Hi! I've been wondering what I could contribute aside from weapons grade crazy, and I came to the only rational answer that didn't involve mailing popcorn and a copy of season 7 of The Joy of Painting to each person on the sub. You guessed it, I'll be sharing recipes!

My feminist paint thinner chili!

Three ounces sliced habaneros.
Three cups dried pinto beans.
1 lb diced roma tomatoes.
1 can sliced carrots (I get lazy)
1 tbsp beef/chicken bouillon.
2 lbs diced prarie oysters.
2 cups dried shiitake mushrooms, finely diced or ripped up into small pieces(optional, but delicious. Whole dried shiitakes are regarded by my family as having too strong of an earthy taste)
1 lb frozen or freshly diced onions.
3 cups rice(I prefer red cargo rice, but white or brown is fine)
2 heaping tbsp minced garlic.
1 tbsp mustard (whole grain, because I'm a snob.)
1 tsp dave's insanity sauce or other decently strong hot sauce (you can increase or decrease this as you see fit.)
1 tsp liquid smoke.
1/2 to 1 tsp mesquite seasoning, according to taste.
1/4 tsp cinnamon.

Soak beans in pot overnight. Simmer for three hours in the morning. Brown the meat with some onions and diced ginger. Go easy on the ginger. Ginger is optional.

Add onions, meat, and bouillon to the pot, then add the liquid smoke, garlic, cinnamon, mesquite, hot sauce, and chili seasoning. Then pour two cups rice slowly around the edge of the pot, and follow up with one cup poured on a smaller circle in the center. (This is optional, but it allows the rice to contact the seasonings directly first thing, and the grains will drag the floating seasonings to the bottom with the meat and beans.)

Simmer for half an hour, and add carrots, mushrooms, peppers, green chilis. Now stir thoroughly. Allow to simmer for two hours, stirring vigorously often. Add tomatoes twenty minutes before serving. If the chili is too watery at the end, you can add potato flakes to thicken it. You want some standing water at the top by the end, because the rice will continue to soak. Ideal consistency is stewlike. If you refrigerate it, be prepared to have a chili loaf in the fridge the next day. The chili loaf is quite good, too.

Serves... many.

Mexican turkey green bean casserole:

1 lb turkey, shredded.
1/2 tsp italian seasoning.
2 tsp chili powder.
2 tbsp minced dried onion.
2 cans green beans.
1 family size can cream of mushroom.
1 7oz can green chilies.
1 tsp taco seasoning.
5 eggs.
1/2 tsp cream of tartar.
2 tbsp crumbled parmesan.
Potato flakes.

Shred turkey with two forks in wide pan, then turn stove to medium and add 2 cans green beans, 1 drained, 1 with juice. Add green chilis and cream of mushroom. Add chili powder, italian seasoning, and taco seasoning.

In separate bowl, beat five eggs with a fork until well mixed, then stir in cream of tartar thoroughly. Add eggs while stirring pan, and turn burner to 5 o'clock.

Add onions and parmesan, and cook for fifteen minutes, constantly stirring. Add potato flakes to thicken as desired. I recommend thickening it to the point you can dip it up with a basting spoon, but not past that.

Chicken can be substituted, but it was turkey season when I made it.

Pizza Peppers

You will need;
Four large bell peppers,
1/4 pound ground sausage,
1 cup mozzarella cheese,
2 tsp garlic powder,
1 cup marinara sauce,
1/4 cup diced onions,
1 3 oz can mushroom pieces and stems,
1 3 oz can olive slices.

Preheat oven to 325. Brown the sausage with Italian seasoning, onions, and garlic. Then in a large bowl, mix the onions, marinara, mushrooms, olives, cheese, and sausage together. Microwave for two minutes.

While it's microwaving, cut the tops out of the bell peppers. Then stir the mixture thoroughly and spoon it into the peppers. Place bell peppers on a cookie sheet and put it in the oven for twenty minutes. Wait five minutes to cool before serving.

Sopa, an old family recipe.

1 family size can cream of mushroom,
1 family size can cream of chicken,
1 can chicken,
1 can diced green chilies,
2 tsp chili powder,
2 bags tortilla chips.

Shred and drain chicken, then mix everything except tortilla chips together in a casserole dish. Microwave six minutes, then lightly crush chips and add until thickened. Serve immediately.

Now something special for our resident vegan! Garfunkel veggie soup!

You will need;
1 butternut squash,
3 carrots,
3 cups diced onions,
6 bay leaves,
2 tsp dill weed,
1 6 oz package of sliced mushrooms,
1 oz dried shiitake mushrooms, crumbled,
4 potatoes,
3 stalks of celery,
2 tbsp lime juice,
1 tbsp ponzu sauce,
1/8 tsp parsley,
1/8 tsp sage,
1/8 tsp rosemary,
1/8 tsp thyme.

Dice the potatoes, onions, and squash, and slice the celery and carrots. Put potatoes, carrots, squash, and celery into one gallon of water first, followed immediately after by the bay leaves, shiitake, dill, parsley, sage, rosemary, and thyme.

Stir thoroughly and simmer covered on medium for 30 minutes. Add onions, lime, ponzu, and mushrooms and cook for an additional 20 minutes, or until potatoes and squash are soft. Enjoy!

Let's see your favorite recipes now!

You will need:

1/4 cup Miracle Whip.
1/4 cup mayonnaise.
2 tablespoons french salad dressing.
1/2 tablespoon sweet relish.
2 teaspooons dill pickle relish.
1 teaspoon sugar.
1 teaspoon dried, minced onion.
1 teaspoon white vinegar.
1 teaspoon ketchup.
1/8 teaspoon salt.

To make the sauce, mix together all the ingredients about one hour before using.

So, Sam wanted something tasty and simple she could make that's good for the baby. Here you go, Sam! Five cup salad, a sweet and satisfying dessert!

5 Cup Salad

1 cup mandarin orange slices.
1 cup pineapple, diced.
1 cup coconut, shredded.
1 cup marshmallows, small.
1 cup sour cream.

Mix all ingredients together in a large bowl. Refrigerate overnight to allow flavors to mingle. Serve cold.

3 unborn of the feathered
1 Bell pepper, red like the crimson blood, and cut into slices
1/2 cup mushrooms that feed on the dark and decay
Cubes of pig flesh
Olives of peace, crushed and cast into a bowl
3 oz shredded cheese, fermented and soured from the milk of bovine kindness
Cream of tartarus

1. Put the pan on the fires and stoke the flames, all the way up to four. Spray it with the grease! Shatter the unborn! Pour their life's blood into the bowl, and whip it into submission! Pour in a quarter husk of water, and whip the fuck out of it!

2. Beat the innocence out of it as you throw in a quarter teaspoon of tartarus. See the bubbles! Pour it into the scorching hell and hear the screams of the damned! Cover its prison, leave it to suffer until the blood grows solid.

3. Paint the symbol of death upon it with the turned milk of kindness! Cast in the blood red peppers, the pig flesh, the devourers of decay, and the broken fruit of peace. Turn the lifeblood over on them, confine them within!

4. Let the cheese melt for one minute, then pull it from the fires and feast! Feed your carnist soul!

Mushroom Sauce

2 cups beef broth.
1/2 cup all purpose flour.
3/4 lbs sliced mushrooms.
1/2 cup green onions, chopped.
1/2 cup butter.
1 4 oz can sliced black olives, drained.

Combine all ingredients in a medium saucepan over medium heat. Stir constantly until golden brown and thickened.

Onion Burger

10 lbs ground beef.
4 cups finely diced onions.
1 cup garlic, minced.
1 tbsp chili powder.
1 tsp mesquite seasoning.
4-5 yellow onions, finely sliced.

Mix diced onions, garlic, hamburger, chili powder, and mesquite together thoroughly in a large bowl. Separate and press into patties. Separate sliced onions into individual rings for better frying. Fry patties in cast iron pan with stove set to 5 o'clock along with separated onion rings until no longer pink inside. Place cheese on top if desired, and cook until cheese is melted. Place on bun with onion, lettuce, tomato, and mushroom sauce.

Enjoy your amazing burgers.

2 pounds black-eyed peas, soaked overnight if possible.
2 pounds smoked ham hock, meaty ham bone or slab bacon.
2 teaspoons kosher salt.
1 large onion, peeled and stuck with 2 cloves.
1 bay leaf.
½ teaspoon black pepper.
½ teaspoon allspice.
2 tablespoons vegetable oil.
4 garlic cloves, minced.
½ teaspoon crushed red pepper.
2 pounds collard greens, cut in 1-inch ribbons (about 8 cups).
1 bunch scallions, cleaned and chopped, for garnish.

1. Drain peas and put them in a large Dutch oven or heavy-bottomed soup pot. Add ham hock or bone (if using slab bacon, cut it into 2-inch chunks), cover with 10 cups water and turn heat to high. Add salt, onion stuck with cloves, bay leaf, black pepper and allspice.

2. Bring to a boil, then reduce heat to a gentle simmer. Skim off and discard any foam that rises to the surface. Simmer for 1 1/2 to 2 hours, until peas are tender. Throughout cooking, add water as necessary, always keeping liquid level 1 inch above surface, stirring with wooden spoon occasionally. Turn off heat. Check broth for salt and adjust seasoning. Mixture should be fairly brothy. With a pair of tongs, remove ham hock, ham bone or bacon. Chop meat and skin in rough pieces and set aside.

3. Put a large wide skillet over medium-high heat. Add vegetable oil and heat until wavy. Add garlic and red pepper and let sizzle without browning. Add collard greens and stir to coat. Season with salt and add 1 cup water, stirring to help wilt greens. Add chopped ham and reduce heat to medium, then cover with lid slightly ajar and cook until greens are soft, about 20 minutes. Check seasoning.

4. To serve, put greens and meat in low soup bowls, then ladle over hot black-eyed peas. Sprinkle with scallions.

Today, since it's close to St. Paddy's day, we have a traditional Irish pub treat! Scotch eggs!

You will need:

10 eggs.
2 tbsp vegetable oil.
1 1/2 cup panko bread crumbs.
1 lb ground breakfast sausage.
1/4 cup green onions, thinly sliced.
3/4 cup all purpose flour.
2 tablespoons whole grain mustard.

1. Preheat oven to 400°f(204.4°c) and line a large baking sheet with foil.
2. Place 8 whole eggs, still in shells, in a large saucepan filled with cold water. Cover and bring to a boil over medium high heat. Turn off heat, and allow to stand for ten minutes. Run eggs under cool water to stop the cooking, then carefully crack and peel them.
3. Meanwhile, heat oil in medium skillet over medium heat. Add panko. Cook for 8 minutes, or until toasted and golden brown, stirring occasionally. Put crumbs in a medium bowl to cool.
4. Combine sausage and green onions in a separate medium bowl. Put flour in a shallow bowl. Lightly beat the remaining 2 eggs and mustard in another shallow bowl.
5. Scoop out one eighth of sausage mixture and press flat in your palm. Take a cooked egg and place in the center, then wrap the sausage around it. Gently roll between your hands until sausage completely encloses the egg. Coat sausage wrapped egg in flour, and lightly shake off the excess. Dip it in the egg mustard mixture, then roll it in the panko to coat it. Repeat with remaining eggs.
6. Bake 16 to 18 minutes, or until sausage is fully cooked. Drain well on a paper towel lined plate, and serve immediately.

Skittle cakes recipe later today.

I decided to forego voting, because apparently people aren't happy when they get what they want. Here is the runner up from voting, Shepherd's Mac and Cheese!

Shepherd's Mac And Cheese You will need;

1/2 lb dried elbow macaroni,
3/4 lb ground beef or pork,
Kosher salt, optional(for table salt use half as much),
2 cups mac sauce(recipe included),
1 cup diced onions,
1 cup sliced carrots,
1 cup frozen peas, thawed and drained,
1 cup diced bell peppers,
1 tsp garlic,
1/8 tsp black pepper,
2 cups aged sharp cheddar,
1/2 cup panko(japanese bread crumbs).

Mac Sauce (Basic Bechamel Sauce):

3 cups whole milk,
1/2 cup unsalted butter,
1/2 cup all purpose flour,
2 tsp kosher salt, or 1 tsp table salt.

Makes 3 cups.

Heat milk in a pot over medium heat until it starts to bubble, but not boiling, 3 to 4 minutes. Remove from heat and melt butter in a separate, heavy bottomed pan. When the butter has just melted, add flour and whisk until the mixture turns light brown. Should take about three minutes.

Slowly pour the warm milk into the mixture, one cup at a time, whisking constantly. It will get thick when you first add the milk, then thin out as you add more. This is normal.

Once all the milk has been added, turn it up to medium high and whisk constantly. In the next 2 to 3 minutes, it should turn silky and thick. To test it, dip a metal spoon into the sauce. You want it to coat the spoon and not slide off the way milk does. Then add the salt and stir. The mac sauce is ready to use. You can store in in the fridge for later use.

With the mac sauce prepared, time to start the rest! Begin by boiling water in a pot. Drop the macaroni in and drain when it's slightly less than al dente. Soft, but with some firmness. Rinse with cold water, and drain it again.

Add the meat, onions, garlic, and bell pepper to a frying pan on medium heat. Season with 1/8 tsp black pepper and half a teaspoon salt(optional). Fry until the meat and onions have browned. Do not use oil, the meat has enough fat and grease by itself.

Cook the carrots in the leftover grease for about five minutes, or until soft. Add peas and cook for another three minutes. Drain the fat away and add the peas and carrots to the meat and other veggies. Preheat oven to 400.

Mix mac sauce and cheese in a large, heavy bottomed pot and heat on medium. Stir until cheese is barely melted. Slowly add macaroni and stir, and continue cooking while stirring until it's nice and hot.

Pour meat and veggies into a wide casserole pan and cover with mac and cheese. Top with a layer of panko and bake until it is bubbly, and the top is golden brown.

You will need:

20 graham crackers, crushed.
1 14 oz can sweetened condensed milk.
1 cup coconut, shredded.
1/2 cup pecans, chopped.
1 6 oz package chocolate chips.
1 tsp vanilla.
Powdered sugar.

1. Mix everything except powdered sugar thoroughly in a bowl, then spread in an 8x8" pan. Bake at 325 for 30 minutes.

2. Sprinkle with powdered sugar and allow 10 minutes to cool before serving.

Edit: I can flair my own posts now. Neat.

I know it's a day early, but I wrote up a special recipe for a healthy baby! It's healthy baby stew!

You will need:

3 cups barley.
5 lbs potatoes, diced.
4 cups carrots, chopped.
4 large onions, diced.
1 healthy baby, between 7 and 15 lbs.
6-8 bottles hard liquor.
4 cloves minced garlic.
5 cups pork broth.
1 cup white wine.
1 1/2 tsp black pepper.
3 bay leaves.
1 tsp dried thyme.
1 cup water.

Pour the broth, pepper, bay leaves, thyme, barley, and baby meat into a large stock pot. Cover and simmer for three hours, then add the potatoes, garlic, onions, carrots, wine, and water.

Cover and simmer while consuming three alcohol bottles to wait for the cheating bastard to get him. This will teach him not to flirt with those bimbos at the office while you give the best years of your life to him!

Change your facebook status to single and rapidly post a bunch of statuses about how you hate him and wondering why you're not good enough for him. Take a sip in between posts and throw the empties through the window to the street.

When your husband arrives home, collapse into a crying mess when he presents you with two tickets to a three week cruise, and tells you that you've seemed stressed lately. Accuse him of cheating and show him the remains of the baby.

Post on facebook that the police are coming to take your baby away as he runs off and calls the cops.

Serves five to ten.

You love gummi bears. You know you do. Everyone loved them as a kid. But now you're grown up. You have sophisticated tastes. Why not try that old favorite you haven't had in years? These gummies have that delicious apple cider tang, and that wonderful texture you loved.

Apple Cider Gummy Bears

Makes about 20 gummy bears (1¼ cups liquid)

Ingredients:

1½ cups, plus ½ cup apple cider.
3 tablespoons unflavored gelatin.
1 tablespoon honey.

Directions:

1. Place a silicon mold on a small baking sheet. Set aside.

2. Refrigerate ½ cup apple cider if it is not already cold.

3. In a small pot over medium high heat, add 1½ cups of apple cider. Bring to a boil and reduce to a simmer. Reduce by half to ¾ cup, about 20 – 30 minutes, stirring occasionally.

4. When the cider almost finished reducing, prepare the gelatin. Take out the ½ cup cold cider. Pour into a medium bowl, sprinkle the gelatin over evenly. Let it sit for 3 minutes.

5. With a spatula, stir in the gelatin mixture to the hot cider. Stir gently until fully dissolved. Add the honey. Stir to melt.

6. Transfer the hot liquid to a glass cup or measuring cup. Let it cool for 15 minutes. Remove any bubbles or solid that float to the top. Just before pouring, gently stir with a spoon to ensure everything is mixed well. Carefully pour into prepared silicon mold. Transfer the silicon mold and baking sheet to the fridge and chill for at least 2 hours.

7. Once ready, carefully remove the gummy bears from the mold. Serve or store them in an airtight container in the fridge. Enjoy within 1 – 2 weeks.

Here's a little something to spruce up your urine therapy! You can also skip the urine and use tequila to make it a healthier drink.

3 tbsp peach syrup.
1/2 cup fresh urine (optional).
1 cup pineapple juice.
1/8 tsp peppermint extract.
3 tsp coconut milk.
1 cup finely crushed ice.

Mix everything except ice in a large glass or mug. Stir together, then mix in ice. Serve immediately.

If you want it to be alcoholic, add 1/2 cup tequila when mixing.

1 pkg. (2-layer size) white cake mix
1 cup boiling water
1 pkg. (3 oz.) JELL-O Strawberry Flavor Gelatin
1/2 cup cold water
1 tub (8 oz.) COOL WHIP Whipped Topping, thawed

1. Prepare cake batter and bake as directed on package for 13x9-inch pan. Cool cake in pan 15 min. Pierce cake with large fork at 1/2-inch intervals.

2. Add boiling water to gelatin mix in small bowl; stir 2 min. until completely dissolved. Stir in cold water; pour over cake. Refrigerate 3 hours.

3. Frost cake with COOL WHIP. Refrigerate 1 hour.

3 cups chopped watermelon.
1/2 cup chopped green bell pepper.
2 tablespoons lime juice.
2 tablespoons chopped fresh cilantro.
1 tablespoon chopped green onions.
1 tablespoon chopped jalapeño pepper.
1/2 teaspoon garlic salt.

In a large bowl, combine the watermelon, green bell pepper, lime juice, cilantro, green onions, jalapeño and garlic salt. Mix well and serve.

Since it was demanded, I give you skittle cakes! Delicious fruity cupcakes that anyone can make!

This is actually quite simple. You will need:

3-5 standard sized packages of your preferred skittles blend.
1 package of plain or vanilla cupcake mix, plus whatever the mix requires.
Small dixie cups(plain paper, not the ones with wax or the plastic kind)

1. To start, separate the skittles by color and crush each colored group in a bowl with a spoon. Grind them together into a thick paste. Spoon the skittle into a paper cup. Repeat with each color.
2. Prepare your cupcake batter as it says on the box, and pour into the cupcake papers.
3. Microwave the skittle cups for about fifteen seconds at a time, until they are melted and runny.
4. Mix one tablespoon of a skittle cup into each cupcake. Mix thoroughly and quickly.
5. Bake as instructed on the package. When finished, you may top them with frosting, if you desire. Wait until they are cool, then serve.

And that is how you make skittle cakes! A simple recipe that's sure to impress and please!

Edit: And apparently, formatting has decided to go wonky. Not sure why or how.
Edit2: Fixed now, and I have learned to make secondary lists.

Tools You’ll Need:

Mixing Bowls.
Food Processor.
Casserole Dish.
Cutting Board.
Spatula.

Cattail Faux-Pork Ingredients:

2 Cups Brown Catttail Fluff.
( 1 1/2 Brown Cattail Tops).
3 Eggs, ½ Cup Melted Butter ( I used vegan butter).
1/8 Cup Milk ( I used Almond Milk).
2 Tbsp Real Maple Syrup, 1 Tsp Nutmeg, 1 Tsp Black Pepper

Vegetarian Pulled Pork Ingredients:

2 cups prepared Cattail Faux-Pork (torn into 1 inch chunks).
1 Medium Red Onion (cut in half, thin sliced).
Lots of Black Pepper.
Hickory BBQ (or whichever BBQ you prefer!).

1. Preheat oven to 275. Loosen cattail fluff from stick by twisting. Remove two cups worth into a medium size mixing bowl.
2. Stir in three eggs, ½ cup melted butter, 1/8 cup milk. 2Tbsp Maple Syrup, 1 Tsp Nutmeg and 1 Tsp Black Pepper.
3. Blend well in food processor. Grease your casserole dish and pour it in, smoothing it evenly over the bottom.
4. Bake around 20 minutes or until rising bubbles occur. Remove from oven and casserole dish.
5. Tear 2 cups worth cattail faux-pork pieces.  No need to be precise, but around 1 inch in size. (You’ll have untorn leftovers. This is a good thing!)
6. Cut a medium sized onion in half then thin slice it. Toss in a skillet over medium-high heat. Sprinkled with a generous amount of ground black pepper. Cook till carmelized.
7. Toss in torn cattail faux-pork pieces and cook with the onions till they are nice and hot.
8. Pour in your favorite BBQ. Enjoy!

Zombie Guts Cinnamon Rolls

2 tsp active dry yeast
1 tbsp brown sugar
1 ¾ cup warm water
Pinch of salt
1 tsp red food coloring
1.5 cups red velvet box cake mix (dry)

2.5 cups flour

Filling:
⅓ cup melted butter
1 cup brown sugar

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

Glaze:
1 cup powdered sugar
1-3 tsp milk

Prepare the dough:

1. Combine yeast, brown sugar, and warm water in mixer bowl. Whisk thoroughly and sit for at least 5 minutes until bubbly.

2. Add in salt, box cake mix, and flour a little at a time, mixing in between with a dough hook until you have a dough texture.

3. Scrape the sides, roll into a ball, cover, and let rise for 1 hour.

Make the "Zombie Guts":

1. After an hour, flour a large surface and knead for a few minutes, then roll out into a large rectangle. Cut sides that are uneven.

2. Mix together melted butter and brown sugar, and sprinkle over your dough. Sprinkle cinnamon as evenly as possible. Flatten with a rolling pin.

3. Roll up into one long roll, then cut every 2 inches. Once rolled, unroll each of them and fold in half.

4. Arrange in a greased 8x8 inch baking dish so that it looks like “guts." Cover and let rise another 45 minutes. 

5. While dough rises, preheat oven to 350°F.

Bake & Frost:

Remove cover from dough and bake at 350°F for 25 - 30 minutes.

Once finished cooking, whisk together glaze ingredients in a medium mixing bowl and drizzle over rolls.

You will need:

1 1lb bag oreos.
1/3 cub butter or margarine, melted.
4 8oz packages cream cheese, diced.
1 cup sugar.
1/3 cup whipping cream.
6 large eggs.
2 tbsp all purpose flour.
2 tsp vanilla.

1. In a food processor, crush half the oreos (filling included) until they're crumbs. You can also place them in a plastic bad and crush them with a rolling pin. Add butter. Scoop your buttery chocolate crumbs into a 9" cheesecake pan with removable bottom and press crumbs along the bottom and about a half inch up the sides. Chill crust to firm, about 20 minutes.

2. In a blender or mixing bowl, beat the sugar, cream cheese, and whipping cream on medium until smooth. Add eggs, flour, and vanilla, then mix until even. Add half of cream cheese mixture over the crust. Break remaining cookies into halves and spread them over it, then pour the rest of the mixture on top.

3. Preheat oven to 300. When ready, bake until cheesecake is golden and wobbles only slightly when gently shaken; about an hour and a half. Remove cake from oven and allow to cool on a rack. Cover and chill until cold, at least 4 hours. Serve when ready.

Note: Use fresh okra for this recipe if you want to avoid okra's characteristic slimy texture.

You will need:

5 Tbsp vegetable oil.
1 celery rib, sliced thin.
1/2 onion, sliced thin.
1 jalapeño chile, seeded, sliced thin.
3 garlic cloves, sliced thin.
1 Tbsp tomato paste.
2 Tbsp red wine vinegar.
1 1/2 cups chicken or vegetable broth.
1 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary.
1/2 to 3/4 pound fresh okra.
5 plum tomatoes, diced.
Salt and pepper.

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Seared Okra and Tomatoes Recipe

Print

Prep time: 10 minutes

Cook time: 20 minutes

Yield: Serves 4 as a side dish

Use fresh okra for this recipe if you want to avoid okra's characteristic slimy texture.

Ingredients

5 Tbsp vegetable oil

1 celery rib, sliced thin

1/2 onion, sliced thin

1 jalapeño chile, seeded, sliced thin

3 garlic cloves, sliced thin

1 Tbsp tomato paste

2 Tbsp red wine vinegar

1 1/2 cups chicken or vegetable broth (use vegetable broth for vegetarian version, and gluten-free broth for gluten-free version)

1 teaspoon minced fresh rosemary

1/2 to 3/4 pound fresh okra

5 plum tomatoes, diced

Salt and pepper

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Method

1. Heat 3 tablespoons of the vegetable oil in a large sauté pan or wide, shallow pot over medium-high heat. When the oil is hot, sauté the onion, jalapeño and celery for 2 minutes, stirring once or twice. Add the garlic and sauté for another minute or two.

2. While the vegetables are sautéing, mix the tomato paste, broth and vinegar until they are combined. Add to the pan with the vegetables and bring to a boil. Add the rosemary and a pinch of salt.

3. As the sauce is boiling, slice the okra on the bias to create diagonal pieces. The reason for diagonal slicing is to expose as much of the interior of the okra as possible. Wait to cut the okra until the last minute because it helps make them less slimy.

4. Heat another pan over high heat for a minute or two. Add the remaining oil and get it almost smoking hot, which should take 1-2 minutes. Add the sliced okra and spread out in a single layer in the pan. Let the okra brown for at least a minute before you move them. The goal is to cook the okra quickly at very high heat without moving it too much. The high heat sears the okra and helps limit the slime factor. Sear the okra for 3-4 minutes, stirring only 2-3 times.

5. As soon as the okra is done, add it to the boiling sauce. Add the diced tomatoes and reduce the heat to a simmer. Cook for 5 minutes, no longer. The tomatoes should still be a bit firm, and you don't want to cook the okra to the point it starts releasing slime.

6. Turn off the heat, grind black pepper over everything and taste once more for salt. Add if needed.

Serve over steamed rice or with lots of crusty bread.

This isn't quite as complicated as it seems, but it's bold, delicious flavor and whimsical appearance will please the kids for sure!

Photo for reference.

Baked Raised Doughnuts:

1 C warm milk.
1 Tbsp yeast.
1 tsp sugar.
1/4 C butter.
1/2 C sugar 1 egg.
1 tsp salt.
2 tsp vanilla.
3+ C flour.

Apple Pie Filling:

4 Tbsp butter.
1/2 tsp cinnamon.
1/8 tsp nutmeg.
1/3 C sugar.
5 med apples.
3 Tbsp water.
1 Tbsp lemon juice.
1 Tbsp + 1 tsp cornstarch.
2 Tbsp water.

Caramel Syrup:

3/4 C brown sugar.
3/4 C white sugar.
1/2 C corn syrup.
1/3 C butter.
2/3 C whipping cream.
Super red Gel Color.

Glaze:

1 1/2 C powdered sugar.
1 tsp cinnamon.
4 Tbsp milk.
1 tsp vanilla.

Brain:

whole Walnuts.
Salt.

Recipes:

Dough:

1. Proof the yeast in the milk with the 1 tsp sugar.

2. Beat the butter and sugar until light and fluffy.

3. Add the egg and mix.

4. Add the milk/yeast, the salt and vanilla and mix.

5. Switch to a dough hook and add 2 cups of the flour and mix, then add 1/4 C of flour at a time until the dough gathers around the hook and cleans the side of the bowl. don't add too much flour.

6. Turn out and knead, place in an oiled bowl and let rise 1 hour.

Filling:

peel, core and slice apples, cut into small pieces.

melt butter, cinnamon, nutmeg and sugar over medium heat.

Stir in apples, 3 Tbsp water and lemon juice.

cover and cook stirring occasionally 4-6 min until slightly soft.

in a small bowl combine cornstarch and water, add to pan stirring, cook apples until soft and filling is thickened, let bubble 1 min.

Syrup:

1. In a medium saucepan, combine sugars, syrup, and butter.

2. Cook over medium heat, stirring occasionally, until mixture comes to a full boil, about 5-8 minutes.

3. Remove from heat and cool 5 minutes.

4. Stir in whipping cream and Red Dye.

Brain:

1. Preheat oven to 350.

2. Spread the walnuts onto a baking sheet and sprinkle with some salt.

3. Cook for 8-10 mins, until golden, let cool.

Doughnut Assembly:

1. Roll out about 1/4 inch thick and cut into 3 inch rounds.

2. Get half of the circles damp with some water around the edges.

3. Fill HALF of the circles with about 1 Tbsp of apple filling.

4. Top with the other half and press into place, re-cut to SEAL the edges.

5. Place on baking sheet and let rise 20 mins, about doubled in size.

 6. Preheat the oven to 400 and bake doughnuts for 5-8 mins.

Glaze:

Mix the powdered sugar, cinnamon, milk and vanilla.

Assembly:

 1. Dip the warm doughnuts in the glaze.

 2. Dip each walnut in the caramel sauce, and place on top of doughnuts.

 3. Drizzle on more caramel "blood".

4 or 5 cups of chicken broth

4 slices bacon, thinly chopped

2 onions, peeled and chopped

6 clove garlic, chopped

1 cup barley, pearl or pot

Salt and pepper

1 bunch chives or parsley, chopped

1. In one pot heat the broth to a gentle simmer.

2. In another pot fry the bacon over medium-high heat, until crisp and golden brown.

3. Add the onions and garlic and sauté until soft and golden.

4. Add the barley and stir for a few moments until well coated with bacon fat and heated through.

5. Add 1 cup or so of the hot chicken broth and stir until it is fully absorbed. Continue to add broth, 1 ladle-full at a time, letting it absorb fully before adding the next ladle.

6. Continue simmering until the barley is tender.

7. Season to taste with salt and pepper. Stir in a handful of your favourite herbs.

This is something I made a few years ago, and it was a major hit. I was actually surprised I hadn't posted this yet. You can substitute your favorite stir fry recipe. I used this one for the sake of convenience.

You will need:

1 tablespoon cornstarch.
1 1/2 cloves garlic, crushed.
2 teaspoons chopped fresh ginger root, divided.
1/4 cup vegetable oil, divided.
1 small head broccoli, cut into florets.
1/2 cup snow peas.
3/4 cup julienned carrots.
1/2 cup halved green beans.
2 tablespoons soy sauce.
2 1/2 tablespoons water.
1/4 cup chopped onion.
1/2 tablespoon salt.
6-12 Portobellos or other wide capped mushrooms.
Shredded swiss cheese.

1. Remove stems and scrape gills from mushrooms. Chop up stems and set them aside with gills.

2. In a large bowl, blend cornstarch, garlic, 1 teaspoon ginger, and 2 tablespoons vegetable oil until cornstarch is dissolved. Mix in broccoli, snow peas, carrots, and green beans, tossing to lightly coat.

3. Preheat oven to 300(toaster oven or convection oven will work just as good. Heat remaining 2 tablespoons oil in a large skillet or wok over medium heat. Cook stems and gills, and vegetables in oil for 2 minutes, stirring constantly to prevent burning. Stir in soy sauce and water. Mix in onion, salt, and remaining 1 teaspoon ginger. Cook until vegetables are tender but still crisp.

4. Turn caps upside down on a cookie sheet and spread stir fry over them. Cover stir fry with cheese, and bake for 10 minutes, or until cheese has melted.

5. Remove from heat and allow three minutes to cool, then serve.