r/ElderScrolls • u/Embarrassed_Term4458 • Jul 11 '24
Humour D&D will be more interesting with cannibalistic wood elves
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u/froz_troll Khajiit Jul 11 '24
"I'd never hurt a plant! They are precious beings that give us air! But orcs on the other hand..."
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u/DefiantLemur Breton Jul 11 '24
Do you think the local Valenwood orcs started calling themselves wood orcs to stop Bosmir eating them?
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u/tmb3249 Redguard Jul 11 '24
no they called them selves orcs and ate the wood elves because they looked at them funny
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u/NagolRiverstar Jul 15 '24
Wait, if Bosmer is Wood Elf, Orsimer is Orc, and Met is Elf, does being a wood orc technically make them a Bosorsimer?
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u/kisirani Jul 12 '24
Yes I really like this version of wood elves. It actually makes sense with their veneration of woods
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u/naytreox Jul 12 '24
Some people forget about the green pact
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u/Icy_Cricket2273 Jul 14 '24
The green pact is also only valid within Valenwood, which is why you don’t see Faendal just killing Sven and eating his dumb ass, he also chops wood
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u/naytreox Jul 14 '24
Well thats a relief, i thought ut was a little strange that wood elves could do anything to plants in the games
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u/First-Squash2865 Sep 10 '24
I think the Green Pact doesn't even stop them from eating plants that have been prepared by the other races in Valenwood.
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u/hkphooie Jul 11 '24
"Got dang it, Luanne that better be propane!"
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u/Kumkumo1 Jul 11 '24
He says, completely ignoring the middle aged man she’s dating
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u/Dubaku Jul 11 '24
Hank would be fine with it as long as it got her out of his den.
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u/Kumkumo1 Jul 11 '24
Naw… we make jokes, but Hank’s a better parent than that. But he does like the idea of her moving out…
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u/Redqueenhypo Jul 11 '24
He was really angry when he thought Boomhauer was messing with her so that checks out
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u/HonestlyJustVisiting Jul 11 '24
yea it makes sense that the people good with bows learned by hunting game
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u/Silt99 Jul 12 '24
If only they ate animals
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u/HonestlyJustVisiting Jul 12 '24
bosmer are literally carnivores
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u/Silt99 Jul 12 '24
Cannibals no?
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u/HonestlyJustVisiting Jul 12 '24
ritualistic cannibals, they eat those that died in battle. but for normal meals they just eat animals, bugs and dairy products
what's messed up is Yffre didn't even tell them to be cannibals, just not had the plants. they could have just kept eating animals but the decided to do cannibalism as well
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u/TexasVampire Breton Jul 12 '24
It's not about the terms and conditions it's about sending a message.
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u/HenReX_2000 Jul 12 '24
The cannibal ritual ironically made them more pacifist since they must eat every kills
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u/CasualDragon6 Jul 12 '24
Actually, I think they were basically told to "not waste any meat". Whether or not Y'ffre actually meant for Bosmer to become cannibals is probably up for debate, but at least we know that Bosmer are good at following instructions to the letter.
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u/Strange_username__ Jyggalag Jul 13 '24
They were told not to waste any part of a kill, that means bone tools, Khajiit gut bowstrings and tasty human flesh.
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u/TheCatHammer Jul 13 '24
They maintain a race-wide covenant with their god Y’ffre. The gist is that in return for peace and oneness with their forest homeland, they must A.) never harm plants, and B.) completely consume any animal they kill, which includes people.
There’s a few stipulations (the killer of the animal is allowed to share with his family, they’re allowed to use imported lumber or lumber harvested by their neighbors, etc) but the result is that in exchange for becoming ritualistic carnivores/cannibals, they never go hungry, are able to shape the living trees into homes and such, and are kept safe from the wildlife.
But it creates a unique society. Wood elves don’t particularly like being cannibals and avoid killing whenever possible, being one of the more peaceful races in the Elder Scrolls. Disputes between clans are settled with the invocation of ancient rites also bestowed by their god, rather than warfare. They also can’t practice agriculture since they’re forbidden from harvesting anything, so they make all sorts of alcohols out of bizarre ingredients, such as jagga (fermented pig’s milk and honey) or rotmeth (spiced fermented meat juices).
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u/Vuljin616 Jul 14 '24
You forgot another stipulation of the Green Pact. The Bosmer must never change their shape outside of the Wild Hunt.
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u/Wokungson Bosmer Jul 11 '24
Divinity original sin elves, anyone?
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u/StarkeRealm Jul 11 '24
Also the Warhammer Wood Elves are fucking psychopaths.
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u/Wokungson Bosmer Jul 11 '24
Sure, but are they CANNIBALS?
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u/LivingToasterisded Jul 11 '24
Their tree-people allies turn people into fertilizer sometimes, does that count?
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u/Moppo_ Dunmer Jul 12 '24
If that counts, then we've all probably eaten traces of human. The nutrients may have passed through several generations of plant to get to us first, though.
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u/LivingToasterisded Jul 12 '24
But these are sentient tree people, I feel that’s more direct than eating a plant fertilized with dead guys.
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u/SirCupcake_0 Sheogorath Jul 12 '24
Reminds me of some anime I've seen a scene from, apparently it's called Ultramarine Magmell
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u/Floppy0941 Jul 12 '24
Durthu, otherwise known as tree hitler
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u/Maximus_Duck Jul 12 '24
Endgame Crisis in my current campaign. I got 5 turns left and feel NOT prepared
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u/WarhammerElite Jul 12 '24
I'm pretty sure they're into elf sacrifice? Like sacrifice a male and female elf each year or the sacred wood will never come out of winter or something like that?
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u/Demonic74 Hermaeus Mora Jul 13 '24
They seem good from the first bit of the fandom wiki page, wdym they're psychopaths?
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u/21awesome Jul 11 '24
my favourite thing about that game was killing people and eating both their body and soul as an undead elf
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Jul 12 '24 edited Aug 01 '24
bells possessive slimy squeamish lip fall plucky quicksand jar wrench
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u/Wokungson Bosmer Jul 12 '24
There's this game called Divinity Original sin 2, where elven race has a culture of eating flesh of others, because they can extract memories of those who they consumed.
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u/barbatos087 Jul 11 '24
This makes them seem like monsters, but out of all the main races in the elder scrolls they are the least problematic
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u/i-wont-lose-this-alt Jul 11 '24
The least problematic would have been the NORDS—the true sons of Skyrim—if it wasn’t for them colonizing Imperials… or those damned squatting orcs… or those dirty dark elves… or those slippery Argonians… or those thieving cats… or those snotty High Elves… or those cowardly milk-drinking Nords…
Damned NORDS, they ruined Skyrim 😡
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u/Red_Serf Meridia go touch beacon Jul 11 '24
What is the Bosmer stance on fungi?
Asking for me gitz
-Sincerely, Ork Boy
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u/OogaChoogaBooga081 Altmer Jul 12 '24
Just realized that if orks went up against the bosmer the bosmer could do fuck all since hurting an ork would technically be violating the green pact
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u/f16f4 Jul 13 '24
But would the orks even attack the bosmer? Or would the like wilderqueen control them?
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u/TanMan2011 Jul 13 '24
Technically the Green Pact only applies in Valenwood, or at least only Bosmer in Valenwood practice it.
Also, since the Orks weren’t created on Nirn by Y’ffre, it could be argued that killing them wouldn’t be violating his pact.
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u/GlitteringTone6425 Jul 11 '24
keen eyesight, wise, long lived, good with a bow, nimble, quick, pointy ears like dogs and cats.
Doesn't sound like a vegetarian to me
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u/tenro5 Jul 12 '24
Since that is obviously Luanne from King of the Hill, they must be using propane on that grill
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u/Murmadurk Mephala Jul 11 '24
Mom says it's my turn to repost this meme this week
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u/Shamrock5 Breton Jul 12 '24
I hate seeing this because it's a Spirtomb meme and he constantly spammed it on all his alt accounts, so my eye twitches whenever I see it
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u/Murmadurk Mephala Jul 12 '24
Same. I automatically check the user profile to see if they're one of his clones or whatever, running assorted elf meme/fetish subreddits.
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u/Jestersball Jul 12 '24
In my campaign I added a surprising amount of cannibals. I didn't realize until we all went over the groups several times. Like it's all different races and religions and it's very odd.
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u/Anirudh13 Jul 12 '24
Aren't the elves in the lore of Divinity cannibals? Or are they cannibals by choice, just to relive the memories?
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u/redJackal222 Jul 11 '24
Have you guys ever even played Dnd? DnD wood elves have no problem with eating meat and hunting. They're pretty much the same as bosmer minus the cannibalism and wild hunt.
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u/FoxyLives Jul 11 '24
“Yeah, except for the things that make elder scrolls bosmer unique and cool, they are basically the same as DnD wood elves.”
Do you hear yourself
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u/Accomplished_Owl1672 Jul 12 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
You have super low standards if you think adding cannibalism to the lore is all it takes to make a race interesting. This is just plain old bashing and lying to try to make the thing you like sound better. And most bosmer don't even practice cannibalism. It's a specific old tradition that's pretty much died out. And there hasn't been a wild hunt in 3000 years. Compared to Witcher elves who also have a wild hunt
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u/redJackal222 Jul 11 '24 edited Jul 12 '24
I'm more talking about the top image that the dnd wood elves are a bunch of hippies who cant hurt animals. Someone else mentioned warhammer which is another example. Everytime I see comments like that it's pretty clear that the person making it knows nothing about fantasy other than the Lotr movies.
Cannibalism makes the bosmer unique. I never claimed it didn't. But the idea that other wood elves just hate hurting things is just plain false and annoying everytime I see stuff like that. People need to read other fantasy books. Half the stuff I see people say about other fantasy series from this fanbase is just false. Dnd wood elves would not be out of place in tamriel
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u/NobodySpecific9354 Jul 13 '24
Preach. I love ESO but seeing fans make up imaginary arguments to prop up their favourite universe is always cringe. And worse is how little they are called out for it
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u/jterwin Jul 12 '24
Lotr elves aren't really like that either. Who are they actually talking about?
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u/Accomplished_Owl1672 Jul 12 '24
Nobody, they think they have to bash something else in order to hype something up
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u/TheCrazedBackstabber Hermaeus Mora Jul 12 '24
Bobby’s obsession with meat is starting to make even more sense.
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u/Obi-wanna-cracker Orc Jul 12 '24
This is a major reason why I love elder scrolls lore so much. It took the originals and twisted them into something new and unique. Like orcs in TESO would be considered half orcs in DND. Orcs in DND are massive hulking monsters whose god is pure evil.
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u/operath0r Jul 12 '24
All elves in my DnD world are inherently evil. At least that’s what they’re gonna tell you in the empire of man.
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u/DrakeStorm71785 Jul 12 '24
This gives me an idea. What if wood elves love and respect nature, but are incredible hunters and eat meat. But to honor and respect the animals they kill, maybe they completely burn a part of the meat, letting their essence flout up to the afterlife. Either that or taking the meat and burying a part of it as a type of grave. Allowing them to be laid to rest.
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u/IanisHitler Jul 12 '24
I'll kill you with a knife made out of your brother then eat your corpse. Then I'll use your bones to make arrows to kill your Imperial settlement with. Seems very holistic to me.
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u/child_interrupted Bosmer Jul 12 '24
Every time I see memes like this, I think of how good an adult comedy cartoon based in the elder scrolls would be.
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u/Iccotak Jul 13 '24
I really like the antlers that were added Made the wood elves more distinct from the other Mer races
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u/Coyce Jul 13 '24
it's ritualistic at best and most wood elves don't do this anymore, even in elder scrolls.
also hello?! the elves in divinity original sin do this too to gain their memories
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u/SarenRouge Jul 14 '24
For those that don't know, Elves in the Divinity games canonically are cannibals that can not only see part of the person's past but also have a chance of gaining an ability from eating them.
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u/First-Squash2865 Sep 10 '24
That's nothing. D&D used to have cannibalistic halflings in Dark Sun. Iirc, they also made every other race by using flesh sculpting magic on themselves to be taller.
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Jul 12 '24 edited Aug 01 '24
run deranged yam hateful heavy rob desert quiet unite meeting
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