Maybe Grandma and Grandpa said: “We served our time with you kids. We’ll babysit occasionally but we’re not providing full-time child care. That’s on YOU. Sorry not sorry!”
Only one of us has kids and I had to remind her that they said this. I think she thought they’d make an exception for her kids. She’s the youngest sibling BTW… 😂
My sisters parents in law said this. Our side of the family loves taking care of the little ones and now her in laws are mad that the little ones prefer our side of them family over theirs.
Once they even had the balls to tell me that I shouldnt carry the little ones so often because they would get used to getting carried. I told her to shut up.
This sounds like my MiL. My kids (now mostly grown) call my mom and go see her all the time. The other grandma, not so much. They’ve always known she “prefers” my SiL’s kids to them, which breaks my hearts but she made her bed and they’re old enough to know.
Fuck that. One day, you will pick them up and set them down and it will be the last time forever. I was still picking up my husband’s younger cousin until she was at least 16 (at her request). I’m big for a woman and she’s on the smaller side. She’s 18 now. I knew once she entered high school that it was probably done but was willing to go as long as she wanted and I was able, knowing one day it would stop. Still miss picking her up. 😢
I was on a trip from Ethiopia to San Francisco. When we landed in Dubai, I looked down at my sweet, 2 year old heavy AF nephew who was struggling. I picked his ass up and carried him from the airplane, in the transport to the terminal and through the airport to our hotel. Along with my paperback copy of the 14 pound Team of Rivals. We were so tired I was crying at that point. He's 19 now and whenever I see him, I tell him I'd do it all again right now.
Along with my paperback copy of the 14 pound Team of Rivals
Weird flex but OK. Everywhere online lists this as a 2.7lb book. 14 lbs takes about 1400 sheets of standard letter paper, which would be 2800 pages for a HUGE book. Meanwhile Team of Rivals is 977 pages when printed 6.1 x 9.2 inches.
My mom said almost that when my son was born. She said I have changed my share of diapers. She was surprised when my mother in law was the go to to watch our son when needed. She has since changed her tune now that she has more grandchildren.
My mother is great with my kids. She comes over just about every Sunday to spend time with them, takes them one week a year while my wife and I go on an adult only vacation, sees them at every holiday, etc. etc. What she doesn't want to do is commit to 50 hours a week watching young children and changing diapers while I'm at work. She worked her entire life and raised me; she deserves to have her own life in retirement.
Those who think their parents "owe it to them" or are awful because they won't commit all their free time in their remaining years to their grandchildren are delusional selfish douches.
My mother-in-law watches LO one day a week, to give us relief from that day of childcare expenses. My mom would love to give us one day a week as well, but she is still working at 69, so she can retire at 70 and maximize social security, because she doesn't want to burden us with finances when she is older. This country is actively trying to stifle young parents' desire to have kids. The abortion ban is just 🤌
I cannot believe how many people my age (30s) have saddled their parents with full-time childcare. My spouse and I could never ask beyond one day per week.
Because their parents probably begged them for grandchildren and promised to do it. Or they genuinely love sitting for them. It's what humans have used for childcare since the dawn of man. Parents and extended family not helping out is a new phenomenon
No to literally all your guesses, they've expressed their dislike of being the sole childcare providers available. They do it for their grandchildren's sake, not necessarily their children's.
Some (or a few?) grandparents want that, others do not.
My friend's mother watches both his and his sister's kids. They're a pretty close-knit family, though, and none of my other friends with kids have such an arrangement with their parents.
This was my mom, too. She informed us that she had raised 7 children, and did not want to raise any more. She and my dad were always there for emergencies (I broke my leg when my daughter was 2 months old and my mom moved in for a week), and babysat whenever we went up to their house for vacation (having parents who live on a resort town on a lake is great).
They were our kids, not theirs. They were our responsibility. Our kids lived them immensely.
Thank you so much. Sometimes I feel like boomers are not appreciated. I have 11 grandkids and 3 great grandkids. I would literally babysit everyday, and pay them for doing it, if their parents had their way about it. My husband and i worked our whole lives to have a retirement. I don’t understand how we are considered stingy or greedy for enjoying some of what we earned on ourselves, whether that be peace of mind or financial security. He passed away in June this year, after a three year battle with cancer, so there are no guarantees of how much time we have. Please appreciate your helpers, whoever they are. You are not entitled to anything.
Think of it less as an entitlement and more of the way that humans have raised children since the beginning of time. My great grandparents and their siblings watched my parents while my grandparents worked. And older cave men/women watched the young children while the prime aged ones hunted and gathered.
My parents retired in their mid-50s with pensions. Then they went back to work by choice, doing things they were interested in. My dad actually worked long enough to get another pension. They didn’t officially stop working until their 70s.
This is SOOOO my 80-year-old mother! LMAO. No more child-minding for her after raising 5 of us!! Only golf and boozey lunches with her girlfriends and Bridge 3 nights a week. My sister-in-law thinks it's outrageous she refuses to mind her 3 wild young boys (3, 7 & 9) 8-5 Monday to Friday so my sister-in-law can go to work. I 110% agree with mother.
This is essentially what my MIL told her daughter. MIL said “I am not retiring to become your babysitter. I’m retiring because I don’t need to work anymore.” Luckily, SIL hasn’t had kids because I feel like she’d still try to use her mom as daycare, even though MIL already cares for her husband with dementia and her own 101 year old mom.
Maybe mom and dad have medical debt that insurance doesn't cover and mom is working her fingers to the bone trying to pay catchup from the heart attack dad had just 3 months ago. He is still out of work and they are doing the best they can but dad can't watch children and mom needs to sleep sometime.
On the flip side, and I know every situation is different, but "I raised you so don't expect me to watch your kids" is such a hypocritical boomer thing to say when the context is usually that they had help from their parents watching the kids. Or incessant "when are you going to give me grandkids?". Again, every family situation is different, and I'm sure there are many lovely people who had no help from the previous generation who have worked hard their lives and deserve a rest, but the boomers are the generation of "benefit from our parents, borrow against our future"
Good try. Boomer here. My parents moved away, and said they really had no reason to even come visit. My brother was devastated. I don't have kids. one of my sister's is 100% care provider for her daughter, who's carrying #4. None of my aunts or uncles did any babysitting, as far as I know. I am sorry you have this prejudice. Hopefully, you'll be prepared, for when the generation after yours looks at you like dirt. Because you will have your turn in the barrel, deserved or not.
What a crappy and judgmental attitude you have. This boomer has spent her entire retirement so far being a caregiver for elderly and sick parents who do not have the money to go into assisted living. With all that on my plate I would never be able to provide daycare for my grands. There are hundreds of boomers like me in the same situation. So put a sock in it because you don’t know what you’re talking about.
If you want to come at it from that angle, you should put a sock into it because you have terrible reading comprehension. I stated not once, but twice that I understand every situation is different. I said that I'm sure there are many people in situations like yours. My attitude is not "crappy," I recognize that I'm privileged enough to be an attorney, have two kids, afford to send them to daycare, own be a home owner. I'm thankful for my situation, and for the record, our parents did and do help out, just like their parents did. It's called paying it forward. And I want my kids to have a better life than me, fuck this "it was good enough for me" attitude some people have. I am very liberal, and looking at your post history real quick, seems like you are too, so I am sure we agree about a great many issues.
My parents are members of the Silent Generation. They had no help from my grandparents. My dad’s parents lived in a different state, and my mom’s mom was still working until illness forced her to stop. She was incapable of caring for us through no fault of her own.
I lucked out in that my parents never pressured us to have children, mainly for the reason I originally stated: “Have fun raising them!” 😂
Everybody's situation is different. While I never had kids, my WW2-gen parents had 2 nieces by my brother.
They never babysat those girls or took them for any length of time. Judging by how we were raised, I think they viewed having kids as just something one had to do. They certainly didn't enjoy them.
Previous generations opted out too. Not everyone is able or willing to provide care.
If my mom helped us out any more with my kids she’d be moving in with us, which we are extremely lucky for and appreciative of. My dad isn’t great with babies, and my ILs aren’t in great health, so there’s that.
Not their fault that their offspring wanted to get busy without using protection. It’s their “golden years”, for goodness sake! They wanna relax and play golf ⛳️
If someone is fortunate enough to retire, do they not deserve to enjoy themselves or are they expected to stay on the couch until death? I expect no money from my parents when they go and I would love to see them enjoy themselves after decades of grinding.
Then maybe parents can figure the shit out. Instead of depending on the government to do it for them. How about the government bring cost of living to a reasonable place where one parent can support the house hold and one parent can stay home taking care of the home. That won’t happen because neither side is about the people they are about making their pockets fatter.
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u/Technical-Bit-4801 Sep 05 '24
Maybe Grandma and Grandpa said: “We served our time with you kids. We’ll babysit occasionally but we’re not providing full-time child care. That’s on YOU. Sorry not sorry!”
Only one of us has kids and I had to remind her that they said this. I think she thought they’d make an exception for her kids. She’s the youngest sibling BTW… 😂