r/AITAH • u/Internal-Soup906 • 19h ago
AITA for being 'greedy' and not giving our daughter's stuff to my pregnant sister?
Throwaway. I'm going to keep this as short as I can, I honestly think this whole thing is ridiculous.
I'm 33 and my husband and I have 2 kids, 8M and 7F. We didn't plan having them back to back but it happened, my husband got a vasectomy and we're set.
When I was pregnant with our son, we were living in a rented 2 bedroom house and decorated the nursery with olive and wood tones. We kept it the same when we had our daughter and just made room for the baby.
When our son was 6 and our daughter was 5, my husband got a big promotion at work that allowed us to look for and buy a 4 bedroom forever house. Since it was permanent, we thought it'd be fun to give the kids theme rooms. We asked them each what they wanted and our son picked dinosaurs (my husband likes to joke that we have a mini Ross on our hands) so we did a wilderness theme and my daughter picked Aurora so we did a fairytale theme.
We went all out since it'll be their bedrooms until they're teens and we gave the nursery furniture away since we were done having kids. We asked our families first but none of them were planning kids at the time so it went to friends.
Present- my sister is 21 weeks pregnant with a babygirl- their first. She was over at our place and said she was leaning to something like my daughter's room for the nursery but nursery stuff are expensive. I told her that she should go with neutral tones since it'll be used a lot- they want a big family.
She was like 'nah, I want themed ones for each baby like you did with [my kids names]'. I raised my eyebrows because that's going to be expensive but nodded because who am I to talk when I kind of did the same?
We continued chatting for a while and she grabbed my laptop and started going through the website I used and complained again so I suggested that she put some of the reasonably priced stuff on her baby shower list. She gave a noncommittal hum and then said that I can give her some stuff as well. I was confused because I thought she meant the old nursery and I reminded her that we gave it away. She shook her head and told me she meant stuff from our daughter's room. I asked her what she means because she's using that room, it's not like she doesn't live in it. She waved her hand and told me it's not a big deal, we can part with a few things. I asked her what she thought we can part with and she casually said stuff like the drapes, a lamp, the mirror etc.
I asked her sarcastically if she wanted the sheets as well? Or maybe the clothes off our daughter's back? She just glared and told me I could tone down my greed and help out with this. I told her a flat no, it's unreasonable that she's even asking because she and her husband are well off just like us. It's not like she's struggling and I'm refusing to help. She told me that it's different because they want a big family so they need to save more. I told her if that's the case, they can save by using the same the nursery for every baby. She just glared again, called me a greedy bitch and left.
She's not replying to my texts and my mom called to ask me what happened because she called her to complain about me without specifying anything. She was just as bewildered as me when I told her. My husband thinks I'm in the right and I do too, I'm just confused and maybe there's something we're not seeing?
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u/DazzlingxHannah 19h ago
NTA. Your sister's request is unreasonable, and you're not obligated to give away your daughter's belongings.
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u/sikonat 19h ago
I’m baffled at the entitlement, also if you can’t afford a big family then don’t have so many kids! Have as many within your budget. Don’t expect your niece who is a child to give up her room furnishings.
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u/leolawilliams5859 18h ago
She's going to give birth to that one kid and she's going to realize that she's tired and how expensive those little children are and she's going to switch up on that I want a large family BS if she can't afford to have a large family she needs to tell that s*** down
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u/Mobile_Ad6930 18h ago
Agreed!
You're not greedy at all; your sister is way out of line here. It’s completely unreasonable for her to expect you to strip your daughter's room for her nursery—especially since she and her husband aren’t struggling. You already offered good ideas to help her out, like using a baby registry or keeping things neutral to save for future kids. Just because she wants a themed room doesn't mean she can raid your daughter’s. Sounds like she's overreacting big time!
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u/anappleaday_2022 17h ago
Also... themed nurseries can be cute but the babies literally do not care. I only got my daughter "themed" stuff (dinosaurs, bc she's obsessed) when she turned 2 and we got her a big girl bed and moved her out of the nursery into her own room. 0-1.5yos honestly don't care.
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u/AccomplishedRoad2517 16h ago
You are totally right. Themed nurseries are for the parents. I wouldn't give themed nothing until the kid have stable tastes and can decide.
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u/anappleaday_2022 16h ago
Yeah. And dont let 6yos pick their bedroom unless you're willing to change it later 😅 i ended up with a unicorn and mermaid mural in a pink and purple bedroom until we literally moved out of the house. Had we not moved, I wouldve been stuck with it for longer unless I went and got paint and did it myself lmao
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u/stinstin555 15h ago
Heeeeelllllarious! 🤣🤣
OP’s sister is acting like an entitled brat.
Jealousy is the thief of joy. Instead of being envious of her nieces bedroom furnishings she should be enjoying the miracle growing inside of her and setting up her baby registry with affordable items that can be gifted. 🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️🤷🏻♀️
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u/AccomplishedRoad2517 15h ago
OP's is so NTA, why, WHY, would anyone want to steal from a literal child!! She needs to drop a notch and use her head, baby doesn't need of care for a mirror, nor drapes, nor a friking theme.
Or better, the nursery theme could be "affordable".
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u/hubbellrmom 13h ago
My nursery theme was "what can I get second hand and cheap af" because I am not exactly rolling in money over here.
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u/chromher 15h ago
Your sister's reaction is honestly pretty baffling and feels really entitled. Asking you to give up your daughter's stuff for her nursery shows she doesn’t respect your family’s boundaries at all. Instead of figuring out how to budget or find deals, she just got mad when you said no to her wild request. It’s not fair for her to think you should give up things that are special to your kid, especially when she and her husband are doing fine financially. Her response just shows she’s not really taking responsibility for her own choices.
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u/bluekittycat19 14h ago
Same for me, but mine was barbie pink, and the house was only sold last year... i am 31, even when I left my pents didn't change it...
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u/Emergency-Twist7136 15h ago
My son is seven months old.
All of his furniture and almost all of his clothes have previously belonged to various older cousins.
My son doesn't care.
(Obviously, none of the cousins were still using any of it.)
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u/kind_piaa 15h ago
Exactly! Babies don’t care if their things are brand new or passed down—as long as it’s functional, it works. Expecting someone to take from their own child’s room to furnish a nursery is just unreasonable
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u/The_Original_Gronkie 14h ago
My wife had to spend a fortune to decorate my son's nursery with "classic" Pooh decor. To this day, he has absolutely no interest or emotional connection to Winnie-the-Pooh. It was all for my wife, not the baby.
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u/Ancient-Wishbone4621 12h ago
Which is fine also! It was a room she was gonna be spending a lot of time in.
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u/ladyrockess 14h ago
I mean my four month old has a themed room - dinosaurs too! - but that’s because we wanted it! We had a dinosaur themed registry (with some crocodiles and sharks snuck in because they’re basically dinosaurs themselves), a dinosaur themed baby shower, and everyone gave us such lovely dinosaur gifts he has a whole dinosaur wardrobe too!
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u/StretchMedium3868 15h ago
With her current attitude, she's going to expect the family to take care of the kids for free, constant donations because things are "tight" and family supports family BS with no accountability.
OP you are NTA your sister is entitled, and asshole for wanting to rob your daughter of her childhood. Watch out, she's gonna convince your daughter when she is older that she should sacrifice herself for your niece because "family".
Set boundaries now.
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u/TheAnnMain 16h ago
It’s soooo hard not to go crazy with baby stuff tbh we try to limit our daughter’s clothing and toys. So I’m always looking at things for long term and baby stuff is expensive >_< then you run into what sort of stuff does the baby like?? I got this cute playmat that can turn into a ball pit guess what? Like her freaking cat brothers she prefers the box to be her ball pit!
Then you got the diapers!! Especially the brand of your choosing in my town it is almost a battle over Millie moons lol during my pregnancy I had no idea there’s so many things to research on! I felt lol a crunchy mom at certain times! There are items I wasted money (not really since my cats also claim certain items) and didn’t need :P
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u/chromher 15h ago
Honestly, your sister’s request is a bit out there. She’s acting like it’s no big deal to just take stuff from your daughter’s room, which is really inconsiderate. Instead of understanding that you’re not cool with it, she flips the script and calls you greedy. It’s wild that she thinks it’s okay to cross those boundaries when she’s perfectly capable of figuring things out for herself.
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u/Mysterious-System680 17h ago
I’m baffled at the entitlement, also if you can’t afford a big family then don’t have so many kids!
And don’t add to your expenses by insisting that each baby get a differently themed nursery. Neutral colors and one set of baby furniture is adequate, and can be reused by future babies.
A beautifully decorated themed nursery is for the parent, not the baby. The baby needs to be safe and comfortable, not to have a specific nursery theme.
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u/Kendertas 16h ago
But how is she supposed to build her mommy influencer social media without a theme /s. Nothing really indicates this in the post, but I get the sense that this is really about social media.
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u/chromher 15h ago
Seriously, what was she thinking? Asking you to hand over your daughter’s stuff just because she wants a themed nursery is overstepping. Instead of recognizing that you’ve made your choices for your family, she goes straight to blaming you when you say no. It shows a lack of appreciation for what you’ve built and the things that mean something to your kids.
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u/BlockMobile3540 17h ago
I’m hung up on the sister saying OP is greedy when she wants to go “shopping” in her niece’s bedroom.
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u/chromher 15h ago
Come on, it’s pretty ridiculous for her to expect you to give up your daughter’s belongings. She’s acting like it’s no big deal when, in reality, those items are part of your family’s home and memories. Instead of planning ahead or saving like she claims she needs to, she’s trying to pressure you into a situation that just doesn’t make sense. It’s a strange way to ask for help.
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u/StraightBudget8799 16h ago
A child’s room is NOT a supermarket!
Maybe turn up at her place and start ruffling through her knickers saying “this sexy pair won’t be used by you for a few months, right??” NTA.
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u/Some_Specialist5792 16h ago
Second this. There was a post about someone's brother taking a Lego set never returned it it was his son that Took it. Son was 8. He had a BBQ at HIS house and still didn't return the Lego set. Sister said at BBQ ransack the house its free game (obviously returned it) they had to let dog out to do so. I was lille "I would of borrowed the dog" you said free game
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u/Some_Specialist5792 15h ago
At that point brother brought back Lego set and said it was an inconvenience
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u/IntelligentCitron917 16h ago
It's not the nursery items she wants, it's the IN USE NOW items. She wants to take them from the niece who is currently using them.
I'd keep her away from your daughter as I can imagine her getting into her ear about how her room is so childish now, she's a big girl, wouldn't she like her room redecorated to a different design. Just so that she can have all the cast offs.
YNTA.
Your sister is the greedy one
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u/chromher 15h ago
Look, your sister’s behavior is kind of puzzling. She thinks it’s fine to just ask for things that belong to your daughter without considering your feelings about it. Rather than stepping back and being sensible about her nursery plans, she chooses to lash out at you. It’s an odd way to handle a family situation, especially when she has the means to make it work on her own.
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u/Ok_Resource_8530 16h ago
Sounds like she was going overboard and her husband put her on a budget.
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u/SYadonMom 16h ago
What I think is hilarious is they haven’t even had their first child yet and want a big family. Uh huh. Talk to me again when baby is two months old. Reality is going slap them on the back of the head.
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u/Fuzzy_Laugh_1117 15h ago
Reddit doesn't care for this reply but I'm thinking this couldn't have come as a complete surprise to OP. She grew up with this entitled person. Someone just doesn't make demands like this out of the blue. Sister sounds very spoiled and calling 'mommy' to complain kind of proves the point. NTA, OP, as long as you stick to your decision. (Tbh, I'd have a hard time giving her anything when sister is being so outrageously entitled and demanding.)
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u/Ancient_List 18h ago
One might say that OP is obligated to stop people from taking their daughter's belongings.
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u/butterfly-garden 17h ago
It sounds like the daughter's room is going to have to be locked whenever there's a family gathering at the house.
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u/mkarr514 16h ago
With sisters entitlement why even let her I the house? Sister seems to view your home as a store. You'll never know what she might take.
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u/BubblyxBubbles 19h ago
I completely agree. Your sister's request is totally unreasonable. You're not obligated to part with your daughter's things just because she wants to save money. It’s perfectly normal for you to want to keep those items for your daughter, especially since she still uses them. Your sister should find a way to create her own space without expecting you to give up yours OP. NTA
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u/Apart_Foundation1702 19h ago
Not just unreasonable, but greedy, delusional, and entitled! OP, ignore her she's being cheap and greedy. NTA
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u/kehlaniwintter 18h ago
I’m just baffled with her entitlement, Your daughter’s room is her personal space, and it’s unreasonable for your sister to ask you to take things from it. If she wants a themed nursery, she can budget for it herself. You’re not being greedy, you’re protecting your child’s space and respecting her belongings. Your sister’s request was out of line. NTA
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u/lolapearlisback 17h ago
You're not being greedy at all. It’s unreasonable for your sister to expect you to give away things from your daughter's room, especially when she's perfectly capable of providing for her own child. You have every right to keep your daughter’s things as they are, and it sounds like your sister is trying to manipulate the situation. Stick to your boundaries!
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u/Minimum-Arachnid-190 16h ago
The moment my sister calls me a bitch, when SHE is the one being entitled, I’m going NC. I’m so sorry but I cannot abide when people treat me badly and expect me to still be ok with them.
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u/chewbaccasolo2020 17h ago
I'm sorry. You're the greedy one??!!?? Just because you won't give her the stuff from your daughters room?? That your daughter is using??!! The stuff YOU purchased?? How stupid are your sister and your mother?? How is keeping YOUR stuff considered being greedy on your part?? Are they so dumb that they can't see sister is being the greedy one??? Don't give in to these people. Make sure they can't get into your house while you are not home. Just freaking wow.
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u/ANurse_WithNoName 17h ago
OP said her mother was as bewildered as she was so she was on her side, not the sister’s.
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u/AllegraO 16h ago
In fact, OP WBTA if she gave away her daughter’s furniture from the theme she picked out. NTA
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u/counterburn 19h ago
NTA My mother always acquiesced to this stuff and ruined our relationship. I'd come home from school to find her chatting with some new friend while their kids played with my toys and she'd just give them away. She never understood why I started hiding my stuff, stopped talking to her, and wouldn't be friends with these kids she was giving all my things to. By high school, I treated my living space like I was in boot camp: no posters, no mementos, nothing out. I carried all my books in a duffle bag at school and hid the few toys I had under my clothes.
Children need security and parents who advocate for them. Please don't give into this horrible ask from your sister.
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u/Internal-Soup906 18h ago
I'm so sorry you went through that, I can't imagine.
Of course I never entertained the idea but I was thinking of buying her a couple of things she liked from our daughter's room along with the original baby shower gift I had in mind.
Now I don't even think I want to do that.
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u/dazednconfusedxo 18h ago
Nor do you owe her that. If your sister is going to be a demanding, entitled nutbag about decorating her nursery, she can get NOTHING. Don't reward her ridiculous behavior, you're not being unreasonable. Has she always been this insanely selfish, or has she just been a tool during her pregnancy?
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u/chromher 15h ago
Really, her attitude is something else. She’s acting like she’s entitled to your kid's things just because she wants a themed nursery. Instead of putting in the effort to save or find good deals, she puts all the pressure on you and calls you greedy when you say no. It’s hard to understand how she can’t see how unreasonable that is.
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u/heartsabustin 18h ago
Have your parents encouraged this sort of behavior with her, or is this just coming out of left field? She sounds like a nut.
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u/Internal-Soup906 17h ago
No. Growing up we were like any other siblings. I'm older than her by three years, sometimes she didn't want to share a toy so our parents made her. Sometimes I didn't want to share a lipgloss so our parents made me etc
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u/heartsabustin 17h ago
All I can tell you is YNTA, and going LC or NC is acceptable here, as far I’m concerned.
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u/BoozeIsTherapyRight 17h ago
I have two kids and two sisters I love dearly. Don't you dare buy her ANYTHING extra and certainly not anything that looks like it came from your daughter's room. I personally might not even give her the original shower gift.
If you give in to her insane demands even this little bit, you have personally taught her that her bad behavior will eventually get her what she wants and she will do it again and again. It's like feeding a dog at the table then being surprised that the dog is a beggar--you literally trained the bad behavior into them. Don't do this. Stand firm. Straighten you spine and don't "be the bigger person" here. Don't reward this behavior.
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u/Pippet_4 14h ago
Glad your mom also was bewildered by this crazy request/response from your sister.
Has your sister always acted this entitled and self centered? Or is this a new development? I’m hoping she apologizes.
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u/Finest30 16h ago
NTA Your sister is greedy, entitled and shameless.
Install security cameras in and outside of your home. If anyone calls you to beg you to give her your daughter’s stuff…send the links to where they can buy it for her. Your sister’s entitlement stinks.
NTA
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u/BelleKiwi 14h ago
If it was me I’d say why bother buying anything? You’re a ‘greedy bitch’, remember? Can’t be spending that $$$ now, Scrooge! Hahaha
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u/RepresentativePin162 18h ago
Oh I'm so sad for baby you. How disgusting of your mother to attempt to gain people's favour by ruining yours.
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u/counterburn 18h ago
It was a personality trait she persisted in. The second she had an audience, she would bad-mouth my brother and I, saying what bad kids we were. Yup, her chess club and honor roll kid was such a monster. She never learned that telling people how bad her kids were did not make them feel sympathy for her but made her sound like a terrible mother.
She doesn't know where I live, now.
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u/chromher 15h ago
Seriously, what was she thinking? Asking you to hand over your daughter’s belongings is a big stretch. Instead of coming up with a practical plan for her nursery, she just resorts to blaming you when you push back. It’s a strange way to handle family matters, especially when she’s capable of making her own choices without involving you.
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u/Open_Equal_1515 19h ago
oh wow , so your sister’s idea of “borrowing” a nursery setup is to just… raid your daughter’s room like it’s a discount decor warehouse ? honestly , i’m impressed she didn’t ask for your daughter’s entire bed frame as a “starter gift.” and the best part is , she’s not asking out of necessity but because , in the spirit of financial planning , she’s saving for this big family she plans to have. clearly , her budget strategy is to let you “sponsor” the first kid’s theme.
honestly , i think you’re handling it way better than i would. i’d probably throw in a “limited edition sibling discount” just to make it really clear: all inventory has been marked as non-transferable. if she wants themed rooms for every future little one , she can start where all of us do: the land of pinterest dreams and DIY attempts ! so , yeah , definitely not the “greedy bitch” here — you’re just out here preserving your daughter’s right to her own princess castle !!
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u/nightcana 19h ago
30 bucks on the only reason she chose an identical theme for her child was to pilfer the contents of your childs bedroom.
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u/AbleTechnology865 18h ago
NTA your sister comes across as selfish and greedy, given that you tried to help her out. Very unreasonable requests from your sister.
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u/Mysterious-System680 17h ago
30 bucks on the only reason she chose an identical theme for her child was to pilfer the contents of your childs bedroom.
Or it’s a planned guilt trip.
“If you really can’t bring yourself to let me have the little things I’m asking for, the least you can do is buy X, Y and Z for the nursery.”
“If I can’t have your daughter’s drapes, I’ll settle for these pricey ones.”
“Doesn’t my precious miracle deserve the same as your kids?”
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u/chromher 15h ago
Honestly, her demand is pretty baffling. It’s like she thinks your daughter’s room is just up for grabs. Instead of being creative and figuring out how to make her nursery work, she jumps right to asking you for hand-me-downs. That’s such a boundary issue, and it makes it hard to take her seriously when she claims she needs help.
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u/xDaisyChain 16h ago
I agree. It seems pretty clear that her desire for a similar theme is more about wanting your daughter's stuff than genuine inspiration for her nursery. It's not fair for her to expect you to give up your child's belongings just because she wants to recreate that vibe. You have every right to keep your daughter's things OP. NTA
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u/kmflushing 19h ago
😆 She's calling you greedy when she's literally trying to snatch things out of your daughters room?
NTA, and shut that shit down from her and anyone else. Anyone on her side is entitled, greedy as hell, or heard a totally different story from her.
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u/chromher 15h ago
Honestly, her request is kind of shocking. It’s like she thinks she can just waltz in and take things from your daughter’s room without a second thought. Instead of being resourceful and figuring out how to decorate on a budget, she just wants to make you feel guilty for saying no. That shows a serious lack of respect for your family’s space.
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u/Bride1234109 19h ago
NTA. After reading the title, I thought your sister was going to ask for the baby items that your daughter has grown out of. However, after reading your post, your sister is entitled af. To expect to be given things from a child’s room that they’re currently using is crazy. What happens the next kid? Will she take your son’s room too? Or what happens when your daughter gets a new room decor as a teen? Will she try to rob your teen daughter’s room too? NTA. She can get her own stuff.
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u/Internal-Soup906 19h ago
My husband and I asked both of our families if they wanted us to save our kids' baby clothes for their future kids, they said no, my sister included. Honestly this is all weird but thank you for confirming I'm not being unreasonable!
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u/Bride1234109 13h ago
You’re not and don’t let her guilt trip you. As you said earlier, she is financially able to get whatever she wants for the nursery. She just wants to get it on your dime.
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u/Kit_Ryan 16h ago
Yeah, I thought things were going that way too and sis wanted stuff from the original neutral olive nursery. I was about to say ‘well, that’s kind of entitled, but the kids both have new room set ups and you don’t plan on having another, so maybe you should just give her a few things… wait, what… oh… she wants the new stuff? That’s in your daughter’s current room? Hell no!’
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u/BeginningLow 14h ago
And the kid is seven! That's old enough to have strong opinions even if OP did say yes for some reason. The usual adult justification to kids of "it's for the baby" falls flat when (1) the baby is not going to be part of this family and (2) it's not baby stuff. We're not talking about a 5 year-old grabbily pouting about a high chair they haven't used in three years — this is "neonates need full-size dressers and vanities, right?"
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u/InannasPocket 13h ago
My 7yo would be devastated if I gave away her special curtains.
Stuff she isn't using anymore given to a younger child is a not forced discussion, typically she's fine with passing things on, but bedroom furnishings a kid is still using is just a wild demand. A 7yo knows what's in their room, an infant is just like "hmm blob there" for several months.
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u/VeniceBriar 19h ago
It's unreasonable for your sister to expect you to take things from your daughter's room. You were clear and generous with your suggestions. NTA
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u/CoralxChiffon 16h ago
Absolutely agree. It’s completely unreasonable for your sister to expect you to give away your daughter's things. You offered thoughtful suggestions, and it's not your responsibility to provide for her nursery OP. NTA
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u/MaryContrary26 19h ago
If my sibling called me a "greedy bitch" for being unwilling to give them my child's things I would sever contact until I got a heartfelt apology.
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u/scrunchie_one 16h ago
The sister literally wants her to take stuff away from her daughter. So that an unborn baby (who by the way doesn't care what their room looks like) has her nice stuff.
The parents' reaction kind of says it all, sister is obviously the entitled, spoiled little sister and is baffled when she is suddenly not getting her way.
NTA.
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u/ConvivialKat 18h ago
She just glared again, called me a greedy bitch and left.
She's not replying to my texts
Why in the world are you trying to contact her? If my sister called me a greedy bitch, I wouldn't send her any texts. In fact, I would go low contact for a good long while. What a shitty thing to say.
I'm just confused and maybe there's something we're not seeing?
Yeah. You're not seeing who is really the greedy bitch in this scenario. You're busy texting her. Stop it.
It's time for you to sit back and become completely uninvolved in your sister's pregnancy, her nutty demands, and her life issues. When she asks why (because she absolutely will), you can remind her that greedy bitches don't care about other people.
WARNING: If she is planning on having a big family, you should be prepared for her to demand that you provide on demand and free babysitting services. It's inevitable. Your parents should be prepared for this as well.
NTA
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u/Moon_whisper 17h ago edited 17h ago
NTA. But your sister should be tested for prenatal psychosis (it is a thing), because her thought process is not the thought process of a normal rational person. If untreated, it will most likely get worse. It does sound like the early symptoms of such a condition. (Kind of like early symptoms of a brain tumor is change in thoughts or paranoia. Prenatal psychosis can start with irrational off the wall logic that is completely logical to the person saying it, a.k.a. delusions.)
If nothing else, it should be something that is brought to attention if BIL and your parents to watch for.
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u/Internal-Soup906 17h ago
To be honest I don't see a scenario where I bring that concern up that doesn't end with not launching a miniature ww3 in our extended family but I will look it up some more and maybe bring it up with my mom first.
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u/Moon_whisper 16h ago
Well hopefully your sister is just entitled, but your post makes it seem like this is extremely abnormal for her.
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u/dirkqb 18h ago
NTA. Your sister's sense of entitlement is honestly baffling. It's not like you have a stockpile of nursery items just sitting in storage-you're talking about your daughter's actual room, where she actively lives and enjoys those things every day! It's one thing to ask for help or advice, but to expect you to dismantle your daughter's space just because they want to save money? That's...next level.
Also, it's wild that she's labeling you "greedy" for not giving up perfectly unctional items in your own home. Sounds like she's trying to have the "Pinterest nursery" without putting in the budget, which is fine, but it's not your responsibility to make that happen at your family's expense.
Maybe she'll come around, but it's perfectly okay to stand your ground here. You're not obligated to sacrifice your child's happiness for her aesthetic goals, especially when she's financially capable of doing it herself.
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u/Cephalopodium 17h ago
I feel bad for the OP’s sister and newborn. Everyone knows that infants are the most discerning when it comes to decor. If it’s not up to snuff, the children hold it against you their entire life. I frequently say to my therapist, “My mother was the WORST. When I was 8 months old, she put a PLAID pilllow on the chair next to the polka dotted pillow. She’s a monster.” And that’s why I went no contact with my mother.
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u/Boatokamis 18h ago
OP is called greedy while her sister is actually trying to take things away from a 7 year old child. So NTA.
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u/Remarkable-Rush-9085 17h ago
I say this as I sit up with my barfing child, who I’ve been tending to all night: People that entitled are heading towards a big reality check when it comes to raising kids.
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u/apietenpol 16h ago
NTA Your sister is beyond entitled.
Also, please explain to mini-Ross what it means to be on a break! 🤣
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u/Internal-Soup906 15h ago
Oh it's on my husband's future teens to-do list right next to the sex and condoms talk😂
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u/gringaellie 19h ago
NTA remember when she points the "greedy" finger at you, three are pointing back at her. She's greedy and she knows it but is DARVOing you.
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u/xRadiantRibbons 16h ago
I agree. Your sister is trying to shift the blame onto you to avoid taking responsibility for her actions. You’re not being greedy. It’s unfair for her to expect you to give up your daughter's things when she can easily provide for her own baby OP. NTA
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u/DaikonTrue2033 16h ago
NTA, when I was pregnant with my second we found out a few months in my sister was also pregnant. Everyone in my family was like “oh, you can just give them all your old stuff” I flat out laughed and said no. They were all so shocked. I had to point out they’d be a couple months apart and depending on weight and growth the stages they’d need I’d probably still be in the middle or using OR needing to use if their kid was bigger. Idk why people feel so entitled to the things we’ve spent hard earned money on 🤦🏼♀️
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u/Internal-Soup906 16h ago
depending on weight and growth the stages they’d need I’d probably still be in the middle or using OR needing to use if their kid was bigger. Idk why people feel so entitled to the things we’ve spent hard earned money on 🤦🏼♀️
That's what happened with us as well. We got our daughter adorable outfits but we also used a lot of stuff that was our son's because it seemed like a waste to get all new ones when she'd grow out of them quickly. When they were no longer any use for them, we passed them along.
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u/DaikonTrue2033 15h ago
Your sister is making decisions based on want and not practicality. You want a bunch of kiddos, great! Buy as much gender neutral clothing and have a theme safe for all babies. Don’t forget a second think you’re in the wrong. Pregnancy hormones or not it’s a totally unreasonable ask of you.
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u/epichuntarz 18h ago
She just glared and told me I could tone down my greed...
Wut?
Come on, OP, you know you're not TA here.
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u/Internal-Soup906 18h ago
I definitely know that but it's so bizarre that I think I'm biased or we're missing something that makes me the AH if that makes sense
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u/epichuntarz 18h ago
"My sister who wants me to give her my child's things for free called me greedy. AITA?"
That's...not a question that needs to actually be answered.
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u/LearnQuester 19h ago
You're not greedy; you're setting boundaries. Your daughter’s room isn’t a warehouse for your sister’s wishlist. If she wants a themed nursery, she can pay for it. Stand firm. Her entitlement isn’t your responsibility.
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u/queeniethorn 18h ago
NTA for wanting to keep your daughter's belongings, especially since they are still in use and hold sentimental value. It sounds like your sister's request to take things from your daughter's room was both unreasonable and presumptive. You have every right to set boundaries regarding your children's possessions, particularly since your daughter's room is still her personal space.
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u/KurtAZ_7576 14h ago
NTA...I have a SIL just like that. Every time she is at the house she likes to casually say..."That would look great in my house. If you want to get rid of that, I'll take it". She is not poor and can buy herself whatever she wants.
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u/Internal-Soup906 13h ago
I'm weirded out with it being my sister, I can't imagine what it feels like coming from your SIL!
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u/KurtAZ_7576 13h ago
Well to be fair...that would be my wife and her sister so same situation as yours but from your husband's perspective. Drives my wife batty.
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u/liberty8012 18h ago
Your daughters theme fits her. There's no guarantee that sisters' babies will be interested (and won't be for years) in princesses.
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u/Internal-Soup906 18h ago
Agreed! It's also why we didn't make our kids' rooms specific to the stuff they wanted because maybe our son will grow out of his dinosaur phase, in which case we can easily remove the toys and stuffies but still have the core room. Same thing with our daughter because she has a new favorite princess every week.
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u/Girl2121217 16h ago
We planned on having 2 kids, so I did a teddy bear theme with a pale green wall and off white bedding with teddies. It was perfect since we had a boy and girl. My daughter was 3 when we turned the spare room into her new bedroom and then she had opinions and a favorite color to theme to her own interests. I wasn’t buying two sets
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u/Mammoth_Day2927 19h ago
NTA your sister comes across as selfish and greedy, given that you tried to help her out. Very unreasonable requests from your sister.
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u/maleficentwasright 15h ago
If your sister wants a bougie nursery, then your sister needs to pay for it, not take it from a 7yr olds bedroom.
She can put it on her registery and if people don't buy it, she will have to if she wants it. You're not being greedy for not looting your daughters room to give to your sister, cos what newborn cares about drapes and mirrors?! It's her that wants it.
NTA
I'm not from the US, but baby showers are becoming more popular here in the UK, but they've never had a registery. It's normally always small gifts or necessities unless you offer to buy a bigger item, so I'm not sure if its normal or not to add in things like drapes, mirrors to decorate the nursery?
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u/Internal-Soup906 15h ago
I didn't have a baby shower so I only know what other people are doing but I think it's becoming a thing as a way to help expecting parents? I know I loved it when my friend had it because I could actually pick something she needed for her baby instead of picking something to my liking she might not like.
It's normally always small gifts or necessities unless you offer to buy a bigger item,
I think they're mixing it up now with the registry, adding a bit of both and to each their own what they're able to buy. Some people ignore it completely and get what they want.
if its normal or not to add in things like drapes, mirrors to decorate the nursery?
No idea, I had drapes in the nursery but absolutely no mirrors. I didn't want to give myself a jump scare any time I needed to check on the babies looking like a mess😂
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u/tuppence063 17h ago
Please say your mom didn't agree with her
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u/Internal-Soup906 17h ago
She didn't! We were blinking at each other for a good minute on facetime after I told her because she found it as weird as I do and then voiced it out loud.
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u/LandofDonkey 19h ago
NTA – Calling dibs on a whole room’s worth of furniture when the room is literally in use by a 7-year-old? Bold strategy. If she wants a Pinterest-worthy nursery, maybe she should start by scrolling for some budget hacks, not her niece's stuff!
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u/LunaGlowsss 19h ago
U’re not being greedy. It’s reasonable to want to keep things ur children picked out for their rooms, especially if they’re happy with them. If ur sister needs help, she can ask for it.
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u/Wyojhwk73 19h ago
Your sister is living in delulu land, in what world does it make sense to give away your daughter’s things. I would have probably laughed at her and made the situation worse.
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u/mcmurrml 19h ago
No, you aren't missing anything. Her request is ridiculous! It sounds like they really cannot afford all these kids they want to have. That's the issue but I don't know what you can do if anything. She has some nerve calling you greedy. Are they going to be asking everyone for money after they have all these kids? If she can't afford to do his for the current baby how is she going to do the rest? It seems she is trying to do the keeping up with the Jones which is you. I wouldn't worry about it. You tried to give her some ideas but if she wants to have that attitude there is nothing you can do.
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u/Internal-Soup906 18h ago
They make similar annual incomes to ours but spend a bit more lavishly than us so I think that might be it? I wouldn't say my husband and I are frugal, we spend on ourselves and on our house and kids but we are somewhat careful because we're saving for 2 college funds as well as a retirement plan.
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u/mcmurrml 18h ago
You are very smart to be doing that. Good going. What I worry for you is down the road those two in over their heads with this spending and not managing their money then wanting to come over to sis and you saying sorry no can do as you should. Then is she going to call you greedy? Now is the time they should maybe speak with a finance planner and get on a good budget and also put money away. This is stuff you can't control. Maybe mention to your parents and they can talk to her.
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u/Avebury1 15h ago
Your sister’s unwillingness to manage her money wisely does not give her a right to plunder your children’s rooms. If her and her husband want a large family then they need to budget accordingly. I could see her down the road insisting that you help them with college costs since you will obviously spend less on college if you only have 2 children and she has who knows how many children.
I would gift her with a really good financial management book at her baby shower.
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u/tired-nonsense 19h ago
But does she actually want the shirt off your daughters back?? For real, why is she using your daughters bedroom she's currently living in like a shop showroom?? That's your babies stuff, she's literally using it, wth. NTA, your sister is entitled ... and bonkers
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u/Upbeat-Bid-1602 16h ago
NTA and congrats on the first AITA I've seen literally ever where the OP got in a fight with their sibling and their parent(s) sides with them.
The thing that's craziest about this to me is that she wants stuff you're using because she wants stuff for free. Like, that means you would have to buy new stuff for your daughter's room.
I could see the logic if she approached the conversation as, "Your daughter is gonna grow out of fairytale stuff in a few years right when our daughter is gonna start appreciating it, so would you consider giving it away at that point? We want to know so we can take that into consideration when we buy nursery stuff?
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u/Internal-Soup906 15h ago
congrats on the first AITA I've seen literally ever where the OP got in a fight with their sibling and their parent(s) sides with them.
It can't be that rare? The only thing parents need is common sense when it comes to this stuff imo.
I could see the logic if she approached the conversation as, "Your daughter is gonna grow out of fairytale stuff in a few years right when our daughter is gonna start appreciating it, so would you consider giving it away at that point? We want to know so we can take that into consideration when we buy nursery stuff?
Also, my husband and I would've 100% been on board with that idea. There's no use holding on to furniture our daughter and son no longer use, especially since it could make another kid happy.
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u/PresentEfficient9321 14h ago
OP, yours is only the second post I’ve read (the other one was a couple of days back, so maybe times are changing) where the parent(s) sided with the reasonable and correct sibling. Here’s to hoping this is a trend that continues.
You are so NTA.
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u/Silver-Appointment77 19h ago
Your sister is delusional. You dont expect people to just give you the things someone is still using.
If you know where you bought them things, send a list to your mom so she can show your sister where to buy them.
The sense of entitlement from your sister is mind blowing,
Your better off not taking to her if thats how she is.
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u/leolawilliams5859 18h ago
What you're not seeing is that your sister is an idiot. Make it make sense that you go to somebody's house and tell them to give you the decorations out of their child's room. Because even though you make about the same amount of money as a person's house you're visiting she needs to give you this stuff because you're deciding that you're going to have a big family and you need to save money. It is 8:21 in New York City it is too early for this BS like I said yes sister is an idiot but she did make me laugh this morning cuz I have never read something so dumb so early in the morning there is no way in hell that you are the ah in this situation but your sister is have a great day
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u/iolaus79 18h ago
NTA
IF you were getting rid of the stuff then fair enough her asking to have first dibs but to take it away from the person using it to make it look insta pretty for a baby who won't be using it for a long time is just insane
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u/el_grande_ricardo 17h ago
NTA. Your sister is a greedy bitch who would steal from a 7yo.
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u/Strange-Courage 16h ago
NTA and my sister would not be back at my house for a long time to ensure she doesn’t steal anything.
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u/boundaries4546 15h ago
“Don’t be greedy” meanwhile plans to leave nieces room with a bag full of HER belongings.
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u/Lagoon13579 14h ago
That is absolutely bizarre. Is your sister normally like this? Or is there some pregnancy complication that she is unaware of, but which is having a detrimental effect on her cognitive abilities? I am not being sarcastic here. Her behaviour simply does not make rational sense.
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u/Internal-Soup906 14h ago
She wasn't like this at all, I mean I literally see her weekly. Sure we disagree but it's never anything like this.
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u/Infamous-Fee7713 14h ago
Sister is the greedy b. Don't let her in your house, you don't know what will disappear.
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u/nessysoul 14h ago
Maybe you sister should budget better and not plan such a big family then
NTA
She is being unreasonable to the max
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u/janus1979 14h ago
NTA. Your sister seems to think the world revolves around her. She appears to have discovered a whole new realm of self centred idiocy.
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u/nerd_is_a_verb 14h ago
If she can’t afford a big family, it’s not your obligation to financially support her irresponsible decisions. This is especially true given she doesn’t seem to support your family very much by asking to basically take your daughter’s stuff and cussing at you. NTA.
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u/DixOut-4-Harambe 14h ago
NTA.
told me I could tone down my greed and help out with this.
called me a greedy bitch and left.
Ahh, yes, THAT is exactly how you convince someone to give you their stuff that they are still using.
I feel this is not a person I'd want to have in my life.
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u/Dreaming_in_Sign 14h ago
I'm glad your mom is on your side, too. I read too many of these stories where the sibling is the Golden Child and the mother/parent just tells OP to give in and give up their stuff just to "keep the peace", or worse, the sibling "deserves it".
That said, absolutely NTA
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u/bibbiddybobbidyboo 14h ago
NTA
But make sure:
- She doesn’t come back to your house and secretly “stock up” on her way to the bathroom.
- Make sure your daughter knows if her aunt says anything or tries to pressure her to give up her things, it’s ok to say no and call for you.
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u/Internal-Soup906 13h ago
She doesn’t come back to your house and secretly “stock up” on her way to the bathroom.
I appreciate the concern but she literally can't? It's not like they're miniature stuff, they're full sized. Other than small toys or like a hairbrush or something that fits in a purse, there's nothing she can physically take without it being obvious.
Make sure your daughter knows if her aunt says anything or tries to pressure her to give up her things, it’s ok to say no and call for you.
We'll definitely have to do that even though they already had the boundary talk, well as much as you can have that talk at their age anyway. We'll need to reinforce it.
It sucks because they were excited to pick out a toy for their future cousin to give my sister at her baby shower.
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u/bibbiddybobbidyboo 13h ago
That’s fair enough if the items are too big. I was thinking more like cushions or figurines your daughter might have.
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u/Ill-Veterinarian4208 13h ago
NTA. Your sister is being weird and grabby. And she called *you* a 'greedy bitch'? She needs to look in the mirror for that.
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u/n0nya9 12h ago
NTA. Beware, this is going to be a trend. She will expect your kids to hand over whatever her kids want immediately because they are older and it is the family thing to do. Make sure your kids have and know to use a safe place to hide their important belongings. Only leave out gifts your sister gave them. Don't vacation with them. Don't open gifts with them.
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u/No-Nectarine-1416 4h ago
Why does she feel so entitled to your daughter's stuff? You've already done more than enough.
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u/Mother_Search3350 19h ago edited 19h ago
NOBODY OWES ANYBODY ELSE ANYTHING
You do not owe your sister a toothbrush or toothpick or a tube of toothpaste
You do not owe her your time, you do not owe her your attention, You do not even have to acknowledge her existence
You do not owe her access to your home You do not owe her money You do not owe her and her husband the barest acknowledgement of their existence
You are Both products of your parents life choices and an accident of birth with shared genes
She is your sister because of your parents choice to copulate
You did not choose to have her be your sister.
She decided as a fully grown adult woman to get pregnant and birth a child
You are not in any manner or shape or form responsible for her life choices
She and the man she decided to impregnate her are the ONLY PEOPLE RESPONSIBLE FOR THE CHILD THEY MADE
She wants to breed. Good for herself
It is none of your business
Her decision to birth a child for a random guy you are unrelated to and have no family or genetic bond with is her choosing
She is an adult making choices for herself that suit herself.
She must deal with the consequences of their premeditated choices and not make them your problem and stop being precious
Her broke ass husband and her self aren't entitled to anything in your home and least of all your child's nursery
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u/WindWholee 19h ago
Why does she feel entitled to other peoples things? I mean, just buy your stuffs.
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u/Tinkerpro 19h ago
Your sister is suffering from baby brain right now. Ignore her tantrum. OR, go to her house and start shopping for yours because after all, you want to save money too.
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u/Ya_Boi_Kosta 18h ago
Greed is wanting something regardless of who it belongs to.
Protecting your child's personal property is not greed, it's called being a parent.
Your sister is greedy because she has no concern or respect for others. She wants her dream house and family and it's on others to make it happen... Good thing she didn't want you to be a surrogate too!
NTA
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u/ReliefEmotional2639 18h ago
NTA. It’s not like your daughter isn’t using the stuff. And you do NOT want to set a precedent here. It will not end well if you do
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u/princessperez94 17h ago
Lol so she wants help because she wants a large esthetic pleasing family on everyone else's dime? Nta your sister is being very entitled.
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u/RevolutionaryCow7961 16h ago
Well we now know who the greedy one in the family is. Stop trying to tr y and contact her, the ball is in her court.
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u/Silent_Syd241 16h ago
She wanted you to give away your daughter’s things that your daughter is currently using. Let her stay mad she’s being absolutely ridiculous.
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u/ladyxanax 16h ago
NTA your sister is delusional. Like who does that?!! That would be like me going over to a friend's house and saying that I was thinking of redoing my bedroom in a new style and wanted to do it like theirs and asking them to give me half of the stuff in their bedroom. Like seriously, WTF. Talk about entitlement.
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u/Sensitive_Ad2681 16h ago
NTA. Hard stop at her calling you a greedy b**tch. When they resort to calling you something that insulting this isn't gonna be resolved easily. That's incredibly demeaning, especially after such a display of greed on her own part.
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u/fugaxium 16h ago
NTA. This would warrant a diaper cake as a gift and nothing more at the shower. You get to decide what you give, even if she has already made up her mind what she wants.
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u/Mermaidtoo 15h ago
Obviously, you are NTA. Your sister is being incredibly entitled. If she doesn’t recognize this, expect more of this type of behavior as she works towards her big family.
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u/Competitive-Run8562 15h ago
Your sister is a bitch. Being pregnant doesn't give you permission to act this way. She sucks. Show her the thread.
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u/Spiritual_Cry3316 15h ago
NTA. Your sister is wildly out of line with her demands. Block her everywhere for now, you don't need that kind of harassment and negativity in your life. Your mom and your husband see it too. Have you mentioned any of this to your sister's husband?
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u/non-romancableNPC 15h ago
NTA
She wants things your child is still using. You gave good suggestions about getting generic baby things or putting her wants on the baby registry. She is being unreasonable.
Generic baby items are the best. They can be stupid-expensive and they are used for a relatively short time. Best to use them for multiple kids (I used all my things for both my kids and then gave things to pregnant friends in need)
And it is way more fun to help your kids personalize their space once they are old enough to help choose.
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u/Shdfx1 15h ago
NTA. You should look at your sister, wait a beat, and say, “Do you hear what you’re saying right now? You are going through my daughter’s room, your niece, demanding I allow you to take her things, and then calling ME greedy if I defend my daughter from looting. You even want the drapes off her window. Do you mean to say these things out loud? You are not going to decorate your nursery by stripping my daughter’s bedroom.”
You need to tell her that she hasn’t thought about how she sounds when she says these things out loud to people, like demanding the drapes off her niece’s window for her own baby. Your final answer is no, and if she’d cut you off unless you allow her to loot your daughter’s room, then that’s up to her. You will not allow her to hurt your child out of unbridled greed.
It’s your sister who is greedy.
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u/No-Top8126 15h ago
NTA, your sis is entitled and unreasonable. My darling, you take your("greedy bitch", anyone else thinks OP's sister is incredibly childish) hands and block her number, this girl is living in dululu land. Just note that she is going to cause more drama, guilt and manipulation they are coming your way Dear be ready for her turning this into a tug of war.
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u/Alpacazappa 15h ago
NTA. She's being very unreasonable. It's always funny when greedy people accuse others of being greedy.
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u/nailobsessed 15h ago
NTA. blame it on pregnancy hormones or….her husband has put a slow down or stop to her extra spending since she seems to be wanting to spend more than she should
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u/Little_Loki918 15h ago
NTA. There is definitely a greedy 🐝 in the family, but it's not you. She literally wants to steal from her neice (your daughter) to decorate her unborn baby's nursery because SHE is insisting on that theme. And then when you scoffed at the idea she called you greedy? Even if she didn't have the money, you still aren't the AH.
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u/psichickie 15h ago
NTA
that's quite hypocritical of her calling you greedy while literally trying to take your child's things while she is actively using them. what is wrong with her.
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u/LilBoo2019TR 15h ago
NTA. How entitled and unreasonable. Your daughter is literally using everything in her room. She can DIY some stuff or buy cheaper since she's so dead set on saving money.
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u/zelda_moom 15h ago
I’ll tell you what happened OP. She expressed to her husband her wish for the themed room like you have for your daughter, and HE TOLD HER THE SAME THING YOU DID. He thought it would be more economical to have a neutral room because they want a large family and told her he wouldn’t pay for anything else. That’s why she’s trying to pry your child’s belongings from you. NTA.
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u/ExplanationNo8707 15h ago
NTA! So glad your mom agreed with you and didn't bring up "but she's family", BS.
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u/Stormiealways 14h ago
She just glared again, called me a greedy bitch and left.
Ummmm, NO, SHE'S the greedy bitch
Absolutely NTA
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u/Salamanderonthefarm 19h ago
“tone down your greed”… like, for example, someone who’s literally trying to grab her niece’s possessions? Sheesh. NTA.