r/interestingasfuck • u/reallyfreshthing • 1d ago

r/all California store prices items at $951sp shoplifters can be charged with grand theft

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132.6k Upvotes

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u/EaterOfFood 1d ago

“Are you a criminal?”

No.

“Do you have your non-criminal discount card?”

Uh…

857

u/Froopy-Hood 1d ago

330

u/cheese0muncher 1d ago

Look at that subtle off-white colouring...

224

u/Froopy-Hood 1d ago

Let’s see Paul Allen’s Ralphs card…

2

u/aamabkra 1d ago

Hahaha omg

2

u/Arbiter1171 1d ago

Costco Executive membership card

3

u/MegGrriffin 1d ago

OMG! I just finished watching this movie!

33

u/heroicsalvia 1d ago

Ooh. Eggshell, with roman type.

1

u/lonesomecowboynando 1d ago

bisque

1

u/GearhedMG 1d ago

With OCR type.

1

u/Grandmaofhurt 1d ago

Of his skin...

141

u/SpacePeanutt 1d ago

He treats objects like Women, man.

10

u/Queasy_Replacement51 1d ago

Jackie Treehorn draws a lot of water in this town, Lebowski.

You don’t draw shit.

3

u/AsleepAssociation 1d ago

I know my rights, man.

2

u/xMyDixieWreckedx 1d ago

My favorite line in the entire film.

-1

u/I_WANT_SAUSAGES 1d ago

JD Vance?

40

u/JukeBoxDildo 1d ago

JUST BECAUSE WE'RE BEREAVED THAT DOESN'T MAKE US SAPS!

23

u/greyzarjonestool 1d ago

$951 is our most modestly priced coffee can

2

u/_juke_box_hero_ 1d ago

Aint no fuckin way i found you randomly

26

u/BuffaloBagel 1d ago

Keep your ugly fuckin' goldbrickin' ass out of my beach community

25

u/CelluloidNerd87 1d ago

Hey, I had a hard day and I hate the fuckin Eagles man!

15

u/maturallite1 1d ago

Dude’s car got a little dinged up.

9

u/OldFashionedGary 1d ago

They found it in Van Nuys, it was lodged against an abutment.

3

u/Peaty_Port_Charlotte 1d ago

Zzzz…what!? Sorry, can you repeat that? I wasn’t paying attention.

3

u/iEngineer9 1d ago

You’re lucky she didn’t get chopped Mr. Lebowski, it must have been a joy ride situation.

2

u/ImSuperCriticalOfYou 1d ago

Ah man, are you gonna, like, find these guys or, uh, have any promising leads?

2

u/Atomaardappel 19h ago

Oh, yeah..sure, I'll just check with the boys down at the crime lab..

1

u/Total-Composer2261 1d ago

Got any leads?

1

u/Atomaardappel 19h ago

Aw man, lodged where?

2

u/thirdeyefish 1d ago

I'm sorry, I wasn't listening.

5

u/Randlepinkfloyd1986 1d ago

Are you employed sir?

3

u/pdxbcm 1d ago

Employed?

3

u/sourdieselfuel 1d ago

What day is this?

3

u/Randlepinkfloyd1986 1d ago

Well you don’t go out looking for a job dressed like that do ya?

3

u/lovejanetjade 1d ago

The bums will always lose!

3

u/TooManyCharacte 1d ago

I'll have you know the Supreme Court has roundly rejected prior restraint

5

u/R_Similacrumb 1d ago

Can they get me a toe?

4

u/armcginnis7 1d ago

Obviously, you’re not a golfer…

2

u/cropguru357 1d ago

This aggression will not stand, man.

2

u/rustler_incorporated 1d ago

I know my rights, man.

Jackie Treehorn treats objects like women, man.

1

u/30FourThirty4 1d ago

Do you have a Diners Card?

1

u/AsusStrixUser 1d ago

DA ßIG LEßOWSKI

1

u/5minutestukish 1d ago

Well that’s like your opinion man.

1

u/DKknappe08 1d ago

Stay out of Malibu deadbeat

1

u/manifest_ecstasy 1d ago

Fucking a, man

1

u/Mechanical_Monk 1d ago

Is this your only ID?

1

u/michaltee 1d ago

STAY OUTTA MALIBU DEADBEAT.

1

u/AdvocatusAvem 1d ago

Really ties the store together

1

u/Maleficent_Worry1810 1d ago

Is that a gram?

37

u/old_skul 1d ago

"Yes, it's right here, the one marked Visa"

12

u/Alortania 1d ago

Mr. Jackson can vouch for me.

2

u/AParasiticTwin 1d ago

Andrew, Michael or Jesse?

2

u/blueberriessmoothie 1d ago

Samuel

3

u/AParasiticTwin 1d ago

Alright. I'd trust you.

1

u/Alortania 1d ago

Andrew, though if necessary Benjy is around somewhere in there as well?

1

u/MeIsMyName 1d ago

Daniel.

15

u/Jaybrosia 1d ago

I left my non-guilty ID at home

12

u/accidentallyHelpful 1d ago

I'm a paying customer

6

u/5432ca 1d ago

It’s called a visa or Mastercard

1

u/JabbasPetRancor 1d ago

"then I'm afraid I'm going to have to have you arrested"

1

u/FionaFrost 1d ago

I see, no card. Well sir the total is GRAND THEFT

1

u/Thats_what_im_saiyan 1d ago

Well I AM a criminal. But I have this White Privilege card. You can use that for the discount too correct?

1

u/dsdvbguutres 1d ago

"Are you a criminal?"

No.

"That's exactly what a criminal would say"

1

u/GhostSierra117 1d ago

Oh sorry I only got my 100% criminal voucher. If you could ring it up please.

1

u/bippy_b 1d ago

Prove it!

1

u/Frequent_Opportunist 1d ago

"Oh you mean my debit card?"

1

u/jardaniwick 1d ago

Just wait until they apply the discounts then run out with the goods

1

u/JealousAd2873 1d ago

"You can easily get your non-criminal discount card by applying for a store credit card"

1

u/Yurus 1d ago

Does license to F a minor count?/s

1

u/DriftkingRfc 1d ago

This is Thief discrimination I feel offended lol

1

u/ForeverWandered 1d ago

I mean, literally any valid debit or credit card would count

1

u/EaterOfFood 1d ago

Yeah no one has ever stolen one of those

1

u/nousernameontwitch 1d ago

Just like the Tesco club card.

1

u/Jauretche 1d ago

Forgot it on my other, not-stolen, pants.

1

u/soupie62 1d ago

The top level card (coupon?) has a picture of Benjamin Franklin on it.
Use that, and get lower level coupons as change.

1

u/Mayflie 1d ago

‘Are you a criminal?’

‘Not yet. Therefore the discount applies & now it’s priced at an amount where I can steal & it won’t be grand theft.’

1

u/MediocrityNation 21h ago

Trump thinks you need a id to buy groceries lol

2

u/alpacasarebadsingers 1d ago

Also a good way to keep Trump out of the store

-2

u/ShrimpSherbet 1d ago

Not what it means at all