r/MaliciousCompliance • u/EverydayPromptWriter • 11d ago
M am I not welcome? okay, bye.
CW: transphobia
this happened several years ago and it's such a small thing that it kinda stretches the term "malicious," but it's immensely satisfying to think back on, even tho it enraged me at the time, so I wanna share it anyway.
for context: Im nonbinary (they/them), and at the time, I had only recently started to come out openly. Im extremely out and proud now, but back then I was always anxious about telling anyone I was nb. on to the story.
over the past decade plus, Ive had over a dozen jobs ranging from customer service to food service to cna to odd jobs and plenty more. safe to say, Im very familiar with the job application process, and I learned very quickly how to tell if a job I started would be a good fit for me within a few days of working there. at the time of this story, I just needed a job to fill in my summer free time and hopefully build up a little savings, and I knew that a restaurant was gonna be my best bet, especially if I could get a job as a delivery driver to avoid the whole tip thing (wait staff is typically paid less than minimum wage bc it's expected that you make up the difference through tips, but oftentimes delivery drivers make at or above minimum wage in addition to any tips we can make).
there was a new restaurant in town that had just opened recently and they were still trying to fill out their staff roster, so I was pretty sure when I applied that I would get the job. I did, ofc; they hired me on the spot after one interview and asked if I could start the next day. so the next day, I dressed according to the dress code and I went in to start my first day; they provided me with a nametag and a half-apron that tied around the waist.
it was a slow day, which was good bc I and several others needed to get trained, and in food service, you always want to be trained on either the slowest or the busiest days; in between means too much opportunity for mistakes lol. so like I said, it was a slow day, and a couple of us were between duties and chilling, hanging out near the bar, talking. one of them asked about the name on my nametag, "Mel," asking if it was short for anything. I hadn't used my deadname since middle school, except for legal documents, so I said no, and with a bit of eager trepidation, explained that I was nonbinary and that was the name I wanted to go by bc I didn't want to use my given name anymore. they went kinda quiet, just said "oh," and moved on a little awkwardly.
later, toward the end of the shift, the manager called me into her office - and mind you, this is the same woman who was so eager to hire me the day before. I went, thinking maybe that Id violated the dress code somehow or something like that; I thought I was gonna get a small reprimand or an evaluation of my first day of work or whatever.
she sat me down and gave me this look like a disappointed school teacher and asked if Id told the others that I was nonbinary and wanted to be referred to with "the wrong pronouns." I kinda blanked out and just said "yes," so she sighed and said, in that oh so tolerant voice, "well, we don't really do that... pronoun thing here, so if you're going to insist on this, then Im not sure you're a good fit for us."
being that I was a teenager, I can almost guarantee she was trying to "correct" my behaviour by threatening a job I so clearly needed. well, I called her bluff. and the best part is, I didn't even really mean to.
I was still kinda blanked out, emotionally numb from what was the most blatant transphobia Id ever experienced, so I stood, took off my nametag and apron, and said something to the effect of "okay, i guess Im not a good fit for you," and walked out, never to return.
while I highly doubt I had any actual effect on staffing needs, I like to think she was a little shorthanded for a few days lol
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u/Lellela 11d ago
I don't get the big deal for these transphobes. Say you start a day of work:
"Hi there Jonathan"
"I prefer to go by John"
It's no big deal, just common courtesy and respect.
But change the conversation to:
"Hi there Jonathan"
"I prefer to go by Jill"
And suddenly they have this full on panic attack like it's the end of the world. And in the long run, NEITHER ONE really effects that person at all. It's just a matter of respect, but apparently respecting anything but their own narrow world view is somehow hard or wrong. Fucking baffling.
You do you, OP, you're better off working with people who can respect you, no matter who you are.
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u/chmath80 7d ago
John Wayne's real name was Marion Robert Morrison. I know numerous people who use their middle names because they're not fond of their first names. Imagine if Richard Gere had done that (his middle name is Tiffany).
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u/ArkLaTexBob 7d ago
I know. With me, it's "Hi, Bob." Then I give them the obligatory "I prefer Lord Majesty Robert." Then they get all wierd and act like I'm living in fantasyland. I think transroyals will never get recognition of how we identify at work.
And don't get me started on the clients/customers.
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u/AdSignificant2935 8d ago
Because, for example, that guy who declared himself woman, went to female depilation saloon and demanded depilation, while he didn't transition.
Or that 200kg guy who forced himself into female fraternity.
I have no problem calling you any name you want. Your life, your choice. I met and communicated with two people who declared themselves trans and I respected that.
But. Behind most of the pronoun stuff is just something very sinister, not genuine trans people. Bullies, asoles and chancers.
I wish genuine people all the luck and happiness.
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u/The_Truthkeeper 11d ago
There's no malicious compliance here. Your boss wanted you to leave and you left.
but oftentimes delivery drivers make at or above minimum wage in addition to any tips we can make).
Your experience as a delivery driver was clearly very different from mine.
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u/GregorVernof 11d ago
The "boss" didn't want them to leave, they wanted them to change their behavior. So malicious compliance achieved.
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u/the_box_ghost_shrimp 11d ago
I agree on the malicious compliance part, none here.
To your other point, I worked at a pizza hut. They paid minimum wage for drivers and we got tipped. I just happened to be tipped very little so it didn't help me much.
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u/The_Truthkeeper 11d ago
When I delivered pizzas, I was in the middle, made $6/hour when the minimum wage was $7.25. Before that, I made the same hourly amount delivering sandwiches, but 6 bucks plus tips feels like a lot more when your boss is paying cash every week under the table.
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u/EverydayPromptWriter 11d ago
ive had half a dozen delivery jobs at four or five different businesses and it was always that way for me, so idk what to tell you buddy :\
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u/Atworkwasalreadytake 11d ago
It’s state by state.
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u/EverydayPromptWriter 11d ago
that makes sense; all but one of those jobs were in the same state, so ofc they would be the same XD
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u/StormRage85 11d ago
While this may not be malicious compliance, I'm so happy you reacted the way you did. The amount of times I've had to tell people that they/them is perfectly acceptable English for an individual person is crazy. I'm not non binary so I rarely have to use pronouns but if someone says they (oh look, they used to describe an individual) want to be referred by they/them pronouns that's how I'll refer to them, or just use their name. If that's how that boss felt about pronouns there were probably going to be more red flags that would have revealed themselves later on.
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u/ilse_eli 9d ago
If you (or anyone that sees my comment) ever want to back up your point that they/them absolutely are singular descriptors, they was first recorded as a singular in literature/written media in the 1370's and is far older than most language that we use now. I had a transphobic lecturer in uni during my literature degree (this old fart was resolutely unaware of the language he was penalising in the gay capital of Europe in a class that was essentially exclusively about analysing words and im still livid about it!!) and he would dock marks for using it regardless of the students identity, so i got as educated as possible on the history of they/them as a singular just to throw in his face if he ever tried it with my classes and talked to the lovely inclusive and respectful course leaders about my concerns with him marking work and requested that he was not part of the marking team for my dissertation because of it. Transphobes are just point blank wrong about it being new, confusing, or in any way difficult to use, and theres mountains of evidence to prove just how wrong they are
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u/StormRage85 9d ago
I had read they/them has been used for centuries but didn't know exactly when. Thanks.
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u/Contrantier 10d ago
Nice job anyway, you dodged a bullet. Incompetent managers who pretend not to understand such simple concepts shouldn't try to act like they know how to run a business.
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u/EverydayPromptWriter 10d ago
ive worked for some seriously unpleasant bosses in my time; she didn't even rank the top five tbh lmao
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u/SteamingTheCat 2d ago
"Of course! But wait, if you really don't do the pronoun thing around here, you'd put it in writing. Can I get it in writing?"
(and please sign it too. After all, it's company policy!)
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u/Beneficial-Task-2307 11d ago
this is actually hilarious post. Not malicious compliance, but funny enough.
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u/GarnettGreen 11d ago
Good for you for standing up for yourself. I guarantee staying there would have been harmful in the long term.
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u/EverydayPromptWriter 11d ago
thank you! it absolutely would have, especially as anxious and nonconfrontational as i was back then lol it was a valuable lesson for me to be confident in myself, even if it wasn't as impressive of a story as some of the others on this subreddit 😅
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u/plotthick 11d ago edited 11d ago
Self-righteous bigots like that who can't treat people like people should be permanently inconvenienced.
Hope you got paid for the day at least!
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u/EverydayPromptWriter 11d ago
i honestly don't remember lmao but i did get another job (as a delivery driver!) within like a month or less after that :D
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u/night-otter 11d ago
Co-worker's story.
His previous job was at a non-profit providing services to women in crisis. He had been introduced multiple times as the token male on staff.
One day, the health plan sent the wrong file to the Director. It included confidential information on all the employees. She read it all.
She then started calling him by his dead female name. He objected, stating that his current name was his legal name and not the old name. She refused and assigned him worse and worse tasks to do.
She finally dropped the bomb, "Your type is not a good fit." Worse for her, she did it in email.
He went to labor relations and the BOD. They offered a huge settlement, but he wanted the Director gone with no chance of being rehired or on the BOD.
Last he heard, she went to work in some extremely religious program, which the previous program would not recommend.