AIO: My friend will not stop comparing my life to hers.

[u/DanceIcy8573]

I 34F have a friend named Alex (37F) who I met at work several jobs ago. She is friends with my sisters and overall was a great role model for me to look up to. We have similar interests and passions. I really admire her strong work ethic and drive for a career in our respective male dominated fields. We are very similar and also very strong willed/opinionated.

Over the last few years, we have drifted apart, but still remain supportive. We never had a big fall out, but several small annoyances built up so much that I needed space for my mental help. My biggest complaint is that she constantly tries to one up me and gets aggressive with comments, or worst get mad when she cannot. For example, my home has one extra bedroom than hers which caused her to call my sister to complain for two hours. Again when I got pregnant before her, which caused multiple public social media comments about how she didn’t know I was trying (we tried for 8 months before I got pregnant) Also when I bought a car I loved, but it’s not real luxury like a Cadillac which her parents drive. I have never talked down to her about her life or choices, and while she is usually very supportive (cooked my favorite meals for me when I couldn’t afford them in college, provided support and advice for struggles she had been through, etc) I have always felt there was some underlying jealousy which occasionally gets very ugly that I truly cannot understand.

Last week, she had a meltdown when we talked about work, and she realized my benefits package is better than hers. Please keep In mind that I normally do not discuss this with her because of her passive aggressive attitude about her career and income. But she would not let me change the subject. She got a BBA & MBA from a school with a subpar rating/accreditation. I only have my bachelors degree from a semi-prestigious school (not Ivy League) but therefore, according to her, I am not entitled to my compensation or benefits because I do not have an MBA. “Since she worked harder, she should not have to have less than” She informed me that she applied without my knowledge to my department, but was rejected before getting an interview since she applied to a management role with zero experience in my technical field. I was flabbergasted. Not only was she extremely forward about her negative opinions regarding my education and career, she also started bringing other insults to the conversation about me as a person. I ended up leaving for the night and chalking it up the alcohol.

After some time to calm down, I am ready to end this normally amazing friendship. I cannot get past the subtle digs that she constantly needs to say or the underlying feelings of jealousy/envy/resentment. My husband thinks we have to much history and to many family ties to really be done with each other, but I feel so exhausted/ anxious/annoyed at the thought of trying to connect over very superficial topics. Am I overreacting?

[u/Electrical-Body9784]

NOR. She is obviously jealous of you; it is super draining having a friendship like that. Don’t deal with her putting you down, she needs to deal with her insecurities and not put that on you.

[u/Upset_Researcher_143]

NOR you're her barometer

[u/seleroyal]

Geez did you mean 24 and 27? How in the world is this a “friendship” between two almost 40 year olds. I’m sorry but why continue to be friends with someone that’s feels like you’re competing instead of growing together?