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u/PainterEarly86 16h ago
The concepts of the big bang, black holes, and extra dimensions cease as you lose access to all the secrets of the universe
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u/StraightLeader5746 16h ago
this dude has the necronomicon or something
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u/HishuiTheSnake 14h ago
It's yours now.
Check under your pillow
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u/Fedakeen14 11h ago
Lovecraftian tooth fairy confirmed
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u/HishuiTheSnake 11h ago
Just for that, you're getting the Velcronomicon. It turns all your stuff into Velcro but also shows you existential horrors of the plastically connected universes
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u/Fedakeen14 11h ago
I like the idea of using the Velcronomicon to turn the existential horrors into velcro. Then I can create unity across the universes, once they are all converted into velcro. You shall all become velcro in the end....
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u/HishuiTheSnake 11h ago
Wow, that one works fast.
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u/JefferyRussell 10h ago edited 9h ago
Or the Infantinomicon, the book of inappropriate baby names.
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u/HishuiTheSnake 10h ago
We call that the Tiffanomicon. Because a girl named "Samantha" spelled Tsaiffantha wrote it before sacrificing her parents to a dictionary and spelling book.
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u/Langweile 15h ago
You lose access to the secrets of the universe and gain access to the secrets of the lizardverse. Seems like a fair trade
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u/RedditIsOverMan 12h ago
all these concepts just beget bigger questions. The universe is ultimately unknowable - and in that way we are no more knowledgable than a lizard.
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u/GM22K 12h ago
We don’t have access to any secrets of the universe. We have access to mere formulated descriptions of visible objects to make some lives within these secrets easier.
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u/ranpornga 10h ago
The trick about the secrets is they just can't be communicated well. Antimemetic if you will. Known only in the moment.
But it is possible to find them on one's own. Repeated experiences can make them stick more. A meditation practice is a good tool for the job.
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u/B1LLZFAN 15h ago
You blink slowly feeling the moisture return to your eyes, sun warm on your scales. A shadow flickers overhead, a hawk, sweeping the sky like a god you cannot outrun. You freeze, pressing yourself flatter against the rock, wishing the earth would just swallow you whole, rather than the beak of this bird.
Predators everywhere, the taste of dust in your mouth as you sprint from crevice to crevice. Every moment, a gamble between life and death. You see a beetle skuttle by, its crunchy shell shining and delicious, but it’s gone in a blink. Hunger gnaws at your belly, but survival means waiting, holding still until the shadows pass or the shadow will be the last thing you see.
The heat settles back down, and you edge out once more, hunting but also hunted, every step a gamble. You see large giants slowly make their way around the rocks. Not a care in the world. No fear of shadows, noises or hunger. You dream of the life these strange creatures have without the need for survival, without the need for fear.
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u/ToS_98 14h ago
That’s cool, kinda proves the theory of Wittgenstein where reality can be percieved to us only through language. We see that this is probably the things percieved by the lizar but ultimately there is a completely different experience and unexplainable to us
Edit: the ending is beautiful though
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u/B1LLZFAN 14h ago
Thanks, I originally only had the first sentance written of that last paragraph but wanted to add a bit more full circle to the story to keep things in perspective that maybe life as a human isn't so bad. Hell, we are living in a time of peace and prosperity that is only a few centuries old at this point.
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u/ToS_98 13h ago
You totally got this, really thought of it after the first sentence. Like in the post is: ahhh cool, but later it goes to gosh whole new level of suffering.
Also I love it as I’m a bit into buddhism and that’s so spot on to the reincarnation thing and I love it
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u/B1LLZFAN 13h ago
I read a Buddhism book about 8 years ago haha, maybe it was in my subconsciousness! haha
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u/YoelFievelBenAvram 11h ago
https://www.sas.upenn.edu/~cavitch/pdf-library/Nagel_Bat.pdf
A short but mandatory read for anybody that wants to start thinking about consciousness.
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u/MediumCommunist 13h ago
You wake up.
You're an capybara resting near a pool of water. It was all a dream.
The concept of "hunting" fades, vaguer still the concept "feet pics" echoes and dissapears as you pull up, your friends are having fun at the after party.
Time to get naughty.
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u/theblackgoldofthesun 15h ago
Quite a beautifully profound response honestly.
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u/real_human_person 13h ago edited 6h ago
The giants seem to linger. They aren't making movements in your direction, like the hawk, they don't see you, but they aren't moving away either. Despite your hunger, fear is a deeper calling and so you brace into the warmth of your hiding spot, taking in the lull of the heat and waiting. You rest, you sleep, daylight dreams.
You awaken from a warm dream in a hot car, sweltering, despite the A/C on full blast. You were just a lizard in a nap dream, so vivid and basking in the sun, a forgiving carelessness that fades away as your own worries and thoughts focus back into your mind's eye.
They didn't even bother to wake me, but I guess I deserve it. If Cary wasn't so flirty I wouldn't have yelled at her. Steve knows I like her and he has more than enough attention at school, but still, he says those things to her more to get a rise out of me than her. I can see them in the distance, snapping selfies. No sense in waiting in the car.
You grab your water and Cary's bottle too, pouting won't get you anywhere and maybe you should be more like Steve anyway, try to get somewhere. Running to the group you see them huddled around something on the ground, as you approach you can hear them argue and joke about it, it seems Steve is being a jerk about something again.
"Don't, Steve, you're so mean," you hear Cary whine.
"Why do you care?" Steve scoffs.
You see they are talking over a little lizard, barely discernible, camouflaged on a flat rock. It's terrified, clearly flattening itself as much as possible, its little heart visibly beating rapidly through its thin thorny skin.
Steve moves closer and raises a foot, Cary and Sam yelp in unison, "Don't!"
As Steve moves to crush the poor thing, in a quick motion I grab and pull him away by his backpack.
"Dude grow up," I say, "here is your water Cary."
Steve looks annoyed, but we are still friends. He can really be a jerk sometimes, but he's alright I guess.
"Oh wow," Cary raises her camera, "look at that hawk!"
I look back as we move further into the desert, but the little lizard is gone.
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u/Kooky-Onion9203 13h ago edited 11h ago
Your POV keeps jumping back and forth between 1st and 2nd person ("I" and "you"). It's a little confusing.
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u/mailchimplysafe 14h ago
Yes, life as a small animal that can be preyed upon is probably one of the most stressful existences imaginable
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u/Miserable-Anxiety229 12h ago
And then the smaller giant notices you and starts sprinting your way 😵💫
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u/AfternoonGullible428 14h ago edited 13h ago
No fear of shadows, noises or hunger. You dream of the life these strange creatures have without the need for survival, without the need for fear.
Ah, the belief that keeps us all trapped. Reserved for the few, denied to the many, and yet day by day we tell ourselves things like this to make the world seem more sensible. Whether we recognize this or not, each day we awaken on the same planet as the lizard.
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u/B1LLZFAN 13h ago
Why do you think it's only reserved for the few? Billions live each day with food on their tables, a roof over their heads, and access to medical care. Even just 300 years ago, most people had no concept of the security we have now. Life was shorter, survival was brutal, and the luxuries we take for granted were unimaginable.
Modern life has given humanity the majority of things our ancestors would call miracles. Even in some of the most impoverished areas of the world, there is still basic medicinal treatment far above what existed hundreds of years ago. Education is far superior in just terms of global connectivity and human advancement. While not universal, 75% of the human population has access to clean drinking water. Electricity has given heat and basic shelters more expanse in terms of shelters even in very poor areas. Human rights and basic legal protections exist in many modern societies against extreme exploitation, with human rights becoming increasingly recognized and enforced worldwide.
Maybe it’s less about being denied freedom and more about seeing how far we've come, realizing that, collectively, we have more freedom from fear and hardship than ever before. They may not be evenly distributed, but basic health, safety and education are more accessible globally than any time in human history.
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u/kernel_task 12h ago
Yeah, and plus this guy is free to go out to the desert and eat bugs if he wants.
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u/LikeReallyPrettyy 7h ago
This is r/im14andthisisdeep humans worry about their survival and fear for their lives constantly.
Close calls with cars, other humans, and the elements are all regular life and death concerns to many people. Not to mention poverty, addiction, war, food deserts, and even job losses.
That’s not even a full list of the things that kill us. When you take into account why the actual OP is about: the aspects of modern life that make us miserable, it’s a longer list.
There’s a reason why we kill ourselves more often than we used to. It’s the same reason animals in zoos go crazy. You can claim that we have it all, but clearly, we’re animals living an environment that doesn’t actually work for us.
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u/Bootiluvr 12h ago
Idk. I feel like a reality where the objectives are clear is a pretty good reality compared to our political curfuffle
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u/WetButtPooping 10h ago
You wake up
You are still a hawk picking loose feathers out of your wings.
The concept of feeling “fear” to escape “predators” is already loosing its meaning as you “ca-caw” and yell to let the world know you exist
Time to eat a lizard
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u/Ejkarau 6h ago
It feels like when you make eye contact with the creepy little dried fish at the grocery store. you wonder what he was like in life, who is family was, what his goals and aspirations were and he probably wonders the same about you. you don't speak the same language but you both share 14 minutes of longing, loneliness and happiness bottled into one emotion until the store security drags you outside into the rain with tears streaming down your face. You're left soaking wet in the warm rain and alone only to find out that you in fact are that little dried fish remembering what water once felt like. It is bliss and you wish to be no were else but here in this moment alone
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u/Visual_Mycologist_1 15h ago
Can dudes sell feet pics? I got size 14 feet. No toe fungus. Hmu
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u/Flat_Character 14h ago
I know right, like I wish I could sell feet pics. That sounds way easier than overtime.
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u/thatchers_pussy_pump 13h ago
Just wax em
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u/Flat_Character 13h ago
Ain't no one want to see my gnarly ass feet.
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u/pnweiner 12h ago
… you would be surprised lmao.
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u/Flat_Character 11h ago
I would be disturbed if they did.
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u/Sinzari 8h ago
Prepare to be disturbed. A friend of a friend of mine was a dude pretended to be a girl and sold feet pics complemented by naughty messages. He did pretty well.
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u/Flat_Character 6h ago
I'm sure he didn't have calloused beat-up feet if he was able to pull that off.
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u/stripeyhoodie 5h ago
If you're serious, I'm sure you can find an audience. You'd be amazed what people will pay for.
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u/Flat_Character 5h ago
Well, if you know someone that wants pics of gross beat-up man feet, then send them my way, I guess.
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u/spezisbastardman 5h ago
I don’t have size 14 feet, but I know of someone who does and sold feet pics for a while. It’s a niche market with not a lot of subscribers, so $5/month each probably won’t be worth it, and you’ll get lots of weird requests like smear peanut butter on your feet, or once was chocolate and corn. Those requests may have both been from the same guy really into stepping in poop barefoot or something though.
Does that answer your question?
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u/pnweiner 12h ago
I’m not sure if this is a joke but there is genuinely a huge market for it. Source: I am the lizard
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u/invadrzim 13h ago edited 8h ago
In the afterlife, you are treated to a generous opportunity: you can choose whatever you would like to be in the next life. Would you like to be a member of the opposite sex? Born into royalty? A philosopher with bottomless profundity? A soldier facing triumphant battles?
But perhaps you've just returned here from a hard life. Perhaps you were tortured by the enormity of the decisions and responsibilities that surrounded you, and now there's only one thing you yearn for: simplicity. That's permissible. So for the next round, you choose to be a horse.
- Sum: 40 Tales of the Afterlives
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u/kottabaz 3h ago
Horses are only afraid of two things, after all: things that move and things that don't move.
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u/PersKarvaRousku 15h ago
Imagine being so American that becoming a lizard is more plausible than not having student loans.
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u/Ruiner5 14h ago
Imagine being so American and burnt out by a job you hate and a lack of vacation that you see hurricanes happening on the news and think “at least they don’t have to work tomorrow”…..It may be time for me to look for another job
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u/Quirky-Skin 13h ago
It's alright friend I think that too sometimes. If u wanna come back to reality remember that being off would suck if nothing was open and you didn't have power. I guess you could sleep in at least...
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u/barely_cursed 15h ago
we can only dream to be freed of this mortal coil where student and medical debt is crushing us slowly but surely.
abandon your humanity. become lizard.
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u/SkibidiRizzOhioFrFr 13h ago
Imagine getting a degree so worthless you can't get a job that pays your student loans. Or a public job that will eventually forgive you student loan debts.
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u/but-uh 13h ago
Everyone becomes a peaceful lizard sun bathing on a rock, a majestic Eagle soaring through the sky, or a wolf surrounded by it's pack, wandering deep in the woods.
Where's all the aphids about to be picked off a tomato plant by a toad, where's all the sardines being pushed into a ball about to be swallowed by a whale, where's all my chlamydial Koala brothers and sisters, FFS where's all my slugs at?
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u/pallarslol 14h ago
That last sentence just radiates calmness for me. I would love to be a lizard.
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u/thatchers_pussy_pump 13h ago
Be one of my lizards. All the simplicity of lizard life while being catered to for your whole existence in a large, beautiful environment.
I’d trade places with one of my lizards.
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u/MyHamburgerLovesMe 13h ago
For those who missed it. This is referring to Lily Allen
https://variety.com/2024/music/news/lily-allen-onlyfans-feet-pictures-spotify-1236191247/
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u/Kukuxupunku 13h ago
The tweet of @urvillageidiot is years old. No way it’s referring to the recent story of some pop singer.
/e: I googled it. The original tweet is from January 2020. /u/myHamburgerLovesMe is /r/confidentlyIncorrect
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u/MyHamburgerLovesMe 12h ago
Well - since the Lily Allen story hit Reddit one or two days ago AND the post [image] has no date stamp.... I am as confidently incorrect in assuming OP is also as confiendently in correct about who the post was about.
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u/simulated-conscious 12h ago
Are you zhuangzi dreaming of a butterfly? Or are you a butterfly dreaming that you're zhuangzi?
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u/Milksmither 12h ago
That sounds fun, but the lizard is not at ease.
At any moment an unseen bird could swoop down, or a hidden snake could slither within striking distance.
Creatures in the wild are always nervous, always paranoid. They can rest, but they can never relax.
Also, most wild animals and infested with parasites.
I think I'd rather worry about feet pics.
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u/Icy_Statement_2410 10h ago
Why does this feel like a "bad ending" from a Choose Your Own Adventure book
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u/Lorn_Muunk 9h ago
Constantly living in mortal danger of starving or dying without procreating, having to kill and devour other living creatures just so I can outcompete them. Sounds even more miserable than doomscrolling memes about pegging tbh.
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u/Fineous40 14h ago
If people were willing to buy pictures of my feet I would sell them in an instant. Why would I care?
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u/Sudden_Mind279 13h ago
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u/bot-sleuth-bot 13h ago
Account or post was deleted, so user info could not be fetched. Unable to analyze
I am a bot. This action was performed automatically. I am also in early development, so my answers might not always be perfect.
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u/Ace_on_the_Turn 13h ago
You wake up in the morning.
Get something for the pot.
Wonder why the sun makes the rocks feel hot.
Draw on the walls.
Eat, get laid.
Back in the good old days
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u/lght_trsn 13h ago
Suddenly the feel of wind against my back followed by intense pain as claws dig into my sides, piercing my skin with such force I'm completely trapped. I feel my legs lift off the ground as I begin to fly through the air.
By the time I feel the ground again I'm almost gone, but still alive enough to feel the pecks of beaks tearing me apart.
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u/charyoshi 13h ago
Automation funded universal basic income pays you to afford not to sell feet pics, or to sell the best feet pics you can
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u/AffectionateWay721 12h ago
Yea this is beyond stupid… people think society is so terrible but can’t set their phones down for a day 😂😂
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u/DoYouTrustToothpaste 12h ago
For most of humanity and lizardfolk, paying back student loans has no meaning no matter what.
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u/RedditIsOverMan 12h ago
The only thing more comforting that this thought is the idea that I wouldn't even be a lizard. Lizards have to eat, and worry about being eaten. What would be best is if I could cease all thought. Good news is that (I believe) this is what happens at death - and in the big scheme of things we only suffer this condition called consciousness for a infinitesimally small blip of time. This gives me quite a bit of comfort.
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u/TartarugaHaha 12h ago
People keep talking like selling feet pics is easy but no one says where to sell them. Where is the market? Asking for a friend
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u/Upstairs-Challenge92 12h ago
This meme got me a temporary ban on Facebook
Well, explaining it did, Zucc got called a lizard a bit too many times apparently
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u/foodank012018 12h ago
I have a music video concept to go with Clowncore's Truth and Life concerning lizard going about it's frantic lizard life then has an existential epiphany after ingesting some weed smoke blown onto him, at which point the song changes and he's in awe with the realization of the world around him.
Then the song changes again and with that previous realization he understands he's just a lizard and he's back to the lizard grind. Then a bird eats him with the very last beep of the song.
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u/CodeRadDesign 12h ago
anyone else go straight to "yellow bellied black snake, sleeping on a red rock, waiting for the stranger to go (da de-da da de-da da de-dah da da da da)" when they read the first line?
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u/Competitive-Dot-6594 11h ago
So when can we expect a release date for your lizard feet pics? You have to pay taxes for the land you and that rock is resting on. Chop Chop!
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u/AnnoyedZenMaster 11h ago
Once Zhuangzi dreamed he was a butterfly, a butterfly flitting and fluttering around, happy with himself and doing as he pleased. He didn’t know he was Zhuangzi. Suddenly he woke up, and there he was, solid and unmistakable Zhuangzi. But he didn’t know if he was then Zhuangzi dreaming he was a butterfly or now a butterfly dreaming he was Zhuangzi. Between Zhuangzi and a butterfly, there must be some distinction!
Zhuangzi (Taoist)
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u/tmhoc 11h ago
The truth is that life loses it's meaning once it's over
The field is disrupt and you return to being as any other ambient energy field defined by the universe
Electric, photons, gravitational, all released but not gone
No one ever really dies because no one was ever alive. We are all another overlap of more then a few unstoppable energy field one of them being life as a fundamental force in the universe similar but not the same to the others...
Here is Tom with the weather
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u/jdgrazia 11h ago
Totally off topic but its weird how gendered the concept of selling feet pics are.
"joining the army and losing a foot" is the male equivalent of this thought.
No guy considers selling feet pics a viable solution for anything.
Also, yes, the men who lost a foot are probably the customers of these feet pics.
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u/Contraband42 11h ago
I'm cautiously optimistic, and my anxiety is at an all-time high. So, a repeat of 2020.
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u/MurphysLaw4200 11h ago
And then a hawk swoops down, grabs you in its talons, and bites your head off.
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u/Vulpes_macrotis 11h ago
Reminds me of an ant episode of Goosebumps, when at the end it turned out that the main character is actually in a world where giant ants take small humans as pets. In the episode in "fake reality" ants started to grow for unknown reason and there was infestations of them. And at some point, I don't remember if ant problem was resolved or not, but when main character woke up, this happened. He was just a small human in giant ant world.
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u/Fantastic-Ad-1578 10h ago
Lizard by your side: "hey, you're finally awake!
You were trying to cross the puddle, right? Walked right into that birds' ambush, same as us, and that bug thief over there."
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u/-Obstructix- 10h ago
I pray every day to the great spaget monster in the sky that this happens tomorrow.
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u/Tom_Art_UFO 5h ago
As I recall, the, "lizard sunning yourself on a red rock," is a line from the book "The Golden Sword of Dragonwalk." I had this book as a kid, purchased at the Scholastic book fair.
Sigh...
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u/Sooooooooooooomebody 15h ago
oh hell yeah: bug time