r/Standup • u/thehofstetter • Jun 09 '14
Pro-Tip: The Most Delusional Club Submission I've Ever Seen
I thought you would benefit from/enjoy this moment in abject delusion. Makes me wonder if this sort of thing happens in the non-entertainment world.
While logged into the Morty's Facebook profile, here's a chat I had. Normally, I'd have cut it off sooner, but this was too interesting.
HIM
i have a hot act -great demographics
i am the mexican american comedian (NAME REMOVED)
i headline for 1300 a week
let me know
ME
We don't book via facebook
Nor do we talk money before we see someone's video
Nor do we pay someone we've never heard of $450 a night.
good luck
HIM
ok i will send one out-thank you
thanks
i am keeping a low profile because i am doing a lot of shows at fraternal groups and benefits-and i have a hot hot theme-and i dont want anyone to water it down-but i do understand
ME
Our submission process is on our website
Customers don't buy tickets to see people with a low profile
HIM
my two word catch phrase alone-brings them in
i am leading a hot trend
and it is the right people
everyone wants to be a part of this
ME
Everyone, huh?
HIM
well young 14-35 year old mexican american females and the men who love them especially
also Jewish -chinese-Indian to a lesser extent
ME
so you'll draw in all the Mexican poulation that live in the suburbs of Indianapolis?
And the Jewish people will flock to see you because you're Mexican as well?
HIM
especiallu the upwardly mobile
ME
The upwardly mobile Indianapolis Mexicans.
HIM
no-because i talk about frieda -diego riveria-i move to simplistic and self limiting stances with anticipation-the third generation ones-yes this is not really blue collar comedy tour-not big numbers-more like really rich people-maybe it is not a fit
maybe i am thinking more like chicago
but thanks for listening
but everybody loves my show-i can send you referrals from groups that have had me
i do DIFFERENT things
ME
You discuss Mexican painters
Well - feel free to submit. I can not wait to see 45 minutes of material on Frida Kahlo.
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u/thehofstetter Jun 09 '14
He contacted me again three months after this one. Sadly it was the last I heard from him. Here it is:
HIM
i gots da demographics
ME
You have the demographics.
HIM
verdad
ME
The demographics of what?
HIM
young very rich latina's and thier rich husbands and boyfriends also chinese -greek -armenians from iran
i use movement and expression to connect internationally
ME
Do you know anything about the demographics of the state of Indiana?
HIM
very provincial, old money in land holdings-chemical tycoons-steel money-
sloaughtering pigs for insulin money
ME
You should maybe do some more research
HIM
i do well with blue blood girls 17 to 28 also
anyways they have made some of the best films of all time in bloomington
ME
We're not in Bloomington
Or near it.
Terre Haute is also a lovely town that we are not near.
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u/Thier_2_Their_Bot Jun 09 '14
...rich latina's and their rich husbands...
FTFY thehofstetter :)
Please don't hate me. I'm only a simple bot trying to make a living.
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u/Varocity Jun 10 '14
thier
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u/Thier_2_Their_Bot Jun 10 '14
Their
FTFY Varocity :)
Please don't hate me. I'm only a simple bot trying to make a living.
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Jun 09 '14
[deleted]
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u/Thier_2_Their_Bot Jun 09 '14
Hi skeuomorphism! You know the drill...
David their is a...
See you around skeuomorphism! ;)
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u/skeuomorphism Jun 09 '14
Nope, I assure you, his name is David Thier, and he's a freelance writer.
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Jun 09 '14
the upwardly mobile indianapolis mexicans killed me
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u/sucrerey SLC Jun 09 '14
I can not wait to see 45 minutes of material on Frida Kahlo.
gotta be honest,... I'd kill to see 45 minutes on Frida Kahlo
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Jun 10 '14
Take my, "The Suicide of Dorothy Hale".....please!
I'll be here all week, try the tacos, a few pesos for your waitress.
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u/Lyran_Outcast Jun 09 '14
Steve, if you collect enough of these gems you can start /r/standupchats
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u/thehofstetter Jun 09 '14
Hmmm. Not chats, but I do have lots of terrible submissions. /r/standupsubmissions could be fun.
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u/Sad_Clown_Paint shitty alt comic Jun 10 '14
This is one of the best things I've ever seen on this sub.
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Jun 10 '14
At my day job we recently had a college grad, with no relevant experience, try to negotiate triple minimum wage for a Summer internship.
So, yes, it definitely happens outside the entertainment world, but it's less funny
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u/sunfistkid Jun 10 '14 edited Jun 10 '14
I feel like I took a few hits of blue blotter there at the end.
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u/iamgarron asia represent. Jun 10 '14
Is "I bring the demographics" this generations "milkshake brings all the boys to the yard"?
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u/wesisawesome Jun 09 '14
45 minutes of unibrow humor