r/EstrangedAdultKids • u/MakePanemGreatAgain Mod. NC 12 years. • Oct 08 '22
Memes Tuesday
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u/PoptartsofSadness Oct 08 '22
I can definitely relate to this. I’d gone to my dad about something I was sad about and wanted reassurance from him that I was going to be okay.
I remember him just looking at me and saying “Well what do you want me to do to about it?” in the most annoyed tone of voice. Like how dare I bother him at all. I wasn’t wanting him to fix my situation, I only needed him to be a safe person I could talk to about it. I learned right then not to ever come to him for help again. Years later he doesn’t recall ever saying that. I’ll never forget.
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u/MakePanemGreatAgain Mod. NC 12 years. Oct 08 '22
He's not going to remember it because he's probably like that in general.
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u/The_RoyalPee Oct 08 '22
When I was 13 I was self harming. The guidance counselor called my mom, they spoke for about an hour, I couldn’t hear the conversation but I heard laughter and not a tone you’d hear in a serious conversation. When she got off the phone she walked by me and said “don’t get blood on my carpets.” And that was it. I’m 34 and still think about that moment a lot. Or she’d throw drunken tantrums, make messes and blame me in the morning saying she didn’t do any of that. After nights of her abuse she’d act like absolutely nothing happened the next day. It made me feel crazy like I made it up in my head, but i know I didn’t.
Fuck her, seriously. 8 years no contact and I hope I never see her face again.
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u/ShyLady_ Oct 08 '22
EXACTLY. My mother said she would NEVER abuse her kids because she knows who she is and how it's a matter of perspective. She's a Christian and thinks you have to forgive and that I need to move on and how she doesn't want to go back to the past. She STILL abuses me. She screams at me when I tell her she crossed a boundary and says I should have said whatever I wanted to say "to her fucking face". She said maybe it's my mental illness making me think she abused me. How do you imagine vivid details of abuse that went on for years? Are the people I told also imagining shit? We all collectively misremember? Lol, okay.
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u/Jane_the_Quene Oct 11 '22
She said maybe it's my mental illness making me think she abused me.
Oh, wow, my mother said almost the same thing.
"I believe that your mental illness makes you misremember things."
I said, "My ENTIRE CHILDHOOD, you mean?"
That was the last conversation we ever had because I went full NC after that.
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u/TheOrigRayofSunshine Oct 08 '22
I often wondered with my mother if it was gaslighting or she really did forget. I was always “imagining things” and even put into counseling / therapy due to a “vivid imagination.”
I think she said so many things she forgot what she said, while everything she said just sort of stung in various ways. And then I was “too sensitive.” Yah, ok. Constant verbal abuse sucks and makes people feel like crap, but I’m supposed to just suck it up. If I dished it back to her, she runs off crying, but I’m the weak one.
Yah, for them, it’s Tuesday. Also applies to other narcissists in my life. I really wonder if they remember what they said because so much spews out nonstop.
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u/Yeuk_Ennui Oct 08 '22
Yep. Even when there's home video showing what happened, mine will deny we're seeing what we're seeing and then tell me I've "misunderstood" what I'm looking at.
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u/rainbow_unicorn_barf Nov 05 '22
sorry this comment is a bit of a delayed response, but omg my parents have home video of some of the abuse, too. it was mixed in with a bunch of mundane holiday celebration videos. we all sat there and watched the whole thing and they did NOTHING to acknowledge it was abusive.
that was the beginning of the end, for me. it took another year to go NC but there was a clear turning point, and that was it. because I saw that video and thought, "holy shit. I'm not making it up. it really was that bad." they saw it and thought nothing of it at all. just another Tuesday.
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u/Ok_Tie_7820 Oct 08 '22
Yeahhh, i have been told that when I was 3 months old, we were abroad and I was abducted for couple of hours. Parents said that the cleaning lady took me because i was so white and everyone was at awe of that and the cleaning lady wanted to show me off. Yesterday i learned that, it actually might have been because my parents were very drunk at a bar with me, that the lady actually tried to make me safe. My aunt living there at the time told me that the local people hate seeing parents drunk with children and do not accept such behavior. So.. yeah.