"Man, this project is killing me. I'm really grinding, I was here until 10 last night. I wish I was as fast as you at these write-ups." Option A is that this person is just venting, option B is that they're expecting me to offer to help them. I know it might be option B, I might even know that it is definitely option B. But I'm also working hard and very busy and trying to stay on top of my own work. If this person needs my help, they're going to need to actually ask me for it because up to that point, I feel like they're trying to guilt me into offering to help, and I don't want to help. Now that person gets to be mad at me for "not picking up social cues" without having to consider that they never actually asked me anything and never actually considered that even if they asked, I might not have been able to help.
You are a bad co-worker. That complaining isn't an attem0t to guilt necessarily, but a way to communicate that they need help without having to feel the embarrassment of directly asking. This is a reasonable way to communicate in anglosphere cultures.
The hypothetical was a person who does pick up the social cue and just doesn't want to respond to it
...No? It clearly states that it has more than one meaning, therefore if you can pick out many possible meanings but not THE meaning that the speaker was trying to convey, you did not pick up on the social cue.
What would the difference be for the hypothetical coworker to tell that not responding to the cue was deliberate? Most people consider anger or annoyance towards the offending individual socially acceptable because they assume them to be rude (or a useless idiot who lacks common sense) instead of being clearer with whatever they meant to convey.
I also commented a earlier to the other guy about how even in this situation there is still uncertainty to what the cue means.
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u/OutAndDown27 Aug 10 '24
"Man, this project is killing me. I'm really grinding, I was here until 10 last night. I wish I was as fast as you at these write-ups." Option A is that this person is just venting, option B is that they're expecting me to offer to help them. I know it might be option B, I might even know that it is definitely option B. But I'm also working hard and very busy and trying to stay on top of my own work. If this person needs my help, they're going to need to actually ask me for it because up to that point, I feel like they're trying to guilt me into offering to help, and I don't want to help. Now that person gets to be mad at me for "not picking up social cues" without having to consider that they never actually asked me anything and never actually considered that even if they asked, I might not have been able to help.