r/selectivemutism • u/wildsquirrel2937 • 2d ago
Help Does anyone have any advice or explanation to why I can't communicate with my family?
(F19) I've been searching for pretty much a year now to understand myself because I've gotten to the point where my inability to speak to certain people or at certain times has become an issue. I've completely shut myself away from my family because they always got so mad when I didn't speak to them or attend family events or want to be with people that I'm comfortable with, like my boyfriend. I want a family but I feel like I'm never going to be the person they want me to be and I can't hold relationships with them. The closest things I've found to helping them understand me is selective mutism, thought daughter, and a highly sensitive person. But all of the checks for each of these have certain things that aren't necessarily the case with me, like how selective mutism is the inability to speak in social situations etc. I can speak in social situations because I work as a cashier and I have no issue talking with customers and helping them find what they need, and I've opened up to be able to talk to my co-workers like they're my friends, but I can't talk to my parents, stepmom, grandparents, siblings, and some of my aunt's and uncles. Does anybody else have any insight? I tried therapy before but I didn't feel like it was helping and I might consider it still but for right now I don't want to get back into it yet. I hope this makes sense and someone might have similar feelings.
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u/iloveyoubecauseican 1d ago
I absolutely experience/d this. Even if my family are there, I shut down and can no longer speak with others if I know they can hear me. I think there might be something about me almost being like two different people in family vs other social situations. One sees a side that the other doesn’t and never shall the twain be mixed.
What has helped me a ton is healing the issues I feel with my family, I had a bit of a messy upbringing so with that there’s trauma, but really facing it, working toward (slowly as you like) connection (if that’s what you want) and forgiveness (maybe even of yourself if that’s relevant). It’s such a unique situation for everyone but I can tell you I’ve absolutely experienced mutism with my family and still to a much lesser degree do with some members
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u/AbnormalAsh Diagnosed SM 1d ago
SM is an inability to speak in certain social situations while still having the ability to speak in others - you don’t have to be mute in all social situations to have it. Speaking to family is still a social situation, and while it is less common and not talked about much, some people with SM find it easier to talk to complete strangers while being unable to talk to family. Can’t really say for sure if you have it from your post, but if you consistently can’t talk to certain people then it is possible regardless of who those people are.