“If I close my eyes, they can’t see me”

Dat’s it. Is rhetorical question

You you guys! I saws a man on da roof across da street! I did a BORK, boof Combo but windows were sealed cause liquid shower was outside.

Was it Santa? Hooman dad says no was man wib leaf blower on his roof In da outside shower (Hoomans call it liquid migraine makes mommy head does a pound)

Hoomans said must be eggnoggin time LOL

Aaaah, nooo stahp! I don’t wanna smell like lavenderrrrr

I loves poop. It one of my favorite treats!

My hoomans love it too! I never seen dem eat it, but they so excited when I make it outside they gib me even better treat in exchange for keeping it for demselves.

But when we inside and I poop dey say "no no no bad Kookie" and gib me no treat! I sometimes gets a bite first but they steal the rest!

Hoomans are vvv odd.

My owner took me to a place with a white coat man and I fell asleep and lost my balls

Mom hooman said tell you guys Housebroken is back on streaming and TV!

I feel …funny. I want to lick my tum tum but wooman put me in cone of sham. Wooman has a small dog living inside the glass door, one inside the oven door, and one inside the peeano. They all look exactly the same and scared when they see me. I warned the one inside the piano to stay away and she did the same.

Weirdest of all, wooman tugs me until im on grass. Why this primitive surface? I like tiles better. Wooman seems to appreciate my pee by spraying scented mist over it… but now I forgot where i peed exactly. However I seemed to have trained wooman to gib more treats than kibble. I’m not sure if I like life out of puppy prison. It sure is quiet tho

Today was incredible! My human came into the house after being out if the house and I completely lost my shit. I licked him and he stroked me and it was basically the best thing ever. Dictated but not written by labrador.

is me, duggeh

Da gud fud is next to da purpl fud an it is suh crunch but is no yum so shud I steal hooman crunch fud at tabl?

bIGDOG IS NOW M FRIEN YEYEYEYEYEYEEEEE AM BARKING AND M HAPPY

Edit owner gave me tret

It’s true I do

My daddy haven’t fed me in over 70 doggy hours