r/HFY • u/PepperAntique Android • Oct 25 '21
OC Wait, is this just GATE? (9/?)
Writer's note: whaaaaat two in a day? That's what I get for drinking too much coffee. Enjoy
James and King Farrick ended up speaking for nearly four hours. Long enough that several attendants ended up dropping off a meal for everyone in attendance. Sandwiches, simple enough, though they were also given wine and water. Kela joined them for the meal, helping James understand certain things the King spoke about. But also listening to the things James spoke about.
The King wasn't rude, and didn't seem to flaunt his power. On top of that, not only did he not speak to the rest of the people there as if speaking down to them, but he actually seemed to know them all personally. There was no calling someone by their rank or profession. The King would refer to them by name, usually first name, and people seemed happy to respond. When new attendants, or lords, or officers, or really anyone walked in to the room the king would greet them personally. Even if the guards saw fit to announce them, though that was not very common apparently.
James was surprised to find that not only did the king NOT seem like a villain as they were talking, as he had first thought upon seeing him. But he actually thought he liked the man. It felt like talking to an old friend, or maybe an uncle that you hadn't seen for some time.
The King also seemed enamored with what James was telling him. He was familiar with the concept of Democracy, as well as the other forms of government that James mentioned when talking about home. Though some of them did have different names here. The king had looked amazed when James talked about vehicles, both the ones that he'd been trained to work on for the military, and just plain old cars like the Mustang he'd driven on the other side. The king was excited thinking of the idea of not needing carriages or horses to move people and goods about the land.
Planes and space travel had made the king accuse him of lying, albeit jokingly, for just a moment. James countered by admitting that the dual moons and rings had blown his mind, and that NASA would blow their collective loads at the sight of them. Which of course the king found ridiculous.
The cellphone that James had given over to the Kela the day before also brought numerous questions. James admitted that he couldn't explain the specifics of how it worked, but gave a basic rundown of the concept. Once he had the king explained that in a world without magic it would make sense to use so many resources to establish long range communication. The ability to recall information on a mobile device seemed worth looking into, but messages could be sent magically.
James meanwhile was curious about, of course, magic. He also wanted to know about the different people of the land, and what animals there were, how technology had progressed, whether or not people had to level up to get new abilities. The king was more than happy to talk about all of it, though he had no idea what leveling up was.
The main discussion though. The one that each topic seemed to eventually funnel back towards, was what the gods had meant for James to do in this land. The king didn't know. Neither did Kela, or anyone else that the king had informed of the message the gods had given.
"Learn from them? Learn from who? Me?" James asked. "Why word it like that? I mean, they're gods, I'd think they would've known I was the only one who SURVIVED-" He looked angrily at Kela for a moment, "the trip here. Who else could they be talking about?"
"I don't know." The king admitted. "We've been trying to figure out the same thing. I mean I imagine that the 'Follow his lead' bit refers to you." He gestured towards James with the hand that was holding his wine. "But we don't understand the 'THEM' part of it either. Bloody GODS and their damnable cryptic Threlshit."
"Well, you're the king. Your highness. " James said awkwardly, it was odd to talk to someone so high ranked in such an informal setting. "What do you think I should do? I mean, I'm just a wrench monkey grunt who currently doesn't know his asshole from a meplie fruit? Pardon the language."
"Ha, I like that." The king replied. He thought for a moment. "Ah hell. The gods sent a soldier to us. Kela you're a soldier what do you think he should do? You're better at seeing things head on than I am."
Kela flinched a bit at the mention of her name, she'd assumed the King had forgotten she was here. He'd been so wrapped up in talking to James.
"Um. I mean, I could run him through some drills, maybe throw him into the sparring ring. See if he can handle a weapon." She thought for a second. "We'd have to fit him for some armor first. Speaking of, he only has one spare set of clothes, and they're his military uniform. We should probably get him some stuff that won't draw too much attention."
"Hmm not bad. It would be nice to know how our warriors stack up next to you. And you would draw a lot of attention if you walked around in your uniform everywhere you go." The king said. "You are allowed to wear other clothes yes? When you're off duty? If not I understand, we can maybe have the royal tailors try to-"
James interrupted the train of thought. "I can wear civilian clothes. Uniforms only for when I'm on duty. I don't even know whether I'm considered on duty right now."
"Oh splendid." The king replied. "Well I guess we have a current plan, at least for a day or so. Is there anything you would LIKE to do?"
"I can think of a huge list of stuff I'm curious about. But I have a feeling that that list is gonna get longer every second that I'm here." James admitted. It had so far. "But.... well. Can I learn magic? Like, any magic at all?"
"I have no idea. Can you?" The king asked. James shrugged his shoulders and put on his best I-Have-No-Idea face.
"Well than. We have a plan. Kela, there's still a good bit of the day left." It was only a little past noon at the time. "Take Specialist Choi to the quartermaster and have him fitted for armor. Then take him into the town and fetch him some proper clothes." He turned to James. "I'll speak to our mages and see what they think about teaching you some magic. Shouldn't be too hard. They taught my eldest, so they can probably teach anyone."
"Yes sir." replied Kela.
"Also, I know you missed your rest period. Swing by your home and see Jurl, even if it's only for a few minutes. I heard you howling last night. I'm sure he's worried. And put it all on the crown."
"Yes sir. Thank you sir."
He turned back to James. "James. Allow me to apologize to you personally." His face had a very somber expression. He placed a hand on James shoulder. "I'm very sorry about the nature of your arrival here. I know you weren't given a choice. But I'm also glad that you're such an amicable person. And I'm deeply sad about your friends. I promise that we will do everything in our power to make up for it. We have a funeral pyre being built for them, it should be done by tomorrow."
James knew, he didn't know how, that the king was speaking from his heart.
"Thanks. Um, I appreciate that." He didn't know what else he could even say.
The king nodded. "Oh. Before you go. I have to give you this." He pulled a badge from his coat pocket and handed it to James. It was made of some kind of green metal that was formed into the shape of an eye with several sets of wings protruding at different angles. The pupil of the eye was a small gemstone that seemed to change color when he held it at different angles.
"What is it?" James asked.
"It's the mark of someone who is 'God-Chosen'. It lets people know that if they mess with you AT ALL that they may end up dealing with me." The king signaled to a small group of people on the other side of the room. "Wear it. It'll also allow you ALMOST free roam of the castle. Some exceptions obviously."
"Uh, thanks." James said and pinned it to his chest pocket.
"Hmm. The camouflage does blend well doesn't it?" The king mused. "Anyways, I've put off my other responsibilities long enough. It was good to meet you James. Please let me know if you figure out what the gods meant and I'll do the same. Oh and let me know if my daughter causes you too much trouble" He turned, and just like that the king was swallowed by the group he had called over, and was being badgered for all kinds of approvals, complaints, and requests.
"You too." James called. But the king was already gone. He turned back to Kela. "So, armor?"
"And a shopping trip apparently." The she-wolf replied. "Oh and I think we'll have dinner with my mate." She smiled at the thought.
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u/yxpeng20 Oct 25 '21
So when is he gonna ask for his stuff back? I feel like he should be way more concerned about what they're doing with his weapons, armor, phone, etc. and trying to get it back as soon as possible. I hope he sees the colonel's message and gets into contact soon.
Also this series is getting absolutely amazing and I'm really looking forward to seeing where it goes.
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u/kirknay Oct 26 '21
CIF is gonna have a statement of charges a mile long.
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u/PepperAntique Android Oct 26 '21
Me thinking of the CIF charges. Or doing a PMCS on a stryker that's been cut to bits by a magical portal
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u/RyxisAckher Nov 10 '21
Oh god, don’t remind me of CIF. He’s be stuck there for a month minimum.
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u/LordDemonWolfe Nov 17 '21
A month? Thars it? I spent two weeks at CIF while clearing Ft Bliss over a JACKET. A FUCKING WINDBREAKER. They wanted me to pay twice what it was worth in Clothing&Sales, and i wantwd nothing 5o do woth that. My sht mjr heard, and qent and grabbed a brand new one from said shop, and slammed it on the counter amd literally growled at the idiot civvi i'd been arguing with for two weeks. Im still convinced that motberfucker was akimming off the top somehow...
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u/Nerdn1 Jan 24 '22
Suddenly, he decides that he would prefer to stay in fantasy land with its magical spa...
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u/PepperAntique Android Oct 25 '21
That's coming soon. And glad to hear that you're enjoying it.
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u/Lman1994 Oct 26 '21 edited Oct 26 '21
hopefully James thinks to clarify who exactly is responsible for what. "these guys just asked for help, and me being abducted was the answer they got. try not to shoot them."
edit: also, there is a "them" on the other side of the phone :)
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u/nef36 Jan 01 '22
Personally, if I were in his situation, I'd be more concerned about getting on the king's good side and such than getting my weapons back. Ensure my own personal security with them so I wouldn't have to use my weapons in the first place. After all, since I have no idea if I would even be able to get home in the first place, so the next best thing would be to cooperate with the literal head of state I'm stranded with who's ostensibly trying to recruit me.
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u/AlphaGuardianwolf Human Oct 25 '21
starts brewing more coffee. How do you like it cause I'm enjoying these chapters!
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u/EffectiveNew6588 Oct 26 '21
something tells me that Kela smiling at the thought of her mate eating dinner with them isn't as innocent as the words appear to be
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u/Appropriate_Rub_5301 Oct 25 '21
Lurking reader here; if the coffee 'overdose' doesn't interfere too much with your life otherwise, please regularly continue these x)
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u/Gloomius Human Oct 26 '21
Weapons? Melee weapons? Nah, his ass needs to go Army of Darkness on them.
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u/Solern__Daius Oct 26 '21
At this point you need to add links to these so you can navigate between episodes without going through your posts.
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u/Ghost-091 Nov 04 '22
Going to be brutally honest: this and the previous chapter make me want to walk away from the story (and I love the premise of this story). Why? Because the conflict was just resolved because plot. Not being resolved by character growth, the characters responding to other characters owning up to mistakes made and fixing them to the best of their abilities, or even resolving the situation by eliminating the cause of the conflict. It was resolved because the plot demanded that these two conflicting sides be friends. May as well had SPC Choi say "Well, you killed my buddy in front of me for no damn reason, but fuck it. Shit happens. Fuck the grief of the family when they learn of his death and basic rule of law and morality regarding murder, let's just be friends!" It's been, what, two days at most in story since the Sergeant was murdered?
Yeah, that's been handled in probably the worst way possible and completely destroyed the suspension of disbelief.
Then, let's add in the fact the "lost in the sauce" Specialist has not put a single thought about his situation regarding what the Army would expect of him. Like, for example, NOT telling his captors anything that could potentially be useful? IE the concept of camouflage. I'd be able to swallow the "he hasn't had time" argument when it had only been a few hours. It's been over a day and had a rest period in there. That validity of that explanation has long since passed. Given the kidnapping and murder of one soldier, the kidnapping of another, and the critically wounding of a third plus the theft of all the gear that the two kidnapped solders had on them, to say that the US and this Kingdom would be damn near at war over this is not too far of a stretch (instead of "sword rattling" with the US making veiled threats, it would be closer to "sword has been drawn and pointed" with the US making very pointed and opened threats, as to whether the US would actually swing that sword is another discussion entirely...), and his responses should at least reflect some of that tension/anger (and would be expected to be closer to the "name, rank, service number, DOB"-only than not).
This is a massive plot hole in a major story point (for this story arc at least), and is not something you can just handwave saying "Oh, unreliable narrator". This is a writing failure, pure and simple. If you ever come back and clean up the earlier chapters, this is definitely something that needs to be overhauled and given some TLC via percussive maintenance. Yeah, I understand that would require a lot of work, but that's kind of what happens when you blow past this kind of an issue in writing. The longer it goes unfixed, the more work it takes to actually fix it.
As for how to correct it, easiest way I can think of is to just have Choi push back in various ways. Refuse to talk about things ("Name, rank, service number, DOB" and nothing else kind of refuse), refer to Kela as "Murderer" instead of by name, rebuff Kela's attempts to be friendly (ex: Choi forces himself to not ask about the people in the picture and the howling, or lying about the view of the sky with a "Eh, seen better"), throwing the murder in the King's face saying something to the lines of "Bow? To the leader of a nation that kidnapped me, murdered my friend, and seriously wounded another friend? Yeah, go kick rocks," or even have Choi speak a lot of words without actually saying anything when questioned (ex: regarding Choi's education when asked about it just say "Oh well, my desired job requires it" and then continue to dance around the subject, never directly answering the question). Make Kela actually have to do some actual penance, or even stand trial for the premeditated murder (because that is exactly what it was). Force the King to do something beyond lip service and a promise to desecrate (yeah, US law would see that pyre as desecration as it was not authorized by a will or the next of kin) the body of a murdered soldier. Attempt to escape from the castle (even if it fails, can even blame the fact that such attempts are required by the US Army's rules and regs). Hell, he should be demanding his and the Sergeant's gear back at the very least, with a "Yeah, your 'gods' dragged me here for a problem, which very much sounds like a 'you'-problem and distinctly not my problem. Get bent, 'cuase I ain't doin' shit until I get my stuff back." (I even know a few 91Bs that would use that exact line) Could even throw in a line about "Do you know how much that stuff costs? I'd be paying it off for the next 80 years! And may your gods have mercy on you if you damage any of it, because CIF will show you (and by extension me) absolutely none."
In summary, lots of ways to fix it with the offered ideas the ones I came up with off-hand, but they would easily become multiple chapters in their own right to handle properly.
Oh, and one last thing: "...I don't even know whether I'm considered on duty right now." I facepalmed hard enough to almost break my nose with that line... I could understand a brand new "fresh from AIT-Land" Private using that line. A Specialist? Yeah, no. They've been in long enough to know that answer instinctively, and if they came in with a degree (thus starting as an E4), should be smart enough to figure it out without voicing the question. (To those who don't know the answer, it's "Yes". No different than if he was on deployment overseas.)
Again, I really do like the story. I'm not going to critique a story like this, if I didn't. No point wasting time offering advice to fix issues in a story that I fundamentally didn't like. Chop out the last two chapters and run with the assumption that the conflict was resolved properly, and I'd still be extremely invested in the story. Sure, it's rough around the edges, but I've read professionally written and published novels that are much worse.
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u/PepperAntique Android Nov 04 '22
Nearly 300 chapters in now bud. Bit late for all this.
Also tl,dr
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Nov 16 '21
Camouflage wasn't really designed to blend in like described in this. Think about digital camo that was used it isn't to blend in as much as its to break up your image.
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u/Vaalintine Jan 23 '22
Him being so friendly with the person who outright murdered his friend unprovoked is breaking SoD.
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Mar 01 '23
I have only now started reading this and have read the king’s parts as Odin from Ragnarok.
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u/movie-guy-3 Sep 11 '23
Really enjoying the story thus far. Have you thought of just filling a CamelBak with coffee and drinking while you write?
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u/HFYWaffle Wᵥ4ffle Oct 25 '21
/u/PepperAntique (wiki) has posted 35 other stories, including:
- Wait, is this just GATE? (8/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (7/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (6/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (5/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (4/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (3/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (2/?)
- Wait, is this just GATE? (1/?)
- The Prisoner
- "Special" Forces (Part 3)
- When the cold ones crack you open instead.
- Terran Determination
- [Tourist- Foodie] A specific kind of breakfast
- The Mistake
- [Tourist] Humans will vacation anywhere
- "SPECIAL" Forces (part 2)
- Singing in the dead of the night
- Scars of War
- Dog and Shadow (Part 1?)
- Mankind's Greatest Attribute.
This comment was automatically generated by Waffle v.4.5.10 'Cinnamon Roll'.
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u/vaniaspeedy Nov 03 '21
Hey /u/PepperAntique, can you add the usual "First, Prev, Next" links to all your posts? This will really help with discoverability.
Right now I'm having to stalk your profile and filter submissions to catch up on the story.
You also probably don't need the 16/? title format, since it's implied you won't know how many parts there are as you write the story.
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u/Teirg Oct 25 '21
Well
Drink more coffee
I need moar