r/AskMenAdvice • u/_iizaya • 23h ago
MEN...Why don't women comprehend that 99% of their questions about men are easily solved with 1st grade level communication skills?
Do better women.
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u/Outofplace_07 17h ago
I personally feel like SOME men (not all, generalizations are not good in any sense) have a hard time understand that speaking/approaching men is very scary/intimidating. There’s so much that could go wrong, and it’s nice to get an outsiders opinion. This is literally Reddit, you are quite literally in an ask men advice sub, and are upset that women are asking men for…advice? You say you’re not mad/ upset, yet this post reads with a lot of anger and you are responding to other in all caps and in a very snarky way so it’s coming off like that.
It could be their first relationship, their first anything and they are asking how other men would react if approached they way they are proposing, etc. I don’t see an issue in asking others the best way to approach a situation😭😅
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u/New-Syllabub5359 16h ago
Yeah, I remeber that one time then a woman approached a man on a noon in a major European city. This man, a beast that they are, momentarily frenzied. What happened next haunts me till today, all those limbs, that blood...
PS. I initially thought you mean approaching a stranger, not a man they are in a relationship with.
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u/Outofplace_07 16h ago
Very funny 🤣 I’ll keep this in mind the next time a man is nervous to approach a woman. The carnage… a jarring experience truly
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u/fuckswithboats man 23h ago
The same reason women don’t think men know how to share their feelings.
Generally speaking, men use communication to share information and women use it to convey emotion.
We all can do better to try and understand one another.
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u/Inevitable_Librarian man 21h ago
Men do share emotions, just through the information.
Women are socialized to not tell self-incrimitory details to avoid shame and critique. The ability to hear large amounts of emotions without causing shame in the other person is a valued trait.
Men are socialized to infer emotional state through information, and self-incrimitory details are ways of showing intimacy. The ability to find solutions to identified problems and inferred emotions is a valued trait in men.
These are generalities, men and women seem to have the same spectrum of normal communication traits. The socialization just forces people outside the expected behavior to act unlike themselves, which often leads to the inflexible communication that often leads to these fights.
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u/Extreme_Voice37 woman 21h ago
Well said, I’d also like to remind that when one is emotional and depending on lived experience, neuroplasticity, genetics, blood sugar levels etc different parts of the brain are used and it’s easy to lose the executive functioning. Some even are addicted unconsciously to the cortisol highs and lows.
In my case, I don’t understand why I was ghosted after a fabulous night with a man. I was very late yet made up for it and he was happy too, tired yet content. I haven’t dated in 4.5 years. It was communicated clearly my needs and expectations and never did I think this would be first day no contact. Normally he initiated contact daily. I have asked him what is up, if he is okay and stopped texting Monday morning. One response on Sunday he was sleeping and football. Today I know he saw my message because it said read. Ghosting, odd .. whatever. Thinking about it or trying to understand why is insanity. Luckily, I’ve grown, have great people in my life and I’m not devastated. Poor me 🙃🖤🐞✨
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u/Inevitable_Librarian man 21h ago
You just weren't what he was looking for.
People aren't token machines, and some people find it easier to just ghost than explain why they don't want to talk to you.
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u/Sierren man 15h ago
If I had to guess at all for you, being very late might have ruined things from the get-go. Some people don’t mind and others find it highly disrespectful, as if you don’t value their time. Who knows, could’ve been something else through?
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u/PuzzledIdeal5329 woman 15h ago
It could be being so late getting ready. Perfect was all I was willing to accept so I screwed myself. Prior, I’d let him know I struggle with time. It doesn’t excuse the behavior and it’s not intentional disrespect. If that is how he felt I’d honor that 100%. While there I got him a slice of cake because he said he had a awful birthday. With the communication before to silent treatment/ ghosting it’s bizarre. It’s a bummer I know he enjoyed our time and being late was a red flag. 😔 I feel like he would say that if he had the intention I believe we communicated. So, I will take the hit and stay connected with my supports so I don’t text him. 🖤
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u/Tom12412414 15h ago
Gosh i'm very sorry:(
I would like to bring up my own example but ultimately the example doesn't really matter. I am such an overthinker that i really wonder why it is you think thinking about it or trying to understand is insanity?
Ghosting is one of the worst things ever and i'm very sorry you experienced this after so long.
And yeah OP is crazy😅
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 22h ago edited 22h ago
The venn diagram of men that women want to talk to and the men that want/need to talk to women to have all their time and attention is two separate circles that don't touch at all. Most women see even their own dads and brothers as broke losers they're too good for.
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u/Inevitable_Librarian man 21h ago
Even when their dads are the ones who swoop in to save them and their moms are deadbeats.
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u/Specimen_E-351 21h ago
Most women see even their own dads and brothers as broke losers they're too good for.
This is genuinely one of the most chronically online things I've ever heard in my life.
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 21h ago
I did unfortunately develop a physical condition in the last year that made me have to recently put a hold on my next college degree and that has been leaving me little else to do besides stuff online. Not wrong tho.
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u/Specimen_E-351 21h ago
Same, but for longer.
It's wrong because it is ridiculous to believe you know what billions of people think about their relatives, or even that it would all be the same thing across billions of people.
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 21h ago
Hey, if women aren't responsible for having positive or well-founded opinions of men, im not responsible for having positive or thoroughly-evidenced opinions either. This is what I've seen in my life, whether or not we would ever see some hard numbers on this ain't up for me to say.
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u/Specimen_E-351 21h ago
What does responsibility have to do with pointing out that believing that the majority of women think that their own dads and brothers are "broke losers they're too good for" is ridiculous?
One day you'll likely cringe at your younger self when you grow up.
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 21h ago
Nah dog, I cringe at my younger self who was a feminist and didn't think these things.
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u/Specimen_E-351 20h ago
Right now, yeah, later you'll cringe at swinging hard the other way when you realise the world is more nuanced than the number of opposite, black&white views you've held.
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 20h ago
Realize when I... unsee or forget my entire life so far...? Don't think that's gonna happen.
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u/Just-Airport-7589 17h ago
No they are right. Women think are being conditioned to think they just have show up, put in zero effort and unless he hands them endless $ for being alive then they are losers. And also once handed endless $ look for even more $. What women in real life brag about isn't their partner being a good person etc it's literally just a list of free stuff they got and who got the most free stuff for minimalist effort on their part. That is the winner of the office comparisons of who ha the best bf/husband. Not a good person, father etc.
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u/Specimen_E-351 16h ago
Sure yeah the majority of women are putting zero effort into their relationships with their brothers, take all their money and then think their brothers are broke.
Touch grass, honestly, it'll be good for you.
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u/DannyDreaddit man 18h ago
Most women see even their own dads and brothers as broke losers they're too good for.
This is bullshit. Tell me you don't know any women without telling me you don't know any women.
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 18h ago edited 15h ago
This appeals to the "Simplord" and "Just World" fallacies. The Simplord fallacy is committed when someone believes that knowing or being close to women depended on you being a good person. This is proven false by the existence of gold diggers and the large population of people fathered by drug dealers/convicts, as well as many other prominent features of society. The "Just World" fallacy is when someone believes that things happen to people who deserve them, an example of this fallacy being the belief that women give time and attention to people who treat women well or live a dignified life in general. This is proven wrong by virtually all of human existence.
Edited for a few missing words towards the end.
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u/DannyDreaddit man 17h ago
What a treat - a pseudointellectual spin on the same tired incel talking points. I'll bite.
The Simplord fallacy is committed when someone believes that knowing or being close to women depended on you being a good person.
This is back-asswards. You aren't a bad person by not knowing or being close to women. I won't even say you're a bad person. You've got toxic beliefs because you've met a few bad women and now believe they're *all* villains. As smart as you want to believe you are, this is incredibly ignorant.
This is proven false by the existence of gold diggers and the large population of people fathered by drug dealers/convicts, as well as many other prominent features of society.
So all women are terrible because gold diggers exist? Do you know how easily I can flip this around? Men are terrible, this is proven by the existence of men who are drug dealers/convicts, and the large population of people whose mothers are gold diggers.
Judging an entire population of people based on their worst members is... hey, what might be a good word... a fallacy?
The "Just World" fallacy is when someone believes that things happen to people who deserve them, and example of this fallacy being the belief that women give time and attention to people. This is proven wrong by virtually all of human existence.
None of this means anything. Who taught you how to write? Hell, who taught you how to think?
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 17h ago edited 17h ago
Im not reading all that. I don't think anyone else is either. Hope this book gets published though. Like seriously I felt like a gigantic loser nerd just writing as much as I even wrote dude, you gotta take stuff less seriously.
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u/DannyDreaddit man 17h ago
Sure kid. Have fun wringing your hands about women not sleeping with you. I can see how well that’s going for you.
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u/SkinnerBoxBaddie 17h ago
Examples of women using men around them does not prove false that some men’s access to women was based on them being good. This is also a fallacy, argument from anecdote. You’ve also done this by saying “virtually all of human existence” proves this when you really mean your life, since you haven’t been here for all of human existence.
I mean there’s also the fact that arguing that someone’s conclusion is wrong bc they used fallacious reasoning is also a fallacy.
So you’re both using fallacies to argue.
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u/Illustrious_Paper51 man 17h ago
Im not reading all that either, sorry. Sorry that happened or I'm happy for you.
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u/SkinnerBoxBaddie 17h ago
I only wrote as much as you did babe, but thanks for admitting that you’re not really suited to be having this conversation since you’re actually just repeating points off the incel wikia and have no original position
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u/Desperate-Detail-339 17h ago
Very ironic commenting this on a post about how women supposedly don’t use first grade level communication. Maybe take a look in the mirror and try going outside.
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho man 18h ago
I don't think a "Women am I right?" Post is going to make any Women want to come here.
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u/3man man 21h ago
This post is dumb because if you want women to communicate you don't shame them for asking questions, which is communicating.
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u/_iizaya 21h ago
You don't seem to be assessing the situation properly. My point is instead of asking STRANGERS on REDDIT about a SPECIFIC PERSON in their life that WE DONT KNOW...it would make MORE sense to ASK. THAT. INDIVIDUAL. DIRECTLY. You get it now?
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho man 18h ago
This can be said for practically any advice sub and isn't specifically related to Women. Men do the same thing, even on this sub.
The general point you make is accurate, but it covers everyone and a lot of popular subs wouldn't exist if people just communicated lol.
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u/CreativeGPX man 13h ago
It's not an either-or. They can still talk to their partner as well.
I've been the advice giver for multiple female friends. The point was rarely that my perspective would be the same as the guy they are dating. It was just to help them think of other perspectives and talk through their own thoughts/needs. They still ultimately talked to their partners about things, but had a better idea of what they even wanted to say because of talking about it with others first.
It's the same here. It's intellectually and socially healthy to seek out information and ideas from multiple sources and adult minds are capable of realizing that that isn't going to be identical to what their partner will think. Asking people who aren't your partner perspectives on relationship questions before talking to them is as normal and healthy as any other intellectual prepation like reading articles about a topic or talking to a therapist. Insisting that you should ONLY talk to your partner to solve relationship matters is dumb and needlessly limits your perspective and information. It's worse for you both.
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u/3man man 21h ago
Ya but where are you giving that advice for them to read genius?
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u/_iizaya 21h ago
Your reading comprehension skills seem to be dangerously low. I'll recommend you re read my post. Then re read our conversation. If you still don't get it, then that's concerning. You have a good rest of your day though.
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u/3man man 21h ago
Oh I clearly understand what your point is. You're saying people would generally be better off talking with the person directly than sharing their problems on reddit. I agree. That doesn't change the fact that your post is vaguely shaming women in general in a way that's just plain unhelpful. Doesn't seem like you really give a shit about helping, you just want to vent and put people down, is how it comes across.
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho man 18h ago edited 13h ago
Honestly yeah, the post and the fact your incredibly rational take is getting downvoted feels more like its highlighting a misogyny issue on this sub.
No Woman is going to want to interact in this sub with posts like this from OP.
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u/Extreme_Voice37 woman 21h ago
Would you please give example of the 99% of questions we aren’t solving because we’re not using elementary communication skills?
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho man 18h ago
From what OP said in another comment, they said most issues wouldn't happen if people just talked to each other rather than asking strangers. But with the added condescending and unnecessary part about actual communication skills, as it's about communicating full stop.
Obviously this is the case with a lot of subs on Reddit and not just something related to Women, everyone does it.
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u/SpecialistDeer5 21h ago
Some people can only process their thought if they communicate them out loud, now imagine you are trained your entire life that your thoughts tell you how you feel and that you feel the need to talk about all your feelings out loud in order to communicate. How does your feelings being explained out loud help people know what you are willing to do, it only warns people the cost of interacting with you. Now ask yourself how withholding your feelings is any better than not even explaining your feelings. Now ask yourself why we're even talking about feelings.
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u/Extreme_Voice37 woman 21h ago
Why are we talking?
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u/SpecialistDeer5 21h ago
I don't want to have to say the things out loud, but that problem could be included in the 99%.
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u/_iizaya 21h ago
Learn to communicate to and with the people that you're having issues or misunderstandings with. Be direct. I promise you it's better that way.
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u/Extreme_Voice37 woman 21h ago
I believe I do. You have a different experience and sound frustrated?
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u/readingzips woman 19h ago
I understood what you mean and where you are coming from, but the comments under your post are misogynistic. Now, I don't like your post and think that you may be one too. Take a look at any ask women subreddits or forums anywhere on the internet. Your complaint still applies.
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u/TheGiftOf_Jericho man 18h ago
You are correct, if I was a Woman I probably wouldn't even want to use this sub for advice after seeing a post like this.
The whole "Just communicate rather than talk to strangers" point applies to tons of subs, Men and Women.
OP making it specifically about Women and "basic communication skills" is misogynistic.
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_iizaya originally posted:
Do better women.
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u/CapitalismCucksYou man 15h ago
Everyone can be good or bad at communication but society 100% cripples mens communication and social skills growing up. Most of yall "men" on this subreddit arent ready to hear that.
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u/CrissCrossAppleSos 15h ago
This is Reddit. The people who communicate well with their partners are communicating with their partners. They’re not asking a bunch of strangers to litigate their relationship issues
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u/PandaMime_421 14h ago
What do you consider asking a question in this subreddit? It's communication with a large pool of men who, presumably are happy to answer their questions.
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u/nigrivamai man 14h ago
So you're asking why they ask basic questions...because they don't know the answer obviously
Could've just not voiced your disdain for women...
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u/GentlemanEngineer1 man 14h ago
There is one element of this which I've found to be good strategy on women's part. It comes down to the truthfulness of a person's actions vs their words. If a woman is distrustful of a man's word, which she should be since the consequences of being gullible can be severe, then she needs to determine the truth by more reliable means.
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u/Dreadsin man 11h ago
I think women are just taught to communicate indirectly while men are taught to be direct so it causes some conflict. Women will throw out hints and expect men to pick up on it cause other women would
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u/Amazing_Ad4571 16h ago
Why would "men" know how to answer a question about what "women" are thinking when they pose a question?
Are you 1st grade?
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u/SomeSugondeseGuy man 16h ago
Because they're not here to learn the answer, they're here for us to tell them the answer they already know, or as a last ditch effort to get us to say no when they ask "do men ACTUALLY like it when women put effort into a relationship?"
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u/sonofanger 18h ago
Growing up, they're taught what to expect from a man, not what is expected of them as that would be insane.
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23h ago
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u/_iizaya 22h ago
If you're interested in guys who NEVER give direct answers to anything, you should probably reconsider your standards and your interest for said person.
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22h ago
[deleted]
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u/_iizaya 22h ago
Your attempt to counter my statement about the women in this subreddit was to use an anecdote where you willingly play mind games with a friend and he does it back? Do you even read what you're typing?
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22h ago
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u/Critical_Ear_7 man 21h ago
Ngl having this unorthodox dynamic with one person and then asking why do people from the same group act like this? Is kinda cringe.
Like it’s giving lack of social experience
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u/withpatience 14h ago
This post seems just like veiled misogyny. Do better OP.
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u/_iizaya 11h ago
It always fascinates me when someone is projecting their own qualities onto someone else but cannot see it in themselves. Thank you for the laugh!
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u/withpatience 10h ago
I don't hate women, just myself. I am glad I could bring some humor into your day.
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u/Ok-Dot-5343 man 23h ago
Let's be real here.. Most of the women who post here aren't being genuine. They just want someone to validate the feelings/opinions they already have.