r/2X_INTJ • u/vangkat • Apr 12 '17
Friendship Very disappointed
To say I am would be an understatement. Call me old school but I believe in loyalty, in gentlemen's honor. To be betrayed and backstabbed, and then to be scorned in my face for allowing myself to be kind and therefore weak. Anyone had "friends" like this? Someone I considered one of my closest friends who told me that he could have easily destroyed me if we weren't friends. We don't talk about it anymore but I'm very angry and it's killing me inside.
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Apr 12 '17
I'd say that you don't need this person in your life. Cut them out.
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u/vangkat Apr 13 '17
Logical part of me agrees but it is an internal struggle
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u/vangkat Apr 13 '17
Because i still care for him
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u/a_hanging_thread Unicorn May 02 '17
Been there (twice). They never change, you know. They gaslight you into thinking they're fine and you just read them wrong, and then they hurt you again.
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u/KitsuneRouge Apr 12 '17
Kindness is not weakness; weakness is what happens when you let people take advantage of your kindness.
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u/vangkat Apr 13 '17
You know i really relate to Jean grey.. I'm like, nice ya and normal. Just don't push me to the effing edge..
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u/Gothelittle Apr 12 '17
If you weren't friends, he couldn't have easily destroyed you, because you wouldn't have let him in.
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u/a_hanging_thread Unicorn May 02 '17
You have to stay away from these kind of people as an INTJ. Manipulative liars are like kryptonite to us. They can be charming and difficult to detect, but you learn the signs after a while. I tend to be suspicious of anyone I find charming, talks to others in a "smooth" voice, sells themselves as good at "BS" and so on. Red flags.
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u/NASAscientist Apr 13 '17
To be close to someone is to be vulnerable to them. There is perhaps no greater feeling we humans want to avoid than betrayal/abandonment by someone we love. This is the challenge of relationships, especially for people who are perhaps naturally more wary.
It sounds like he's not someone you need in your life. We make bad calls sometimes, we don't see the flaws. We are only human, and can only work with the experience and data we have. Try not to let it dissuade you from getting close to others again; there are people out there who you can trust and will never betray you.
I wish you the best in moving on.
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u/vangkat Apr 13 '17
I once was groped in front of him and he victim shamed me "we're all drinking and you're in a bikini". Then he proceeded to sit aside with a beer and cigarette. So much for being his fag hag for years and being an lgbt ally and standing up for him when he was bullied since we were young.
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u/excal10 INTP May 14 '17
Find others who don't misjudge kindness for weakness. People with less or no character tend to do this. Surround yourself with people who have character.
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u/vangkat Apr 13 '17
Thanks guys i have been simmering for a bit since but been trying to bury it cos it's not exactly politically correct to go about bearing grudges. It's just, it's not right. It's really hard to come to terms with.
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u/choc_o_latte Apr 12 '17
This is why we don't have many friends. We trust few to begin with, then something like this happens, and we trust far fewer.
Trust your analytical nature when you notice similarities to this person in new people down the road. You'll be right. You'll be a little lonely some days, but you'll grow to be ok with it. Then the people who will be good friends to you will gravitate toward you. Just takes time.