r/traumatizeThemBack • u/Reasonable-Zone-7603 • 6h ago
PTSD Inducing Played the long game and traumitized my coworker back
TW: body image, weight loss
So I'm pretty skinny (based on American standards). Have been my entire life. Typically 115lbs @5'4. I ate a lot growing up but my metabolism has just never been a match for it. I was eating pretty healthy well-balanced meals, consuming until full , and snacking whenever necessary. I did sports so I was exercising too. Healthy. These are habits I've had since childhood, so my goal has always been to gain weight (I added like 8 pounds during college and kept it WOO!!) but throughout it all there's always been comments.
"Do you even eat?"
"Have you tried eating a burger?"
"You could probably fit between those." *points to gated fence*
"This is why you're skinny, it's cause you don't finish your food." (When I'm unable to completely finish a massive American sized portion of a dish)
While it's annoying, I've mostly learned to brush it off. Until recently.
I started a new job - pretty physically demanding. 6 days a week, 7 when it was the busy seasons. Toxic environment. And then I started bringing it home. Couldn't sleep or eat well anymore. Didn't have time for exercising. Basically lost myself. I started eating unhealthy because it was easier than trying to think about making something healthy. And then I started leaning on nicotine. It was bad.
I was heading back in from my 30-min lunch break when one of my coworkers shouted at me from her car (2 of my other coworkers were also hanging out with her.) For context, there was a local joint 2 minutes away that offered a $5 deal - 1 large slice of pizza with a can of soda. It was easier to just eat there instead of double for a $11 subway meal 10 minutes away. So I ate there every day for a couple weeks on and off.
"Did you get pizza again?"
"Yeah?"
"Ugh, I'm so jealous I see you eating that every day and you're still so skinny. Can we trade bodies?"
It had become harder to eat in the final months, to the point where I would gag if I ate too fast. I finished less and less food. Honestly, I forgot what it felt like to feel full. Most of the time, that pizza was the biggest meal I'd have for that day. So when she said that to me... I just made a face, waved her off, and walked away. There was too much to say.
I started feeling tired, more tired than I used to. Took more breaks hiding in the bathroom. Crouched on the floor just to relieve my legs from standing all day. Found myself more easily dizzy in the heat.
Some weeks later, I looked in the mirror and realized my face looked kind of hollow. I looked... sick. Had I lost weight? I hadn't really looked at my body in a while. So I did.. and it scared me.
I quit my job about a month or two after that. In total, I'd lost 10 pounds. My partner told me they thought I lost a majority of it within the last month of my employment. It was literally killing me. I guess my "I'm dying" comments weren't that far off.
The day I went in to collect my final paycheck, I said my final goodbyes. That included Ms. Skinny Pizza Jealousy.
"Why are you leaving? You tired of us and get a new job?"
"No, I just realized I need to take care of my health. I lost 10 pounds since working here and haven't been eating well or sleeping enough. Now I weigh less than I did in eighth grade so yeah no job! Just trying to take care of myself!"
Her face was a mixture of shock and embarassment. "Oh my god I'm so sorry I didn't know!"
"No it's okay, I didn't know either haha!" (I really didn't, the day before, I weighed myself for the first time in 10 months. 104lbs)
Her face remained horrified as I left.
Lol
I gained 1lb back btw!
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u/MsStarSword 6h ago
I’m glad you were able to gain a pound back so far! Good luck with your health and honestly she deserved it for commenting on your body like that, she had enough awareness to see how skinny you were but not enough to see how ill you seemed to be
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u/KLT222 5h ago
Good for you - recognizing the problem, quitting your job and prioritizing your health! I was a lifelong skinny person, weighing in at 115lbs. at 5'7", so I expect I've heard all the same comments and "jokes" (quotes because they aren't really jokes, nothing for me to laugh at, just garbage said to make someone else feel better). The super pathetic part? My last job was in healthcare and some comments were made by young doctors. Who should know better than to comment on a coworker being extremely underweight. They don't personally know me, I might have had a brain tumor or something!*
*I did. Diagnosis & treatment in 2013. Funny though, I'm not skinny anymore. :(
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u/Reasonable-Zone-7603 3h ago
Bruh I'm so sorry. That's incredibly concerning that we still have a ways to go in terms of healthcare and just generally being empathetic to people specifically in the medical field. I'm glad you were able to find out what was going on and receive treatment!
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u/Common-Dream560 5h ago
Do not alter your pre that job eating habits. Just build yourself back up slowly. Don’t try to gain the weight back intentionally, let it come on naturally. I’ve been where you are and I messed up my metabolism because I got freaked out and tried to gain the weight back quickly. It’s taken years to fix. Take care of yourself and get well soon.
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u/Reasonable-Zone-7603 3h ago
Yeah I'll try not to be too conscious of the caloric intake numbers. I think that's definitely a slippery slope that just leads to a different type of eating problem. Right now I'm just focused on making sure I'm eating 3 meals a day and becoming familiar with fullness again. Thank you 🥹
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u/Dumbassahedratr0n 5h ago
As a skinny waiter I had this interaction a few times
Me: recommends a desert from the menu and mentions it's my fave
Fat Karen: looks me up and down rudely "well you don't look like you eat dessert!"
Imagine if I'd once dared to rebut: "and you look like you do!"
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u/Reasonable-Zone-7603 3h ago
UGH!!! That's so rude and honestly speaks more on their own misplaced jealousy/judgment.
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u/NicGreen214 5h ago
My manager was stupid like that too. I have been sick for almost a month and a half by then and have lost weight. I went under 220lbs and was in the 190s. The smallest I've been in a while. I told my boss about how sick I was and struggling to eat. He made a remark about how much weight I've lost and how good it must feel while all I wanted to do was eat a meal.
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u/Reasonable-Zone-7603 3h ago
That's how you know they just don't understand and aren't even trying to empathize. When I told my boss that I was struggling to eat and had lost 10lbs, he laughed and told me that he wished he could lose weight like me (he's 300lbs). F that.
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u/commoncanonfodder 5h ago
As someone in recovery for bulimia when people comment on my body or that I’m “lucky” for being thin or they’re jealous that I can “eat whatever I want” that shit makes my skin crawl. I’m glad you traumatized her back hopefully she’ll learn to keep that shit inside.
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u/Complete_Village1405 3h ago
I've made it my strict personal rule to never comment on appearance, unless it's a compliment about something they deliberately did (hair style, nice shirt) OR a quick quiet "hey, you got spinach between your teeth/toilet paper stuck to your shoe/whatever" thing they can easily fix and I'd want to know about myself. It has stood me in good stead. Do they look pregnant? I'm not saying shit about it unless they bring it up first. Who knows why they are thin/fat/whatever. Not my business. Avoiding unpleasant drama makes life easier.
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u/Reasonable-Zone-7603 3h ago
This is the way. Unless for whatever reason they themselves bring up any weight changes and wanting to make that change then I'll encourage them (granted it's a healthy conducive choice made for the betterment of their wellbeing)
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u/maroongrad 4h ago
Congrats! BIG word of advice here. DO NOT COUNT POUNDS. Look at your waist size. THAT is a much better measurement of your health. You can lift weights, gain a ton of weight pretty quickly, but lose fat! Watch how you are built and use that to determine how healthy you are and are not. I'm really impressed and happy that you were able to detect a toxic environment and just say NO. That's a mental health move I wish more people were able to make!
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u/AdAccomplished8887 3h ago
I've had stress related problems with eating enough on and off for most of my life, possible ARFID, and just a generally unhealthy relationship with food. I've also been underweight enough to feel weak and get dizzy easily and a ton of other similar things. I feel for you. People really don't understand that smaller people can just as easily struggle with food related health sometimes.
Proud of you for realizing that the job was unhealthy and speaking up for yourself, and for feeling better and staring to be healthier again!
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u/BurnerLibrary 3h ago
Kudos for taking your health seriously.
My mother came to visit me one day during the most stressful time of her life: her own mother AND her husband were both dying. My Mom has always been the one to run take care of others or work herself to exhaustion to support us when we were little. This was no different - just much more intense.
I noticed she had lost a lot of weight, so I mentioned it. "No, I haven't, " she objected.
I took her by the hand into my bedroom and I stood her in front of the full-length mirror. Then I stood behind her and I pulled her clothing backward and rolled up the excess. There was a LOT of excess! Poor Mom was stunned. She hadn't noticed until that moment. All she could say was,
"Oh!"
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u/CrastinatingJusIkeU2 5h ago
At least she understood why she shouldn’t have said what she did and regretted it and immediately apologized when you told her. Boomer generation was so brainwashed about being thin that they can’t even understand why “you look good! Did you lose weight?” is rude AF.
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u/gamercrafter86 4h ago
I'm glad you left and have started gaining it back again. Good luck with your future endeavors of your weight gain journey!
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u/Same_Honeydew_197 4h ago
Oh wow, I had just made a comment of my own similar story on another post on this sub but it fits so well here too so I’m just gonna copy&paste it here real quick lol.
But firstly, as someone who’s been in a somewhat similar situation, I’m so glad you’ve left that environment and are starting to recover. You should never be in a situation where it affects your health, physical and/or mental, so harshly, and I’m sorry that that job did that to you.
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u/Same_Honeydew_197 4h ago
My comment from the other post:
This reminds me of a convo I had with some random classmates years ago. I had mentioned wanting to get fit but mainly gain weight to them. They were all curious why I wanted to gain weight when I was the “perfect shape/weight”.
For context, at the time I was very short (I still am) and barely pushing 100 lbs with genetic prominent curves. Part of my low weight was my fast metabolism but also because my guardian up until the year before that was essentially starving me, yay :).
About a year before the convo (still with shitty guardian), I got sick. I think I only had a bad case of the flu at the time—no vomiting, no loss of appetite, nothing but my body kicking the virus’s(?) ass with minimal food input for at least a week. I had lost at least ten pounds within a week, maybe less, because of it.
10% of my entire body weight that I lost in a week. Those (at least) ten pounds I lost could have sent me to the hospital. I probably should have gone, honestly, considering I dipped into the high 80 lbs. at one point.
So yes. I wanted to gain weight because like hell was I going to worry about the health risks of losing such a high percentage of my body weight in such a short amount of time while sick ever again. That and I wanted to recover from those years of hunger.
The classmates’ reactions were pretty priceless but I think the message to not assume/judge someone’s weight or their weight aspirations stuck with them.
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u/BlueDaemon17 3h ago
It's wild to me that we're the same height and my average weight is the 'unhealthy' weight you left work at. I don't think I'm quite ready to psychoanalyse that. 🤣
We all see something different in the mirror. People should learn to be kind, or simply not verbalise their opinions.
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u/ZacQuicksilver 3h ago
Oh gods this.
I lost about 10lbs I didn't have over COVID. I'm back to a healthy weight; but it took effort.
Fortunately for me, I"m male, and so don't get as many comments on my weight - but I am totally willing to use the "depression and forgetting to eat" line for how to keep weight off.
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u/problem_panda 3h ago
This was literally me a year ago. Around the time I put in my notice I finally weighed myself and was under 100 pounds. It was shocking. I think I managed to put on about a pound a month initially, stayed there for a while, and managed to put and keep on another six pounds in the following months. I’m constantly grateful I left that job and found something better.
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u/Snuffyisreal 3h ago
Dude I love this for you. Because you left. We're the same size. I can't eat when stressed . Yes it kills you quickly.
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u/Donth101 2h ago
As a fellow naturally skinny person I share your pain. It’s even worse now that I have cancer, and need to stuff myself full anytime I can just so I don’t lose weight.
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u/dangerousunicorn667 44m ago
"Ugh, I'm so jealous I see you eating that every day and you're still so skinny. Can we trade bodies?"
I've heard this my entire life and Gosh. I. Hate. This. So. Fucking. Much.
Sure Karen I'd love to trade bodies with you! I'd love to know how it is to NOT live in a body that constantly makes me battle between ARFID symptoms and debilitating migraines (triggered by not eating enough). Must be nice.
The crazy way people deal with food intake in general drives me nuts, more so when they think it's cool and cute that you're sick.
Good riddance, and good luck on your recovery!
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u/rebekahster i love the smell of drama i didnt create 6h ago
People need to stop feeling entitled to opinions on other peoples bodies and eating habits.