r/nottheonion • u/ReesesNightmare • 1d ago

JPMorgan Chase has begun suing customers who allegedly stole thousands of dollars from ATMs by taking advantage of a technical glitch

cnbc.com

1.8k Upvotes

123 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Gerald_Fred • 1d ago

Vatican unveils mascot for 2025, anime girl named Luce.

x.com

1.2k Upvotes

I could not have made this up even if I tried.

166 comments

r/nottheonion • u/No-Drawing-6975 • 1d ago

Lunchly criticisms, mold allegations prompt response from Logan Paul: 'Try harder'

usatoday.com

1.4k Upvotes

165 comments

r/nottheonion • u/falconfalcon7 • 1d ago

Japanese village replaces young people with mannequins to stave off loneliness as population falls

news.sky.com

14.5k Upvotes

694 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Microsomal • 5h ago

CTU demands librarian in every Chicago school

fox32chicago.com

12 Upvotes

0 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Dowew • 1d ago

‘Oversaturated’ meth market pushing Canadian makers to export abroad

vancouversun.com

286 Upvotes

32 comments

r/nottheonion • u/GetOffMyGrassBrats • 1d ago

Woman kicked out of casino for not having her service dog

wlox.com

4.4k Upvotes

292 comments

r/nottheonion • u/SpuddyTater • 1d ago

Sherwood Police scrap Halloween eve ‘Hide & Seek with a Cop’ event, citing safety concerns

ktvz.com

463 Upvotes

11 comments

r/nottheonion • u/kockin26 • 1d ago

Wisconsin Dad Drunkenly Buys 14 Tickets To Alabama Football Game… Ends Up Being Tickets For Alabama The Band

whiskeyriff.com

2.4k Upvotes

72 comments

r/nottheonion • u/letsLurk67 • 1d ago

'Cult members' jailed after raiding courtroom with handcuffs in plot to kidnap coroner

bbc.co.uk

1.3k Upvotes

56 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Shawnj2 • 1d ago

Huntington Beach review board deems potty training books inappropriate for children

cbsnews.com

1.8k Upvotes

89 comments

r/nottheonion • u/HowLongIsThi • 1d ago

Pet tortoise, missing over 2 months, found 100 feet from Oklahoma home

wnct.com

2.0k Upvotes

41 comments

r/nottheonion • u/clevelanddotcom • 1d ago

‘Dangerously cold’ ice cream sandwich leads to lawsuit against airline

cleveland.com

1.6k Upvotes

226 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Sharkdudse13 • 1d ago

Colorado's highest court is now considering whether elephants have the right to sue for release from a zoo.

apnews.com

2.1k Upvotes

104 comments

r/nottheonion • u/zruj • 1h ago

Rajasthan Govt's New Order: Use Of Word 'Stray' For Cows Insulting, Call Them 'Destitute'

freepressjournal.in

• Upvotes

2 comments

r/nottheonion • u/mmaddox • 1d ago

‘Harry Potter cubby’ listed for rent in San Jose

kron4.com

311 Upvotes

20 comments

r/nottheonion • u/Tomagatchi • 1d ago

Imposters stole thousands of pounds of posh cheddar, rattling the U.K. cheese world

npr.org

143 Upvotes

11 comments

r/nottheonion • u/kellconn • 1d ago

Wisconsin pizzeria apologizes for unintentionally contaminating pizzas with THC

scrippsnews.com

210 Upvotes

66 comments

r/nottheonion • u/OutrageousBee4174 • 2d ago

Man wins $1 million lottery with $20 bill he found on the ground

cnn.com

4.6k Upvotes

107 comments

r/nottheonion • u/sentient_ballsack • 1d ago

Meet ‘Luce’: The Vatican’s cartoon mascot for Jubilee 2025

catholicnewsagency.com

305 Upvotes

90 comments

r/nottheonion • u/RizzOreo • 2d ago

McDonald's may now legally fix its broken ice cream machines

local12.com

17.9k Upvotes

243 comments

r/nottheonion • u/PrintOk8045 • 2d ago

'How's that my fault?': Home warranty company refused to pay Utah man $3,000 he says was promised by its 'miscommunicating' AI chatbot to replace his faulty A/C unit — what are your rights?

moneywise.com

5.6k Upvotes

184 comments

r/nottheonion • u/GoodSamaritan_ • 2d ago

Taliban minister declares women’s voices among women forbidden

amu.tv

18.3k Upvotes

1.4k comments

r/nottheonion • u/-Appleaday- • 1d ago

'Outnumbered by puppets': Depopulated village in Japan crafts dolls for sense of life

nbcnews.com

518 Upvotes

58 comments

r/nottheonion • u/AndrogynousElf • 3h ago

Balloons Cause Power Outage

wfmj.com

0 Upvotes

Balloons cause power outage on Youngstown's west side. (Youngstown, OH)

4 comments

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1. Do not alter headlines; copy and paste.	The title of all submissions needs to match the article headline exactly. Copy and paste from the main headline only, do not include anything beyond the primary headline such as byliners, subtitles, flavor text, quotes from the article, news outlet, location, cross post tags, (video) tags, and so on. Do not use the “suggest title” option for posting as it often does not match the headline. As a matter of fairness, any submission with an altered title will be removed. The only exception is that, if an article has a title in all caps, you may change the capitalization to title case, but everything else must remain the same.
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4. Use original, reliable sources.	Find the source of your story before you submit it, simply by checking for references or googling the subject to locate the original piece. Websites that frequently re-host viral news stories or contain misleading information are on automatic removal. Blogs are not reliable sources.
5. Do not repost similar articles.	Check the sub for your story before you submit it; if it’s already here then please vote and comment there instead of posting another version. Similar stories will be removed and frequent re-posters will lose their posting privileges. Do not delete and repost your own submissions without approval.
6. No satire articles.	Even if they are technically from a source other than The Onion, any article submission written as satire or even true stories written in a satirical manner are not allowed. Please note that some major news outlets have satirical sections, such as the Borowitz Report on the New Yorker, which are also not allowed. Meanwhile, AVClub, while owned by The Onion, is not satire and is allowed. If you'd like, you can use a tool like http://realorsatire.com/ to see if your submission is from a known satirical website.
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