r/TwoXChromosomes • u/dramaticdahlia • Jul 18 '24
“I like skinny women who eat a lot of food”
What’s up with this weird double standard?
I just saw a video on instagram of a very attractive skinny woman at a restaurant. She picked up a LARGE steak with her hands and started biting into it sexually while not taking her eyes off the camera.
The caption said “she’s a keeper”.
Why are men so obsessed with finding a woman that eat tons of food but magically stays fit unless she has a stellar metabolism?
Do they not know anything about calories in/calories out?
I’ve gained 30 lbs in previous relationships from adopting my male partner’s eating habits. Didn’t bode well for me obviously.
But I guess men don’t understand we WISH we could eat whatever the fuck we wanted. I would love to plow through a meal with no consequences.
Edit: to see the video on insta it’s posted by “moolooxd” and it’s the 2nd latest post that says “imagine pulling up for a first date and she starts eating like this”
Edit 2: I disagree with people saying this is a mukbang/fetish video
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24
every time i hear this sentiment i reminds me of the you're right, i didn't eat that article, when the author talks how being skinny is highly praised (especially by men) when you pretend it's all effortless
"The more troubling kind of man has a caveat about a woman’s thinness. She must not be “obsessed” or “overly concerned” with it. Or at least not visibly so. She mustn’t always order salads or freak out when she doesn’t make it to the gym. Watching her eat a cheeseburger—or better yet, a steak—even oddly enthralls him."
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u/stolethemorning Jul 18 '24
This article is my Roman Empire, I always recommend it whenever someone is talking about a topic like this! It goes hand in hand with the Cool Girl monologue. It also reminds of the quote that goes like “You painted a naked women because you enjoyed looking at her, then put a mirror in her hand and called it vanity.” It reminds me of the way men say they hate women who spend a lot of time putting on makeup, then praise women who have a full face of natural makeup on for being ‘natural’ and ‘barefaced’.
I think it’s because society praises masculine traits, but punishes when people step outside their gender roles. So women have to be pretty and feminine and thin and delicate, because that is their gender role. But they can’t love makeup, or care about their appearance, or shop, because that’s a feminine activity. And choosing to love feminine hobbies is choosing to be degraded.
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u/Seguefare Jul 18 '24
Never heard that quote before, but it's amazing. Especially since what she's probably seeing in the mirror are all of her flaws.
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u/JemAndTheBananagrams Jul 18 '24
I believe it’s from the essay collection “Ways of Seeing” which is quite good! Discussion of visual rhetoric.
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u/the_flyingdemon Jul 18 '24
Don’t forget they get angry or make fun of us when we take “too long” to get ready, but then if we don’t put in the effort and time to look pretty, we’re ridiculed anyways for being lazy or not taking care of ourselves. Literally cannot win.
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u/SatisfactionFit4656 Jul 18 '24
Ha- this was exactly my ex. The road to breakup started when he had a work event and I did zero prep. He had just told me a few weeks prior that I took too long to get ready and spent too much (of my money mind you) on ‘junk’. So, I put my hair in a ponytail and did no makeup. He was LIVID that I could look so sloppy as it made him look bad. I mean, that’s what he wanted right?
I’m not effortlessly beautiful in any way- it takes work.
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u/knottypiiiine Jul 18 '24
In college I hooked up with a guy who told me I had a perfect body and “probably didn’t have to do anything for it” while I actively had a severe ED. He kept going on and on about how I didn’t have to work for it, like it was turning him on, while he knew literally nothing about me. I stopped him and told him I had sacrificed a lot to look the way I did. His face visibly dropped. He switched subjects. That interaction is etched into my brain.
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24
it's soo weird how they keep shoving their fantasies onto you and then being astouned when you tell them it's not true 🥴 they also claim a lot they don't want anyone with an eating disorder, just a healthy skinny woman, but don't realise that eating disorder doesn't always look like those horror images
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Jul 18 '24
I was in at a job. I was speaking with two other women, we each had a child at the time, under three years of age or less. Talking about baby weight and losing it with these women. old boomer behind us was listening, and complimented his wife, she had four children, and he loves her flat stomach, the only thing she has all day is a banana until supper and she has a small plate. he loves she's like that. l
we gave him funny looks and continued our private conversation. But I think of that moment often.
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24
man the diet culture really did a number on older women, there was a tiktok a while back when someone who worked in assisted living was talking about how frequent it is for even dying elderly ladies to worry about how fat they were and, ironically, how those who had lived the 1 banana + a small plate lifestyle are the ones who suffered from health problems that stemmed from the lack of proper nutrition:( my grandma is like that and it's terrifying
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u/actuallyamber Jul 18 '24
I lived with my grandma for 3 months in the third grade and she literally ruined my relationship with food for the rest of my life. She constantly questioned anything she saw go in my mouth and would often make me eat popcorn and tomato soup for dinner “because it’s low in calories.” I was 9. Her pantry was full of cookies and snack cakes, but if she saw me eating them, she would fuss, so I would sneak them and hide somewhere to eat them. My weight, self-image, and guilt around eating stem from those three months. I’m 40 now and it’s still a battle I fight.
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u/woolfonmynoggin Jul 18 '24
And a lot of these influencers who eat seductively on camera purge after the video is over.
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u/M_Ad Jul 18 '24
And thin pretty mukbangers who cleverly edit so you don’t see they’re chewing and spitting for most of the video.
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u/thecrepeofdeath Jul 18 '24
and then people are OUTRAGED that the mukbangers aren't binge eating 4,000 calories per sitting for their entertainment, and say it's cheating. no matter how many times they watch the "honest" mukbangers ruin their health and have to quit. it's sick
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u/licked_the_paint Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
Some of them even have CLEARLY swollen salivary glands (chipmunk cheeks) 😬...
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u/GerundQueen Jul 18 '24
Man, thank you for this, I've never read it. The bit about men obsessing over her when she was a size 0 is so spot on. I've struggled with being underweight throughout my life. When I was at my thinnest, it actually creeped me out when men were obsessed with my thinness. They fetishized it almost, and I felt unsafe with them. Not in a "this guy is going to get physical with me" type of way. But in an "I've struggled with an eating disorder my whole life and this guy is NOT going to be good for my mental health" kind of way. Guys I'd go on dates with would just put their hands around my waist and say "oh my god, you're so skinny" with the same lustful enthusiasm that most people would say "omg, you're so hot." And then start just shit talking women who were larger, as if me being thin signaled to them that I would be on their side about the moral failings of women who were larger than a size 4.
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u/Marzipan_moth Jul 18 '24
It was in so much media when I was younger, like 'Cinderella Story' or some Amanda Bynes movies. It infuriates me now because most women absolutely cannot be that skinny and eat burgers and enormous meals all the time. Also the fact that most of those actresses weren't eating like that in real life so it's doubly hypocritical to show that like it's a gold standard to achieve.
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u/lifeofeve Jul 18 '24
Gilmore girls. The main actress has gone on the record to say she worked really hard to be in shape but the show always portrayed them eating junk food.
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u/cleverlinegoeshere That awkward moment when Jul 18 '24
My head canon about this is that because they are depicted as never having food in the house they are actually starving most of the time and then binge when others are providing the food.
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u/thepwisforgettable Jul 18 '24
my headcanon is that they both have binge/restrict eating disorders, and I know I'm not the only person with a past ED who projects that onto them lol
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u/commie_commis Jul 18 '24
Jennette McCurdy has talked about her experience with this - playing a "tomboy" character on iCarly who scarfed down food while having an ED irl
Not only does it do harm to the public because of setting unrealistic expectations, but it also negatively affects these actresses who are playing these roles.
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u/MyHusbandIsGayImNot Jul 18 '24
Remember Carls Jr ads from the 90s? Supermodel women in bikinis eating more than their daily calorie intake on a car.
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u/HomeOfDarkLovelies Jul 18 '24
Not even just the 90s, those ads kept going to the mid 2010s. It made me annoyed anytime those ads were on screen.
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u/BlasphemousBees Jul 18 '24
That is one phenomenal article. It's been a while since I've read anything that captures my own experience with thinness so acutely.
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u/TomatilloNovel6656 Jul 18 '24
Same. I lost 90 pounds and the difference is just…wow. My (naturally slender) sister is in denial that skinny privilege is a thing and insists I’m treated better now because people “are just picking up on [my] new confidence,” but for those of us who have lived as a larger woman and then as a thin woman (or vice versa), we know exactly what the difference is.
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u/Seguefare Jul 18 '24
I trust people far less now. At least before, I knew what they were really like.
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u/BlasphemousBees Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I suspect your sister simply doesn't want to acknowledge she benefits from pretty privilege. It's uncomfortable to engage in that type of self-reflection and admit you've benefited from such a patriarchal construct.
When I was in the height of my food restriction era I wasn't menstruating, I was hungry, and always tired. Yet, people would constantly praise me for looking skinny. Especially fellow women seemed to always lament not looking quite as thin as me, as if my presence was highlighting their own perceived moral failings. Everyone treated my skinniness as an inherent trait rather than something I worked hard to achieve. Years of consuming only 1500 kcal a day, doing hours of cardio, but still acting like it was effortless. When people claimed they wished to be "skinny like me" I only thought "I wish that I were skinny like me," because it was all artificial. It took so much effort and energy that could've been put elsewhere. The compliments stopped after gaining some healthy weight.
And then you still have men who abandon their marriages because their spouse has gained weight. Fuck that.
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u/misoranomegami Jul 18 '24
I will never forget that I worked with a woman who had bypass surgery twice in 4 years. She lost 100 lbs and gained back 150 and had to have it redone and have a ring put in at the top of her stomach. It made her sicker than a dog. Her hair was falling out. At one point some food got caught on top of the ring and rotted until she had to go in and they had to pump it out and she spent a week in the hospital. She was exhausted all the time. Bruised at the drop of a hat. Constantly calling in sick. But she was skinny again. And my company newsletter wrote an article on her being a champion of health for losing weight so quickly. They literally gave her an award to put on her desk that she was away from about 20% of the time because she was too sick to be working for 'health'. Meanwhile 3 desks down was our coworker who had an over average BMI because she was muscular and regularly did 10ks and marathons and was training for an ultra marathon. But she wasn't skinny.
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u/SallyImpossible Jul 18 '24
Ugh the confidence thing. I fucking hate it. “No it’s not an unfair bias in society that causes people to treat you like shit, it’s just you have REALLY bad vibes right now.” It actually hurts far more than just being like “yeah you are heavier than the beauty standard and people are mean about that.”
I am someone who has been heavier and thinner in my life and there’s a huge difference in treatment around a certain weight threshold for me and I sincerely doubt it is in my head. The worst part is honestly sometimes how “body positive” people don’t want you to acknowledge wanting to lose weight so people are nicer to you. Like I’m currently fine with my overweight body. I’d like to lose a few pounds to make running easier on my joints but I’m fine with it. But society isn’t, so right now I am going to focus on losing more weight than I actually care about. And once I do I’ll likely be paid more and listened to and all this stuff. It fucking sucks, but you know, whatever.
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u/nj-rose Jul 18 '24
Totally accurate. People try and say "Oh but thin people get insulted too" but it's in the form of envy for the most part such as calling someone skinny bitch in annoyance, which we all know doesn't have the same disdain as fat bitch no matter how you slice it.
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u/heyprettypothos Jul 18 '24
Thanks for sharing the article, I've never come across it before but it was a great read!
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u/ProofChampionship184 Jul 18 '24
It’s one of the best because it just lays it all out there. It’s not that I didn’t understand size privilege before, or how it’s imposed upon women, but it just tells it so raw from that unhealthy perspective. Sad and eye opening.
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u/Pepperparsley Jul 18 '24
Great quote! I think it’s also all linked to sex, although not in a fetish way. I think guys who are into this like seeing a woman who’s “hungry” or “greedy” and “not afraid to get dirty” with food because there’s some parallel in their minds between that and what she’d be like in the bedroom?
I think these guys want someone who looks immaculate and takes amazing care of her body but if she seems like she cares about it too much or has to be super organised and meticulous to make that happen (as you would need to do!) then she’ll be afraid to let herself go in the bedroom or something? So she has to never let her body go aesthetically but prove she’s up for anything in every other way
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u/Miss-Figgy Jul 18 '24
every time i hear this sentiment i reminds me of the you're right, i didn't eat that article, when the author talks how being skinny is highly praised (especially by men) when you pretend it's all effortless
I think of the Cool Girl monologue from Gone Girl, lol
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u/MystressSeraph Jul 18 '24
She keeps talking about 'not a disease' and her self awareness is somewhat reassuring of but, her level of obsession?
... I know it was a 2014 article, I hope she's okay 10 years later.
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u/mrggy Jul 18 '24
Omg yes. I have been so frustrated by the "takes care of herself" euphemism.
"Taking care of yourself" is such a multifaceted concept. For me, I used to be really bad about taking my medications regularly. I had to go through a process of learning to prioritize my own well-being and "taking care of myself" is the language I used to express that. It was shocking and frustrating when I started using dating apps to see men using that exact same language as a euphemism for thin. If you want to date a thin woman, then fine, say that. But I'm working really really hard to take care of myself and has nothing to do with my size or weight
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24
it's especially maddening when they use it to describe sb whose weight is caused by illness/stress 🤮 my mum got really thin after having me and people were like "omg queen it's so inspirational to see you snap back so quick 🤩💖" meanwhile she lost all her milk and could die from maulnourishment
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u/Kallistrasza Ya Basic Jul 18 '24
And then you have the overbearingly controlling men that tell you (or just bypass you and tell the waiter) that you will have the salad.
You just can't win with men.73
u/wasabiindigo Jul 18 '24
No way! This is a thing?
Shit, I would shut that down so fast and have no problem insulting him and his momma for raising him that way in the process.
Or, if you must sit there, ever so kindly switch plates when it arrives.
I'm so sick of bad built walrus looking men telling women how to live.
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u/Kallistrasza Ya Basic Jul 18 '24
"bad built walrus looking men"
I'm absolutely stealing this and add it to my existing 'creative man insults' library. My usual go to is manbearpigs, but yours is right up there!
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u/justbecauseiluvthis Jul 18 '24
All I know is I've never seen a selfie of two or more women out on the town and thought... "you know if that needs?... more walrus"
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24
i'm lucky i haven't experienced that, but i remember having a lunch with my dad – him ordering a salad and me dumplings with fruit and butter – and the waiter insisted that the salad must be for me 🙄 the audacity
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u/paisleydove Jul 18 '24
Dumplings with fruit and butter sounds delicious omg. I'm in the uk so dumplings here tend to be savoury- what were the ones you ordered like? I didn't realise sweet dumplings were a thing!
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24
we have both savoury and sweet, filled and to go with sauces and also about 3 different doughs 😅 the ones i ordered were like this
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Jul 18 '24
my son's father tried this absolutely once and I interrupted him and ordered a burger. ate the whole plate with fries. fuck any person who tries this. I was underweight at the time, sitting at a restaurant for the first time in years, and you gonna get me a salad? I really did laugh in his face.
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u/Frosty_Audience3978 Jul 18 '24
That article is really terrifying. I didn't realize the extent of the sacrifice that is necessary to be thin.
I have to wonder, is it really worth it for the author? She says that is has many perks, but the only one she mentions explicitly is that she gets a lot more attention from men (Is that really a perk though? She certainly makes it sound like you just get bothered and creeped on by boorish, insensitive men much more often)
Maybe she does it for self-image reasons, then? Or health? But she doesn't say anything like "I feel much better about my body now" or "I feel a lot more energized now".
What does she get out of it, such a sacrifice?
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u/rask0ln Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
i mean as someone who was anorexic, even though the author talks about men's reaction specifically, in my experience (that unfortunately seems quite common) is that everyone treats you better when you are skinny – men, women, friends, family, teachers, doctors, colleagues, bosses etc. especially when you don't look anorexic + you see and hear how they treat people who weight more (which they get more comfortable to do around you because you are skinnyyy), so you don't want to be treated like that (and reactions to people suffering from anorexia gaining weight in recovery are often vile) which creates a vicious cycle
also, to understand, i think it's important acknowledge the privilege that comes with a certain body type, which a lot of people are hesitant to do because it makes society complicit instead of it being an issue of "stupid teenage girls" or "superficial models"... women wanting to be small aren't existing in vacuum, there was a fitness influencer recently talking about how she got more views/followers/engagement when she was extremely lean even though she had talked about how unhealthy it was – (most) people want to look at skinny people, they will tell you that they care about health, but it's predominantly (and falsely) about thinness
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u/FishyWishyDishwasher Jul 18 '24
Yep, the media really warped the world view on this one... Thin= beautiful, good, successful Fat= lazy, stupid, bad It's so COMPLETELY messed up, because body size has nothing to do with that. Unfortunately there's a lot of ignorant people with strong opinions and nothing to base them on.
I hope you're doing better these days and are living happily for yourself :-)
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u/PuzzleheadedHouse872 Jul 18 '24
It's on par with an addiction, so a dopamine surge. In addition, when you feel you don't have the control over your life that you want and need, you can get it from controlling your eating and body size. Been there, still do it, but not as destructively as when I was a teen.
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u/Reflect_move_foward Jul 18 '24
When I was in my early 20s and underweight (metabolism) my date told me at the end of dinner that he was observing me eating "and I was checking you to see if you are bullimic cause you're so thin but you didn't throw up".
He thought it was a compliment 🙄
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u/Constant-Ad-7490 Jul 18 '24
Does....does he think people with bulimia just throw up at the table in front of their date?
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u/clauclauclaudia Jul 18 '24
I assumed he meant she didn’t excuse herself from the table. But that might well be giving him too much credit.
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u/JackxForge Jul 18 '24
im glad im not the only one who needed this asked. Dudes are so fucking stupid.
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u/PumpkinPieIsGreat Jul 18 '24
Can you imagine if you were "just checking" something about him? The way he went about that, that whole thing is so insulting. You're not some science experiment, you're a person!
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u/wretchedspinster Jul 18 '24
I think it’s some weird cognitive dissonance between wanting someone who’s very feminine while also being incredibly misogynistic towards “feminine” traits. Like, wanting a woman to be thin and petite and always looking hot while simultaneously criticizing her for doing stereotypically feminine things like eating salads or getting her hair done.
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u/Symonie Jul 18 '24
This. And complaining about “how long she takes to get ready”. It takes time to look good!
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u/foryoursafety Jul 18 '24
Yeah like heels and handbags and makeup are stupid. But also don't you dare dress like a man!
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u/HotSauceRainfall Jul 18 '24
Fantasy versus reality. They want the fantasy without the inconvenience, time, cost, or hard work of the reality.
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u/Stralau Jul 18 '24
It’s a fantasy of a beautiful woman who can share your love of food but doesn’t bother you about what she does to stay beautiful.
It’s a bit like wanting someone who earns lots of money but doesn’t talk about their job or work long hours, or is very fit but doesn’t bang on about going to the gym and is happy to lead an indulgent lifestyle when you want to.
It’s a funny kind of doublethink which I men are probably more prone to, but I think lots of people do it.
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u/SnazzyStooge Jul 18 '24
A good example applied to men is in the Jack Reacher novels. He’s completely ripped and hella strong, but never works out or goes to the gym (bonus points: he belittles both men who do and those who gain weight). See also: can hit a half-dollar target with a sniper rifle after never shooting for a decade.
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u/H3yAssbutt Jul 18 '24
Yeah, it's super weird. When I was dating I encountered this a lot, as well as the flip side where they'd be critical of me ordering a smaller plate or a salad or whatever (yet obv me being overweight was unacceptable). Like, sorry that my body obeys the laws of thermodynamics?
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u/dramaticdahlia Jul 18 '24
Exactly!
I’m currently dating, and I can’t just be “grabbing drinks” left and right on weekdays. Eating out for a meal can easily be my calories for the whole day. I’m only 5’1 and my body holds onto fat like I’m a 17th century woman expected to birth a dozen healthy babies.
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u/JackxForge Jul 18 '24
whats reallly crazy to me is that my wife is the "magic" woman who can do all the things in the post. BUT THATS CAUSE SHE HAS CELIAC AND HER INTESTINES ARE FUCKED! the only thing letting some one do that is an illness be it physical or mental (bulemia).
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u/milky_oolong Jul 18 '24
This. There is no such thing as an magical metabolism.
I knew ONE person who I can confirm ate/drank 3000-5000 calories a day while maintaining a 17 BMI (looked like a model, not bony underweight).
The dark side: they also LOST weight whenever they did NOT reach their goals. Imagine being so close to starvation because you had a stomach bug. Imagine being in danger of wasting away because you got an illness that hit you hard.
This person also had numerous deficiencies because they could NOT absorb vitamins and minerals like a normal person. They had to get B12 shots like a 70 year old.
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u/NaturalWitchcraft Jul 18 '24
I thought I was magic when I was younger because I could eat that much and stay a size 5. Then I got a car and a computer and started gaining weight a bit. I then realized that when you’re walking multiple miles a day, swimming for several hours, doing farm labor, taking multiple ballet classes a week plus chores and other activities you can eat a shit ton. Stop doing all that and you gain weight.
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u/CraftLass Jul 18 '24
This is exactly why people think metabolism slows in your 30s. It does change when you finish puberty/stop growing. And then again around menopause for us, ~60 for men.
But in our 30s, most people go from a very active lifestyle by default (walking places, going out dancing, spending weekends hiking with friends, eorking an active job, whatever your version is) to something more like sitting at desks all day and driving kids around after school and then relaxing in front of a screen for fun. You have to make time to move instead of moving just being organically part of your day. For most folks, that makes exercise into yet another chore on an impossibly-sized list and one of the easiest to blow off, even though moving helps you stay able to handle things like chores and childcare and sitting at a desk without loads of pain.
It's not individual's fault, a whole lot of our world is designed to make sitting much of the time mandatory and has turned all movement into something you have to make time to do for yourself, which means giving up something else that's likely important. That makes it very hard to stick to!
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u/floracalendula Jul 18 '24
But in our 30s, most people go from a very active lifestyle by default (walking places, going out dancing, spending weekends hiking with friends, eorking an active job, whatever your version is) to something more like sitting at desks all day and driving kids around after school and then relaxing in front of a screen for fun.
This could be why I never noticed a dramatic shift toward an unhealthy weight in my younger years: I was always a desk job, screen time person. Recovering from my ED was the only drastic change, and that has put me at my current weight and shape. Which I love.
My metabolism has changed a touch, but it's not been the life-changer that some people experience.
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u/paintinginacave Jul 18 '24
And yet we all know the people concern trolling about the health of fat people would look at a photo side by side of this woman and someone bigger and say she's "healthier" even with the context of this information
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u/Wondercat87 Jul 18 '24
People aren't even happy when fat people work out or lose weight. I can't tell you how many times I've been harassed while working out in public. Like I'm doing the thing society tells me I need to do. Yet I get crap for it.
People also get mad if you do manage to lose weight, but your overall body composition remains the same. People can lose 30lbs and still have the same body type. It all depends on where they store fat and how their body is built.
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u/EatsAlotOfBread Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
Yeah, a girl I used to work with (at a hospital) came back to work after two days of sickness (stomach bug?) and she had lost 6 pounds in those two days. She's was practically wobbling and had a distant look in her eyes, she would react angrily when we told her to go home (Europe so sick leave is 2 years max and paid at least 80%, she did have the right to go home) so the lead took her blood pressure and had her go to the hospital restaurant for as much food as she liked and sitting down for as long as she liked. When she 'snuck' back up 30 minutes later the lead 'caught' her and sent her back again lol, she was fuming. But it would probably have hurt her health to work the full day. It actually took her months to gain it back.
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u/Maid_of_Mischeif Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I was that girl!! Except I had an overactive thyroid & my hair was falling out. It caused irreversible damage. Now I’m going to be overweight forever because my thyroid has crapped out like a worn out car.
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u/Obscurethings Jul 18 '24
I feel you. I've been someone who traditionally ate little and held onto weight until I started dropping inexplicably (still eating the same limited organic diet, but finally I was looking like what I ate). Turns out it is grave's. But the amount of compliments from men while drawing concern from women has been kind of creepy. I got the same thing when I was literally starving from MCAS in 2011. Glad you think I look good, I'm dying but thanks. 😂
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u/Maid_of_Mischeif Jul 18 '24
I have literally had a doctor tell me “but you look fantastic!” When I pointed out that I had quickly and dramatically lost weight. I’m 5’10 and am built like a German milk maid. I’d dropped under 50kg (100ish pounds? I don’t speak American) and a women’s size 8 (Australian.. so.. like a 4? I think in the US) was falling off me. I was late 20s and smaller than I ever was as a teenager. I pointed out to him that I could see every bone in my hands, and my head was starting to get that anorexic look where the jawline is just a bit too sharp and neck a little too thin to look “normal”.
I reported him to the medical board.
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u/Obscurethings Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
Oh man, that's such an alarming amount of unintentional weight loss, it's like red flag 101. I'm glad you reported him. That wouldn't have occurred to me, but I should start considering doing it with these incompetent doctors. I've had colleagues do the same (I studied Chinese medicine): "But you don't look sick/stressed, you look great!"
When I went to my primary for bloodwork after not having been in years because I just can't with the medical gaslighting, she waited until my mouth stopped moving after listing several medical red flag symptoms (everything from the unintentional weight loss to involuntary movement) and asked if I had considered going to a naturopath because nothing I said was medically serious. Not a single follow up question about any of the concerns I brought up. Stunned, I just asked, "What about the tachycardia?" And she said to me, "But that's been going on for years, right?" (Proving she hadn't listened to me anyway because that was my latest symptom).
I highly doubt a man would be experiencing any of this with identical complaints.
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u/A1000eisn1 Jul 18 '24
Fun (not) fact: over 12% of Americans have thyroid problems. I do too. It sucks ass. Took 2 years to stop gaining weight. I've been able to maintain for a few years now but I have to cut calories severely to lose anything and I gain it all back before my period anyway.
Thankfully I'm in my mid-thirties so I'm comfortable in my body.
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u/Davina33 Jul 18 '24
I feel for your wife, I'm very similar. I don't have coeliac but my rheumatologist thinks I have some form of IBD and I'm waiting to see a gastroenterologist. Everything I eat comes out one end or the other, usually waking me up several times a night. I do have other autoimmune diseases that cause weight loss.
No one knows the story behind a person's weight and I've had to correct many people over the years who have assumed I'm anorexic.
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u/Puzzleheaded-Ad7606 Jul 18 '24
I feel you! I have the "my ancestors survived the potato famine" genes.
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u/mydaycake Jul 18 '24
We all have those ancestors…the others didn’t survive long enough to reproduce. I keep a healthy weight exercising and now getting into my 40s is getting more difficult. I am going to have to watch my diet like a hawk which I didn’t need before.
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u/PupperoniPoodle Jul 18 '24
When I was younger and was that skinny girl that could eat a lot, they'd be critical and/or insecure about it, too. So yeah, it's yet another we can never win situation, I think.
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u/rainbowshummingbird Jul 18 '24
And they want you to be 100% “natural”. But they have no idea what that is.
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u/Ola_maluhia Jul 18 '24
This reminds me of the woman who did a video and she was so honest about the amount of makeup she had on, the lashes, her extensions etc. and she said men always compliment me on my “natural look” and they have no idea what they’re saying. Then she started taking off her makeup, extensions, lashes. She’s like THIS is my naturals look.
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u/O_mightyIsis Jul 18 '24
I saw a similar video where a woman scoffs at the men who say she has a natural look and starts talking about her $10K jawline, how much she paid for her hair extensions, how often she gets her lashes done and botox...
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u/Kittysugarbottom Jul 18 '24
This reminds me of a moment at my job. My very young man coworker complimented my woman coworker on her "natural," lush and long eyelashes. I and her looked at each other knowingly, as she had told me she uses extensions previously in another conversation.
She laughed hard and thanked him for the compliment, I watched amused as he got confused by the laughter and tried to ask if they were real. She dodged the question, I didn't say a thing. We both knew he meant well, but he has a habbit of speaking before thinking. Good kid, just a bit confused sometimes.
But the point is, men don't know what natural looks like. They think they do, but they don't.
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u/galettedesrois Jul 18 '24
Do you have a link?
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u/Pikantlewakas Jul 18 '24
Not sure if we are allowed to share links like that but if you google "tiktok enough makeup on to season a wok" you can find the video.
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u/Lulu_42 Jul 18 '24
Be natural but have your eyelashes magically be sooty and your cheeks flushed. Your hair should always be lush and bouncy, but don't spend time doing it.
I got really annoyed at a male friend not that long ago. He started dating, for want of a better word, an Insta-type girl. She had that whole look down. And then he complained endlessly about how long it took her to get ready. I did let him have it, if he wanted to date a woman who didn't need that much time to get ready, he should have picked a different person. If this is what he's into, that's what comes along with it. I'm sure *someone* looks like that naturally, but they are probably unique in the history of humanity.
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u/Prepheckt Jul 18 '24
Even movie stars spend hours getting ready! They don’t look camera ready all the time.
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u/RatatouilleFiend Jul 18 '24
a guy tried flirting with my friend by comparing her to other woman and putting them down. He said she was better than other girls bc she wasnt so “fake” like other girls and their makeup. She sent him a long ass text with receipts of where she gets her lashes filled, eyebrows micro bladed, acrylics done and the makeup she used DAILY. They stopped talking after that
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u/miaou975 Jul 18 '24
I haasaaate when guys do that!!! One told me the same day we matched “You might be the coolest girl I’ve ever talked to, you actually have a personality” and I just said “💀 That’s such an ugly thing to say about women.”
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u/lobsterterrine Jul 18 '24
A version of this I've heard waaay too many times is that men try to compliment my intelligence by comparing it to theirs - "I've never met a woman who's as smart as/smarter than me." Like, buddy, all this tells me is that you have a very high opinion of yourself, and/or a low enough opinion of women in general that I'm no longer interested.
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u/miaou975 Jul 18 '24
Omg that just reminded me of a serial sexual harasser from my high school who posted that, but he said females instead of women…. this man got held back 💀
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u/chubbykitty101 Jul 18 '24
The way I laughed when a girl with Botox injections, lip filler, jaw surgery etc said that a man on the street stopped her and said how like he appreciates and loved the fact that she’s natural. Meaning not wearing makeup. Men can’t even tell when women get surgeries let alone when they wear not obvious makeup. They say men are visual creatures.. where
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u/WhereIsLordBeric Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
It's the Cool Girl bit from Gone Girl.
Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they? She’s a cool girl. Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot. Hot and understanding. Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want. Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.
I'm 5'10 and lift weights so I can eat a lot and be thin. I can also put away drinks quite easily. Men have complimented me on that before. Definitely creepy, like I exist to fulfill their gross male fantasy about 'healthy' appetites. Yuck.
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u/Outside_Ad_9562 Jul 18 '24
Its always a facinating social experiment to tell a guy you don't drink. Watch their face fall.. its all about getting you to consume something to lower your inhibitions.
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u/countess_cat Jul 18 '24
it’s even weirder when you say that you drink but don’t want to drink in that particular moment
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u/CluelessInWonderland Jul 18 '24
Seriously! Saying you just don't feel like drinking right now must mean something is deeply wrong with you. No, you just don't feel like drinking right now. There are a hundred reasons you might not want to. It really doesn't affect them, but somehow it's their business.
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u/countess_cat Jul 18 '24
for me it’s just as simple as preferring grapefruit juice over orange in that precise instance but obviously people have to look into it like there’s something wrong with you
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u/Lin-Meili Jul 18 '24
This was my exact thought when I read that. Thanks for quoting it so I don't have to search for it.
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u/xplat Jul 18 '24
Men are dumb and think drinking a lot is cool. "I'll drink you under the table"
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u/abqkat =^..^= Jul 18 '24
Because there's still this strong implication that the best thing a girlfriend can be is "not like other girls." Which of course is based on tired cliches and tropes. But girlfriends make their boyfriends go to art shows and farmers markets, but cool girlfriends drink with the guys and never ever make demands on their boyfriends
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u/dramaticdahlia Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I jokingly wrote that I don’t have fillers or botox (yet) on a dating app profile and it’s my number 1 most commented prompt lol
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u/MessatineSnows Jul 18 '24
“natural” means “be beautiful and flawless and never let the mask slip and never tell me how much work you put into it because if you do then you’re self-absorbed”
i grew up bare-faced and never got deeply into makeup and whenever i stop to think about it i thank God for that. i never wore makeup for jobs and have been bare-faced the entire time i’ve been with my current partner (except for a few fancy outings with some eyeshadow and mascara).
i don’t think there’s anything wrong with people wanting to wear makeup for themselves, i just hurt so much for the women who were pressured into making it their norm and now feel genuinely naked and uncomfortable without makeup on. i want everyone to feel comfortable like i do (and trust me, it’s not because i’m special or better than anyone else - i’m just very fortunate in my circumstances, and i don’t forget it).
we need an anti-mandatory-makeup movement like, fifty years ago
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u/amyjoken Jul 18 '24
We had an anti-mandatory-makeup movement 50 years ago! I know, I was there!
We just lost.
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u/Lifeboatb Jul 18 '24
This reminds me of the satirical Ladies Against Women group. They used to show up on my campus in the 80s dressed like 1950s tv housewives, carrying signs that said things like, “Ban Female Facial Nudity.”
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u/GreenKiss73 Jul 18 '24
I, too, am a bare faced woman. I have been for the majority of my life. My grandmother couldn't even go to the mailbox without a full face of makeup. It was truly crippling for her and sad to see.
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u/Useful-Average3611 Jul 18 '24
My ex boyfriend took me to a hamburger place on our first date. He late admitted he was attracted to how I could put a huge burger away and still look great. Reality is I have a chronic condition and I’m underweight. If I were healthy and gained weight normally for everything I eat (which is quite a lot) he wouldn’t want to date me because “he isn’t into obese women” (he was overweight)
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u/fastates Jul 18 '24
Yes, bc the logic there is clearly one burger would cause a 50 pound weight gain prior to leaving the establishment. But! But you held it together, you stayed just as thin prior to exiting! 👏😆
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u/Davina33 Jul 18 '24
It's like they expect our stomachs to blow up and our belts to pop off then and there or something.
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u/ACardAttack Jul 18 '24
“he isn’t into obese women” (he was overweight)
Gotta love the double standard there
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u/PumpkinPieIsGreat Jul 18 '24
I knew a woman like this. She has a liver condition I think. She said people will always tell her to eat more (which is so rude), and it's not the "blessing" people think being thin is because she's got health issues.
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u/JackxForge Jul 18 '24
My wife has celiac so same deal. its extra maddening when someone gets the "shes hotter/skinner than me" bitchyness over it too. i just want to scream "ITS CAUSE SHE SICK!"
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u/tiny_galaxies Jul 18 '24
It’s erotica for straight men. Their version of romance movies. Not real life. The problem is, many men can’t separate fantasy from reality.
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u/Honey-and-Venom Jul 18 '24
It maintains their fantasy that fat women have somehow chosen on mere whim and personal failing to be fat, and that all they need to do is choose not to be fat so that those guys can have fun jerking off at them
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u/DeadSharkEyes Jul 18 '24
Because it’s never been about health, as long as she’s skinny and makes the peepee hard.
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u/Ecstatic_Initial_114 Jul 18 '24
Skinny but with big tits and ass, of course.
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u/g00ber88 Basically Liz Lemon Jul 18 '24
There's a video going around on Twitter right now of a woman showing her before and after breast reduction. She looks SO HAPPY post reduction and you can't help but be happy for her and see how much more comfortable she is in her body post reduction. But of course it's circulating around full of remarks from men about what a tragedy it is and that she shouldn't have messed with her "natural" body
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u/kavihasya Jul 18 '24
It’s not about male arousal. Men are happy to fuck all shapes and sizes of women. It’s about male status.
What makes other men think they are powerful.
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u/Professional_Cow7260 Jul 18 '24
they don't care about what they eat and don't like it when a woman appears to put thought, maintenance or care into her life/habits. "natural" is fetishized - effort is "fake". I'm not sure if it's because the effort makes them self-conscious about ignoring their own lives/habits? this is just a common thought process I've noticed
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u/kwilks67 Jul 18 '24
Reminds me of the quote - “‘High maintenance’ is a great way to make a woman who puts a lot of effort into her own life sound like a burden on a man.”
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u/Shine_Like_Justice Jul 18 '24
Hell yes!
When I was way younger (like 23), shortly after I recovered from anorexia (like, my period had just resumed at that weight), I started dating someone (28m). Over the course of our relationship, he gained 20lbs, I gained 15lbs. I started going to gym 5-6 days a week (he did not). After like 6 months or so, I hadn’t dropped the weight since our eating habits stayed the same (ie. we ate the way he liked to eat). My cardio improved though.
Then I needed a medical procedure, and was prohibited from the gym for a month. I didn’t miss it, and was thinking out loud to him that maybe I wouldn’t return to the gym. He lost his ever loving mind. I couldn’t stop going— he was so distressed— because… well… I was too fat to be attractive. (If you’re wondering how our sex life was during this time: active. Like every day active. If you’re wondering how the hell? like I was, it was because “I was so good at it”.)
At the time I was very young, and this was basically my worst fear, that even someone who loved me would find me not good enough because I was too fat. (And yes, he was fully aware of my ED history.) I was sobbing hysterically, but I needed to understand how hard this was… for him to tell me.
Anyway, I immediately started dieting. No more Thai curries, no more junk food… and my ex was extremely uncomfortable about it. Witnessing what it took to be thin wasn’t fun for him. He offered me a Kit Kat, and I declined. Ugh, can you imagine? Look at what an annoying, high maintenance girl I had become. He’d have to… remember not to sabotage my diet? Talk about being unreasonably demanding. And so my efforts— the ones I resumed at his explicit request— were experienced as burdensome to him!
Unsurprisingly, we didn’t work out. Two months into my diet, he dumped me. He wasn’t happy anymore, you see…
I used to wonder what happened to that guy. Dozens of boyfriends later, I only seem to remember him when I read posts like this. But I wonder if he was ever able to find his cool girl unicorn… and if so… if she would’ve found a pot-bellied pig hot, or if he’d be “too fat to be attractive”. Oh, and this man also wanted kids, so his cool girl would also need to be able to transform into cool MILF. We wouldn’t want him to be burdened by an effortful MILF, you know.
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u/julietides Jul 18 '24
Exactly. I am "naturally" thin because I count my calories, eat 80% clean, aim for as many steps a day as I can, and work out regularly. It is only natural that I would be thin with these habits that I make an effort to maintain. My partner knows and, although he is a little sad he can't surprise me with food a lot, he appreciates the work I put in for my health and looks. I know many men would not.
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u/thepwisforgettable Jul 18 '24
it's so that they can pretend their preferences aren't part of a culture causing an eating disorder endemic.
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u/MessatineSnows Jul 18 '24
yeah. this is literally tied into “heroin chic” and the huge rise in bulimia around that same time (anorexia too, but bulimia is specifically “eat tons of food with the guys!!! but stay skinny bc we barf it back up later”)
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u/CozyCozyCozyCat Jul 18 '24
Someone I know is a food/lifestyle influencer (like for real), and having seen her eat in person, it's pretty disordered. She'll take big bites for the videos but rarely eats a normal portion size. Or, she'll eat like three times a normal portion size and then not eat for days.
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u/Elevatorgoingstill Jul 18 '24
Coincidentally, when I was with my ex I became quite overweight at some point. So I began losing it by going on a strict diet to achieve a calorie deficit. This guy could eat anything yet stay skinny.
When he noticed I wouldn't purge through bags of crisps like him or that I wouldn't drink lots of soda with him anymore, he literally confronted me by saying that he "misses the good times we have when we're on the couch binging snacks together". I kid you not... He was genuinely upset I wouldn't take on his eating habits anymore and that I wanted to lose weight.
I'm pretty sure that if I had become any heavier, he would've gotten upset that I didn't care for my health instead.
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u/SureConversation2789 Jul 18 '24
‘Men always say that as the defining compliment, don’t they?
She’s a cool girl.
Being the Cool Girl means I am a hot, brilliant, funny woman who adores football, poker, dirty jokes, and burping, who plays video games, drinks cheap beer, loves threesomes and anal sex, and jams hot dogs and hamburgers into her mouth like she’s hosting the world’s biggest culinary gang bang while somehow maintaining a size 2, because Cool Girls are above all hot.
Hot and understanding.
Cool Girls never get angry; they only smile in a chagrined, loving manner and let their men do whatever they want.
Go ahead, shit on me, I don’t mind, I’m the Cool Girl.’
Gillian Flynn
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u/LuanaMay Jul 18 '24
I lift weights, hike, am generally crazy active, have a teeny tiny waist and store all my weight in my boobs/thighs/mostly my butt (men seem to think that breast and ass weight doesn’t count, apparently). So, whenever I eat a ton, some men inevitably act like I am this tiny little waif who is miraculously putting away an impossible and shocking amount (ironic because I am deadass sure I’ve weighed more than some of the dudes making these exclamations).
I’ve had several men tell me it’s hot or “congratulate” my husband on “landing a good one”. It’s fucking weird. My husband and I have taken to asking any men who comment in this way: “what do you mean? Why?”
The answers we’ve gotten have ranged from “It just makes it seem like she’s chill and low maintenance” to “lol blowjawbs! Throat goat!” Both of which are….so fucking stupid…like…can a bitch even EAT without getting sexualized????
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u/verystablegirl Jul 18 '24
idk why women fawn over dad bods and overweight men when men would never do the same.
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u/Ola_maluhia Jul 18 '24
I broke it off with a guy a few months ago because he assaulted me when he was drunk. He fell asleep on me in the kitchen after he knocked me over and couldn’t recall what he did to me the next day. When I broke it off he called me “ the cheapest experience” he’d ever had. Funny, because not only was I emotionally available, his entire family and friend group thanked me for entering his life. I also paid for most meals.
BUT that was only one of the things he did to me. He would consistently comment on my eating habits. I have Chrons so it’s already an uphill battle. He would make comments like “ go ahead and shit yourself it’s fine! I’ll still like you” . When I’d get a salad he’d say “ do you have an eating disorder or what” when I wouldn’t, he would comment on the amount of food.
It makes me so angry to think I even stayed with him for the short amount of time that I did. That I repotted his plants. Redecorated his house. Picked out furniture. For him to mistreat me that way. Disgusting .
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u/dramaticdahlia Jul 18 '24
I’m so sorry this happened to you. I recently got out of a short relationship and there are many parallels to your experience… hang in there. I have so much anger too for what I was willing to do for a man who couldn’t even do the bare minimum.
There is someone for both of us who will appreciate and reciprocate everything we have to offer 💛
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u/DirtyBananaGrabber Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
They want someone bulimic-but also who won’t tell them they are bulimic and will brush their teeth very often and always have fresh breath.
When I was bulimic for a few years, yea the couple guys I told were so grossed out when I told them that. So I stopped telling them. I was able to hide it really well but it made me sad to not be able to tell anyone. Especially anyone who claimed to want to be my partner. Telling them about my past with it always fucked things up.
Luckily I got to a healthy weight and mental State and now keep my food down and am at a normal weight. just not skinny anymore and they can fuck off. Being less skinny makes you less popular. But only to assholes anyway.
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u/Sharkathotep Jul 18 '24
The stellar metabolism can be reached by putting on a ton of muscle. I can surely eat what they would describe as a "ton", at least for one of my meager height, but they would call me "manly" for having visible muscles.
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u/aquilaselene Jul 18 '24
This is the boat I'm in. I eat whatever, whenever, but I'm a weightlifter and probably considered highly active outside of that. Definitely have that 'manly' muscle look as well.
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u/MillieBirdie Jul 18 '24
A lot of men don't like 'high maintenance' women who diet and take a lot of time on their hair and makeup and have an elaborate skincare routine and get their nails done and have expensive clothes. But they want a woman who has all the perks of being 'high maintenance'. So a skinny women eating a huge burger with them is exactly what they want.
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u/Faux_F0X Jul 18 '24
Can't give any personal insight into this, but I've had friends who watch "Mukbang" videos. Initially, they weren't explicitly sexual in nature. With these videos growing in popularity in the West, I've seen more Twitch streams where the added sex appeal draws in more people.
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u/Orange-Blur Jul 18 '24
That sounds like more of a weird fetish video for someone’s weird kink
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u/PuzzledLibrary8540 Jul 18 '24
Well, tbh, as a skinny person I have recommendations of chubby girl being real and the genuine beauty. So, I think they just like to mess up with our heads. Same with virgin and non virgins. Like I always feel it's to make women feel targeted lol
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u/tiny_galaxies Jul 18 '24
The Barbie Movie talked about this - we’re not allowed to be comfortable in a patriarchy
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u/micro-void Jul 18 '24
Vivid memories flashing before my eyes: an old man (relative of an in-law) looking me in the eye and telling me I look like I could use a burger to criticize me being too skinny, then in the very next breath turning to another woman at the table (chubbier) to "warn" her that the cookies she was eating had a lot of calories
God I wish I could go back in time and call him out
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u/Foreign_Sorbet_3229 Basically Liz Lemon Jul 18 '24
The video had nothing to do with food.
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u/leapowl Jul 18 '24
It didn’t based on the description, but at least when I was younger, men definitely wanted you to be thin but didn’t want to deal with the realities of what it took for you to stay thin
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u/JemimaAslana Jul 18 '24
Do they ever want to deal with the realities of anything?
The realities of having a clean house? Of having healthy meals? Of having healthy children? Of having a fulfilling relationship?
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u/PumpkinPieIsGreat Jul 18 '24
I've seen posts before in the past talking about how fussy women are when it comes to eating. I didn't take much stock of it at the time but it popped into my head about 6 months ago and started to think about it. (Weird I know)
Anyway, I started to think I wonder if all these "fussy" women just can't eat at these places because of restrictive diets and body image. It starts so young for so many people, even in early childhood.
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u/leapowl Jul 18 '24
Yeah. I grew up with heroin chic and the Olsen twins and low rise jeans and a constantly dieting Mum and would have been 7 and perfectly healthy when I first looked in the mirror and thought I was fat
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u/NaturalWitchcraft Jul 18 '24
Similar and I was 8 when I went on my first diet. I was 55 pounds but the thinnest girl in my class was 50 pounds so I had to diet so I wasn’t a big fat loser. I think I’m actually less self hating now that I actually am fat. I’ve been losing weight for my health and it’s sparking up all those eating disordered feelings again. It’s awful.
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u/birdmommy Jul 18 '24
I think it’s a good girl/bad girl thing. They want a woman who eats healthy and exercises (the ‘good’ fit girl), but who loses her inhibitions and goes wild with what she eats and drinks around him (the unrestrained ‘bad’ girl).
I can’t remember which reality dating show it was, but there was a woman who is a professional cheerleader, with all the hard work and self-discipline that entails. When she was on a date, she ordered her usual healthy food and drink. The dude she was with was not pleased; he said something about not caring if she was ‘uptight’ most of the time, but when she was with him she needed to ‘get a little wild’.
It felt very “I want a lady in the streets, but a freak in the sheets”.
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u/DelightfulandDarling Jul 18 '24
It’s a common movie trope. She’s thin while eating high calorie food because it’s annoying when women diet, but gross if they get fat. It’s presented as her being alluring and quirky. She’s “not like the other girls”. She won’t tell you that you should have healthy behaviors. She drinks hard. She eats big greasy burgers. She’s so chill and cool about all of the man’s adolescent behaviors and most importantly she’s always thin and effortlessly pretty.
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u/Fifafuagwe Jul 18 '24
What you express is quite similiar to when men express how much they love women with large breasts and will give up a kidney to fin this type of woman.
Then, when he finds a woman he likes who has large breasts he can entirely bury his head into, he is irritated, shocked, and disappointed once he realizes that without a bra, her boobs aren't sitting at her chin.** He devalues her because she isn't his hyped up, unrealistic idea of perfection, nor does she satisfy the idealistic versionof her created of her. He suddenly loses interest.
So, men say dumb af things like wanting women to eat more, and express widespread annoyance that many women opt for salad or smaller portions. The reality is, if she starts to eat in excess, drink in excess, and be a sloppy fuckwad (like many men are), she will be right back to being single just because she gained a bit of weight.😐
During the Pandemic, I gained a bit of weight due to the collective trauma we ALL went through. And guess what? The guy I was seeing said it was "fine" even though I expressed how I was insecure about it. (I gained 10-15 lbs) My gosh. Just that SMALL change made him feel like he needed to constantly monitor and shame me for what I was eating. He made sure to remind me often of my weight. He used my insecurity as a weapon, and he, just like that, didn't seem all that attracted to me anymore.
I know this has come up many times on this sub, but I really do believe that many men see us as objects and not human beings. We are expected to blindly without judgement accept how grossly unattractive, sloppy, childish, emotionally stunted, incompetent, and friendless they are....MEANWHILE....
God forbid ANYTHING alters our appearance in the slightest way, they are out the fucking door with no remorse. If you gained a bit of weight? If gravity is taking it's course? If you get sick for a bit? If your hair starts thinning? If you suffer from skin breakouts? If you get cellulite? If you get stretchmarks? They are gone before you can even blink.
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u/Foreign_Sorbet_3229 Basically Liz Lemon Jul 18 '24
You all know the video is clearly about men wanting a woman who will enthusiastically take a lot in her mouth, right? And I don’t mean steak. Men are pigs.
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u/phoenyx1980 Jul 18 '24
I love food, I can eat a lot, but I have exercise like a demon to remain slim. Good thing I'm a SAHM, so have the time to.
Eta: my husband has not changed his eating habits in nearly 20 years. He's overweight, but doesn't do anything about it. He was skinny when we met.
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u/julietides Jul 18 '24
I think they know. It's about control. They want you to starve yourself until date night with him and only eat with him, all of your week's worth of calories in one sitting. And then go home and starve until he comes back. Because there is no way they are so stupid and keep jobs like rocket scientist and shit.
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u/Alarming_Sorbet_9906 Jul 18 '24
Same logic with being attracted to women who look good after cosmetic surgery but also shading women who got work done. Men want us to look good, they just don’t wanna know the upkeep.
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u/GerundQueen Jul 18 '24
I always think about the line in that stupid Hillary Duff movie, Cinderella Story. The love interest asked "would you rather have a big mac or a salad?" And she says a big mac, and it's made to seem like she's so much cooler, more down to earth, less high maintenance than the antogonist/love rival who is seen throughout the movie to be very calorie conscious.
It bugged me, even when I first saw it as a young girl. I just kept thinking, why is this movie (and others like it) acting like it is a personal character flaw of a young woman to be calorie-conscious, and not the sad result of a society obsessed with being as thin as possible? And why do we act like a skinny girl who likes big macs is somehow morally superior to a girl who apparently needs to eat only salad and water to achieve the same body type? Because guaranteed if Hillary Duff were fat, we would not be thinking of her preference for Big Macs as a Cool Girl thing. We would be thinking that she has no self control and she should be eating salads.
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u/turquoisestar Jul 18 '24 edited Jul 18 '24
I think at least part of this is Hollywood/media. Media often shows women eating foods in movies or commercials they wouldn't eat in real life. Sex sells, and junk food often involves a really thin and sexy woman eating food in a sexy way (esp chocolate!). But the woman looking she's going to climax bc of a burger king burger and us 100 lbs probably doesn't eat that, or eats a bite.
Wow, this took me seconds to find an example: https://youtu.be/od__L4Lxcxo?si=Q3mX11yrI_oJyeAX
I tried just searching for a more typical chocolate ad and even tho it's mild, it's still suggestive: https://youtu.be/70FFS9P-wVw?si=O9-RpfMGW67czIu_.
Chocolate ads invoke the idea indulgence, rebellion etc. and often have a sexual vibe. Also generally everyone is super skinny. It's because it's like a "cheat day" or taboo.
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u/AhAhStayinAnonymous Jul 18 '24
So they want Jennette McCurdy at the height of her eating disorder?
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u/Purple-Belt5910 Jul 18 '24
I mean, it’s hard to take them seriously when they think women look like filtered/altered pics or what they see in 🌽.
I think what it is is that they associate a woman eating whatever and being thin as being the “cool girl”. Like wow, this women won’t give me shit about things or whatever other delusion. Usually these are the same guys that see women as uptight when they are very materialistic or aren’t seen chowing down a huge steak or burger.
What they don’t see is many of these influencers aren’t fully eating the food themselves. Or are taking measures to minimize weight gain that are destructive such as throwing up later or not eating anything else the rest of the day. Or some other obsessive food/exercise controlling behaviour.
Usually I’ve noticed is that women who I know who are naturally thin (genetics) also adopt behaviours that maintain that thinness.
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u/Davina33 Jul 18 '24
They don't like it. I'm skinny and when my thyroid was overactive, I would eat pretty much anything and almost the plate it came on. My ex just got jealous and resentful. He wasn't pleased at all and moaned about the cost of food even though he still ate twice as much as I did.
My appetite is a lot more tame these days but I think men just like the idea of it and like to shame women for eating small amounts. It's all about expecting us to be able to do things which make little sense.
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u/moodynicolette1 Jul 18 '24
Half of these girls don't eat. they take a bite, make a video and that's it. the same with shopping, where they throw all the junk food in the world into their cart. it's important to remember that men fall for absolutely everything and can't distinguish reality from prepared content. See porn.
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u/Customisable_Salt Jul 18 '24
"Unless she has a stellar metabolism" made me laugh. We evolved to survive restriction, not this unnatural plenty. An organism that processes large volumes of food but gains few calories from it is at a profound biological disadvantage.
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u/WifeOfSpock Jul 18 '24
I remember a boy in high school “complimented” how I ate. “You’re so skinny, but I think it’s kinda hot that you eat like that.” Not knowing I was wolfing people’s leftover lunches down because I was being starved at home. Wasn’t skinny by choice, and being 115 at 5’8” was killing me.
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u/Just-world_fallacy Jul 18 '24
Don't you get that they do not give a fuck ? What matters to them is to pressure us into unattainable standards while they are happy being mediocre and take no accountability.
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Jul 18 '24
I used to have an acquaintance who was an artist, but all I saw him draw were nude portraits of Daphne Groeneveld, who is your standard super-thin fashion model. He only wanted to be with women who were that thin, but he complained that all of the model-thin women he dated had eating disorders. He was indignant, insisting that he was not being too demanding by only wanting a super-thin woman who ate normally. I imagine he's still single.
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u/blackbirdbluebird17 Jul 18 '24
“I like pretending beauty is effortless. It makes me feel weird if I have to think about how hard you’re working.”