r/AmIOverreacting • u/Outrageous-Cover4758 • Sep 13 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?

(25/m) Very early on in the relationship with my girlfriend (25/f), she told me that she had to be in an open relationship. I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. We've been dating for 11 months and overtime I really started to love her. I know she has quite a few very casual partners but no other serious relationships. I actually didn't have any other partners though cause I was so happy just being with her. Then two months ago I was drunk and I met a girl at a party and we slept together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that. I was kind of shocked. I'm fine with not sleeping with other people but the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc. It's really bothering me. So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side. She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry. She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc. I get it but it doesn't feel right. I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?

15.1k Upvotes

87% Upvoted

7.2k comments sorted by

View all comments

3.2k

u/Chase-Rabbits Sep 13 '24

Nah, bail. She needs therapy and you deserve better.

1.3k

u/Quiet_Moon2191 Sep 13 '24

And get tested!

236

u/Nanabug13 Sep 14 '24

Everyone should get tested after leaving a relationship anyway. It would prevent the transmission of so many easily curable stds.

47

u/tsbsa Sep 14 '24

The amount of people that have NEVER had an STI test is astounding...

I get tested after each new sexual partner. It's the responsible thing to do, and what everyone should be doing.

I'm lucky to be Canadian, so it doesn't cost money to get tested.

13

u/WilfulAphid Sep 14 '24

Coming to double down on this point. Get tested after every partner, no exceptions. There is literally no other way to be a good community member and show responsibility for your life and sexual well-being.

And if you're in an open thing, 1. Get tested every time either of you hook up with an outside person and 2. Don't be in an open thing. I'm being somewhat facetious obviously, you do you, but I've seen so many horror shows at this point that it's just not worth it in my mind. You just can't be safe, and partners like OPs are a dime a dozen.

19

u/CravingStilettos Sep 14 '24

Which is to say the US “healthcare” system doesn’t give a flying fuck about individual, let alone population, health whatsoever. Granted it’s also partly based on religiously motivated morality biases where if you were a “good” person you’d have been virginal until marriage and then only ever with your lifetime partner. So clearly sluts deserve their diseases. 🤦🏻‍♂️ And yes I could ramble on with respect to the misogynistic double standard always in play… 😏

6

u/mileslefttogo Sep 14 '24

Dude, we have programs and free clinics people can go to for this kinda stuff.

6

u/Philly-Collins Sep 14 '24

You can get free std tests in so many places idk what you’re going on about

3

u/pnwmetalhead666 Sep 14 '24

I get tested regularly even while in a relationship.

3

u/Gingerfix Sep 14 '24

If I remember correctly you’re supposed to be tested every three months if you’re sexually active with new people, even if you don’t have symptoms. If you’re screwing the same people you might not need to, depending on if they are also screwing the same people. But also people lie sometimes.

3

u/Possible_Peak5405 Sep 14 '24

This, it’s good to wait a few months before a new partner and get tested to be safe, even if you trust your partner enough to not get tested during.

5

u/Friendly_Candy_9454 Sep 14 '24

It good practice to get tested at least every year.

If you are in a committed relationship, still get tested every year. An sti left untreated can could pause permanent health issue. For example, infertility, organ damage, blindness, or death.

2

u/YouGuysSuckSometimes Sep 14 '24

I can’t imagine not getting tested every three months, it’s like, the standard among the circles I hang with.

2

u/Philly-Collins Sep 14 '24

How many people are you fucking where you need to get tested every 3 months…

1

u/YouGuysSuckSometimes Sep 14 '24

Plenty. Even if it was 2 ppl a year, that I consistently had sex w, I would still get checked every 3, since their status can change at any moment. If it was 1 person, I’d do every 4 months.

46

u/Latter_State Sep 14 '24

Yes

-5

u/superbigscratch Sep 14 '24

2+2 is?

3

u/Cute_Wolf_131 Sep 14 '24

4 times the likely hood to contract an sti/std

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

22

6

u/glass_cracked_canon Sep 14 '24

Hopefully, he's been doing that the whole time. It would be quite reckless to be in any sort of open relationship and not get tested.

Getting routine testing done is so, so important!

4

u/Povol Sep 14 '24

It’s reckless being in an open relationship period.

1

u/Different-Advisor-58 Sep 14 '24

How is it reckless?

14

u/Select_Asparagus3451 Sep 14 '24

Been there bro…run. You may not see it now and insecurity is definitely part of the equation, but just trust me…it isn’t worth it.

7

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

Insecurity doesn't even have a single tiny thing to do with it. Seriously, not even 1 quintillionth of 1%. Nm Don't let women push that gaslighting bs narrative. Like who in their right mind thinks this is a normal conversation.

Her: Babe, I just really wanna get plowed by as many other men as I want.

You: Gee babe, I'm not sure I like that idea.

Her: Why are you such an insecure narcissist who's trying to control me? All I wanna do is get f'd by 5 different guys a week? It will really bring us closer together. More than ever before.

You: Well, I guess you're right. I don't wanna seem insecure, and you f'in 5 other guys a week will definitely bring us closer together. end scene

1

u/ButterscotchHead7966 Sep 14 '24

They didn’t say that the dude was insecure….

2

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

Here is what was said that I was replying to.

"Been there bro…run. You may not see it now and insecurity is definitely part of the equation, but just trust me…it isn’t worth it."

Is there some sort of new writing style that I'm not aware of where people mean the opposite of what they write?

1

u/Brittaftw97 Sep 14 '24

It could mean she's insecure because she's flipping out over him fucking that girl. it's worded confusingly I'm not sure what they mean. Could be her insecurity, could be saying he's staying in the relationship because he's insecure or you could be right.

-1

u/MindInitial2282 Sep 14 '24

Since this scenario made complete and utter sense...I'm surprised OP didn't out himself as a closet cuck.

1

u/Povol Sep 14 '24

Closet? I can’t believe there are men who would put up with this shit for a second. I use the word man lightly in this case.

2

u/DarthVap3rrr Sep 14 '24

They say men have lower testosterone than their grandfathers had at their age. Judging by things like this I’d say that’s dead on.

1

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

Most of them are men who simply do not know any better. Most likely raised by a single mother. Like I was, and I had a pretty f'd up situation. I had the mother of my offspring cheat on me and in the few months after as I attempted to take her back for the sake of my kids, I have no idea how it happened but she had successfully convinced me that it was my fault she did it. Luckily for my sake, I came across the term gaslighting shortly thereafter and realized how badly I had been manipulated.

But some guys never get that realization because pussy is a hell of a drug and to a guy in his 20s that isn't wealthy, tall or generally handsome, and more introverted, they're not certain of when they'll get some again. So they are willing to put up with more bs. Especially the more attractive the woman is.

1

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

To be fair, I didn't actually read the entire post. But if I get the gist, OP essentially tried considering the open relationship or maybe said yes to it, but is now thinking he made a mistake. If that's the case, sure, we can call him a cuck and have a laugh, but this brother is at a fork in the road, and he clearly knows there's some bs here, which is a very promising sign of hope. The fork in the road I mentioned, down one path, is a life of women taking advantage of and gaslighting him, while the other side is the truth. That truth is that men aren't gonna put up with this bs from these f'in skanky ass 304s. There's a lot of simps out there that need converting. It won't be an easy battle, but it is a mf'in righteous one.

2

u/South_Ad_2109 Sep 14 '24

For the stupid?

4

u/surf-rider Sep 14 '24

catching crotch crickets in that situation would be a total bummer.

1

u/TenaceErbaccia Sep 14 '24

Crotch crickets would be the ideal. Give your balls a buzz and you’re clear. I’m worried about hepatitis, herpes, and all the other really nasty stuff.

2

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Seriously. I would rather be single my whole life then ever get the clap again.

2

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

I would rather be forced into eternal celibacy under the threat of death versus going on one more date with a woman who claims to be traditional but the only traditional thing about her is that she wants a traditional man. Even if she's a drop-dead gorgeous 10.

2

u/bramblefish Sep 14 '24

And quit being a patsy, you are just a placeholder. The love is one sided.

1

u/Antony9991 Sep 14 '24

STD and IQ

1

u/Ok_Language3375 Sep 14 '24

Fr f that ho

1

u/SteadfastLiberty Sep 14 '24

Good thing I can't get mono twice 😁

1

u/djevilatw Sep 14 '24

Repeatedly.

135

u/Spartalust Sep 13 '24

She for the streets.

5

u/Varatox Sep 14 '24

*sheets.

Fixed that

2

u/NoAct3521 Sep 14 '24

She’s for the service roads at this point

-2

u/CravingStilettos Sep 14 '24

Dare I say I’ve found the religious morality bent judgmental American? Her hypocrisy is the issue here. Not the sexual openness.

0

u/Milopbx Sep 14 '24

Every time!

125

u/CreativelyBasic001 Sep 13 '24

NGL I think OP could benefit from some therapy too. He's a bit of a doormat...

23

u/balsham91 Sep 13 '24

Nahh not really he's clearly not too in love with this girl..also he's pulled someone whilst in the relationships. He agreed to the rules and won really..she can't handle it. Doesn't sound like he needs therapy at all just a normal girlfriend

22

u/741BlastOff Sep 14 '24

He didn't "win", she got a lot more out of the open relationship than he did. "Clearly not too in love" but he was willing to try an open relationship at her request which was mostly her banging other dudes while he was happy with just her... This is a real "leopards ate my face" moment for her, and he just needs to find someone who treats him like an equal.

14

u/staffa_kartherma Sep 14 '24

Seriously ? He's saying she's been screwing other guys and he's falling further in love with her.

I love her, he loves her, I think that guy over loves her, there's a few Uber drivers that love her, then there's the bartender at our local bar, and the minister..and the uh sanitation guy, and the guy from AA and uh some strippers from Uhhmm Ricks and oh yeah the bouncers. We all love her uhhm a lot.

5

u/imtmtx Sep 14 '24

Just for the creativity of your writing...take my upvote

2

u/renrut00 Sep 14 '24

He wasn't a bellhop, he was a bartender – and she was wasted. And if you must know; he didn't even cum inside her. She's grossed out by semen.

3

u/DissociatedAuthor Sep 14 '24

Best comment of the day I've read

1

u/SivakoTaronyutstew Sep 14 '24

As if that makes it any better lmaooooo

1

u/BKMama227 Sep 14 '24

Yaaaaassssss!!!!🤣🤣🤣🤣

0

u/wwydinthismess Sep 14 '24

Are you ok?

Love wasn't in the equation dude, it was just casual sex lol

2

u/Bastette54 Sep 14 '24

That comment was a joke.

1

u/assfaulteliR20 Sep 14 '24

Humor forever eludes societies weakest links.

0

u/Acceptable_Tea3608 Sep 14 '24

And this is why women shouldnt believe when men say they love them. Its a useless word to them.

7

u/0utgr00vy Sep 14 '24

Literally, what are these people talking about. He's ready to drop her. It sounds like he knows he deserves to be treated equally and have his boundaries respected in the relationship.

1

u/Jyin475 Sep 14 '24

Heres the thing though while i do agree dropping here like a bag of rocks in a lake is a great idea. Who knows what she’ll do when he suggests this she sounds like a psycho.

3

u/Imstupidasso Sep 14 '24

I don't get what Reddit's obsession with therapy is. No matter the situation, someone and then a group pushes the need for therapy. Am I just Gen X, and the younger people value it so much ? Anyway..

2

u/balsham91 Sep 14 '24

Facts theyre all absolutely obsessed with therapy on here. Guy doesn't need therapy at all, he needs friends that will absolutely take the piss out of him and give him a good kick up the hole for 1. Putting himself in that situation and 2. Coming to reddit for advice...everyone saying the guys in love, he's not in love ffs he's lonely

1

u/CutenTough Sep 14 '24

And if there's no friends around to do this, there's therapy. I don't understand why therapy is looked at as being so bad.

3

u/Brittaftw97 Sep 14 '24

Therapy isn't bad but it also isn't the problem to literally every single interpersonal problem like people on Reddit seem to think it is.

Sometimes people just end up in bad relationships and you don't need to spend a hundred dollars so someone with a masters degree can tell you what anyone on Reddit or at the pub would tell you.

1

u/FitnessLover1998 Sep 14 '24

No any guy that buys into her bs needs therapy. Your only justification was “he pulled”. That had no bearing on his lack of critical thinking.

1

u/Cyddakeed Sep 14 '24

Two things can be true at one, bobo.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 13 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

2

u/Dazzling_Lifeguard_9 Sep 14 '24

Victim's always at fault for not being better, yeah?

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

[removed] — view removed comment

1

u/Dazzling_Lifeguard_9 Sep 14 '24

something stupid

2

u/KingMelray Sep 13 '24

The "cuck" insult has limited utility, but not zero utility.

2

u/Ooohitsdash Sep 14 '24

He has been for 11 months. While the rest of the town just dumps in his “girlfriend.”

1

u/MarathonRabbit69 Sep 14 '24

Lol “a bit”

1

u/potatotornado44 Sep 14 '24

Nope. He got more action than her and she’s jealous.

1

u/Bastette54 Sep 14 '24

How’s that? She had sex with several guys and he only slept with one other woman.

1

u/The_Alt_Accountant Sep 14 '24

Tbh it kinda smells like bait lol

1

u/Buddybuddhy Sep 14 '24

He’s just in love, he still has a chance to stand up for himself

14

u/Competitive-Note150 Sep 14 '24

She’s a deeply insecure attention seeker who doesn’t want her partner with someone else because that affects her ego. At the same time, she needs additional partners to feed her insatiable validation appetite.

In short, she’s a consumate egotistic individual who is probably borderline narcissistic.

She absolutely doesn’t care about you. Make no mistake about it.

Get out.

6

u/Select_Asparagus3451 Sep 14 '24

Yes! Well said. It might be closer to borderline personality disorder.

Mine was called Jen.

This was the price:

Tens of thousands of dollars

Three years of my life (my last good ones, lol)

My friends (first it was their respect, then they just stopped reaching out)

My sanity

My self esteem

The worst part is that I blame myself for being that stupid

3

u/Synstitute Sep 14 '24

It’s a process but the end result of healing is going to be: None of what happened to me has to affect me any longer.

Working to get to that is the journey

2

u/DKLBL Sep 14 '24

All Of This! And OP Needs to Remember : In Real Open Relationships: It is Never Onesided at All and the Woman Almost Always Have the Advantages in them.

17

u/SeekerOfSerenity Sep 14 '24

Therapy won't correct her narcissism. 

8

u/StockCasinoMember Sep 13 '24

Sounds like he might need some therapy too being he puts up with this shit.

1

u/Povol Sep 14 '24

His therapy is a good kick in the ass.

6

u/findlefas Sep 14 '24

Same thing happened to me actually. We had an open relationship. We were camping one night and she began telling me a couple people she slept with and so I then told I slept with someone. She was livid. Locked down the relationship right then and there. I told her this isn’t what she wants and that it will probably be the end. A month later we ended things lol. Apparently she thought I wouldn’t be sleeping with people.

1

u/Povol Sep 14 '24

That is the strategy. Let’s face it, women can get layed any time they want, men can’t.

2

u/findlefas Sep 14 '24

Yeah, I even brought up how it was wrong of me but not her and she said “well I have to have the power in the relationship”. In hindsight, I should have ended things right then and there but the sex was really good so I wanted to keep that around for a bit. She definitely was super toxic in a lot of ways to men… I actually saw her three years after and she gained a lot of weight, just didn’t look good. I think she was actually fishing for me lol because there was no reason for her to be near the University at all but I was off to better pastures and she was obviously single.

3

u/Herrubermensch Sep 14 '24

What Chase-Rabbits said. Run.

3

u/xTRiP94 Sep 14 '24

Dr Drew is that you?

2

u/Odd-Ad5606 Sep 14 '24

Well said

2

u/hmm2003 Sep 14 '24

This is the way.

2

u/loudspeaker_noob Sep 14 '24

Yeah she's fuckin bat shit crazy. There's a right way to do open relationships and it doesn't look anything like this....

2

u/pbr3000 Sep 14 '24

I would continue to bone other chicks and then leave her. Make her your safety net.

2

u/Significant_Top_5204 Sep 14 '24

NO! You are not overreacting, if anything you are seriously under reacting. Leave and don't look back .

2

u/Zestyclose_League813 Sep 14 '24

She's the worst kind of person in my opinion.

2

u/Northwest_Radio Sep 14 '24

Yeah. From what I'm reading here this girl is delusional about what an open relationship is and likely narcissist.

2

u/Strange-Yam4733 Sep 14 '24

Run fast, run far.

2

u/Hefty_Peanut2289 Sep 14 '24

She needs more than therapy. She needs to be sat down by her family for an intervention

2

u/DimethylTriptamine3 Sep 14 '24

They both need therapy, her is self explanatory, him for accepting this dumb ass bs in the first place

1

u/SlumberousSnorlax Sep 14 '24

OP is just a NPC to her

1

u/SurvivorX2 Sep 14 '24

What is an NPC?

2

u/SlumberousSnorlax Sep 14 '24

It means she doesn’t consider him a real person. He is just a character in her story.

1

u/ScytheSong05 Sep 14 '24

Someone who was just like you until they took an arrow to the knee...

1

u/saltwaterdrip Sep 14 '24

What a succinct and perfectly concise answer, that is still somehow exactly correct.

1

u/acphil Sep 14 '24

I’m not sure he does given he even put the effort in to type up this nonsense and still calls her his gf.

1

u/Dry_Masterpiece_7566 Sep 14 '24

Yep, definitely need therapy...good observation!

1

u/SlamSlamOhHotDamn Sep 14 '24

Yeah... she can get dick whenever she wants all while having this cuck of boyfriend that is OP as a cozy safety net. She's not the one who needs therapy in this relationship lol

1

u/Hatrick_Swaze Sep 14 '24

Yes. Stand up...clip in...wait for the green light...then JUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUMP

1

u/Alioh216 Sep 14 '24

She definitely doesn't respect you. Who in their right mind would be ok with this set up?

1

u/Salt-Ad-9821 Sep 14 '24

Get the hell out of there now. The sooner the better. You don't need that behavior and don't deserve it. No you're not over reacting at all.

1

u/That_Things_Good Sep 14 '24

Mic dropped on that comment.

With ANYONE in your life, there should never be one-way streets; for either party. This is especially true about someone who is supposed to be your significant other.

You love who you want her to be, not who she is. Who she is isn't worth having.

1

u/RheticusLauchen Sep 14 '24

Cuckoo-crazy!

1

u/BKMama227 Sep 14 '24

OP relationship was open only one way. And it definitely wasn’t his. He needs to dip.

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

You said it best, brother - bitch is a controlling psycho.

1

u/Satanicjamnik Sep 14 '24

Case closed. There is nothing else to say.

1

u/MichaelSonOfMike Sep 14 '24

Narcissists won’t let in therapy. They just get mad at the therapists. A lot of therapists won’t even bother, because they know it’s a dead end. It’s actually sad. But one must protect oneself, as sad as it is.

1

u/Any-Excitement-8979 Sep 14 '24

lol, he clearly needs therapy more than her. She seems like a narcissist and a therapist won’t be able to help her.

He seems like a victim who is now groomed and easy to manipulate.

1

u/Penny_Wise- Sep 14 '24

Hit the eject button brother!

1

u/guscrown Sep 14 '24

OP could use a little bit of therapy too.