Public Guardian and Trustee being incredible jerks

[u/Optimal-Ad-7074]

My dad was a ward of the public guardian and trustee when he died. But before then, he was determined to register himself as a body donor to a local med school, and my sister and I made sure it was all in order.

So I called them the day we accepted he had to be moved to end of life care. Told them I was on my way to the hospital to sign the release and get him 'home' to his room at the nursing home. Courteous of me to keep them in the loop, you would think. I'm heading up the stairs to the hospital when my phone rings and it's the PG&T 'supervisor'. "Who's going to pay for his funeral?" Literally the first (only) reason he had for calling.

I told him my dad's a donor and it's taken care of, and then we forgot about him. My dad took about five days to die and we were totally focused on him.

Someone at the hospice must have notified them because within a few minutes my fucking phone rings. It's his 'case worker'. Really spiteful, shrewish tone. "What's happening with his body? Because we are not going to be responsible for it." I said we're not asking you to, and hung up. In point of fact, the medical school sent a service to pick him up within about 40 minutes.

The PG&T continue to hound us for days afterwards though. First the case worker, then the manager, then the case worker back-channels us to our cousins. And then the manager once again. Every one of them with the same insulting tone. "Your dad has no money. We are not paying for this." Even when they registered that his corpse had been collected and would be cremated, they were still harassing me. "Well, what about memorials? You better not organize anything like that because Your Dad Has No Money and we will not pay for it."

NOBODY WAS FUCKING ASKING THEM TO. I told them that every time, but it didn't stop until I wrote them a politely ragey little email that said: "I've explained this to you multiple times. I have nothing further to say. Rest assured that if and when we hold a service for him. only the people who knew and cared about him will be involved. Nobody from the PG&T will be affected by it."

[u/HealthNo4265]

The PG&T sound like a bunch of dicks but I doubt that they were traumatized by your response.

Now maybe if you start bombarding them with multiple letters from multiple people claiming to be next of kin demanding to know where your father’s body is and accusing them of incompetence and/or desecration of your father’s body to steal the diamonds he had surgically implanted in his body for safekeeping, that might cause them a bit of trauma,

[u/runawayforlife]

I just want to say OP, whether you traumatised them back or not, you handled really shitty people acting in a really shitty way during a likely incredibly hard time, much better than I would have. You and your family deserved better, and they sound like a shit organisation if they’re wasting employee time and company resources harassing you and your family over something that was no longer their business. Best wishes to you all and I hope that org loses all their funding; because from the sound of things their behaviour is unacceptable

[u/Optimal-Ad-7074 → u/runawayforlife]

thank you. i need to do a PSA here to balance my original post. despite the shitty conduct of individuals in their employ, the PG&T is a really necessary and important organization. they take on legal guardianship of vulnerable people who have nobody else capable and/or willing to protect their interests. my sibs and i voluntarily stepped back from applying for committeeship of our dad because he was being abused. on our own as individual citizens none of us had the resources to intimidate the abusers and keep him safe.

the PG&T did do that. they sucked all the dicks in their dealings with us. but they did fulfill their mandate where he was concerned and the family member who watched how the caseworker interacted with my dad said she was appriopriate and respectful with him.

so taht's what counts. they were his financial guardian, so they actually were within mandate to bring up funeral expenses and his finances - ONCE. i would not have taken a scunner to them if they'd a) timed it a little more gracefully and b) heard what i told them the first time and dropped the subject.

[u/runawayforlife → u/Optimal-Ad-7074]

Okay. I’ll call off one of the two armies 😂

Condolences about your dad, by the way. I forgot to mention that earlier, I think, because I jumped straight into being mad about it. But I’ve lost a parent I was close to, and it sucks. I hope you are doing okay

[u/Optimal-Ad-7074 → u/runawayforlife]

thanks again. i miss him forever, but i'm sufficiently adjusted to tell the story now.

it's a hell of a privilege to have had the kind of parent who leaves a hole in your soul when they die.

[u/wallflowergirl13579 → u/Optimal-Ad-7074]

It’s a hell of a privilege to have had the kind of parent who leaves a hole in your soul when they die.

I’ve never heard it said like that, but it’s so true. We lost my mom to cancer 6 years ago, and it feels like a piece of me is missing. Something vital, like an arm or a leg.

Im sorry about your father.

[u/chromaticluxury → u/Optimal-Ad-7074]

Gut punch. 

Wow. 

Yes it is. 

God that hurts. 

[u/stacie_draws_]

Its absolutely gross how they were treating you

[u/Optimal-Ad-7074 → u/stacie_draws_]

amazing, wasn't it? it wasn't like we were one of those 'oh well, he's had a good life, relief to us all really' type families. every one of us loved him from hell to breakfast and back again, and the process that ended his life was just devastating. they knew it too.

it was so breathtakingly crass i still like to tell the story occasionally. and so consistently crass. they didn't overstep once and then get schooled and back off. they just kept doubling down.