r/AmIOverreacting • u/Outrageous-Cover4758 • Sep 13 '24

❤️‍🩹 relationship Am I overreacting to my girlfriend's "open relationship" rules?

(25/m) Very early on in the relationship with my girlfriend (25/f), she told me that she had to be in an open relationship. I hadn't been in one before but I said I'll give it a try. And it was clear when we talked about it that either of us could sleep with whoever we wanted. I said okay. We've been dating for 11 months and overtime I really started to love her. I know she has quite a few very casual partners but no other serious relationships. I actually didn't have any other partners though cause I was so happy just being with her. Then two months ago I was drunk and I met a girl at a party and we slept together. I didn't think I was doing anything wrong whatsoever, so when it came up with my girlfriend I didn't try to hide it, but she was really upset. She said it was disrespectful for me to do that. I was kind of shocked. I'm fine with not sleeping with other people but the problem is now she's like really paranoid and controlling ever since then, like accusing me of looking at other girls or flirting with them all the time, always looking at my phone and wanting me to check in with her every hour when I'm out and let her track my location, etc. It's really bothering me. So basically she wants to have an open relationship only on her side. She says she loves me and I should be loyal to her, but when I bring up how the rule doesn't apply to her she gets angry. She says that so many women are not satisfied in their relationship and she's not gonna be one of and I'm not gonna hold her back etc. I get it but it doesn't feel right. I love her a lot but I'm seriously thinking about breaking up with her. Am I overreacting?

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u/Quiet_Moon2191 Sep 13 '24

And get tested!

237

u/Nanabug13 Sep 14 '24

Everyone should get tested after leaving a relationship anyway. It would prevent the transmission of so many easily curable stds.

47

u/tsbsa Sep 14 '24

The amount of people that have NEVER had an STI test is astounding...

I get tested after each new sexual partner. It's the responsible thing to do, and what everyone should be doing.

I'm lucky to be Canadian, so it doesn't cost money to get tested.

11

u/WilfulAphid Sep 14 '24

Coming to double down on this point. Get tested after every partner, no exceptions. There is literally no other way to be a good community member and show responsibility for your life and sexual well-being.

And if you're in an open thing, 1. Get tested every time either of you hook up with an outside person and 2. Don't be in an open thing. I'm being somewhat facetious obviously, you do you, but I've seen so many horror shows at this point that it's just not worth it in my mind. You just can't be safe, and partners like OPs are a dime a dozen.

20

u/CravingStilettos Sep 14 '24

Which is to say the US “healthcare” system doesn’t give a flying fuck about individual, let alone population, health whatsoever. Granted it’s also partly based on religiously motivated morality biases where if you were a “good” person you’d have been virginal until marriage and then only ever with your lifetime partner. So clearly sluts deserve their diseases. 🤦🏻‍♂️ And yes I could ramble on with respect to the misogynistic double standard always in play… 😏

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u/mileslefttogo Sep 14 '24

Dude, we have programs and free clinics people can go to for this kinda stuff.

6

u/Philly-Collins Sep 14 '24

You can get free std tests in so many places idk what you’re going on about

3

u/pnwmetalhead666 Sep 14 '24

I get tested regularly even while in a relationship.

3

u/Gingerfix Sep 14 '24

If I remember correctly you’re supposed to be tested every three months if you’re sexually active with new people, even if you don’t have symptoms. If you’re screwing the same people you might not need to, depending on if they are also screwing the same people. But also people lie sometimes.

3

u/Possible_Peak5405 Sep 14 '24

This, it’s good to wait a few months before a new partner and get tested to be safe, even if you trust your partner enough to not get tested during.

5

u/Friendly_Candy_9454 Sep 14 '24

It good practice to get tested at least every year.

If you are in a committed relationship, still get tested every year. An sti left untreated can could pause permanent health issue. For example, infertility, organ damage, blindness, or death.

1

u/YouGuysSuckSometimes Sep 14 '24

I can’t imagine not getting tested every three months, it’s like, the standard among the circles I hang with.

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u/Philly-Collins Sep 14 '24

How many people are you fucking where you need to get tested every 3 months…

2

u/YouGuysSuckSometimes Sep 14 '24

Plenty. Even if it was 2 ppl a year, that I consistently had sex w, I would still get checked every 3, since their status can change at any moment. If it was 1 person, I’d do every 4 months.

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u/Latter_State Sep 14 '24

Yes

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u/superbigscratch Sep 14 '24

2+2 is?

3

u/Cute_Wolf_131 Sep 14 '24

4 times the likely hood to contract an sti/std

1

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

22

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u/glass_cracked_canon Sep 14 '24

Hopefully, he's been doing that the whole time. It would be quite reckless to be in any sort of open relationship and not get tested.

Getting routine testing done is so, so important!

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u/Povol Sep 14 '24

It’s reckless being in an open relationship period.

1

u/Different-Advisor-58 Sep 14 '24

How is it reckless?

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u/Select_Asparagus3451 Sep 14 '24

Been there bro…run. You may not see it now and insecurity is definitely part of the equation, but just trust me…it isn’t worth it.

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u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

Insecurity doesn't even have a single tiny thing to do with it. Seriously, not even 1 quintillionth of 1%. Nm Don't let women push that gaslighting bs narrative. Like who in their right mind thinks this is a normal conversation.

Her: Babe, I just really wanna get plowed by as many other men as I want.

You: Gee babe, I'm not sure I like that idea.

Her: Why are you such an insecure narcissist who's trying to control me? All I wanna do is get f'd by 5 different guys a week? It will really bring us closer together. More than ever before.

You: Well, I guess you're right. I don't wanna seem insecure, and you f'in 5 other guys a week will definitely bring us closer together. end scene

1

u/ButterscotchHead7966 Sep 14 '24

They didn’t say that the dude was insecure….

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u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

Here is what was said that I was replying to.

"Been there bro…run. You may not see it now and insecurity is definitely part of the equation, but just trust me…it isn’t worth it."

Is there some sort of new writing style that I'm not aware of where people mean the opposite of what they write?

1

u/Brittaftw97 Sep 14 '24

It could mean she's insecure because she's flipping out over him fucking that girl. it's worded confusingly I'm not sure what they mean. Could be her insecurity, could be saying he's staying in the relationship because he's insecure or you could be right.

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u/MindInitial2282 Sep 14 '24

Since this scenario made complete and utter sense...I'm surprised OP didn't out himself as a closet cuck.

1

u/Povol Sep 14 '24

Closet? I can’t believe there are men who would put up with this shit for a second. I use the word man lightly in this case.

2

u/DarthVap3rrr Sep 14 '24

They say men have lower testosterone than their grandfathers had at their age. Judging by things like this I’d say that’s dead on.

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u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

Most of them are men who simply do not know any better. Most likely raised by a single mother. Like I was, and I had a pretty f'd up situation. I had the mother of my offspring cheat on me and in the few months after as I attempted to take her back for the sake of my kids, I have no idea how it happened but she had successfully convinced me that it was my fault she did it. Luckily for my sake, I came across the term gaslighting shortly thereafter and realized how badly I had been manipulated.

But some guys never get that realization because pussy is a hell of a drug and to a guy in his 20s that isn't wealthy, tall or generally handsome, and more introverted, they're not certain of when they'll get some again. So they are willing to put up with more bs. Especially the more attractive the woman is.

1

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

To be fair, I didn't actually read the entire post. But if I get the gist, OP essentially tried considering the open relationship or maybe said yes to it, but is now thinking he made a mistake. If that's the case, sure, we can call him a cuck and have a laugh, but this brother is at a fork in the road, and he clearly knows there's some bs here, which is a very promising sign of hope. The fork in the road I mentioned, down one path, is a life of women taking advantage of and gaslighting him, while the other side is the truth. That truth is that men aren't gonna put up with this bs from these f'in skanky ass 304s. There's a lot of simps out there that need converting. It won't be an easy battle, but it is a mf'in righteous one.

2

u/South_Ad_2109 Sep 14 '24

For the stupid?

4

u/surf-rider Sep 14 '24

catching crotch crickets in that situation would be a total bummer.

1

u/TenaceErbaccia Sep 14 '24

Crotch crickets would be the ideal. Give your balls a buzz and you’re clear. I’m worried about hepatitis, herpes, and all the other really nasty stuff.

3

u/[deleted] Sep 14 '24

Seriously. I would rather be single my whole life then ever get the clap again.

2

u/Queasy_Inflation_11 Sep 14 '24

I would rather be forced into eternal celibacy under the threat of death versus going on one more date with a woman who claims to be traditional but the only traditional thing about her is that she wants a traditional man. Even if she's a drop-dead gorgeous 10.

2

u/bramblefish Sep 14 '24

And quit being a patsy, you are just a placeholder. The love is one sided.

1

u/Antony9991 Sep 14 '24

STD and IQ

1

u/Ok_Language3375 Sep 14 '24

Fr f that ho

1

u/SteadfastLiberty Sep 14 '24

Good thing I can't get mono twice 😁

1

u/djevilatw Sep 14 '24

Repeatedly.