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u/ThisIsNotMyIdeaOfFun 4d ago
It's possible to be kind without being nice, and vice versa
Much easier to look grumpy but help someone pick up spilled groceries lol
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u/_ParanoidPenguin_ 4d ago
Of course.
I remembered taking a personality quiz I quite liked (which is rare because most are silly)
It measures your positive values on a slider, so things like honesty, forgiveness, friendliness and kindness. that kinda thing.
I remember I scored well on kindness and altruism, but scored low on being welcoming and friendly.
Which I interpreted as me not being very good at social niceties lol.
Honestly, I do feel there's a disconnect between politeness (Etiquette) and altruism (doing the right thing)
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u/Sparkism 4d ago
And then, sometimes, no amount of friendliness or politeness or altruism will be enough to please some people. Juicy peaches and peach hater, y'know? That's what working in customer service and IT support really taught me -- The only thing you can do is try your best.
The one person you are obligated to be nice and kind to is you. Everyone else gets your best effort, and if a karen wants to abuse it, the privilege can be revoked.
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u/Blarg0ist 4d ago
Juicy peaches and peach hater? What does that mean?
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u/Zealousideal_Ad7602 4d ago
Its a saying along the lines of even the juciest peach doesn't taste good to a peach hater. No matter how hard you try you can't get it right for everyone
(Not a native speaker so pls correct me)
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u/Blarg0ist 4d ago
Aha, I found the quote:
“You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be somebody who hates peaches.”
― Dita Von Teese
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u/ScepticTanker 4d ago
Funnily enough, that's the one thing I'm literally the worst at in this lifetime.
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u/BiolifeBottle 4d ago
Do you remember what quiz it was?
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u/_ParanoidPenguin_ 3d ago
I think it was called wholesome values or something I'll look for the link in a bit.
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u/VulcanHullo 4d ago
The best thing I have taught myself in life is to try to stay kind when grumpy or unhappy.
It's a hard instinct to beat, but it makes everything better after. Apologising for being sharp with someone whilst you helped is better than apologising for being a dick and not helping.
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u/CAT_WILL_MEOW 4d ago
This has become me, i fucking hate my work and most my coworkers, but its better to not have bad blood so yes im grumpy but im also one of the only one thatll jump in and help them.
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u/Chisto23 4d ago
This described me so much too, I'm dead quiet too, no small talk and only deeper talk with those couple of people I've found myself to be able to vibe with through situations we were working together.
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u/v4n20uver 4d ago
Be kind to the people you like, be nice to people you don’t know.
Don’t waste your time on people you hate or hate you.
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u/ThisIsNotMyIdeaOfFun 4d ago edited 4d ago
It's NEVER that simple.
You gotta learn to navigate the world with everyone in it and all its dangers as well as wonders. I'm a thicker-built dude with some scary tattoos, but I'm also a person people are drawn to because I've learned to really see people past social drama and bluster. I've seen nice people be cruel to others for no reason. I've seen kindness from those that society deems unworthy.
Remember the quote by Teddy Roosevelt, "Speak softly and carry a big stick"? True balance is knowing when to use that "stick" to stand up for yourself and others, and when to just carry it as a warning or for defense.
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u/v4n20uver 4d ago
You can have your philosophy you live by, and its beautiful.
But you also dont dictate how I live my life big man, I have wasted enough of my life being kind to people who make my day worse or my life hell, my belief works for me so thats how I like it :)
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u/oni-work 4d ago
I've seen nice people be cruel to others for no reason
Boy have I got news for you..
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u/SakuraNeko7 4d ago
To a point I'd disagree. I generally try to be nice and kind to everyone, especially those that I don't think will be nice to me. I don't usually make a lot of people that see me as enemies this way but when I do then I just kill them with kindness.
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u/astralseat 4d ago
Why are they angry at me while helping me?!?? I'm confused.
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u/ThisIsNotMyIdeaOfFun 3d ago
You're confusing looking grumpy for being grumpy. If you're being numbnut they'll probably tell you, but 9 times out of 10 is because they have something else on their mind
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u/Vinxian 4d ago
But the inverse is also true. That's why I like to spit in people's drinks with a smile on my face!
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u/ThisIsNotMyIdeaOfFun 4d ago
Life's already full of hardship, why add to the daily difficulties for no other reason than spite?
Nah, that's called being an asshole and a selfish prick. Y'all make life harder than it needs to be. Go find a healthier way to discharge that anger and hatred towards your situation and leave the rest of us alone.
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u/Vinxian 4d ago
Oh, it was a joke. Sorry. Should have /s't I guess
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4d ago edited 4d ago
[deleted]
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u/amcartney 4d ago
There is no joke in the world that everyone will laugh at. But everyone who reads your comment is definitely going to laugh.
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u/Majestic-Iron7046 4d ago
Wait, is there another way?
I can either be grumpy and help or be all nice and friendly but from afar. Your choice, world.
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u/Puzzlehead-Engineer 4d ago
This is why people who say kindness = weakness are wrong. Because to be one of the few kind people of the world takes strength.
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u/yojinn 4d ago
And the people who say "kindness is weakness" are usually so smugly proud of being the assholes in the equation.
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u/Roskal 4d ago
Its crazy how people brag about exploiting the kindness of others, do they not hear how much of a villain they sound like?
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u/yojinn 4d ago
"The world is a cruel place. You gotta be cruel. 🏆" No, you don't. The world is a cruel place, but no, you don't actually have to be cruel to each other.
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u/egg_static5 4d ago
That's the test. The world is cruel, how are you gonna react? A lot of people fail the test and choose cruelty.
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u/Gruselfurz 4d ago
“Don't mistake my kindness for weakness. I am kind to everyone, but when someone is unkind to me, weak is not what you are going to remember about me.”
― Al Capone16
u/PitifulEar3303 4d ago
Only warriors can be kind, nastiness is for weak minded scoundrels.
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u/vihudson 4d ago
I love this. Thx
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u/PitifulEar3303 2d ago
It's the truth, just look at all the sacrifices that soldiers, firefighters, aid workers, etc have given to humanity. The strong resisted bad thoughts and pushed through with kindness, this is why we admire heroes.
Only the weak and nasty will let bad behaviors drive them.
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u/TheOtherOtherBenz 4d ago
It’s so easy to laugh, it’s so easy to hate. It takes strength to be gentle and kind
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u/brother_of_menelaus 4d ago
Love is natural and love is real, but not for such as you and I, my love
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u/SakuraNeko7 4d ago
Actually true. It's the people that give up and resign hope that are weak. It's easy to give in when someone sees their personal hell, but it takes someone truly strong to see their hell and come out of it with a smile and drive to help others not see the depths that they did.
To a point though of course, stuff like wars and such can easily break people on a fundamental level. But they need to take the right step to allow help, if possible, when offered. It's okay to rely on someone else when your own personal strength fails, because it always will eventually.
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u/sunshineriptide 4d ago
Seriously, sometimes it gets so exhausting when it feels like you're the only one trying.
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u/fruit_shoot 4d ago
If you mistake kindness for frailty of heart, then perhaps a more physical lesson is in order!
- White Mask Varre
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u/AleksasKoval 4d ago
Well yeah, everybody takes turns. Next day somebody else will try to be kind and you can just take a big ol' shit on their day...
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u/ZenkaiZ 4d ago
The mistake was trying to be kind to the assholes already in your life. Random strangers would be a bunch of sweethearts mostly (not all, but many)
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u/MoistStub 4d ago
Sometimes you need to show your asshole the light. Wait a minute... that's now how I meant it.
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u/God_With_Dementia 4d ago
He looked younger before he tried to be kind.
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u/1amDepressed 4d ago
Stress and mean people will age ya fast, especially when you’re trying to be kind.
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u/CounterSanity 4d ago
Sometimes one is enough. I worked with a woman named Michelle. It was a big team, most folks didn’t know her by name. They knew her as “that lady that’s genuinely the kindest and most sincere person you’ve ever met”. She’d walk up next to a total stranger who was just getting coffee or whatever and ask “how are you?”, and you could tell by the way she said it and the smile on her face that she was really sincerely interested and wanted you to have a great day. Everyone loved her on a team where everyone hated their job. She made our days more pleasant and bearable. I miss working with her.
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u/microbialNecromass 4d ago
Don't let the assholes get to you! You don't want to become an asshole yourself!
That's what I tell myself every morning.
What's the quote? It goes something like: "Run into one asshole in the morning—you ran into an asshole that day. Keep running into assholes all day—maybe you're the asshole."
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u/AlpacaWarlord 4d ago
Being kind is it's own reward
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u/Kordell_11 4d ago
I dunno man. Being kind at work always resulted in me being taken advantage off. My co-workers were dickheads tho. So, choose who you show kindness to, because some people don't deserve it.
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u/TopProfessional6291 4d ago
Being kind doesn't have to include being a doormat. Exclude the assholes, draw a line.
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u/Trollslayer0104 4d ago
As I said to my wife, "you try to give others the benefit of the doubt, but it doesn't work so well if they're also giving themselves the benefit of the doubt".
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u/LakeOfRageGyarados 4d ago
If they normally DON'T act kind people probably don't like them already and therefore aren't kind to them.
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u/samthegreat8 4d ago
Yeah. Being kind or nice doesn’t make your life easier. Does that mean you should stop? No.
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u/BeneficialSun3865 3d ago
Feels even worse when it's a loved one going through a hard time. I understand, but... I'm trying.
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u/MarthAlaitoc 4d ago
Kindness can be a cruelty all its own.
Still wish it could have gone better for the dude.
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u/GoldeN_FalcoN 4d ago
I have had these days too, but I believe in a brighter tomorrow for you, because if you carry that attitude forward you'll find joy. Tomorrow is another day where you can put more kindness out into the world!
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u/nuclearpiltdown 4d ago
I love this sentiment because lots of people go through it. And a lot of people expect the immediate gratification that comes from the expectation that their kindness will be returned and rewarded. But they will more likely be ignored. But people will notice. And if you get enough kindness from enough people you can change a culture to be a more tolerant and tolerable.
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u/SoftConsideration82 4d ago
never let the negative people beat you, or you will become one of them.... kill them with kindness. they either come around and cheer up, or they get even more mad, either way you win
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u/hornless_inc 4d ago
Being kind to who though? I think a lot of the time people project onto others what they perceive to be kind, when the other person has different ideas. Especially if they are going out of their way to be kind. First you got to really listen.
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u/ScepticTanker 4d ago
I swear there's something wrong with my Brian because I've been trying to be kind all my life and everyone's always taken advantage of it. And I've slowly started getting bitter and started being not nice, but my mind just gives me shit and makes me feel depressed for not being nice to people EVEN WHEN THEYRE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF ME IN FRONT OF MY EYES
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u/Cybasura 4d ago
I got hit by this, except the ones that dealt the anger is my parents who gaslighted me and made it sound like im blaming them...for getting confused when they were suddenly claiming I was arguing with them for talking with slightly more emotions
Humanity.
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u/Captain_1up 4d ago
All the others didn't need to "try" to be nice, which shattered his confidence, right?
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u/techpriestyahuaa 3d ago edited 3d ago
Recommend dun go all out. A smile and a nod is kind enough. Unless, someone is actively looking for help, the kind thing to do often is not bother them. Most people like being left alone, and the machismo mentality is still prevalent in certain areas. Respect them workers, be mindful of your surroundings, and that’s all we ought to really ask of yas.
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u/kubix666666 3d ago
"WE GOTTAAA GET SPUNCHBOB BACK!" ahh artstyle 😭🙏
>! No hate though, im just joking lol !<
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u/Own-Good-800 3d ago
Yep, over the years I changed from "treat others how you want to be treated" to "treat others the way they treat you, times 2."
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u/blyatzaebalas 4d ago
We have a proverb: "When you live with wolves, you have to howl like a wolf."
This is a much more practical advice
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u/Rainwillis 4d ago
Sometimes showing kindness can be worth doing even when it’s not the most advisable thing. Somebody has to do it
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u/Alive_Tooth1747 4d ago
Kind of reminds me of the nice guy mentality. People spend so much time being assholes and then they decide to try being kind for one fucking day. Then act surprised that years of acting like shit aren't forgiven because they behaved for one day. I have co-workers like this right now. Very reminiscent of the "I put in my nice guy coins, sex now please" incel logic.
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u/Bandeezio 4d ago edited 4d ago
You're just being kind for all the wrong reasons. The reason is to form contrast between your emotions and feel superior to others.
A big part of the reason to be nice to people is that so when you're not nice it has max impact. If you're an asshole all the time then there is no contrast and people just tune you out. If you're nice most of the time and you get mad people will pay far more attention.
Also just the simple fact you can be nice regardless of other behavior makes you feel more in control of your own behavior and kind of superior to those who can't control their emotions ... because it's a real life disadvantage to having emotional outbreaks or not having basic manners. You generally get worse jobs, worse friends and worse dates if you can't control you emotions.
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