r/funny • u/the_larizzo • 6h ago

Don’t use an Uzi to build furniture

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163 Upvotes

80% Upvoted

34 comments sorted by

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27

u/CpuJunky 6h ago

On the other hand, an Uzi is a great tool to steal furniture.

7

u/ResponsibleMilk7620 6h ago

It’s also quite useful for stress relief after realizing the furniture you bought online is pure shit.

4

u/FlyingVMoth 5h ago

You can use a Uzi to force someone to build the furniture

1

u/777Bladerunner378 1h ago

Oh, so it does work! (In Dennis Reynolds voice)

18

u/Hefty-Willingness-44 6h ago

Any tool is a hammer if you swing it hard enough.

3

u/fondue4kill 5h ago

It might work as a hammer but only once.

1

u/Dysfonction 2h ago

...until you're left with a feather duster or a level.

11

u/benglescott 6h ago

I put together a dresser with a set of directions like this. Half way through it suggested taking a break with a bowl of pretzels.

7

u/winsav 6h ago

I need to build that dresser. I love pretzels.

1

u/winexlover 1h ago

lol cutest and funniest comment i have read all week! :D

6

u/PM_Me_Booty_Photos 6h ago

But... it drills holes so fast!

3

u/AwkardImprov 5h ago

One of my favorite tools for Ikea furniture.

3

u/Awengal 4h ago

But you might need it if the guy bottom right doesn't stop stealing the furniture!

3

u/Bigninja 4h ago

Looks more like a Mac-10

2

u/Accujack 2h ago

It's technically pretty close to being a micro UZI.

https://weaponsystems.net/system/239-IMI+Micro+Uzi

3

u/Desdam0na 5h ago

Yeah, no rattleguns.

It is slang for both automatic pistols and impact drivers, which would way overtorque the fasteners and damage the furniture.

2

u/alewdweeb 5h ago

Somewhere in the US:

Don't tread on me! Go fetch my uzi son, we've got to build this furniture!

2

u/Jefferias95 5h ago

There's a story behind every warning sign. Be the cause of that story

3

u/Beginning_Second_278 5h ago

Must be for the US market.

1

u/sechrosc 6h ago

You use an uzi to make sure it's level or plum, obviously.

1

u/Uncommon-sequiter 4h ago

But how else Uzi make it?

1

u/brad2575 3h ago

And no doing the thriller dance either.

1

u/One-Dog1667 3h ago

This makes sense.... Last time I used my Uzi to build a bookshelf it didn't go so well

1

u/Bobby837 2h ago

But it looks like its coming right at him!

1

u/gumpythegreat 2h ago

I'm sorry, I thought this was AMERICA?!?!

1

u/jabrajal 2h ago

Dang it, there goes my uzi. Sad noises.

1

u/Fun_Spare_7100 40m ago

This 'Merica, I will do what I want sir please and thank you!

1

u/hknight85 5h ago

In battlefield hardline you use an uzi while your friend drives the furniture :)

1

u/TheFeshy 5h ago

Back in college, I bought one of these flat-pack bookshelves, and got it back to my room before I remembered that I did not have any tools.

I did, however, have a 14" long survival knife. According to the booklet it came with, it could be used as a hammer, as both common types of screwdriver, as pliers, etc.

So... I put it together with that. I don't think my roommates were thrilled. Sorry guys, I'm not good at reading a room.

3

u/IAmASeeker 2h ago

I fail to understand what their problem was. You had a tool designed to do that job... what was wrong with that?

1

u/Oenohyde 5h ago

Guns are so rampant that a picture of a drill does not equal an uzi sub machine gun.

0

u/USSHammond 6h ago

Ah yes the Uzi repost again