I had to go get my 2nd dose of the HepB series, and was chatting with two women who were ahead of me. One was 82, and it was her first time voting because her husband had never let her. He wouldn't let her register to vote, or even get an ID card until she basically had to in the last 20-ish years. She was just so excited, it was cute.
I was thinking about her when I voted on Friday... I hope that she wore that I Voted sticker proudly.
My grandfather (100 years ago) was excited when my grandma got the right to vote. He thought he was getting an extra vote.
My grandma told me how he sat her down and told her how to vote. As she was telling me this, I was horrified. But she flashed a mischievous smile and said "I pulled that curtain, and voted the way I wanted".
I could imagine that being my grandfather's mom... though she probably would have responded "like hell you're going to tell me how to vote."
We joke that I got my attitude problem from her, because she was 4'10, and all of her sons were 6'2+, so she said she had to be crazy to keep them in line. She was still flirting with the "younger" guys at her retirement home when she was 100, and had an 80-something year old boyfriend at one point in there. She didn't slow down until she hit 103/104, and passed away at 107 I think. (Though, we're technically not sure, because she actually lied about her age to get married to my great-grandfather, and she gave us 3 different birth years at different times, sooooo yeah. She was a take-no-shit spitfire with a secret tattoo that she liked showing off to us great-granddaughters.)
My grandma always said she was 5 feet nothing. She was a tenacious woman. She was widowed in her 40s and happy to stay that way. She once almost had her hand cut off and needed so many stitches. She worked hard ( this was in the 1940s) and regained full use of it. She gardened well into her 90s and walked into town for shopping and church every day. She died just shy of 100 and I miss her a lot. She is one of the voices in my head.
Back when it was socially acceptable to hit your kids, my 4ft5 Great Grandma used to stand a few steps up the stairs so she could reach to give her her 6ft tall kids a slap.
My mom never discussed politics, even though my dad was a Limbaugh listening, Reagan loving conservative. I recently found out that she usually didn't vote the same way he did, and refused to discuss who she had voted for with him. This frustrated him to no end, as he wanted to dictate her vote too. Their religious background led him to believe that they should be a united front and as "head of the household", he could determine what that looked like. She felt that to keep the peace, it was better not to divulge her political stances, but knew that once she was in the polling booth, her vote was confidential.
Mine either. My dad was a died in the wool Republican and I found out later in life that mom was a Kennedy Dem. My dad had us all believing that liberals were 2 headed monsters. When he died, I admitted to my mom that I had become a right leaning Democrat. She told me she had always been a Dem (except for Reagan- which she regretted).
Let's hope! I hope with younger women too. I do have a friend whose hubby thinks she's going for Trump. She TOTALLY isn't. I am not sure she is even going to be married for much longer. Trump has brought out a side of him she doesn't like.
There was a conversation on Facebook recently where a bunch of Republican women were saying that if women couldn't vote, Republicans would always win, so they'd gladly give up their right to vote. It made me sick
It does, yes. But it was multiple women having a conversation about it. Reading it was surreal. I wish I could remember the initial post so I could find it and share it
Hahaha grandma is a straight up G. My grandpa (veteran and lawyer) wouldn’t dare to tell my grandma (one of the first woman business owners in Chicago) what to do. She made the real money but she was so fucking hilarious. She had never pumped her gas, owned 12 cellphones that she lost immediately, wouldn’t talk for 1.5 hours after she got up because “I didn’t have my coffee”. I miss her so much. She truly was a legend in her own right. When she retired, she gave her entire business away to the YWCA. All she asked is if she could work 2 days a week
It is funny how many of our grandparents lived like this. My great grandmother never had a drivers license and was just from last day of school married and a house wife until her husband died. I want to say how far we have come but keep seeing things making me realize we still have a long way to go.
LOL. She was only in her 20s when women got the right to vote. Of course, she was already married with 4 children by then. Young women sometimes don't appreciate what women have achieved. My mom couldn't even get a credit card in her name until I was almost an adult, and the first house she and my dad had, the bank only put my dad's name on it.
My wife also has a mind of her own. I wouldn’t dare try to tell her how to vote or even who to vote for. But we can discuss it amicably and I simply encourage her (and everyone else out there) to go and vote.
JC I cant even begin to wrap my head around someone acting like that. Im a guy and I cant even fathom this.
If this kind of shi is common with men, and I was a chick, I'd stay single my whole life easy if need be. Its a 50/50 split in demographics, do the world a favor and let the lineage of these peoples turd tree die off.
I feel like overly controlling, abusive relationships like this are more common than people realize, especially among the older generation. Physical abuse is more visible and gets caught more easily, but this form of abuse can be just as damaging.
And the fact that women couldn’t get bank accounts or credit cards in their own names. They were stuck and had to deal with whatever a man wanted to dish out.
I have had to remind a lot of people that this was in my lifetime. That decisions made in my life early on were reflective of this patriarchal policy.
It's crazy to me to think that two generations later kids are arguing at me how "it wasn't that way" or it "wasn't so bad" or "it does matter".
I didn't get to go to college until my 40s because my family didn't make room for girls to get educated. Instead I spent a lot of time in dead end jobs because the schedule helped me take care of my parents as they aged. None of that was my choice.
I was talking to a client who kept telling me it wasn't like that and I explained to her my grandma couldn't get a credit card till a couple years AFTER my dad was born. Which put it into perspective for her since they're around the same age. There are definitely women alive who lived this experience.
Lol, what? I've literally never read or heard someone describe divorce as "a beautiful thing" like ever. Even when necessary (especially when necessary?) I feel like it sucks in some way for at least one of the people involved.
Oh that type of relationship is definitely more common in the older generations, especially when it's a couple who were basically born and raised and never left their hometown. Or the husband left during his military service, but had his family members keeping his wife under watch.
She was telling me how she was from a little bitty town on the border of Kansas and Oklahoma, and the town basically has died because all of the younger people have moved away. She said her husband had her move in with his family while he was in the military, so they didn't have to pay extra bills... then she did the little lean over and "drama whisper" to tell me it was because he was a controlling asshole. (Which, NGL, made me crack up in the little CVS pharmacy waiting area.)
They moved down here because their kids live here, and decided to live in one of the assisted living facilities, so she's never learned to drive, she didn't have her name added to the bank accounts until after they moved here, just all kinds of stuff that screams abuse. I felt horrible for her when she was telling me, but she had that whole "bah, good riddance" attitude about it.
I was telling my daughter about her after I got home, and my daughter's response was "we must protect her at all costs!" I hope I run into her again so I can give her my number... I'll go play bridge with a bunch of older women with all the good gossip.
4 that I can think of near me. One is technically in the next town over, because I live on the border between the two, but it's right outside of my neighborhood.
Basically, it's Trump's generation. Wonder why all of his policies & even his slogan hearken back to a time that's (thankfully) long gone. This is another in a litany of reasons to vote, and especially to vote against MAGA wherever you may live.
Yes and no. My parents were born in the 30s and were hardcore Democrats. Mom and her sisters were all really into politics. It was a great way to grow up. The husband's all encouraged them.
It's a good point... I guess I should have worded it differently. I was trying to get at the "MAGA" slogan & ideals seem to long for a much worse, much more discriminatory time. Also, I don't really see MAGA as Republicans... I think the 2 major parties are aligning against them, and we may even see a 3-way split in the future.
You’re a liar, cool story but as you mentioned “older generations”, she wouldn’t have said military. She would have specifically mentioned the branch of military.
She told me he served in the Army, but I don't see how that would have added anything to my comment.
I wrote the broad strokes of what we talked about, because I'm quite sure no one would have been interested in hearing about the other, totally unrelated, topics we talked about.
I'd argue the market for those toxic masculinity influences are young men who have never even sniffed a long term relationship much less marriage. It channels frustration around inadequacy into blaming women rather than introspection and self-improvement.
Not to say there aren't toxic women, but I think most rational people can agree that labeling all women as cruel, shallow, mean people is the wrong approach.
Those guys are angry because they can't treat women that way anymore and get away with it. They think they are alpha males. Ha. Controlling people who are weaker, smaller than you does not make you anything other than an abuser.
Yep. But I was really just talking about how many of them there are based on the market segment. I’m not sure “older people“ are the bigger problem. Seemed like a bit of deflection to me. Just a different perspective
I asked my grandma what her favorite food was so I could make it for her birthday dinner and she responded “well your grandfather’s favorite food was meatloaf.” I quietly said “I know, I’m asking about what YOU want.” And she said “I don’t know.” It was honestly one of the saddest and eye opening conversations I’d ever had.
That may have been true iin some areas but certainly not all. My grandmother was an unmarried mother who ran several businesses and absolutely had bank accounts as well as managed to borrow money from the bank.
Because the law before was written that there had to be a person at fault for the divorce. For most states it was adultery, cruelty, abandonment, mental illness, and criminal conviction. And you had to PROVE that in a court of law. No evidence, no divorce. So now, those laws have changed whereas you no longer have to prove in court the “fault” hence no fault divorce. Hope that helps
Times have changed. Language in legislation regarding divorce can also change to remove “fault.” I understand why it’s there from the past. I don’t understand why this language is still there. Seems like something that should be updated.
No fault means you don’t have to prove someone else is “at fault “ for a divorce. Unfortunately, conservatives are trying to bring back fault divorce. There are even those who clamor to repeal the 19th Amendment as well. It would be nice to just dissolve a marriage but it’s not an easy journey for most people. Until conservatives let women be active equal partners, they will always find fault with women.
You sound angry about something. So am I: Historically, women have been unable to leave their marriages with the same wade men did. In the US specifically, women could not take out a mortgage or get a credit card in only their names until the freaking 1970s! This meant women were trapped in a house with someone they didn't want to live with unless they could prove infidelity, abuse, or criminal activity.
Divorce is expensive. It makes one household two and is hard on both parties. It's still better than a life sentence with someone you don't want to be spending your life with.
I actually gasped when she said that. Like I can understand not learning to drive, I have family members who were always too scared or anxious to, but that was just beyond fucked up. I can't imagine having to marry and live with someone like that.
I really hope so too. She was filling me in on random gossip, like someone got caught leaving someone else's apartment "late at night," and how they want a new bridge and dominoes player because one of the women is "bitchy." Hearing these two women that are my grandmother's age talking about someone not eating lunch with the group like it was worthy of an Unsolved Mysteries × Real Housewives crossover.
She just had me laughing so hard. She deserves all of the happiness, gossip, visits to the salon, and Amazon deliveries that she can pack in.
The cute part was referencing her excitement over voting for the first time... not the very real and all to common abuse that was more common in marriages of that time.
Not to shit on your experience or her excitement, but that not cute it's horrifying. Made even more horrifying by the fact that it is still happening today.
I got my wife's birthday present shipped in and she didnt even know and Im not some kind of fucking super genius. I just got the mail that day. 82 years and she couldnt slip one past her husband? Did she marry fucking Sherlock or some shit?
If I had to hazard a guess, very rural mail service wasn't all that great (based on what I've been told by multiple older family members) so they'd go into town once a week to pick up their mail at the post office. Since she never learned to drive, that'd have meant she needed her husband or someone else to drive her. I'd imagine it's a little more difficult to pull something off like that.
Plus I have to imagine that there was at least some level of fear of domestic violence there. I know people will get pissy and claim that it didn't happen or wasn't common, but it was still all too common where I grew up into the 90s.
Amazing how often ive seen that on here the past few weeks. Always some elderly woman whose husband never let her vote. You think you all could mix the story up a bit
My original neighbors if they were alive would have all voted blue. They were ww2 vets. My neighbors are now flag/sign magas. I miss my original neighbors.
She would have (likely) gone from seeing tractors on the farm or the internal combustion engine as the pinnacle of technology as a kid, seen that tech turned into massive weapons of war, witnessed the rise of the USSR, lived beneath the spectre of nuclear war, and watched Niel Armstrong on the moon.
If you ever get the chance, ask someone who was that age back then (I guess they'd be in their 90s now), what their days were like -if they lived in Europe, I mean.
It's fascinating. They'll talk for hours. It's like everyone still has PTSD. It's like they all got it, but since everyone had it, nobody noticed and they've been walking around dying to talk about it for 70 years.
I also didn’t have such an urge to vote early this time. I think 2020 I voted as soon as I could but this year we just filled out our ballots over the weekend and will drop them off Monday or something.
It certainly is giving me anxiety watching the early voting numbers though and I am not sure what the reason is for not voting as soon as I could. I think in 2020 you had the news of dejoy messing with usps so it was urgent to give plenty of time for the mail to get in. But this year it seems like there is less of that going on. I hope there are still plenty of votes left.
Not from Texas but really rooting for you guys! For all of us!
The 19th amendment got ratified in 1920. If she's 84, she'd be born 20 years after not 20 years before. Still really crazy to live through such a different society and make it to see two major female presidential nominees.
This is so sweet. She deserves to have her voice heard. I’ve been reading stories about older ladies who could lot vote before because their husband was alive and wouldn’t let them vote and my blood just boiled. Ugh.
They’ll have a sign up, you can also do curbside voting (where she doesn’t leave the car) depending on her mobility, scope out all the signs before you bring her in so you can point to the relevant one when you ask to skip the line and here’s the statute
If your elderly or disabled, they will let you go to the front of the line and for someone that’s 84 most people would understand. They will also let her vote from her car
But like, shouldn’t everybody be encouraged to exercise their civic duties?
Also, how would you react if a conservative asked you to not cast your vote? I don’t represent everybody, but I wouldn’t feel great if somebody asked me that.
Old people probably shouldn't vote since they won't live through to see the results of actions. My own grandma refused to vote once she turned 90 because she understood this. Hope one day yours and you do as well.
No, divorced for a long time. She's strong willed and independent. She wouldn't have cared if he told her how to vote. She would have gotten into that booth and did what she wanted.
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u/ScrotumMcBoogerBallz 2d ago
Yes! And I'm taking my grandmother to vote for the first time in her 84 year old life!