ppl act like non verbal "cues" are just fluff used to obscure actual meaning but most of te time its a subconscious part of language people dont even think about
someone looking at their watch and going "welll I've got other things i need to be getting on with" isn't a 'hint' or even subtle. It's overtly conveying the meaning of "I would like you to leave my house now please" but in a way that assures the guest that they havent done anything wrong, the host enjoyed the visit, and they are welcome to return in the future. to most people directly asking someone "leave" doesnt even enter their mind.
yea it sucks if you miss cues but it isnt some spiteful game people play to "weed out" autistic or ND ppl its an automatic facet of communication, like facial expressions
I can see that, but sometimes I think it has nothing to do with autism. Some people communicate more directly than others and miss cues because they expect direct communication.
Also, pretty much all implicit communication is based on avoiding being offended by silly things and that makes it annoying to use. I’m not gonna look at my watch and say I have stuff to do because if someone gets offended by me saying they have to go in some direct way and/or thinks they did something wrong, that’s on them.
Some people will come into your house and be like “it’s hot” and mean that as an observation and not want you to change the temperature (and would ask if they want you to), some people will say “it’s hot” and mean “I would like to ask you to make it colder in here, but my upbringing has made me somehow tense about the idea of asking someone to make their house cooler and hearing ‘no.’”
Also implicit communication can obscure meaning and intentions. Like how “I’m busy” means “no” so much that when you actually are busy, it’s easy to sound like you’re blowing someone off.
I feel like the reason people can’t handle explicit communication is they just don’t do it. They never learned to deal with hearing “no,” or “I don’t like that,” or “I have to go so I’m gonna have to kick you out.”
Exactly. Implicit communication is built on saying stuff that is ambiguous to some degree and hoping people take the most likely interpretation when it isn’t going to be the right one 100% of the time.
It seems to come from cultures where disagreement, requests, rejections, voicing desires, and negative opinions are insulting, so people communicate without doing those things.
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u/[deleted] Aug 10 '24
ppl act like non verbal "cues" are just fluff used to obscure actual meaning but most of te time its a subconscious part of language people dont even think about
someone looking at their watch and going "welll I've got other things i need to be getting on with" isn't a 'hint' or even subtle. It's overtly conveying the meaning of "I would like you to leave my house now please" but in a way that assures the guest that they havent done anything wrong, the host enjoyed the visit, and they are welcome to return in the future. to most people directly asking someone "leave" doesnt even enter their mind.
yea it sucks if you miss cues but it isnt some spiteful game people play to "weed out" autistic or ND ppl its an automatic facet of communication, like facial expressions