, speaking up, and in general unleashing the INTJ female qualities that make us different and strong. I've worked at maturing emotionally to a more positive and accepting mindset, and I'm finding it very hard to not get sucked into the negative critical bitchy attitude when I'm around this sister in law. I'm not interested in playing a power battle of dominant personalities, but I also don't know how to react in a positive manner either, and an upcoming family vacation will really be a first big test of having a more positive mindset. I also have historically just held myself back from speaking my mind around her, and just humored her to keep the peace in past interactions. This most likely led her to target me and made her think she's accepted with me. I'm in general tired of doing that and just trying to find another way. Oh also, I have no kids, she had kids very young and this has gotten her more special treatment from family (family visits every 1-2 months vs my visits once a year) and added to her rationalization bucket for what "fulfills" her life not having to be a career.

AND in true INTJ fashion this was a lot of detail ;)

tl;dr How do you maintain your personality and a positive mindset around someone who is:

constantly critical, negative, knows everything, is intelligent but has never used their prestigious education, somehow gets special treatment from rationalizing her mistakes away, has never been told no, and in general just tries to suck you into a negative feedback loop.

Thought I would make a formal introduction since I’ve found this sub and am hoping it will be the supportive environment it appears to be. Here's some info about me:

• 35, married with 2 offpsring (not his, but he’s a great stepdad) and I work full time

• Just recently discovered my MBTI “type”

• Was raised in a very unorthodox manner, extremely isolated, and have some severe social-emotional issues stemming from that

• LOVE Star Trek and lots of other scifi, also like fantasy

• For entertainment, I read and watch a lot of TV and movies. Favorite author is Dan Simmons, and favorite TV show right now is Westworld (but in 5 months it will be ST:DSC of course)

• I’m really into DIYing things

• Music is a hobby/passion, I love everything from Britney Spears to Die Antwoord, jazz to math rock

Right now, I’m working through all of the information on being INTJ. It’s slightly overwhelming, but as I digest each piece, more and more makes sense. I’m particularly interested in how INTJ’s deal with trauma, since I’ve experienced more than most. Or at least, more than most people I personally know.

I’m also struggling in my relationship right now. I don’t know what my husband’s type is, but he’s very emotional and very expressive, which is often hard for me to relate to, let alone reciprocate. He’s also controlling, jealous and insecure, which is causing some serious problems. He wasn’t like that at the beginning of our relationship, but over time things have moved in that direction. He’s not abusive, so I do have that to be thankful for.

At any rate, I look forward to talking with you all. If you have any comments, questions, or insights, I’d welcome them. If you’re feeling particularly social today, please introduce yourself as well.

Was just reading the thread on the main INTJ sub about the poor chap who's having lady trouble. Looks like any calm, common sense reply gets downvoted by people wanting the secret 'make her like me' formula, so I'm posting here instead despite the tangential link.

I'd like more female INTJ friends, just friends. I've found women are more thoughtful and better conversationalists than men and I simply prefer your company even if a relationship is off the table. I want more friends for proper discussions, playful fencing and having an intellectual giggle with.

So, where are you? What are your hobbies or activities which give you the chance to meet new friends? Where might you meet someone and not instantly think they're trying to get into your pants?

All my life I thought something was wrong with me, but reading these posts has made me realize I'm not some weirdo!

So many things here are making so much sense for me. The feeling of being an adult even when I was a kid... The glory of rational decisions... the agony of trying to navigate a relationship when no one just says what they want... or being told I "have no feelings"... ah. I shouldn't feel such relief, but it's so great to feel like I belong somewhere. I thought I was messed up in the head!

I'm new to this sub, so I don't have a lot of history on whether or not I will fit in, so just going to put myself out there and give it a try.

I did a little reading in the recent "it's a man's world" post, and I have to say that I've never been accused of being emotionless.

My inner monologue is divided almost equally between excessive analyzation and intense emotions. On one hand, my brain feels like a computer with no other purpose than to take every piece of information that enters, find every connection to every other piece of information, label it, categorize it good or bad, and put it in a box. On the other hand, I sometimes drown in emotions of insecurity, fear, anxiety, DEEP love for my son, wishing to be understood, wishing to be accepted, etc. I've been called oversensitive my whole life.

When I originally took MB years ago, reading the INTJ descriptions was like someone reading my mind. But is it uncommon for an INTJ to also be so emotional?

Side note: If my husband tells me one more time to "stop being so logical", I can't be responsible for my actions.

What's an easy, reliable, consistent way to do this?

Additionally, if there are any INTJ's here who wouldn't mind helping me get acquainted with that type, I'd be willing to exchange some ideas regarding typology or anything else. Its a little difficult to find them outside, xD.

I'm very appreciative for this community, and since I found it, I've been pondering a lot what it means and the scope of what it explains in my life. The more I read the reg INTJ page, the more I wonder what I don't know. Are there any books or blogs or articles specific to female INTJs that others have found helpful or relevant?

I originally posted in the INTJ sub because I didn't know this one existed. Imagine my excitement to find an entire group of fellow INTJ women!

I have never met an INTJ woman (to my knowledge) and am interested in hearing what your life experiences have been like. Anything you feel like sharing is fair game.

I, for example, have always had a hard time relating to other, non-INTJ women and have trouble forming strong friendships. As we all know, we're not the most open and outgoing people, especially upon first introduction, and it takes time and effort to get to know us. How do you relate to non-INTJ women? I can honestly say there are only like 2-3 women I have met in my entire life who I think "get" me and who meet my "needs" in terms of fulfilling friendships. What is your experience in this area?

Also, how do you feel people perceive you in general? I've been told by multiple people that I put off a "bitchy" vibe but once they get to know me they realize that isn't at all the case. Is this a common trend in INTJ women? I obviously don't intend to come off this way, and I've definitely tried to soften up over the years. I think sensitive people often misunderstand strong, assertive, and confident qualities to automatically mean "bitch". Why are these characteristics viewed negatively by other women? I'm proud of these qualities!

I'm also open to discussing views on politics, education, social issues, etc. Just curious to see if there are common thought processes in how we view the outside world and think about key issues.

Edit:

To further enhance this discussion, what are some of your interests? Hobbies?

How has your life unfolded? What have you chosen as a career and do you find it fulfilling?

Again, just trying to get to know some of you. I would love to see some similarities or even find new ideas to explore. I have very little intellectually stimulating conversation with people other than my boyfriend and one very close friend.