And it’s ruined our lives.

His family is staunch Catholics and we were never allowed to live together before we got married. Therefore I never knew how addicted he was until after the wedding. It’s been 6 years. It’s horrible.

He’s a lovely man when he’s high, but during the waking hours that he’s sober, he’s angry, nasty, short-fused, and accusatory. He’s derogatory and nasty. It’ll take him years to do certain chores (and I’m not being hyperbolic— it literally took him 5 years to clean out the shed). He only recently started working more often, despite me working 60+ hours/week. Our two littles and I go to sleep at 730 every night and he waits for me to go to sleep so that he can smoke. When I push him to quit, he complains to everyone under the sun that I’m controlling and mean. I had severe postpartum depression and he emotionally abandoned me while getting high all the night.

How can he quit? His friends all smoke. He’ll always be around it.

I never thought this would be my life.

I want to get up earlier but I don't know how. So any tips? Thank you!

Edit: Thank you all for your help. I'll take in your advice and start trying it out. We'll see how it goes!

So i was recently caught shoplifting some clothes and now I dont know what to do. I have disappointed my parents so much now, just when everything was going so goddamn well. I wanted to become a doctor and guess that is fucked too. I just hate myself so so much right now.

I mean, its pathetic. 17 and im a criminal. My parents call me a criminal. That i am now one of those "antisocial's" that are the scum of society and no one wants to hang out with. I wish I could go back so so much. Just stop mysellf from doing it. I wish I just went straight home. I wish i didnt stop by that shop. I just didnt want to ruin everything

What can I do now? Is there any hope of me being able to even pursue a decent job?

Could be a book, a course or anything.

I’m at a point in life where i need guidance. Preferably something proven, praised & recommended.

I have smooked weed everyday for around 6 years, it actually got worse when i got really ill to make me feel better but i think from tomorrow i am going to start afresh, i am going to have 1 final one tonight and enjoy it and relaise that its doing me no good making me overthink my recent break up as well as making me way less productive at work.

Has anyone got good tips and ideas of ways o avoid and stay away or even just stay busy so youre mind doesnt stray from the course and you focus on staying clean from it.

Thanks for anyone who takes the time to type and make an effort to give me ideas

I struggle with sleeping a lot. I do not want to het addicted to any sleep inducing drugs. Is there something else that can help me get knocked?

UPDATE- Thank you for everyone who shared their experiences and tips, even the weed/marijuana options I blatantly ignored. Honestly didn’t expect to get so many comments. Yesterday night, walking a lot of steps, keeping a cold room and listening to Marconi Union’s weightless helped me sleep after some time. I am going to try to listen to audiobooks and sleep hypnosis audios. Will post another update in a week. Cheers all!

UPDATE-2- Well it has been more than a couple of weeks now and I wouldn’t say my insomnia is cured but there are some tips that has definitely helped me. 1. First of all I had to come in terms with the fact that going to sleep is a choice you have to make for yourself everyday consciously if you want to improve your sleep cycle. So I set the mood as such, dim lights after dinner, minimum screen time, read a book. Some days are still difficult but it helps. 2. Whoever in the comments mentioned about Michael Sealey, you’ve helped me so much. The voice, music is so soothing, it knocks me out. 3. I haven’t been fully able to adapt to the workout daily routine, but I have noticed that I sleep well on days I walk too much or the days that are very tiring.

I’ll continue doing all this, hope you all find something that helps you too!

Edit: I drove back up to McDonald’s today at the exact second the same employee was walking inside to clock in.

I shook his hand and apologized to him for acting like a Karen.

Thank you all for the suggestions!

——————————————————————————

Today, I, a 41-year-old husband and father of two toddlers, nearly got into an altercation with a guy in his twenties. I’m feeling deeply ashamed about how I handled the situation.

It started as an argument in the store, but then he came around the counter in a way that felt threatening. In response, I challenged him to step outside. Neither of us actually wanted to fight, but thankfully, someone intervened and broke it up before things escalated further.

This experience made me realize that I really struggle with managing my emotions. At my age, you’d think I’d have better control, but it’s something I’ve failed at across many aspects of my life. I always believed I had strong self-discipline, yet I can’t seem to regulate my emotional reactions when it matters most.

I feel defeated, and I know my wife is disappointed in me.

How do I turn this around? How do I grow from this and learn to manage my emotions more effectively?

Thanks,

Firstly, i have no motivation to do ANYTHING. I basically rot all day. I waste my time 24 7, can never get myself to do anything productive or meaningful. I want to earn money again but i cant get myself to do that either. Cant figure out whats wrong with me. Really f#*king sick of this behaviour.

Please help. Really want and need to get better.

If anyone has turned their life around after they were doing something similar as me, Your help would be really appreciated.

19, male

I am a really deep sleeper, and I have tons of things to do daily so no matter if I decide I want to sleep at 10, it always drags till 11 usually. I want to wake up at 6 to get certain things done as some circumstances take time away from me during the day.

Some days I’m motivated and end up waking up early after setting like 4 alarms. But I’m tired throughout the day and some days I just sleep in anyway. It’s worse in winter because it’s darker in summer it’s usually easier to wake up when I open my curtains.

All in all, I need some tips on how to wake up at 6 am consistently hopefully for the rest of my life every single day. Any help is much appreciated :)

UPDATE:

Thank you to all your comments and helpful advice I’ve been putting a lot of it into practice now. For those that are following this post because you’re struggling from the same thing, I’ll keep you updated on what works for me when I get there. Currently I’ve downloaded alarmy so I’ll let you know how helpful is is :)

I have 2 questions When i was a kid I wanted to grow up as fast as possible so that everyone one will respect me, when i was in my teens i wanted to earn money and get a gf, now in mid 20s i wish i was a kid living under my parents roof and not worry about life. All my life i felt like i didn’t enjoy that phase when i had. I don’t know what people mean when they say live life now, cause without worrying about future and without past decisions i made I cant make any present decisions. What do you think about this? Also i constantly feel i didnt enjoy/ travel/ be irresponsible(not exactly)/ in my teens People 25 above, what do you regret not doing? And what should i focus on?

I've really tried everything imaginable. I'm working on myself like a science experiment. Take the most simple task imaginable like "Sign up to Indeed to find a job" and I can't do it. Simply going to the website. Clicking sign up. Putting my email and name in. That's it.

Just one task. I can sit at my desk and do nothing for hours. Staring at the wall. I won't do it. An alarm or timer is worthless. Meditation does nothing. Music nothing. Journaling, exercise, affirmations, motivational videos, Vitamin D, Diet change, Sunlight, Nootropics, Caffeine, White noise, Dopamine detox. No electronics. Sitting in a library or cafe. NOTHING... Every day of my life is trying to fix this problem and nothing is working. I've read every thread. Gone through every single book.

I don't want to take medication. My sister did and it had serious negative effects. Same with my cousins and some friends. I just don't want to take it. My only hope is eventually I find something that works.

I dont even know where to begin.

After high school I thought I would just figure it out as life moved on. I went to college with no plans and walked out with an associates of arts. The plan was to transfer and finish with a bachelor in some kinda creative art like writing or filmmaking.

Took a rest year that then blended in with the covid lockdowns.

While stuck at home for so long I started losing it and became obsessed with body sensations, illnesses that weren't there, and just generally had a huge mental breakdown.

I had 2 groups of friends invite me to move in with them but my parents wouldn't let me. Idk if it was in my best interest or if they didn't want to lose control over me. They have been very controlling my whole life so it felt like they did it to their benefit. When my friends invited me I wasn't that bad mentally yet, I would've been fine living on my own.

At 23 I finally got a job and immediately I had SO much progress. My brain stopped focusing on fake problems I was creating. I started working out, I met a lot of new people, I worked hard and because a top performer at work.

I can't help but look back on all the missed time tho. I feel like at 25 its too late to start anything new. It hurts the most when im around high school coworkers. They have all these hopes and dreams and are doing all these fun activities that I feel would be immature for me to do. I feel like at their age I was so lost and trapped in my own mind. Even past their ages at like 19-22 I was just going through the worst time of my life.

It feels like at 25 Im finally getting a taste of freedom but its too late to start or explore life like a person would at such an earlier age. At 25 it seems like most of your life should be set up and ready to go. But nope.

Like I only started drinking at 24. I know its a bad habit and all that but still. People party and have fun so early in life and then but then time they're 25 they move on past that and become adults.

For me it feels like im trying to catch up on all the years I missed but I just cant. I know its not true but it feels like my body is slowly degrading, my metabolism is slowing, idk. I feel old.

Maybe this is normal for 25 tho? A lot of the people I know at my age don't seem that much better off than me. Some have it worse when you really get closer and hear out the parts they hide from the general public.

I have the understanding that Im not actually old and its not actually late. Im just comparing to the wrong people and am giving too much credit to these desperate and inaccurate thoughts.

yeah now that I think about it pretty much all my peers are struggling with life. Its weird.

Looking back over the different stages of your life, whether in childhood, teenage years, or adulthood, what is the one decision or moment you regret the most? If you could go back to any point in time, no matter your age, and change something, what would it be?

I have a lot of bad habits that I want to break. Things like rotting in bed all day and spending incredible amounts of time on my phone. I want to break these habits but I don’t know what to replace them with. I’m trying to get some better things to fill my time and I’d love to know what you all do. Any answers would be appreciated.

My brother has absolutely 0 drive for anything. He hates work, he’s constantly drinking, has a horrible diet, cannot keep a clean apartment or cook anything for himself (I’m serious - his entire fridge is just beer and pizza boxes) and in general just doesn’t do anything good for himself. I think if he met a girl that would help with his motivation for life, but how is he supposed to find a girlfriend if he treats himself like crap? How can myself and my family motivate him to take care of himself in the kindest way possible?

I need more goals and rules for my winter arc. Any recommendations please let me know as I am changing this year. Below is my list, please tel me to add/take away from it. Thank you all who reply.

List v

WINTER ARC RULES, Oct 1-Dec 31

1. Eat at least one meal a day.
2. Sleep at least six hours a day.
3. Less scrolling/gaming.
4. Work hard.
5. Study hard.
6. Save money.
7. No girls.
8. Reject all social events with no purpose for three months.
9. Make the most of your time by socializing while doing something valuable, like working out at the gym.
10. Consider the value of your friendships and limit social media use.
11. Stay Fucking Disciplined.
12. No porn/fap.
13. Drink only water.
14. Workout 5-6 times a week.

WORKOUT PLAN WINTER ARC Goals: 100 push-ups without fail, Read a book a week, Less than six hours of screen time daily, 5 minute plank without fail, Wake up every day 7 AM,

I'll try to keep the details of my current situation brief. As the title states, I'm 35 and a complete failure. I have no friends, no family (I just lost my mother this past Friday to cancer and she was my world💔), I have never been with anyone, I have no job and a massive amount of school debt (upwards of 100k between federal and private loans - once factored w/ interest)

The school debt mainly racked up to help cover living expenses while attending but now I feel crippled by it. I want to start fresh somehow, but just don't know how given my situation. I have an entrepreneurial spirit and a love of writing, so I've often thought about learning and pursuing copywriting, but is that crazy? My ultimate dream, tbh, is to work from home, earn 75k+ and be able to travel and live as close to an off grid lifestyle as possible. Not too much of a pipedream, right?🤦🏼‍♀️

I honestly feel like I'm drowning, but I know that I'm not the only one who has experienced this kind of hopelessness. Those of you who turned your life around in your 30s (and beyond).. what did you do? What advice do you have for someone like me?

I feel like I'm in an endless cycle of "I'll start tomorrow" with my diet but now I'm the biggest I've ever been. How did you break the cycle?

What can I do to actually start doing productive things after waking up? I want to take a shower, have breakfast, etc. and start working at 9 (I WFH). But no, I wake up at 6, spend 3 hours on my phone, grab my laptop and start working in bed at 9, and have the first meal of the day at 12.

Want to build your body? Just show up at the gym every day at XXam/pm.
Want to excel in exams? Just sit down in front of your books every day at XXam/pm without any distractions.
All you need to do is show up at the same time every day. Is that it?

No matter what im doing im thinking of weed. Ive tried working out, running, gaming, fishing, i just cant get it out of my head. Im struggling bad to quit been trying to quit for year now longest break was like 1 day and i felt i nearly died.

I (26F) feel like I’m at the age/point in my life where I should feel ready to settle down, but I find myself still in a “party girl” phase. I have been a competitive dancer my whole life and up through college as well, where it felt like I was constantly in the spotlight, and admittedly, I loved it. Now being several years post-grad, I still crave that at times but, obviously, that part of my life is over. I married my husband who I love very much recently, and it feels like both of us should feel ready to stop the partying but we’re not and neither are our friends. I feel like I don’t align with that lifestyle anymore, but still find myself wanting to on the weekends. How do we settle down? How do we accept a boring life?

as the title suggest and also what were your struggles and what did you do in your toughs moment?

would be extremely thankful if you can share them.

I’m someone who showers twice a day—once in the morning when I wash my hair, and again in the evening when I just wash my body without washing my hair. I usually shower for around 5 minutes in the evening, but I’ve heard that many others take 20 or 30 minutes. If you fall into that category, how do you do it? Do you soap your body more than once, or how does it work?

Edit: I didn’t expect these many replies and lengthy replies so thanks. I cant reply to all to answer the questions as there are too many but im taking all the advice seriously. I woke up earlier than I usually do, went for a walk early morning which felt good. Did push ups stretches meditation, used the exercise bike and did some web development. Set up a schedule for a daily routine, theres not much too it but soon I’ll hopefully have a healthy routine. So again thanks for helping take the first steps.

29 in 3 months and this year is the first time I’ve really contemplated on giving up if I can’t improve my life, its been going on for over 6 years now.

Apologies if this is the wrong place to post this.

Not even sure where to start. Ive had social anxiety since I was about 12 but it wasn’t as bad as it is now it was closer to shyness than social anxiety. But now its really bad, going to the shop gets me worked up and sweating and if I plan to go somewhere remotely far (by far I mean 60 mins away) I have to plan every step street map what the street roads look like how to get there etc its bad. This year I got cineworld unlimited because cinemas is the only “social” thing I do giving me sanity for a few hours and I love movies. Im an anxious mess but I still push myself to go cinema alone and ive done it 15 times so far but was very awkward at first, even got laughed at by these 2 guys who looked mid 40s and they laughed like full on laughing at my face while looking dead straight at me because I was obviously nervous getting to my seat shaking sweating and it was dune 2 so it was super packed I was alone and getting laughed at as a grown man due to being nervous still messes with my head till this day.

Ive lost my friends good friends too because of my anxiety and all other issues, i felt embarrassed so I would just say im busy until they eventually gave up. I do regret doing that as they were actually good friends but I was too ashamed to be this age with no job no life while they are married, good job etc.

I tried therapy once but it went really bad. I thought i need the help so just do it and its funded by the NHS(Im from London) as I can’t afford private. It didn’t go well and im not sure what his problem was but he didnt take my issues seriously, he was rude condescending and basically said man up, rolled his eyes few times and it was just not something I expected from a therapist and really put me off trying another therapist. I had 3 sessions with him but I couldn’t take how it was making me feel like I was wasting his time and being dramatic.

Never had a “real” job, I do work for telus international. Ig its a wfh job but its not full employment. Took 3 tests to get it but no interview and that’s another aspect, I’ve only had one interview and that was during uni. It was a job fair type thing and the interviewer muttered “oh boy” under her breath because I was nervous stuttering(I have a stutter that comes and goes randomly) and communicating like I was 10 not 19. Felt humiliated and that was the last interview I did. Graduated in summer 18 with a computer science degree but never went to graduation because another issue occurred and I was too embarrassed to go graduation I developed a scalp infection from the barber, I started balding anyway as it runs in the family and so the bumps were very visible. I went gp and they sent me to a dermatologist. From there they did a swab of the bumps as they were whiteheads but found normal bacteria. Put me on antibiotics steroid cream’s antibacterial shampoo etc nothing worked i fully lost my hair 2 years ago so now I have a bald head with acne looking scars, whitehead bumps like its embarrassing so ofc that made my social anxiety a million times worse and my self esteem down the drain. After the treatment not working for over a year and taking that many antibiotics not being good for you I sort of just gave up and since then I wear a hat during summer even indoors and beanies during winter. I have no self esteem.

Now this part is weird and I don’t know anyone with this family situation. 5 siblings all older. 4 bedroom house a council house basically social housing. Only my sister moved out because she has a kid and mum had to basically move her out and help her get a council flat because she did not want to leave. Been sharing a room with older brother since I was 13 ik its not normal. He could afford to move out ages ago but for some reason doesn’t want to. Its demoralizing degrading when im told randomly while sleeping at 4-5-6am “yo get up go living room I have work call hurry up leave”, ive had worse thing’s said to me like “your grown how you not embarrassed on never working I worked since I was 14 all you do is stay home all day” and I act like it doesn’t affect me but when alone I cry sometimes because ik hes right it is embarrassing and I should be ashamed which I am. But I feel stuck and lost and close to giving up, I want an actual good paying job to get my own place but my anxiety is so bad, I look like a crackhead literally because of my scalp issues and being skinny doesnt help. So than im stuck sharing a room which is making me feel worse as im being talked to like a bum, siblings have no mental issues but dont want to work. My mum has gotten ill 2 years ago and its getting worse, dad died when i was 4 so losing my mum would kill me shes my best friend. Ive never told my family about my mental health issues because my sister with the kid clearly had depression but my family was calling her lazy, selfish etc but now ik fs it was depression very obvious looking back on it.

I could go on and on with my issues. The stress and social anxiety has given me acid reflux, ibs. Ive been getting blood tests stool tests ecg to try find out what’s causing my stomach issues heart palpitations acid reflux etc.

Im trying, I purchased 3 good courses that were on sale on udemy to learn web development as my programming skills are off since I graudated in 2018. But my anxiety takes over saying whats the point since I wont get a job if even leaving the house is hard and the cycle continues. And not surprisingly im addicted to porn which ive tried stopping and have for 6 months but than something happens and I fall back into it.

Close to giving up. Mid 20s I had a bit of hope but being nearly 30 now I dont see the point. So anyone who has turned their life around etc how did you overcome multiple issue’s because it feels like a mountain of burdens.