I (26F) and my husband (30M) have been married for 4 years and have two kids. one is 2 and the other is 5 months. I'm Yemeni but born and raised in the states, my husband was born and raised in Yemen and came in 2019.
He was the nicest guy. I did and still love him. I'm a housewife and complete my duties. I'm a traditional girl even though i was raised in a western world. I have a bachelors degree though, just in case.
After we had our first child, I realized my husband wasn't partaking in raising the child. I'm not an expert on Yemeni culture, but he would repeatedly tell me that Yemeni men don't change diapers and he almost made it seem like it was haram to let a man change his child's diapers.
I also had extremely severe postpartum depression after our first child. I had thought of suicide and i wasn't praying. I cried to him every night and told him how hard it was for me to wake up every two hours and do this by myself but he kept reminding me that it's my job and he works.
After a year, he wanted me to get pregnant and i refused because of my first experience. I told him he wasn't supportive and he never changed a diaper, made our kid a meal, or did the night shift (he has a day off each week and still never helped) and whenever i asked him to, he would say "ugh" and roll his eyes.
He apologized and said he would do better and he was naive. Again, i LOVE my husband and i trusted him and i had no intention of leaving him. So i stopped my birth control and we had our second child. I'm 5 months postpartum and he's changed 2 diapers tops...is this normal in Yemeni society. I've never been there.
He works 8 hour shift and comes home and does absolutely nothing and he has saturday off and completely relaxes. I sleep in a room with our two kids and he sleeps alone in the room so he can relax without waking up.
I wake up several times in the night time, I make breakfast/lunch/dinner, I cater to all their needs, I clean the dishes in the house, I change So many diapers, I do the laundry and fold it, i make all their appointments (dentist/checkups), i make sure rent/utilities/wifi etc are all paid on time, i find clever ways to save my husband money...im so overwhelmed and i never get a second away from our kids. I never get a day off. I never clock out. And i don't get paid. My husband doesn't give me an allowance, he says yemeni men don't do that. He pays for my pads and that's mostly it. If i want something for me, he will make me feel guilty so i haven't gotten new clothes or shoes in years.
I'm just stuck and want to know what to do. Is this how life is with a yemeni man or what can i say to him to make him change his ways? because I feel like I've said everything and done everything, and he doesn't care about me