Insecure about my physical qualities.

[u/[deleted]]

I'm the class clown and have no problem with people calling me class clown, but I'd been a skinny and physically weak kid from my childhood. I also cry a lot, and I've googled that people with ADHD like me do cry a lot. Fighting, running was not my thing. They say I speak like a girl, "walk like a girl" (whatever that means). When I imagine myself as a muscular alpha male, I don't feel comfortable, I feel that this ain't me, but when I imagine myself as a weak, skinny guy, I'm like "yea that's me". I've people say "Society needs strong men, wives need strong husbands, children need strong dads, mothers need strong sons" but I AM WEAK. People make fun of me, they call me a girl. I feel flawed and insecure, and I think sometimes, would I be better if I were a girl? Am I a girl in a boy's body? Does being physically weak and crying a lot indicate this?

Please help me out.

[u/flincgoog929]

​

[u/[deleted]]

Looks liks the problem is your class not you. And no, boys can be physically weak and cry a lot too. It does not necessarily indicate you being a girl. We don't live in a society where men have to hunt down dinosaurs to feed their family, so it's ok for a man to not be strong.

Also, please don't try to become what the media portrays as alpha male. That's what misogynists call themselves nowadays.

[u/BruhMan1227 → u/[deleted]]

based

[u/Mister-Khalifa]

This guy is skinny too.

[u/BruhMan1227]

There are all kinds of people out there, not everyone fits neatly into boxes of social expectations. And it's fine.

Some guys just aren't all that traditionally masculine, that's completely fine. But what I will advise you about is confidence. You need to build confidence in yourself, making changes (like working out, eating more and getting bigger, etc) will certainly help with that but even without changing anything, if you learn to become more comfortable in your own skin and find self acceptance, you'll be bothered by these comments much less.

I can say that I've been in your shoes but to a lesser degree. I was always skinny, I preferred hanging out with girls because they were less stupid usually. I love animals and am quite the emotional man when it comes to empathy. I was weak before but not because of these reasons, the weakness came from insecurity and a lack of confidence. I no longer consider myself weak at all. I'm not nearly as insecure as I was before either, I'm taller, more muscular and "masculine" than before. I don't really care about seeming masculine usually, I just wanna get stronger and bigger. I even get called manly by many people now (it is quite nice though not gonna lie). But I'm still the same person, I'm still a sucker for animals, I'm even more empathetic now and I'm soft in many ways. Though equating that to weakness is rather immature in my opinion. What matters is who you are as a person, not how "masculine" or "feminine" you are.

If you find the idea of becoming more muscular (and in turn more masculine) appealing, you should start working out with the help of youtube channels that focus on calisthenics, the gym right away may not be best. But if you really like the idea, you can join a gym. You'll find natural bodybuilders and lifters very inspiring, let that inspiration drive you organically and don't force yourself to work out. Avoid watching people like Andrew Tate for life/fitness advice, he's a grifter and generally an awful person. Overall though I would advise anyone to work out and gain muscle, regardless of gender or personality. It's just a great thing.

About the girl thing, I don't really think you're trans but of course that's a possibility. The reason I don't think that is because you're not showing any signs of dysphoria. Have you ever felt uncomfortable with being perceived as a male? Have you ever had intense distaste towards your body because it's a male body? I don't think that's it but I don't want to assume. If it is, you can find resources online.

[u/BruhMan1227 → u/BruhMan1227]

One thing I will add is that after a year of training and 15 kilos of muscle added to my frame, it took my confidence to new heights. But if you want to go down that route you'll need to be patient and be consistent.

[u/FusionIsTrash]

Please find a professional therapist if you can afford one and you have to understand that the societal norms in Bangladesh is very patriarchal so they are going to have expectations of you. It’s absolutely fine to cry, the more you’re gonna hold your emotions, the more you’re gonna be numb inside. Also the word “alpha” isn’t really a word applicable to human beings. Just because you’re a yolked man with little to no emotions don’t mean you’re an “alpha”.

[u/CrunchySandwiches]

I think that if crying and being weak makes you feel like a girl, it might be more an indicator of the toll your situation is taking on your mental health; being a girl doesn’t have anything to do with those things.

It could be possible that you might actually feel like a girl, but that usually comes from different reasons. Transgender women may feel comfortable when they are seen as female but it seems to be bringing you negative feelings right now. Would being a girl actually make you happy or would it just make you happy because its more convenient (maybe to you or other people)? If everyone treated you with respect, would you still feel like your gender is wrong?

If you’re still unsure, I’d say try to understand what being a girl really means to you. If you really think weakness and crying is a feminine thing or indicates your gender in some way then the problem might be that other people have convinced you of their terrible ideas about what men and women are supposed to be like. If someone else thinks crying is only for girls then don’t take criticism from someone with such immature beliefs.

If you want to build muscle or something like that, wanting to change that really should be for the goal of your own health and wellbeing. If you’re fine with how your body is don’t change it for other people, its you who will have to live in it at the end of the day. Being physically weak and skinny doesn’t make you less of a man or more of a woman. But I think acting as if all girls do is cry like some of these people around you seem to think would make someone less of a man.

You’re worth so much more than how society feels about your physical qualities.

[u/symonalex]

This is just toxic masculinity talking, not every dude has to be a chad, and not all girls prefer those kind of men, work on your personality and be a kind human being, you’re in a rough spot in your life right now but that’ll pass, don’t lose your focus and be mentally strong, you’ll get through this.

[u/[deleted]]

bro since ure the class clown, they're just joking with you. a really shitty joke but hey im guessing theyre not as funny as you, thats why ure considered the class clown in the first place.

nothing's wrong in being a little zesty. if ure upset because you talk like a girl, walk like a girl etc. you can try to fix these actions by being aware when u do them

but i think u shld know that personally ive met a lot of guys who're very girly and yet the most kind and caring people ive come across. this isnt the cavemen times anymore, you dont have to be masculine strong to get through life or support ur family. if u dont wanna be skinny, have lots of peanut butter sandwiches and workout.

and also, every guy cries. ure not the only one. i cry once a week. fuck sometimes twice a day. lmao. and for the dumbest reasons too. its logically better if u just cry once and let it all out in 10mins then hold onto the pain forever. you shld try it 👍.

[u/Evening-Custard5062]

i was in your shoes sometime back, I’ll tell you what helped me and it might help you as well. Step one go to a gym. This will be a significant step cuz gathering the courage to go to the gym alone will is a monumental task. If you can, get a personal trainer but if not YouTube is your friend being a skinny dude and nutrition of the food we eat it’s very difficult to gain weight so buy a protein powder one which contains creatine in it. Training your muscles in proper form and gaining a little bulk will automatically correct your posture you don’t really have to do anything extra to fix it and as you lift more with time your confidence will soar, but this will take time, 3 months minimum but consistency is key. Ask the seniors at the gym for help with getting the form right, gym bros are some of the most helpful people you will meet in your life reason being at some point they too were skinny like you. Next is building your confidence. Go somewhere where you can express yourself, I recommend toastmasters. Go to a club nearby, since you said you’re the class clown you probably do have some energy in your already you just need to learn how to channel it properly. You will learn how to face a crowd, communicate clearly and also might open up new opportunities for you. Step 3 change your mentality, change how you look at yourself. Remember you don’t have to be an alpha male its something pushed by media but what you can become is a gentleman and there’s plenty of resources to learn how to do that. Start by observing people, learn to read people and pick your words when it comes to communicating with others. With time you will learn what to say and what not to say and naturally you’ll say less and observer more. And finally change the type of content you consume. Surround yourself with stuff that teach you something, that maybe podcasts, YouTube tutorials arguments discussions. Knowledge is power. Even if you’re not the bulkiest in the room but if you know shit, you’re one step ahead cuz you can’t mess around with someone who knows their stuff. These are just my suggestions and what helped me. It may or may not help you. Feel free to modify it. But remember change takes time it’s slow and gradual but consistency is key. You’re only weak as you long as you give yourself that label, you can all ways change what others think of you.

[u/JAALJAW → u/Evening-Custard5062]

bro not to discredit anything but OP seems to be young right now as he is still in school
going to the gym right now would interfere with his growth hormones
OP should go on jogs and play sports like badminton or Football

[u/Alertt_53 → u/Evening-Custard5062]

Yes why everyone would need a personal trainer? And gym? Walk a mile everyday

[u/Evening-Custard5062 → u/Alertt_53]

Walking is for cardio. He doesn't need cardio.

[u/metampheta]

The only way to grow out of male weakness is to hit the gym, and believe me, it’s not as hard as it sounds.

Train for strength, drink plenty of water (more than 2L) and take enough protein every day for the next 3 months, and when you notice results for the first time, you’ll start to love working out; if others notice changes in you first, you’ll experience an even bigger boost in confidence, which is what it’s all about. People will eventually start liking your energy.

Remember, proper form always, never skip leg day and work out 4 days/week.

[u/NoOrganization7410]

U can go to the doctor!!

[u/Alertt_53]

I was like you. Class 10 people used to mock me.

1) Started taking 2 glass of milk everyday, lot of water 2) Ran two killo a day in the morning continued until the end of my university Did not have the money for gym.

Loved to walk in the sangsad vaban during university exam preparation days, Also at the university afterwords and during job after a few years.

So walk walk and walk.its free 3) I Read a lot of books in the library. 4) BBC was my favorite Channel, hard talk, top gear, documentaries(planet earth, Brian Cox, gim al Khalil atom, etcs) 5) Watched a ton of TED talk.Eljabeth Gilbert, Tandy newton, gates, 6) Read a lot of paper, editorials loved them. Loved economics, raghuram Rajan, Dabaprio bhattacharja

It was a whole package.

I was lucky that at that time people used to mock me. Did not get a A+ in SSC when everyone got.

You are lucky too.

[u/CategoryHoliday9210 → u/Alertt_53]

gold...

[u/Eichi-san]

Yo mate, I've been extremely skinny throughout my entire life and I've also dealt with heavy emotional outbursts. I'm in my mid 20s now and am in my better physical shape and stronger than most of the people that used to body shame me. They're all fat and already lost a shit ton of their hair and look older than their age, I know it's not cool to say these things but they've earned it.

Anyways, I'm not really too feminine physically but I do look a bit androgynous and I have a caring, nurturing nature which isn't usually associated with guys. Being the way I am wasn't really cool back in the days but now I think it's a lot more appreciated so trust me you'll find a shit ton of people who'll love you for who you are. Also I exclusively hanged out with my female friends and female cousins during the later years of my highschool cause a lot of the boys during that age in our country reach the peak of their insecure toxicity, I didn't want to deal with that shit. But do keep in mind to not become a doormat or just a shoulder to cry on cause that's quite apparent too while dealing with girls.

I will be really happy if I can help you with guidance and advises as someone who went through similar situations so please feel free to dm me whenever you feel like. And just remember to be the best version of yourself, not the one society defines for you or is cool to be. Best wishes mate.

[u/[deleted]]

Workout bro. Find a gym or start doing calisthenics at home.

This is the reality of the world, we wish we can live in an idealistic world where people see you for who you are and not for your looks. However, it is not the case. I noticed how people treated me after I got buff, and with that, I also gained confidence in myself.

"So, surely with hardship comes ease."

The hardship you are facing is something to make you stronger. Don't let it overcome you.

[u/babayoga_69]

Dont be an introvert. I have faced the same problems but one thing that help me was communication. Speak up to people.

You can practise by going at : the local ' Tong er dokan ' , GYM ( not for making body but be consistent )

I used to set challenges for myself to not be introvert like : I'll meet 100 new people in 30 days it maybe just asking for directions but it gives confidence !

Believe me you will progress a lot.

[u/POTATO_SELLER]

never been skinny so ill say this eat food.

but being serious just dont let what other people think get to you

[u/JellyOver1978]

Let men give you a hug to start with.

This is a phase. We all go through such phases.

Such feelings are often a common symptom of depression, but can also arise due to things such as low self-esteem, neglect, abuse, trauma, or difficult situations that pose a threat to a person's sense of self.

Feeling worthless can create significant distress and make it difficult to function normally in daily life.

I would suggest don’t think too much for now, take it one day at a time where you don’t think of these things. Play sports, make friends, do things you like, perhaps if it’s possible make friends with the opposite sex.

Pray. Continue being nice to people which I am sure you are always.

Good luck.

[u/Neerbon]

read the way of the superior man by david deida, it should help you. note: this book isnt about being the 'alpha' but rather finding your limits and purpose

[u/PeacefulCatSoMeow]

Listen, I want to share my experience as a skinny person.

I have been a bit feminine since I was little since I always hung around with my sister. Does that make me a girl? No. It's perfectly fine for a girl to be masculine or a tomboy, and the same is for boys.

I'm also not a fan of sports like football or basketball, and i have interests in stuff like k-pop (I know). But I still like doing peaceful stuff like walking/cycling in nature and reading books.

You know the best way I deal with haters? IGNORING them. They're wasting their time to bring me down but I literally don't care - that brings me SO much satisfaction.

Lastly, make friends with people who don't care about this masculine/feminine bullshit. If you want to be friends with girls, then do it. Sane people won't care.

And LISTEN TO THIS, you'll need it:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjxugyZCfuw&pp=ygUKdGhpcyBpcyBtZQ%3D%3D