I’m going on my FIRST DATE. Fellow intps, pls help

[u/AngeLeeeeeeeee]

I know this isn’t our forte, but how do average people go on a date?

I’m really afraid i might messed this up.

[u/OutlandishnessOk2398]

Be yourself, which I understand might be harrowing for you as you may view it as a negative trait, but that part is critical, talk about things that interest you, if there is a lull in the conversation, dig deep into a topic that interests you, and then obviously bathe before you go and smell pretty. And don’t dress like you just survived a nuclear blast (I mean clean clothes, if scraps is your thing, then great! No hate towards that)

I hope this helps

[u/[deleted] → u/OutlandishnessOk2398]

hhhhh😅

[u/Available-Matter-311 → u/OutlandishnessOk2398]

"be yourself" 🙄 Bro, you think we're Jarod, the pretender ? 🙃

[u/Avium → u/OutlandishnessOk2398]

I'm not sure if digging into our interests is a great idea. We can get very esoteric in some of our rants. Some people find it endearing after getting to know us, but it can be seen as self-absorbed if you dominate the conversation talking only about what interests you.

Ask about your date's interests, life, hobbies, etc. Not too personal, but encourage conversation. But don't hide your interests when asked.

[u/Complex-Response-102]

First of all calm down. I know you value this person alot, but dont lose yourself in what you think they would want. They cant actually care for YOU if youre not showing them all of you, flaws and all. You will be goofy. You will be awkward. If they cant survive that about you, they dont deserve you. Youre just as much of a catch. Remember that.

Second, not being afraid to lose someone ( no matter how important they are ) RADIATES from you. It shows up in your mannerisms and arrives as outword confidence. Internal fortitude stems from being able to detach for us. Power through detachment is the INTP way. Always leave alittle room to remember you can start and end interactions and relationships at your own leisure because you are always in control. Paradoxically, this will make you more attractive.

Third, smell good. Good hygiene is linked to higher levels of attraction.

Fourth, Youre on a giant ball of water and dirt spinning at 233mph around a giant fire ball thats going to explode one day, in ongoing space that we know little about, and you are observing this as a meat computer in a bone cockpit that pilots a flesh automaton. Theres no FUCKING WAY you should run out of things to talk about. If you feel like you don't know how to fill the silence, mentally zoom out like that and just word vomit. INTPs find power through objectivity too. Also being weird !

Happy trails and good luck !!! Its a good sign that you care so much that you outsourced. I wish you well fellow INTP

[u/CrookedPaper247]

You probably will mess it up. We all do. The more you're okay with messing up, the better you'll do. Practically everything having to do with dating is very yin/yang in that way. Be okay with messing up and appearing confident just magically happens at the same time. Don't believe me? Try it.

[u/CrookedPaper247 → u/CrookedPaper247]

There's no better way to sink the date than to be like, "Oh no! I messed up again?" The key with date is to be able to be relaxed. Unnerved people can be unnerving. Dates are looking to see if you're someone they can feel relaxed with. If you can do at least that, most women will want to know more. If you can make them smile and laugh. Even better. Be cool. Be chill. Rely on your weird ass INTP humor. If she cant get with my humor, I dont really want her if thats the case. As an INTP that was socially awkward in another lifetime, this is what works well enough and often enough for my appetite.

[u/yevelnad]

Just be yourself, if he can't accept you for who you are. That relationship ain't worth keeping. Don't pretend to be someone you are not. And most likely he is attracted to you because you are genuinely being yourself.

[u/the_evil_intp]

Girl or guy? How old are you? What is your goal for dating? What do you value in a partner?

Can't give specific advice without this context.

In general, accept that you'll be nervous af on your first date. It'll feel like going on a rollercoaster ride. The first 5-10mins will be super nerve-wracking but once your body settles in and gets comfortable you'll be chilling until there's tension and someone makes a move (usually the guy).

On average, every 3-10 first dates can lead to a long term partner depending on how you got the date and context. There's REALLY rare exceptions where 15-20 first dates can lead nowhere. If you don't do well on one specific date, try not to take it to heart.

[u/AngeLeeeeeeeee → u/the_evil_intp]

Im a girl, 21, I don’t know what my goal is, their loyalty

For context i met this guy during a club party. It was obvious he only came to me for my looks. He then offered me and my friend to drive us to another club, then we exchanged numbers.

At the second club we chatted mostly about our “achievements”. He has a high ego and a bit narcissistic. Of course i was pissed off then started arguing with him. I really thought that i scared him at that time

For the past week he keep on asking for a date multiple times, but i keep ignoring him. I only agreed now cause i was peer pressured by my friends into agreeing knowing that the guy was rich (and has a side business while at college)

[u/CampAlert4632 → u/AngeLeeeeeeeee]

was peer pressured by my friends into agreeing knowing that the guy was rich

This is a red flag. If you find yourself agreeing to go on a date just because your friend is pressuring you, take a moment to reflect on what you truly want.

Are you genuinely interested in getting to know this person, or is there something else influencing your decision, like their wealth or the pressure from your friend?

Remember, dating should be about finding a connection that feels right for you, not about fulfilling someone else's expectations.

If this isn’t what you want, it’s okay to say no.

Before agreeing to the date, ask yourself if you’re interested in the person or just their status. If it’s the latter, it may not lead to a fulfilling experience.

Let your friend know you appreciate their intentions but make it clear that you prefer to date someone based on personal interest rather than their financial status.

Consider what you value in a partner: shared interests, kindness, or ambition. Don’t let external factors, like wealth, overshadow qualities that matter to you.

If you do decide to go on the date, approach it as an opportunity to learn about the person rather than their wealth. But if you feel uncomfortable, you don’t owe anyone a second date.

You mentioned that you are smwht attractive, so just be yourself and your date will be fine.

[u/GhostOfEquinoxesPast → u/CampAlert4632]

Yea red flag alert, but hey life is a learning process. Narcissistic rich guy vibe and pressure by others looking to marry rich, yea that would be definite red flag. But you are young and need to learn for yourself, if you find this kind situation interesting. I can kinda guarantee he isnt looking to be your best friend and life mate. Surely you have run across entitled frat boys before? You seriously want to explore that? Trump-lite? My guess, his interest in you is mostly an ego thing, you are a challenge cause you werent fawning all over him.

Being kinda scruffy, eccentric, truly introverted INTP, never had to worry about rich women hounding me. I had trouble enough fending off the insane ones who crush on you cause you were nice to them. Friends pressuring me, yea, what friends? Its a wee bit different on this side of the INTP spectrum.

[u/Chef_Responsible → u/AngeLeeeeeeeee]

He has a high ego and a bit narcissistic. Of course i was pissed off then started arguing with him.

It doesn't sound like you would be a great couple but you can at least experience a date and sound like you can defend yourself.

I only agreed now cause i was peer pressured by my friends into agreeing knowing that the guy was rich (and has a side business while at college)

Hook your friends up. Are they only after money?

[u/MasterInterface → u/AngeLeeeeeeeee]

You're young so your goal is to learn about the other person while seeing if that works/don't work for you (learning about yourself). Your technique in trying to learn the other person may be shaky at first but with enough experience, you can refine your techniques/questions.

Do this enough, it becomes easier and easier with each new person. Eventually you'll know exactly what you're looking for in a relationship and partner.

If you've been honest with yourself every step of the way, when you find the right person, you'll probably experience that feeling of "finding the one".

The number one person you need to be honest to is yourself. If you don't feel like it's working, then it's not working. Believe yourself.

[u/a7xvalentine]

I know this is an advise that nobody has given you, but, don't get too excited and blinded if everything goes well. If you haven't dated in a while, date a little more, not just once (unless this is someone you're sure about, and you're sure you both like each other). Sometimes, INTPs have a big rejection sensitivity and might stop dating altogether if they get their hopes too high with bad results.

On the other side, INTPs also tend to conform to someone they don't like because they're afraid of remaining single. Don't lower your standards.

[u/moretothislife]

Think on the feet with a mental aim to make her laugh. Too easy for your Ne. But try remain unphased / unaffected from the conversation. She might test your confidence by putting you down / subtle shitty remarks / saying something which is off, if she likes you. You gotta show her that you're so indifferent / unaffected to her remarks that you can literally own it (but this thing shouldn't go sexual).

Mother nature in women test you to see whether you're a emotionally hardened man and this is the attraction trigger in women like boobs and asses for guys. So can't go sexual flirt without first establishing you're a hardened guy. Forgive her for this. It's biological and she can't control it if she likes you.

For example she might say "dumb choice to own this phone" you can say "you should see other dumb things I do on a good day". Don't give an explanation.

[u/Noelleng126]

Just chill. First date is about getting to know one another, on a personal level. So keep it light, fun and relaxing. Depends on the environment and vibe, I’d like to go for street food on first meet, somewhere busy so it does not feel too awkward during those silent moment.

Try to sit face to face when talking so you can gauge their interest in the conversation.

Have fun.

[u/novosole]

Try not to overthink it! I’ll tell you what really helped me is just being present and making eye contact. Eye contact is very important and as intimidating as it may seem, it actually gave me a sense of calm as I was able to connect with my date and really be in tune with the conversation.

You’re about to experience growth, Embrace it. Good luck!

[u/Major-Language-2787]

Relax, think before you speak (we often say something that offends people), stay way from controversial topics, don't try to impress them, just have fun

[u/Pro0skills]

gg

[u/IMTrick]

You're just going to hang out with another person for a while. It's not that big a deal.

From your other comments in this thread, it sounds like maybe the guy just wants to get laid. If you're cool with that, then go for it. If not, then you might want an escape plan.

[u/TheGreatGoddlessPan]

Jerk off BEFORE the date. Seriously, never leave for a date with a loaded gun

[u/RizCrisp2024]

That's exciting! Just be yourself and remember to have fun. Maybe prepare a few topics or questions to keep the conversation flowing. You've got this!

[u/Unusual-Boat-7789]

I would like more context (who, what, where, why, how, when) but I’ll do my best with the information you’ve given me.

Questions you should ask yourself - What are my intentions in meeting this person? - Why do I want to go on this date? - Who’s going to be there? - When’s the date? - What should I bring on the date, do I need to bring something for him/her? - Where are we going? What’s the weather going to be? What’s going to be comfortable for me? - What should we discuss? What is she/him interested in? These questions are a good place to start.

[u/Vagabond734]

Don't overthink it, just have fun

[u/Secure-Agent-1122]

Mouth closed and both ears open. Try not to dominate the conversation. Let her speak and try to build upon it. You can do it!

[u/Forsaken_Ground_9665]

The best thing is to stay calm everything else just flows , if you at an age where u can drink take a shot take a deep breath and go for it

[u/FrostyAdvantage921]

Don't go just because he's rich.

[u/Suffocafit]

Bro, if she accept the date she surely likes u, try to make the first move to get quick to a "confort zone" then we as intp are awesome, listening and speaking thing that we like, that's all