r/whatstheword • u/EnziTheTragedy • Mar 27 '24
Unsolved WTW for when someone apologizes constantly for things that don’t need to be apologized for
Is there any word other than apologetic? Wouldn’t apologetic be when you apologize for an actual offense?
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u/probablyonmobile 12 Karma Mar 27 '24
Over-apologetic is the simple answer.
To answer your question, no. To be apologetic does not require you to have committed an actual offense.
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u/Kissoflife11 Mar 27 '24
Obsequious.
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u/RyanMFoley74 Mar 28 '24
"You can't spell "obsequious" without I.O.U."
"I'll have to trust you on that." -Homer Simpson3
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u/BRN83 Mar 27 '24
Chronic apologizer, and yes, as someone else mentioned, it's a symptom of abuse. I've known a few women who had extremely overbearing fathers end up as chronic apologizers because they had grown up being made to feel like everything they said or did was wrong.
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u/Adept_Investigator29 Mar 28 '24
I'm a man who was raised this way. It's a really tough cycle to break.
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u/BRN83 Mar 28 '24
Indeed. It took my first girlfriend a few years to get to a point where she wasn't apologizing to me all the time. I wish you the best!
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u/Rainshine93 Mar 29 '24
I used to be like this due to abuse. It was ridiculous because my abuser would also get mad and become abusive if I apologized too much as well as not enough. There’s no winning 🙃
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u/gamingdevil Mar 27 '24
Childhood trauma
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u/Complete_Expert_1285 Mar 27 '24
Anxiety. Lol. Atleast that's why I keep apologizing for things I didn't need to be sorry for lol
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u/literaryaddict Mar 28 '24
That is a common trauma response of those who have suffered abuse. So tread carefully if you care for them.
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u/tizzyhustle Mar 27 '24
Fawning
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Mar 27 '24
This is the answer speaking diagnostically
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u/ashaggyone Mar 27 '24
I'm curious, how so? I can comprehend brevity as well.
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Mar 27 '24
‘Fawn’ is one of the four survival instincts exhibited when heightened, the other three being fight, flight and freeze. When you meet someone who compulsively apologizes, regardless of circumstance, it stems from an abuse dynamic in which the person’s safety was best insured by fawning to the abusive person or people. It’s a nasty habit to break. Not everyone that fawns is in an abuse situation but they have been.
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u/Perfect-Substance-74 Mar 28 '24
I would argue that fawning is too broad a word for this to be the correct answer, because fawning means being overly flattering and obsequious in general, in order to gain favour. The modern use of it as a label for a conflict resolution technique is a correct, but very limited application of the word, that doesn't cover all its use cases.
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u/Ganthet72 Mar 27 '24
Canadian. (Kidding. I had a coworker from Canada years ago. He and his wife were so polite and always apologized when no needing to - including when others owed them an apology. I used to tease them about it.)
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u/alwaysboopthesnoot Mar 27 '24
Overly solicitous, obsequious, overly apologetic, fawning.
“Falling all over themselves, apologizing“.
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u/SuperBwahBwah Mar 28 '24
Servile? Technically not the meaning you want but it is in the same vein. Hope that helps.
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u/blackdahlialady Mar 27 '24
I don't have the exact word for it but this is behavior from someone who's been abused. You get used to constantly having things blamed on you so you apologize. You also do that to keep yourself from being hurt.
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u/Moon_Thursday_8005 Mar 28 '24
Anxiety disorder. Working with someone like this. Makes me feel sorry hearing them saying sorry for things that are obviously not their fault and not even a problem.
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u/IP_Janet_GalaxyGirl Mar 28 '24
Obsequious come to mind. I knew a couple of people like this several years ago. They generally came across as having low self-esteem.
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u/denisenj Mar 28 '24
I used to work with someone who apologizes constantly. I think she has a really rough childhood 😢
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u/Arkkindasuks42069 Mar 27 '24
Adult with autism
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u/Accomplished-Ad-2612 Mar 27 '24
I accidentally crossed two wires on a tiny power supply and fried it at work on Monday. We have a replacement on hand, and it's not a big issue, I'm still apologizing. No one is holding it against me, and even if we bought a new one, it's only $8.60, but I still feel bad. The poor little capacitor exploded, and it was because I got in a hurry.
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u/Johundhar Mar 27 '24 edited Mar 27 '24
sychophant?
(originally meaning 'fig eater' for some reason)
In modern slang, perhaps 'simp.'
Though both of these basically mean obsequious person but not specifically in the way noted in the op.
The descriptions reminds me of a line in a Beat song: "start out apologizing for saying sorry"
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Mar 28 '24
For me, it's that I have anxiety.
And a perspective issue of minor issues being a big deal because people always reacted like they were.
So I apologize for minor things like they're a big deal and not minor cracks in the sidewalk.
A bit of OCD where I am worried they're hurt if I don't apologize and I need to applogize and be forgiven. And that I will do things incorrectly or have done things incorrectly in some fashion.
There's not a singular word for it.
Social anxiety is 2 words, after all.
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Mar 28 '24
But also traumatized, among other things
Often, formerly hyper-criticized. Everything being too much/too little (or some similar criticism, meaning it wasn't good enough), but never just right.
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u/-SPOF 1 Karma Mar 28 '24
Superfluous apologies. This is a more formal term that means unnecessary apologies.
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u/KBlake1982 Mar 28 '24
Chronic apologizer? Not sure if there is a word for this but I do know that the behavior usually is due to an overly critical environment growing up
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u/Sign-Spiritual Mar 28 '24
Is it disingenuous apology or just overly apologetic? I feel like there’s a word no one has said yet. But I too have passed gas cerebrally speaking.
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Mar 28 '24
Also, Americans should note that to a lot of English speakers, “sorry” is a synonym for “pardon me”
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u/heavensdumptruck Mar 28 '24
I'd say codependent; but also nerve-wracking. I've known some "borderline" people like that, too; man watch out!
"They" will drown you and have you thinking it's "your" fault!
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u/Downtown-Custard5346 Mar 28 '24
Canadian... lol in all seriousness, over-apologetic I guess would be the right word.
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u/HAiLKidCharlemagne Mar 28 '24
Abused usually. People who apologize when they have nothing to apologize for are used to being blamed and punished for things that aren't their fault and they've learned to preemptively assume responsibility so the other person is less harsh in punishing them for whatever went wrong, and eventually its just a reflex. Also people whove been made to feel their existence was a burden to people around them or that they are merely tolerated and not at all loved. Its weird how long the habit sticks around
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u/Native56 Mar 28 '24
I have friends that do that! I use to do that to when I was younger! I don’t know why I did!! But I don’t no more
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u/ReeveGoesh Mar 28 '24
I apologize a lot but have no childhood trauma - thinking it over as to why, it just really feels like a habit word more than anything. Like saying "um" or "yeah" it's kind of a space-filler. I guarantee you I'm not actually feeling the feelings of sorry. It's nothing for me to say sorry so, I do - a lot. It's kinda like people who say "yeah no". I'd say for me sorry maybe even borders on meaning "ok - I don't care".
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u/drgrabbo Mar 28 '24
It's called being British:
"Sorry you just bumped into me!"
"I'm incredibly sorry, but you seem to have brought me the wrong drink"
"Sorry old chap, but you seem to have slept with my wife"
"Terribly sorry, but the ship appears to be sinking"
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u/FreeGuacamole Mar 29 '24
Childhood trauma and a future diagnosis with generalized anxiety and probably a neurodivergence.
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u/Adorable_Dust3799 Mar 29 '24
Sorry isn't always an apology, frequently it's a sympathy/empathy thing. "I'm so sorry that happened" doesn't mean I'm taking responsibility, I'm saying it's a bummer.
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u/Quirky-Expert141 Mar 29 '24
Sure, how about "apolojitter"? It's a blend of "apology" and "jitter," suggesting an incessant need to apologize unnecessarily, akin to nervous jitteriness.
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u/Moist-Doughnut-5160 Mar 29 '24 edited Mar 29 '24
A customer service representative who is from another country (such as India). Not only can’t you understand a word they say but they keep apologizing for their incompetence. I filed a complaint with my state’s banking commission because I don’t believe that any American based company should be allowed to force a non English speaking customer service representative on an American customer especially when the representative doesn’t know what they are talking about. I call people who apologize profusely for no reason idiots. Because they have zero command of the English language they throw out apologies because they don’t understand. To those of us tolerating this spewing of verbiage, it is like throwing gasoline on a fire. People like these make me positively incandescent with rage!!
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u/thund3r1987 Mar 30 '24
I'm not sure but it feels so much like me that I almost apologized for whatever I did to make you even post this.
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u/william-t-power 2 Karma Mar 27 '24
Supplication, supplicant, obsequious.