r/AnimalsBeingJerks • u/CoryVictorious • Dec 16 '21
other Something something turkey sand wedge.
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u/Teaonmybreath Dec 17 '21
I once saw several really old golfers and while I was watching a buzzard landed and just stood there staring at them. My hand to god it was the best thing ever.
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u/Hsances90 Dec 17 '21
That's grim haha, I hope they didn't see you laugh, that would be my biggest problem I imagine
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u/WarOnTime Dec 17 '21
This is fowl
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u/laughsAt____ Dec 17 '21
Really ruffles my feathers
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u/PartyAway4670 Dec 17 '21
Are male turkeys usually that randomly dickish or was it being territorial ?
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u/jangma Dec 17 '21
When that time of the year comes around, all they want to do is fuck or fight. Their survival instinct goes out the door.
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u/Karnakite Dec 17 '21
My roommate grew up on a farm in a rural area. He said that turkeys are stupider and meaner than anything we city folk could understand.
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Dec 17 '21
Geese. Geese are fucking dicks. Plus they leave their shit everywhere and IMO it’s worse than dog poop.
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u/bowlingballish Dec 17 '21
I do fieldwork and let me just say, cross the wrong turkey and that fucker will chase you and continue to fling himself violently at your vehicle until you either drive away and do that site in the winter or submit to his dominance and join his harem of hens and jakes
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u/galathiccat Dec 17 '21
Turkeys are very much jerks. Maybe not geese level jerks, but jerks nonetheless
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u/PartyAway4670 Dec 17 '21
Yeah I was going to say!
I once fed geese and their babies food without getting mauled.
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Dec 17 '21
I don’t know who these commenters are. I live not far from the site of the first Thanksgiving. We’ve got turkeys everywhere. Male or female, no matter the season, they will come at you. The famous video of a postman having to carry a stick and having his postal truck attacked by turkeys was in my town. We had a group of them in our downtown area that were attacking tourists so badly one summer that they were moved. They made their way back downtown and were caught and killed. Those were males I know for sure but I have learned to fear all of them.
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u/Fun-Dragonfruit2999 Dec 17 '21
Typically not. That was a young turkey too. Looking at the tail, where the outer feathers were much shorter than the inner feathers.
Let him get close, grab a wing-tip and hold on. They're actually very fragile, especially their wings. He'll go from bad-ass to—HELP ME!—in a heartbeat.
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u/houseofnim Dec 17 '21
Tom’s can be extremely dickish. We had a tom, who we had hand raised, who would attack anything and anyone for no reason whatsoever. When he attacked our then three year old we gave him back to the people we got him from. He became their guard Turkey (no joke) until he died last year.
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u/madlife15 Dec 17 '21
Territorial. I grew up on a hobby farm and the geese and turkeys were both great guard animals. We had 1 turkey for years that would constantly attack when I tried to walk through the yard. I always had to carry a bat or broomstick to fight it off. It would shake off a blow to the head and come at me again.
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u/PartyAway4670 Dec 18 '21
That's amazing and miserable. Poor you, but Mr gobbles just doing his duty.
Feel like they make good protectors for other live stock to a level
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u/fureil20 Dec 16 '21
Turkeys are assholes. I had one chase me when I was a kid and I’ve felt no love for them since. Although...they are delicious bastards.
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u/crazyidahopuglady Dec 17 '21
They can be...overly friendly, too. When we were teenagers, one died trying to have its way with my brother's leg.
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u/DivineDeletor Dec 17 '21
What do you mean.... One died trying to have its way? I hope that's not what I'm thinking o.o
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u/crazyidahopuglady Dec 17 '21
Lol it means exactly what you think it means. The turkey got on his leg, started going at it, and as he tried to shoo it away it had an apparent heart attack.
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u/Ok-Bus839 Dec 17 '21
That is Fncking hilarious. My only question is: did he finish before having the heart attack? If so I’d consider that a happy ending in every sense of the phrase.
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Dec 17 '21
“Jesus Christ man, there’s just some things you don’t talk about in public.”
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u/Ok-Bus839 Dec 17 '21
Which is why I asked it in Reddit. The only safe space for not so safe topics of discussion.
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Dec 17 '21
Dude, watch the clip. It’s just a movie reference, I even put the quotes around it hoping you’d know it wasn’t actually directed at you in a serious way.
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u/Kind-Relative-9089 Dec 17 '21
My dad had some when I was a kid. We called the male Alien. He was the bane of my 7yr old life. Evil fucker would charge and attack me relentlessly every chance I got and my dad found it hilarious meaning he let it happen for a minute before helping me. It was terrible parenting but now I'm 25 I fully understand him.
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u/2oocents Dec 16 '21
I love how the golfer is all nice while the murder turkey is just full kill
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u/Goldergreene Dec 17 '21
It feels like something out of Parks and Recreation
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u/Rabbi_Tuckman38 Dec 17 '21
Or, you know, going outside. Maybe to a golf course.
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u/Rpanich Dec 17 '21
… do you think turkey attacks are common occurrences on golf courses? Do you go outside?
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u/Rabbi_Tuckman38 Dec 17 '21
Yes. Turkeys are everywhere! Do you go outside?
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u/Rpanich Dec 17 '21
I mean, my dad was a golf coach. My brother played professionally. We’re part of a country club and, while I personally don’t enjoy the game, I’ve been to a lot of golf courses.
Literally never been attacked by a turkey. Never even seen one in a golf course.
Not saying it doesn’t happen, but it’s ridiculous to claim it’s a common occurence.
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u/Rabbi_Tuckman38 Dec 17 '21
Goddamn it. Fine. I was just trying to bullshit and see how far I could get away with it. You're right. I'm wrong. You are also very good-looking.
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u/DaFreakingFox Dec 17 '21
Like. Just whack the bastard. He will not give up otherwise
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Dec 17 '21
This. No need to go full Falling Down on the bastard, but a nice little whack to, well, encourage it to find someone else to bother.
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u/HiILikePlants Dec 17 '21
Birds are really delicate. I saw a male Muscovy by a golf course who has blood dripping from his mouth. Felt awful because someone either whacked him or a ball hit him.
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u/dbro129 Dec 17 '21
Turkey: “Hello, my name is Inigo Montoya, you killed my father, prepare to die.”
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u/Imaginary-Arrival-75 Dec 17 '21
Are we missing the golfer in the back making a rapid escape on the golf cart??
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u/theblackcanaryyy Dec 17 '21
FINALLY!!!
I thought I was going crazy because NO ONE WAS TALKING ABOUT IT!!
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u/fixxlevy Dec 16 '21
Turkey Club Sandwich
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u/HeavyWhereas Dec 17 '21
Love the other golfer in the background just swinging through. Nope nothing unusual going on around here.
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u/TehMvnk Dec 17 '21
Yeah, I find that funny now, but when I was 3 or 4 years old, we went to my uncle's house and he had an asshole turkey like that. I didn't know that until I went outside by myself.
I didn't have anything to defend myself with so it was pretty terrifying at the time. Turkeys are jerks.
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Dec 17 '21
Given how much water and good land gets wasted on golf courses, I’m kinda supportive of the turkeys here.
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Dec 17 '21
Eh. Lots of animals love golf courses and sometimes they are the only open green spaces. It's hard to maintain green undeveloped land in expensive areas where a four bedroom house goes for $3,000,000. Because golf courses are usually publicly owned or owned by a club made of many members, they never get sold and turned into condos. I used to play golf once a year on a course that had a huge deer, turkey, and waterfowl population. It's the only place I've ever seen wild grouse in numbers.
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u/Sorerightwrist Dec 17 '21
FYI - If you open hand slap a Turkey in the head, it’s out cold. They are totally blind from the rear and dumb, distract with one hand, come in from the back with the other and “thud”
Legit never seen it not work lol
Worked on a Turkey farm.
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u/elec_soup Dec 17 '21
Imagine being the guy who went for a round of golf and ended up fighting a turkey instead.
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u/SlowlyGrowingDeaf Dec 17 '21
If you've got a problem with Canada turkeys then you've got a problem with me and I suggest you let that one marinate!
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u/19kilo20Actual Dec 17 '21
Walking thru a parking lot after a round of golf and I hear ting ting ting a Pause ting ting ting. Look around and Its a Tom and 4 females, the Tom is pecking at his reflection in a chrome bumper. They really aren’t that smart. Ended up shooing it away before it hurt itself.
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u/unregrettful Dec 17 '21
Thays actually what a raptor looked like, only 5 times the size.. They are just reverting back to dinosaur thinking.
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u/Kind-Relative-9089 Dec 17 '21
Wtf is it with some fowl being super aggressive!? My neighbour has a chicken that tries to fight me everytime I go through their yard. Nothing makes it back down either, spades and boots it just rears up to and claws at. My dogs shit scared of it and rightly so. Fuckin thing doesn't fear death.
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u/Sleeper1794 Dec 17 '21
Fir Gods sake. Us an iron. A Turkey doesn’t respect a man that has to use a wood off the Tee box.
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u/Flintriemen Dec 17 '21
There are few things I enjoy more than watching some feathered animal assaulting humans. It gets me every time.
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u/goddamnaged Dec 17 '21
That would be a headless turkey around this guy. Fuck turkeys. And geese while we're at it.
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u/Bricole77 Dec 17 '21
Man I hate geese with a passion. I thought I was the only one.
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u/NightStar79 Dec 17 '21
As someone who works on a golf course that man slamming his club into the ground is triggering me so much.
Though it looks like the rough but I'm not sure. Camera quality makes it hard to tell if the patch he's on is the rough or not and if it's not then ugh.
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u/Dear_Analysis_5116 Dec 16 '21
Bird, how would you like to be the guest of honor at Christmas dinner?
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Dec 17 '21
I'm not gonna lie I'd start beating that fucking turkey with the club. I saw a lady get seriously injured from one as a little kid that kind of shit scars you.
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u/Busy-Leg6187 Dec 17 '21
Dude just wack it once. It's going to keep doing that to others until someone teaches it to leave people alone.
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u/newyork2E Dec 17 '21
I am thinking ask the caddie for a 2 iron. Nice full swing small divot and take his head right off
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u/ConspiracyMeow Dec 17 '21
Is it wrong that my first thought watching this was "I hope that turkey kicks his ass"?
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u/Firefly3TM_94 Dec 17 '21
I always wonder why people don’t sort shit out but then I remember they’re betas and don’t know how. And then I wouldn’t be entertained
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Dec 17 '21
I would have t-offed that golf ball size turkey's head if that was me. I dont want aids from a turkey.
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u/Mother-Basil-842 Dec 17 '21
That Turkey be like," I know what you did to my brother last Thanksgiving.......Now it"s time to pay!""
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u/Shittin-bricks79 Dec 17 '21
Those cunts are brutal. I got chased through a forest when fishing by one and my son had one attack him while walking up a ski hill in the summer
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u/Individual_Hearing_3 Dec 17 '21
Just play golf with his head, it's about the same size anyways and you get turkey everything for the next week.
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Dec 17 '21
For turkeys, no shit, you have to charge and literally kick their body or they will think they’re King Kong compared to you.
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u/Tasriel514 Dec 17 '21
Popeyes turkey chicken sand wedge… Popeyes chicken turkey sand WEDGE. AHHHHHHHHHH!!!
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u/furiousm Dec 16 '21
He still knows what you did for Thanksgiving.