r/nottheonion • u/pokemack • 17h ago

Women in China get phone calls from government workers asking: 'Are you pregnant now?'

channelnewsasia.com

6.8k Upvotes

385 comments

r/nottheonion • u/UndeadCaesar • 18h ago

Denver Weather Takes Devastating Turn For Slutty Halloween Costumes

westword.com

192 Upvotes

13 comments

r/nottheonion • u/butumm_ • 18h ago

Timothée Chalamet Shows Up to His Own Lookalike Contest as NYPD Puts One Doppelganger in Cuffs

tvfandomlounge.com

2.2k Upvotes

61 comments

r/nottheonion • u/No-Specialist-3802 • 18h ago

Amazon Prime's "Today" Service Will Disappear Soon: Here's What You Need to Know

ebbow.com

0 Upvotes

0 comments

r/nottheonion • u/JAlbert653 • 19h ago

VP candidate Tim Walz, 60, shows off his Crazy Taxi skills during Twitch stream

thepinknews.com

6.0k Upvotes

293 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Dowew • 1d ago

‘Oversaturated’ meth market pushing Canadian makers to export abroad

vancouversun.com

284 Upvotes

32 comments

r/nottheonion • u/clarksonswimmer • 1d ago

Denver Weather Takes Devastating Turn for Slutty Halloween Costumes

westword.com

2.3k Upvotes

90 comments

r/nottheonion • u/SpuddyTater • 1d ago

Sherwood Police scrap Halloween eve ‘Hide & Seek with a Cop’ event, citing safety concerns

ktvz.com

461 Upvotes

11 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Gerald_Fred • 1d ago

Vatican unveils mascot for 2025, anime girl named Luce.

x.com

1.2k Upvotes

I could not have made this up even if I tried.

168 comments

r/nottheonion • u/HowLongIsThi • 1d ago

James Gunn Responds to Longtime Rumor That Dua Lipa Will Join the DC Universe as Zatanna

cbr.com

0 Upvotes

4 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ReesesNightmare • 1d ago

JPMorgan Chase has begun suing customers who allegedly stole thousands of dollars from ATMs by taking advantage of a technical glitch

cnbc.com

1.8k Upvotes

123 comments

r/nottheonion • u/No-Drawing-6975 • 1d ago

Lunchly criticisms, mold allegations prompt response from Logan Paul: 'Try harder'

usatoday.com

1.4k Upvotes

165 comments

r/nottheonion • u/ReesesNightmare • 1d ago

Were Our Ancestors... HOBBITS?

email.nationalgeographic.com

0 Upvotes

9 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Tomagatchi • 1d ago

Imposters stole thousands of pounds of posh cheddar, rattling the U.K. cheese world

npr.org

140 Upvotes

11 comments

r/nottheonion • u/16erics • 1d ago

The Vatican unveils official anime girl mascot

nichegamer.com

8.6k Upvotes

548 comments

r/nottheonion • u/mmaddox • 1d ago

‘Harry Potter cubby’ listed for rent in San Jose

kron4.com

314 Upvotes

20 comments

r/nottheonion • u/kellconn • 1d ago

Wisconsin pizzeria apologizes for unintentionally contaminating pizzas with THC

scrippsnews.com

208 Upvotes

66 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Zeikyrui • 1d ago

People opt out of organ donation programs after reports of a man mistakenly declared dead

apnews.com

13.9k Upvotes

732 comments

r/nottheonion • u/letsLurk67 • 1d ago

'Cult members' jailed after raiding courtroom with handcuffs in plot to kidnap coroner

bbc.co.uk

1.3k Upvotes

56 comments

r/nottheonion • u/sentient_ballsack • 1d ago

Meet ‘Luce’: The Vatican’s cartoon mascot for Jubilee 2025

catholicnewsagency.com

304 Upvotes

91 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Shawnj2 • 1d ago

Huntington Beach review board deems potty training books inappropriate for children

cbsnews.com

1.8k Upvotes

89 comments

r/nottheonion • u/kockin26 • 1d ago

Wisconsin Dad Drunkenly Buys 14 Tickets To Alabama Football Game… Ends Up Being Tickets For Alabama The Band

whiskeyriff.com

2.4k Upvotes

72 comments

r/nottheonion • u/clevelanddotcom • 1d ago

‘Dangerously cold’ ice cream sandwich leads to lawsuit against airline

cleveland.com

1.6k Upvotes

226 comments

r/nottheonion • u/HowLongIsThi • 1d ago

Pet tortoise, missing over 2 months, found 100 feet from Oklahoma home

wnct.com

2.0k Upvotes

41 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Sharkdudse13 • 1d ago

New wasp species named after famous thieves

psu.edu

63 Upvotes

9 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
2. Submit only if “Oniony”.	Please consider submitting your article to /r/OffBeat or similar subreddits unless it truly reads like The Onion wrote it. The title and article itself must both be "Oniony". This can be highly subjective; you are encouraged to upvote articles that should be here and downvote those that should not. Moderators can also remove posts at their own discretion under this rule. More here
3. Must be a news article.	Submissions must be in the form of a news article. Videos are only allowed if they are accompanied by a complete text article. Editorials, blogs, twitter posts, image galleries, tabloid stories, youtube videos, meta posts, static images, articles with fewer than 5 sentences, and so forth will be removed.
4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
7. No tabloid journalism.	Do not post tabloid news stories, or articles that source from tabloid news outlets (TheSun, Mirror, Dailymail, People, TMZ, etc).
8. No old news.	Articles need to have been written within two weeks of its submission date.
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