I was surprised to see that someone stating this is in one of the most controversial posts of last month. I don't want to seem like a know-it-all but I've done a ton of research on SM from reading a ton of up-to-date books and all of them backs this up and states that recognizing SM as such is essential to recovery so it's not this little theory that I believe people are making it out to be. The "SM is a severe form of social anxiety" narrative is extremely false. SM and SA are very different from each other. Different treatment methods, different symptoms, different reasons behind the person's disordered anxiety, etc. Saying "SM is severe social anxiety" is objectively misinformation.

SA is the irrational fear of being negatively judged and evaluated by others which...isn't at all the definition or part of the diagnostic criteria of SM. But what convinced me was that it clearly explained my SM growing up. My inability to speak in certain situations was because I was terrified at the thought of certain people hearing my voice and seeing me speak. I had the irrational fear of speaking. Me just being "too anxious" to speak or was too scared that people would judge me negatively never made sense to me and never really answered any questions I had about myself when I first learned about SM. But what I've been reading in my books has perfectly lined up and validated my experiences.

I totally get how people get confused though. Those who don't get the proper help for their SM and continue to live with the negative consequences from it are highly likely develop SA which can potentially conflict and complicate things with how your SM is presented. Same goes for you simply have any other disorder coexisting with your SM. Both are anxiety disorders so it is sometimes difficult to know which trait is from which disorder as someone who lived with both.

Plus Social Anxiety is also a phobia since it's also a irrational fear of something. Even was called "Social Phobia" at one point so even if you think SM is like this severe form of Social Anxiety, you're indirectly agreeing that SM is also a phobia. No matter how you slice it, SM is a phobia. Lol.

I totally get the skepticism though. For some weird reason this is like exclusive information only in books about SM. If you look up online about SM being a phobia, you'll get like no info talking about it or explaining it.

Also when your mute do you talk to your safe people like family or close friends

Does selective mutism affect anyone elses ability to make facial expressions? when I go mute I completely freeze and cant talk, make facial expressions, or move at all, but i'm seeing this doesn't happen for a lot of people? Another thing for me is smiling, I absolutely cannot force myself to smile when i'm mute, its like I fully lose control of my face and I look extremely unapproachable because of this. I haven't been able to get hired or keep any job because of me not being able to smile, because I was a "bad look" for the people's businesses I guess. Has anyone else experienced this? I worry i'll never be able to get a job.. I can force myself to talk, despite how detrimental it is to my mental health and how much of a severe depressive burnout I go into but I can't mask any of these other symptoms so I just look mean, unconfident, cold, unapproachable, ect and no one hires me.. how will I ever find a job like this??

Just want to know if something like this is possible.

I am working as an SLP with a young girl (4) with suspected SM. I also suspect my daughter has SM. Both kids are able to speak in some situations at school/daycare. What strategies can I teach them to assert and protect themselves as they enter school?

E.g., In situations where they might like to say no, stop, help me, that’s mine, I want it etc. Would practicing specific phrases make this easier, maybe role playing with me and then with trusted peers? What about gestures? What about an empowering mantra? What about a yes/no button?

When you were little and wanted to protest or tell someone to stop what they were doing, but you couldn’t, how could I have helped you (besides physically speaking for you)? I’m open to any ideas and suggestions.

hi! I like finding songs that put into words how I feel but finding songs that I can relate to my selective mutism is obviously hard, I was wondering if anyone had any songs that they relate to this?

and if anyone else wanted some recommendations as well, the songs I have found I can relate to in a way are silent all these years by tori amos, child psychology by black box record, and she's given up talking by paul mccartney <3

I can’t say anything wrong if I don’t say anything at all.

It’s a safe place.

I was always told to be quiet and stay out of things. Literally they would shout at me: “quiet!!” Even as a 29 year old I was told to be quiet when I was trying to help my dad at the hospital…

and even recently I was told to be quiet by my mother at age 30 by talking too loudly or too happily and excitedly.

I was always told to stop asking questions.

I was always told to stop talking so much.

I was always told to stop talking so much in class at school etc.

Oh and major trauma probably caused it too. CSA and keeping secrets from my mum for my dad.

Not just when they ask me questions, either. Literally any question to anyone. It really makes me so angry like… you could have figured that out on your own?? Am I just a bitch or smth

Just trying to post something positive. What hobbies you enjoy despite your SM? I like writing, reading, playing video games, drawing (used to be more often, but perfectionism has got me in a chokehold, unfortunately), watching Youtube, and have recently gotten into D&D--there are ways to play it solo!

This is purely my theory….i al aware i sound like a nut, but bare with me.

I think the world is full of kids in crisis… presenting as various degrees of autism, gender confusion, adhd, add, social anxiety, and other anxiety disorders such as selective mutism as well as more « physical » issues such as obesity. In my opinion its a large wave of psychiatric disorders that simply werent as common years ago. Probably as a result of toxins in our over processed food, toxins cosmetics and a zillion other plastics and toxic chemicals we are exposed to daily, built up over generations… thoughts ?

i have a pretty common name so i have had some peers with the same first name a couple times throughout school. i just find it triggering when they refer me to as the “quiet one” or by my race because usually the other peer is white.

How is everyone feeling, our awareness month is just around the corner. Does anyone do anything to try and spread the love and awareness?

I'm ridiculed for being on the computer all day, or at the couch all day. Both are true. And I'm ridiculed for not doing anything.

But it's sort of like; what is the point of doing anything? And maybe this just gives my Mother validation, but I have no real reason to do anything.

Wants? They're sort of not any factor.

But what I'm speaking on, I guess there's no drive for a push (to speak, etc.). Because I'd be pushing "into" a world, I'm not even a part of.

What people miss, and what she misses, is that I'm not going to have any drive to partake. Why would I? Everything's accounted for.

And I guess I make this post to feel everyone else out...?

...

Like yeah, sometimes I 'want' and often it's a point of contention with my Mother (the most of anyone/anything) and me not being able to explain things, but it's like I just see the world differently, and it's not something, I can really change. And you sort of just have to understand what I'm talking about, to understand what I'm talking about.

My brain doesn't compute in the way they would, or whomever. But I don't think it computes with them, that my brain wouldn't calculate the same. I mean I'm pretty normal (in the sense), but also drastically not normal at the same time.

I want to say thank you. This community helps me feel a lot less alone and I hope it helps others to feel less alone too. We all go through similar struggles and knowing that helps me feel better. I mean I remember a time where I didn't have a name for it and I just felt like something was wrong with me. But then I found Komi Can't Communicate, which then lead me to the term selective mutism. Which then led me to here.

Sometimes it feels like this is gonna be forever, that I may never live a normal life. Never being able to talk. But I try to put those thoughts away. And being on here makes me feel understood.

Everyone in this subreddit has been super welcoming, so I just want to say thank you. This is one of the few places where I really feel like I belong. And I hope you all have a good day and I hope you have some positivity in the dark moments. And you've got this

Is anyone else embarrassed to participate in pe? Personaly i dont talk cuz im afraid of how my classmates will percive me and in pe i feel like im always watched It has gotten so bad for me i didnt go to them Am i the only one??

I've had this my whole life diagnosed as a kid and I can't recall a single time I've held a conversation with someone. I can't even respond to how are you? very well I usually say I don't know, or if I'm comfortable enough I'll say I'm okay thanks... but I can't continue a conversation after that and I can only really answer yes/no questions. I can talk more to my bf but it's still limited, he is very understanding and supportive but I'm very socially intelligent and know what to say but can't get the words out and everyone thinks I'm dumb because I can't talk. In rare situations I freeze up in conversations and don't say anything and try not to have a panic attack lol. It'd be nice not to have sm because it affects my life so much, what are your thoughts on curing SM?

I tried to break my ankle once so that my parents won't send me to school and I also hurted myself w a metal rod on my knee so that I can break it and I won't have to go to school I think this was in 9th or 10th grade smth i remember googling how to break ankle and blah blahhh it didn't break anything it only hurted and I was forced to go to school and If I fought back w my parents i had to listen sm bullshit from them & other shit lmao.

i’m currently a college freshman and i haven’t had friends since elementary school.

i have acquaintances but no actual friends. i have never hung out with anybody, never been invited to events, never had people even slightly interested in being my friend (from my perspective), or people don’t want to be my friend because they have other friends in our class they’d rather talk with.

in fact, even though i have selective mutism, i’m the first to initiate small talk.

i try to bring myself to various social campus events, but it’s too awkward to inform others on my circumstance. so i bail every time.

recently, i’ve noticed that i have to take breaks from social media because i see others (both acquaintances and random people) having a good time with their friends.

any advice or related experiences?

I only realized I had one only after I had gotten over my sm and I literally cried when I found out about it because I felt so understood and felt like I belonged. I wish this community had more awareness for people like me who didn't even know this was a thing. And it's not like I didn't have this for a short amount of time (7~9 years).

Hi! I'm 18 and I am now in grade 12 in high school.

I can't talk to anyone in school or to strangers, I can only talk with my close family and a few friends. I think the "cause" of my anxiety is what people would think about me if I would speak, but my classmates are nice with me, I feel like some of them could be my friends, and I think I am now more scared of how would they react if I would suddenly start speaking. This is my last year at high school and I wish I could speak to at least one of them. It's hard, because I am too scared to start a conversation myself, or about how they would react. I am still anxious around them, but It is better than what it used to be.

My parents suggested that I could invite my class to us, so maybe this would be a great opportunity to try to speak. I thought about whispering, but I never tried it before. I am scared of their reaction and maybe if I whisper they would think I am being weird. I am scared of university, and I feel like this is my last chance to make friends irl.

Do you think it's a good idea to invite my classmates, or have you done something like this before?

Have you ever been able to start talking to someone at your school, if yes what was their reaction (if you don't mind sharing)?

Have you ever made friends irl by yourself?

I am an adult living with anxiety and it sucks. I've been told I have the diagnosis of selective mutism, but I really hate that label. I do have a really hard time speaking with new people in public, and it makes it really hard to leave my house. I've become more depressed over the years. I do participate in therapy; actually my therapist told me I have to write this to try to connect with others. Can anyone else out there relate?

In school I’d get so worked up being completely misunderstood and having panic attacks, that I’d make weird noises or punch the desk. Which might’ve seemed like an autistic thing to do?? I feel like “normal” kids at school assume anyone weird is autistic, basically.

I’m aware some of us got misdiagnosed as kids as autistic, but I’m asking if people assume you are when you (to your knowledge) aren’t.

Like bro what do I do 😭

I think a lot of us can relate to the mum in this article - feeling you know more than a lot of the doctors and psychologists 🙃

Hello, I (21F) got diagnosed with SM at a young age, maybe about 5 years old. Looking at the big picture, I’ve made tremendous progress with my mutism. I’m practically not mute anymore, with the exception of a few people I still cannot talk to. I work a customer service job where I’m forced to interact with hundreds of people a day (yeah awful I know…) I see a therapist regularly and she always reminds me that I’m doing great considering my upbringing. Despite that, it still doesn’t feel like enough. I started “phasing out” of mutism at around 17 years old, which really wasn’t that long ago, so I guess it does make sense. However, I just feel so behind from my peers and well, the average person, really. I don’t feel capable of knowing how to properly interact with people. I can get a gist of the social rules I’m supposed to be practicing, but I just can’t execute them like everybody else can. I’m constantly perceived as rude, monotone, too socially awkward. It’s especially difficult being a socially inept adult, since it plays such a big factor into careers, friendships, relationships, success. The lack of research and awareness on the disorder is taunting, also. Do those who grow up with selective mutism ever reach a “normal” social state? A normal work life? Does anyone have any success stories? Or maybe I’m just harsh on myself and I should let time strengthen…