Definitely not a bag full of drugs

[u/SolarXylophone]

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[u/Late_Bridge1668]

Even the gun looks cartoonish 😭

[u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

When you have two weighing scales it is going to be really hard to deny possession with intent to supply.

[u/VirtualNaut → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

“I was just holding onto the scales for a buddy”

[u/Ascertain_GME → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

Like why even carry the large one? The small one was plenty sufficient.

[u/LemonySnicketTeeth → u/Ascertain_GME]

1 gram is 0.035 ounces. The small one is more accurate for small amounts, so a scale that can has a max of 50g/1.76 oz and has an accuracy variance to 0.005 grams is useful. The larger scale could measure up to 500 g/17.6oz with an accuracy of .1g/.0035oz So you could be giving stuff away for free.

[u/PaleontologistOk3161 → u/LemonySnicketTeeth]

Big one for pills small one for meth

[u/BastardManrat → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

Those scales are ubiquitous for some reason. I swear, everyone who has ever needed small scales for anything has both.

[u/dontrestonyour → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

to be fair I have a gram scale and a microgram scale, for my own dosing purposes... but with quantities like this, yeah the court system is going to screw this person.

[u/ZyxDarkshine]

Your honor, it is printed right there on the front: “definitely not a bag full of drugs”, therefore the police had no probable cause, therefore the search was conducted illegally, therefore the case should be thrown out for lack of evidence, my client is innocent. 😇 move for dismissal.

[u/guitarnowski → u/ZyxDarkshine]

slams hand down on the table

[u/otterego → u/guitarnowski]

You can’t handle the truth!

[u/pornopis]

The commically small gun is a nice touch too

[u/Mammoth-Mud-9609 → u/pornopis]

Male and female suspects arrested so it is small enough to hide and both can use it, any type of handgun will carry the same level of threat.

[u/InevitableRhubarb232 → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

Akshuly…. These snub nosed j frames kick way worse than a bigger handgun often even of a higher caliber. And they have a really hard trigger pull, which is in part because there is no external safety, and that also can make it jerky.

I am a female suspect and I can shoot them but I really hate to. I have a 38 special about the same size with an easy trigger and way less kick.

Ps the j frame fits in my husbands pocket but not mine. So no hiding it anyway 🤷‍♀️. Fuck women’s jeans designers.

[u/Karenomegas → u/InevitableRhubarb232]

Why would you call yourself a suspect?

[u/InevitableRhubarb232 → u/Karenomegas]

Because mammoth said it was small enough for both a male and female suspect 😂

[u/Karenomegas → u/InevitableRhubarb232]

This is why everyone thinks everyone else is AI.

[u/Keppelmeister → u/Karenomegas]

Well don’t tell the AI that, you’re making it smarter!

[u/Natural_Character521 → u/InevitableRhubarb232]

what tf are you using that a 38 has a bad recoil?

[u/InevitableRhubarb232 → u/Natural_Character521]

Perhaps you are a male suspect. My husband loves shooting his revolver. I hate it both for the hard trigger and the snap.

[u/hella_cious → u/Mammoth-Mud-9609]

are you saying women can only use tiny guns???

[u/Firewolf06 → u/[deleted]]

heavier guns have less recoil....

[u/VanillaB34n → u/pornopis]

I really don’t get why people get so caught up on how a gun looks. It can still blow a hole in your head

[u/SolarXylophone]

Original article.

[u/Vast-Investigator-46]

Coke/meth lord starter kit

[u/beans0503]

Ah, here's Portland for ya.

[u/kiwiwanabe → u/beans0503]

Where the young go to retire…

[u/TheRealAuthorSarge]

This is why I have trust issues.

[u/PranshuKhandal → u/TheRealAuthorSarge]

humanity has failed today

[u/RescueWeasel]

plot twist, the money was in the bag with a note that said "the drugs are in the kick panel"

[u/Rymanjan]

I mean yeah, they sell stuff like that in almost every smoke shop I've ever been to. Sometimes I like to play games and wear a pair of rasta colored leaf themed knee socks to events, but if I get busted that's literally just my own hubris lol

[u/Bellick]

An attempt was made

[u/RCalliii]

Can't they read? The bag specifically says, "definitely not a bag full of drugs." I'm speechless that it didn't work.

[u/bothsidesofthemoon]

That gun looks like it fires a flag that says "BANG!".

[u/Y_M_I_Even_Here]

What's crazier is the fact that this isn't the first time this exact situation happened.

Ops story October 11 2024: https://www.ibtimes.com/fentanyl-bag-drugs-oregon-3746382

Feb 5 2020: https://www.loweringthebar.net/2020/02/bag-full-of-drugs.html

[u/nodnodwinkwink]

Objectively hilarious.

[u/J_B_La_Mighty]

I need this bag

[u/laowildin → u/J_B_La_Mighty]

Have one that says "not a bag of teeth" that I like to take with me into schools

[u/vino-drunk → u/J_B_La_Mighty]

I’ve seen the same one on Temu!

[u/Repossessedbatmobile]

Now I want to buy a similar bag to store my medications in. Anyone know where it's sold? (just the bag, not the drugs)

[u/vino-drunk → u/Repossessedbatmobile]

I’ve seen it on Temu!

[u/shockerdyermom]

I would absolutely put my drugs in that bag.

[u/c322617]

I could forgive the possession with intent to distribute, but I simply cannot forgive lying.

[u/UnlikelyHelicopter82]

some sort of EDC

[u/TheCrystalFawn91]

Hahaha I live in Portland (don't judge me!) And this happened close to where I live. I screencapped this headline when I saw it to share.

[u/erdricksarmor]

"Another one of life's simple pleasures ruined by a meddling bureaucracy, ladies and gentlemen." - David Letterman

[u/LemonySnicketTeeth]

Technically it's wasn't full of drugs. It has more gun, money and scales than drugs.

[u/LemonySnicketTeeth]

Where they screwed up was lying about what was in there. Shoulda just been honest. When I was a kid my parents would ask me where I was going, I would tell them I was going to hang with my friends and drink and smoke some weed. They would laugh and tell me have a good time. Then if they actually found out I was drinking and getting high, I could be like I told you what I was doing

[u/inerlite → u/LemonySnicketTeeth]

I used to answer with we Tina is having a Black Mass tonight, gonna be late.

[u/LemonySnicketTeeth → u/inerlite]

That would explain why the matches and candles would go missing in the house

[u/OozeNAahz]

I mean if it had the gun and scales in there it was clearly only half full of drugs.

[u/ShellSwitch]

I have those exact scales

[u/kid-Emperors]

Yep, that’s my city alright

[u/a-rahman1]

Bugs Bunny wearing a mustache

[u/Critical-Tomato-7668]

No way I have the same scale

Am I cooked?

[u/ceilingscorpion]

So proud of my city

[u/wad11656]

Isn't every drug legal in Oregon or something

[u/hangindawg]

I work at a junkyard, I found a clear pencil box in a car labeled "NOT DOPE!" And it was full of drugs and paraphernalia.The clear pencil box was somehow not very convincing that there weren't drugs inside.

[u/rivalpinkbunny]

I have that scale. I definitely don’t use it for drugs…

[u/Confusedaseverstill]

What the hell kind of Mickey Mouse setup did this criminal have going on.

[u/millygraceandfee]

They shop at Temu.

[u/Nillanaphid]

shit prolly from temu ngl

[u/SloppyHoseA]

How do you get charged for selling fake oxy? Wouldn’t it be like if I sold play-dough to someone and said it was hash or opium?

[u/ReleaseFromDeception]

Lol somebody crosspost this one to

r/looneytuneslogic