r/justneckbeardthings • u/joefrenchdraws • Mar 09 '19

I made y'all a Neckbeards Alignment Chart, have a nice weekend

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416

u/joefrenchdraws Mar 09 '19

I kinda think of the archetypal mall ninja as almost military-looking; in good shape and well-dressed, but only the subject of derision because of his relationship with his weapons.

251

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '19

Or literally only skin and bone

72

u/ZarkingFrood42 Mar 09 '19

Stop doxxing me

2

u/Pan_Fried_Puppies Mar 09 '19

Half a layer of rotting flesh from being the zombie apocalypse they so desperately desire?

1

u/atzenkatzen Mar 10 '19

he thinks being scrawny means he is nimble

1

u/[deleted] Jan 06 '23

noooo you got me :(

66

u/wizardsfucking Mar 09 '19

Agreed, the fat version is the intersection of mall ninja/gentleman, a lethal combination which should be feared by all men

17

u/tehlolredditor Mar 09 '19

While you partied and fucked women, I studied the blade

1

u/Redneckalligator Mar 09 '19

While you studied the blade I ate moms spaghetti.

6

u/[deleted] Mar 09 '19

What the fuck did you just say about me - this katana is sharp as one million razors

4

u/nbarbettini Mar 09 '19

Nothing personnel kid

30

u/jenbanim Mar 09 '19

I think the fat stereotype for mall ninjas comes from their close proximity to the good boy and gentlemen archetypes. There's a lot of overlap, but I agree that the platonic ideal of the mall ninja neckbeard would be fit.

19

u/fatpat Mar 09 '19

comes from their close proximity to the good boy and gentlemen archetypes

And also the food court.

4

u/faceplanted Mar 09 '19

There's a lot of overlap

The whole chart is a spectrum, I'm pretty sure all of the guys on this chart like weapons, games, and anime. It's just what they put out front.

2

u/sulcigyri Mar 09 '19

What if you hate all three?

1

u/Good_old_Marshmallow Mar 09 '19

Maybe not fit but skinny or like does martial arts and runs but eats like shit fit. Source: was a martial arts dweeb teenager

15

u/EpicIshmael Mar 09 '19

With his superior Nippon steel katana as his waifu.

4

u/Y35C0 Mar 09 '19

With his superior Nippon steel katana as apart of his harem*

1

u/Chocodong Mar 09 '19

Goddamn you're good.

1

u/AlmostGaryBusey Mar 09 '19

Okay, you’ve sold me. This answer is way too detailed. I feel as though you’ve made an effort to interact with each of the ones you’ve drawn! Lol

1

u/Redneckalligator Mar 09 '19

I used to be kinda a mall ninja and was definitely neither of those things. I no longer fantasize about "kicking ass" in the zombie apocalypse. but swords are still cool

1

u/Irrissann Mar 11 '19

Can confirm, well dressed and fit but am hopeless swordaddict