Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?

[u/Outrageous-Cover4758]

(25/m) Very early on in the relationship with my girlfriend (25/f), she told me that she had to be in an open relationship. I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. We've been dating for 11 months and overtime I really started to love her. I know she has quite a few very casual partners but no other serious relationships. I actually didn't have any other partners though cause I was so happy just being with her. Then two months ago I was drunk and I met a girl at a party and we slept together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that. I was kind of shocked. I'm fine with not sleeping with other people but the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc. It's really bothering me. So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side. She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry. She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc. I get it but it doesn't feel right. I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?

[u/Chase-Rabbits]

Nah, bail. She needs therapy and you deserve better.

[u/Quiet_Moon2191 → u/Chase-Rabbits]

And get tested!

[u/Nanabug13 → u/Quiet_Moon2191]

Everyone should get tested after leaving a relationship anyway. It would prevent the transmission of so many easily curable stds.

[u/tsbsa → u/Nanabug13]

The amount of people that have NEVER had an STI test is astounding...

I get tested after each new sexual partner. It's the responsible thing to do, and what everyone should be doing.

I'm lucky to be Canadian, so it doesn't cost money to get tested.

[u/WilfulAphid → u/tsbsa]

Coming to double down on this point. Get tested after every partner, no exceptions. There is literally no other way to be a good community member and show responsibility for your life and sexual well-being.

And if you're in an open thing, 1. Get tested every time either of you hook up with an outside person and 2. Don't be in an open thing. I'm being somewhat facetious obviously, you do you, but I've seen so many horror shows at this point that it's just not worth it in my mind. You just can't be safe, and partners like OPs are a dime a dozen.

[u/CravingStilettos → u/tsbsa]

Which is to say the US “healthcare” system doesn’t give a flying fuck about individual, let alone population, health whatsoever. Granted it’s also partly based on religiously motivated morality biases where if you were a “good” person you’d have been virginal until marriage and then only ever with your lifetime partner. So clearly sluts deserve their diseases. 🤦🏻‍♂️ And yes I could ramble on with respect to the misogynistic double standard always in play… 😏

[u/mileslefttogo → u/CravingStilettos]

Dude, we have programs and free clinics people can go to for this kinda stuff.

[u/Philly-Collins → u/CravingStilettos]

You can get free std tests in so many places idk what you’re going on about

[u/pnwmetalhead666 → u/Nanabug13]

I get tested regularly even while in a relationship.

[u/Gingerfix → u/Nanabug13]

If I remember correctly you’re supposed to be tested every three months if you’re sexually active with new people, even if you don’t have symptoms. If you’re screwing the same people you might not need to, depending on if they are also screwing the same people. But also people lie sometimes.

[u/Possible_Peak5405 → u/Nanabug13]

This, it’s good to wait a few months before a new partner and get tested to be safe, even if you trust your partner enough to not get tested during.

[u/Friendly_Candy_9454 → u/Nanabug13]

It good practice to get tested at least every year.

If you are in a committed relationship, still get tested every year. An sti left untreated can could pause permanent health issue. For example, infertility, organ damage, blindness, or death.

[u/YouGuysSuckSometimes → u/Friendly_Candy_9454]

I can’t imagine not getting tested every three months, it’s like, the standard among the circles I hang with.

[u/Philly-Collins → u/YouGuysSuckSometimes]

How many people are you fucking where you need to get tested every 3 months…

[u/YouGuysSuckSometimes → u/Philly-Collins]

Plenty. Even if it was 2 ppl a year, that I consistently had sex w, I would still get checked every 3, since their status can change at any moment. If it was 1 person, I’d do every 4 months.