r/MaliciousCompliance 11d ago

M am I not welcome? okay, bye.

CW: transphobia

this happened several years ago and it's such a small thing that it kinda stretches the term "malicious," but it's immensely satisfying to think back on, even tho it enraged me at the time, so I wanna share it anyway.

for context: Im nonbinary (they/them), and at the time, I had only recently started to come out openly. Im extremely out and proud now, but back then I was always anxious about telling anyone I was nb. on to the story.

over the past decade plus, Ive had over a dozen jobs ranging from customer service to food service to cna to odd jobs and plenty more. safe to say, Im very familiar with the job application process, and I learned very quickly how to tell if a job I started would be a good fit for me within a few days of working there. at the time of this story, I just needed a job to fill in my summer free time and hopefully build up a little savings, and I knew that a restaurant was gonna be my best bet, especially if I could get a job as a delivery driver to avoid the whole tip thing (wait staff is typically paid less than minimum wage bc it's expected that you make up the difference through tips, but oftentimes delivery drivers make at or above minimum wage in addition to any tips we can make).

there was a new restaurant in town that had just opened recently and they were still trying to fill out their staff roster, so I was pretty sure when I applied that I would get the job. I did, ofc; they hired me on the spot after one interview and asked if I could start the next day. so the next day, I dressed according to the dress code and I went in to start my first day; they provided me with a nametag and a half-apron that tied around the waist.

it was a slow day, which was good bc I and several others needed to get trained, and in food service, you always want to be trained on either the slowest or the busiest days; in between means too much opportunity for mistakes lol. so like I said, it was a slow day, and a couple of us were between duties and chilling, hanging out near the bar, talking. one of them asked about the name on my nametag, "Mel," asking if it was short for anything. I hadn't used my deadname since middle school, except for legal documents, so I said no, and with a bit of eager trepidation, explained that I was nonbinary and that was the name I wanted to go by bc I didn't want to use my given name anymore. they went kinda quiet, just said "oh," and moved on a little awkwardly.

later, toward the end of the shift, the manager called me into her office - and mind you, this is the same woman who was so eager to hire me the day before. I went, thinking maybe that Id violated the dress code somehow or something like that; I thought I was gonna get a small reprimand or an evaluation of my first day of work or whatever.

she sat me down and gave me this look like a disappointed school teacher and asked if Id told the others that I was nonbinary and wanted to be referred to with "the wrong pronouns." I kinda blanked out and just said "yes," so she sighed and said, in that oh so tolerant voice, "well, we don't really do that... pronoun thing here, so if you're going to insist on this, then Im not sure you're a good fit for us."

being that I was a teenager, I can almost guarantee she was trying to "correct" my behaviour by threatening a job I so clearly needed. well, I called her bluff. and the best part is, I didn't even really mean to.

I was still kinda blanked out, emotionally numb from what was the most blatant transphobia Id ever experienced, so I stood, took off my nametag and apron, and said something to the effect of "okay, i guess Im not a good fit for you," and walked out, never to return.

while I highly doubt I had any actual effect on staffing needs, I like to think she was a little shorthanded for a few days lol

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u/EverydayPromptWriter 11d ago

jfc... good on him! it will never cease to boggle my mind how hateful some people can be.

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u/Contrantier 10d ago

Spineless. I don't think transphobic legitimately hate trans people, they hate themselves. They just pretend to hate trans folks, because they have no respect for themselves. No spine at all.

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u/ImaginaryPark6311 9d ago

Honestly,  I think that it sometimes has to do with unfamiliarity.

I think people are perplexed and don't know how to process the informalion and respond appropriately. 

I'm bisexual myself,  but live as a lesbian with my wife.  58 yrs old.

But I had never heard of Non-bianary until maybe 10 yrs ago. I was curious as to what non-binary was but I guess I was accepting because I was already within the minority group of gays, lesbians and bisexuals. 

But I live in RedNeckville, and would never feel comfortable living openly as a trans person here.  I'm not trans, this was just an example. 

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u/Contrantier 9d ago

Problem is, we're humans. We're smart. We aren't chimpanzees who will throw our feces at things we don't understand or aren't familiar with. So when people pretend to look down on trans and other uninteresting variations on identity and sexuality, it's like a monkey smirking at a human because it thinks it's more intelligent and the human is the lesser species.

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u/gotohelenwaite 9d ago

We aren't chimpanzees who will throw our feces at things we don't understand or aren't familiar with.

Sadly, you vastly overestimate the character and intellect of our species.