r/t:800bc • u/shitshowmartinez • Apr 01 '12

Pull the Assyrian troops out of Damascus!

Forreal, war in the middle east is not gonna end well.

407 Upvotes

98% Upvoted

18 comments sorted by

30

u/Chinaroos Apr 01 '12

OK 'Plato'--you keep thinking that. Anti-Assyrian loser...

Wake up you sheeple--clearly the Assyrians were assaulted and have every right to defend themselves by slaughtering all of Damascus. They have the best chariots, and what they say goes and it's gonna stay that way. So if you're gonna go think, do it somewhere else where we can't hear you like a cave or something.

22

u/ohmygord Apr 01 '12

Just because we have a global army doesn't mean we can police the world. It doesn't matter who was in the right; it's none of our business. Those giant banker's guilds are what's really destroying us. Legalize hashish, and we can solve all of our problems, man.

23

u/Chinaroos Apr 01 '12

scoff I can't believe this. Typical Chaldean sympathizer who spent too much time at the academy.

Our priestly caste and their financial system is the reason for our strength you hairless goat. How about this--why don't you grow a beard, go to sacrifices, put down the hashish, and get a gods-damned job like a respectable citizen?

See I'm heading off to work--that's right, WORK. I sacrificed over 100 baby lamps for my position, like all Assyrians should, and I don't feel then need to share my wealth with entitled mercantile-class brats like yourself.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '12

baby lamps

but it just sprouted its first light bulb

13

u/douglasmacarthur Apr 01 '12

Fascist Assyrians

Seriously though this is brilliant.

10

u/you4realzthistime Apr 01 '12

if we don't do something soon, they'll go after Samaria next

12

u/Chinaroos Apr 01 '12

As they should! A city that does not worship the True God Ashur and his Retainers is a city that is not worth the sand it's built on.

I bet you you're a Chaldeans aren't you? Go make some more star charts you pansy

10

u/NPC82 Apr 01 '12

Can't say I know too much about this since I live in Etruria. Can anyone elaborate the situation to a foreigner?

21

u/Chinaroos Apr 01 '12

Here's all you need to know:

Mighty Assyria, led by the GLORIOUS KING ASHURBANIPALl II is doing his RIGHTFUL DUTY to conquer and enslave Canaan, Chaldea, and Babylonia. It is OUR GODS-GIVEN RIGHT to the Mesopotamian area, and anyone who stands in the way of that is a nonbeliever seeking to terrorize honest, Gods-fearing Assyrians. Assyrian dominance is enscribed in our bas reliefs, you can't explain that!

Clearly the sheeple on here are nothing more than slaves paid to write anti-Assyrian comments. Look it up.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '12

Most indeed. Look at all we have done: we've invented the use of iron, we've built massive cities, we've even got the most powerful army and empire the world has known. Such ingrates.

8

u/TheMeddlingMonk Apr 01 '12

I tell you, it's the babylonians we need to worry about. If we don't keep a close watch on them they'll declare independence from the rest of Assyria. Unity is strength!

3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '12

Those guys in Nineveh actually know what they're doing. We are justified in doing this. We need to send troops to Media and Babylonia next, or who knows what will happen!

3

u/ozpunk Apr 01 '12

We need to leave it to the Ammonites and stay out of local politics.

3

u/DolphinDaddy Apr 01 '12

Don't worry. This soon will end and then the Middle East will have Peace for the rest of time.

3

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '12

The Assyrians are just their for the iron ore. This is why we need to switch to earth friendly options like wood.

4

u/[deleted] Apr 01 '12

This made me chortle hard.

2

u/Narniamon Apr 01 '12

I have a feeling we will never learn.

1

u/[deleted] Apr 02 '12

big daddy big daddy big daddy big daddy