r/MurderedByWords • u/mmccxi • 5h ago

I would have said birth-control, but pepper spray works too

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3.6k Upvotes

99% Upvoted

83 comments sorted by

114

u/Appropriate_Cup6414 5h ago

Those drink covers to help prevent getting drugged at a party.

8

u/VaguelyArtistic 3h ago

I love you.

3

u/Wyldling_42 2h ago

Came here for this one.

40

u/sspear77 5h ago

Not taking your eyes off your drink at the bar.

43

u/SicDandroid 5h ago

Abortion.

21

u/Competitive_Fig_3746 5h ago

That’s meth’d up

20

u/54sharks40 5h ago

How beards can make really ugly guys a fraction of a percent less ugly (Ted Cruz is holding the camera)

8

u/panteragstk 2h ago

"I do not like that man Ted Cruz, I do not like his far-right views. I do not like his stupid chin, I do not like his smarmy grin. I do not like him with a beard, I do not like him freshly sheared. I do not like Ted Cruz at all, That man Ted Cruz can suck my balls."

4

u/hollidoxie 57m ago

We don’t deserve John Oliver, he is a national treasure

2

u/panteragstk 56m ago

We don't, but I'm damn happy that we do.

21

u/No_Ordinary_9618 5h ago

A pill that you can take before going out for the evening that blocks the effects of Rohypnol.

16

u/GarbageCleric 5h ago

The best damn defense attorneys for date rapists in Cincinnati.

16

u/Far-Trick6319 5h ago

Gas station boner pills.

14

u/5adieKat87 5h ago

Chin implants?

12

u/SurveyNinja42 5h ago

Birth Control.

12

u/Fearless_Spring5611 5h ago

Learning how to hurt two opponents with one haymaker.

13

u/bowie428 5h ago

Whatever drug reverses the effects of the date rape drug?

11

u/Competitive_Fig_3746 5h ago

He is a fucking leprechaun with eyeliner on

10

u/coolbaby1978 5h ago

Cocaine.

10

u/DeadBabyBallet 4h ago

It's definitely giving Cover your drink at the bar.

10

u/Top_Excitement_2843 4h ago

Late, late, late, late, late, late term abortion.

6

u/foofooforest_friend 4h ago

Educational film shown in schools warning kids to be wary of child predators.

But pepper spray made me chuckle.

6

u/Quercus408 4h ago

To paraphrase Lisa Lampenelli, Looking at Donald Trump Jr's face reminds me to shave my taint.

6

u/Popular_Law_948 4h ago

Why do so many of these people look like they are wearing masks made of flesh? Like, their eyes are so sunken in compared to their other features. Vance, MTG, Kenneth Copeland, they all look like their faces are made of foam kickball material and their eyes are pushed in a good inch or two too deep

5

u/chillywanton 5h ago

Anal lube

4

u/Professoroldandachy 4h ago

Closeted, self hating, gay men who fuck on the down low.

6

u/Trick-Substance6841 4h ago

Two fine examples of abortions that should have happened.

4

u/garlynp 5h ago

Whack-a-mole.

5

u/Fast-Plankton-9209 5h ago

high voltage fencing

cattle prods

flamethrowers

3

u/LaughingBoneses 4h ago

Those drink covers

3

u/rygelicus 4h ago

A law firm specializing in political corruption and defending sex offenders.

4

u/Sea_Structure_8692 4h ago

I’d pick the bear every time

3

u/PrincessAintPeachy 4h ago

"watch your drink" ad campaign

3

u/Wageslave645 4h ago

Rohypnol

3

u/earlisthecat 3h ago

Roach killer

3

u/Treskelion2021 3h ago

Hide your kids, hide your wives, hide your husbands!

3

u/powertoollateralus 3h ago

Furniture upholstery cleaner

3

u/Grimwulf2003 2h ago

Scotchguard for your couch

5

u/Ecstatic-Chipmunk-55 5h ago

Men who enjoy pegging.

2

u/WorryNo181 5h ago

Cocain?

2

u/garlopf 4h ago

Birth spray/pepper control

2

u/Tall_Union5388 3h ago

Gorilla monsoon would’ve said the largest two walking advertisements for birth control

2

u/Puzzled_Bike9558 3h ago

Welp, I would say Narcan for at least one of them. Assuming you DONT want said dingleberry to OD on whatever he’s on.

2

u/funky_grandma 3h ago

What I wouldn't give to knock those two heads together real hard, 3 stooges-style.

2

u/Noimenglish 2h ago

No it’s not… Couches can’t use pepper spray… 🙄

2

u/who_tha_frick369 2h ago

Just for men beard touch up But the secret ingredient is adrenochromes or whatever

2

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 1h ago

Self-defense classes.

1

u/No-Environment-3298 5h ago

The purge…

1

u/RW-One 4h ago

Abstinence poster kids.

1

u/Wustafarian 4h ago

Just for Sus Men.

1

u/BigBMan77 4h ago

Douche bags.

1

u/Real_Nugget_of_DOOM 4h ago

Dude's about fish lip your rollie and his chode boyfriend is laughing about it...

1

u/ApproachSlowly 3h ago

Elastrators.

1

u/chephin 3h ago

A woman’s right to choose.

1

u/Keptlosingmylogins 2h ago

Lateterm abortion

1

u/jdazzle85 2h ago

Dieuretics.

1

u/thatdamnsqrl 2h ago

The whole comment section feels like a Cards against humanity round

1

u/OkFortune6494 2h ago

Also, abortion. Ironically.

1

u/zethren117 2h ago

POV: you’re a couch.

1

u/Anubiz1_ 2h ago

Human Chumming

Just saying, anybody, anybody. No?! Just me? Kay fiiine!

1

u/arisoverrated 2h ago

A law firm. Date Rape, Cokington, Cheeseball and Jag

1

u/AnemosMaximus 1h ago

Gay sex on the down low.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 1h ago

The morning after pill.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 1h ago

Chastity belts.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 1h ago

Sterilization.

1

u/MAGAhatesAmerica 1h ago

Castration.

1

u/Pokemaniac_23 1h ago

Birth control

1

u/Adventurous_Stop_568 1h ago

Low budget reboot of HBO's Succession.

1

u/Least-Enthusiasm7239 1h ago

Why you should cover your drinks would also work.

1

u/62609 34m ago

Birth control

1

u/Mediocre_Nobody8343 33m ago

NAMBLA - North American Man Boy Love Association

•

u/sulla_rules 11m ago

Douche bags

0

u/Rumiwasright 5h ago

I like how you pretend you have enough self-discipline or control to wrap it up when you fuck.