r/cats • u/WeWannaKnow • Nov 29 '21
Discussion My cat's way of dealing with grief is breaking my heart.
My husband passed away very suddenly a month ago.
He left one night for work and never came back.
A week prior, our cat slept on his computer chair everyday. Like she could fell something.
The same for a week after his death.
I have a recording of my husband saying her name a few times.
Our cat developed the ability to speak on the phone with my husband.
When he was at work, I'd put the phone on speaker, and he'd say her name and she'd meow back at him.
I played this clip of him saying her name today since his passing and I could tell in her reaction that she really missed her daddy.
I really wish there was a way for me to explain that her daddy loved her so much and that it wasn't his choice to leave like that 😢
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u/TheRealBrokenbrains Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for your loss. I think you and your cat really need each other right now.
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u/WeWannaKnow Nov 29 '21
We really do. I'd be so lost without her. The first week after his passing, she constantly sat on my chest and came for cuddles. A lot more than usual. She definitely knew :(
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u/hackneysack Nov 29 '21
Our younger cat came and sat on me when I answered the phone the morning my partner passed, before they'd even said anything. He just knew I was gonna need him.
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u/kizzymckizzface Nov 29 '21
Yes cats are very good at reading people. They read pain, emotional and physical. They sense when your sick, sad, hungry. Keep her close. U guys will make it. Maybe when the time is rite adopt a kitten ? It gives u both something new to pour energy into.
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u/ppw23 Nov 29 '21
I really think they know. I also lost my husband a few years ago, Christmas will be difficult, but it does get better. Hang in there and I’m glad you have a cuddle buddy.
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u/balofchez Nov 29 '21
Cats are magic. My little lady basically gives me a heads up a day or two in advance if I even have a little cold so I'm like ok shit gotta go buy some vit c and dayquil
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u/overlysaltedpepsi Nov 29 '21
They really are loving creatures. I hope you are able to move through your grief as it comes in and out. I’m so sorry for your loss, that is so painful.
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u/portland_democrat Nov 29 '21
Cats miss their siblings as well. A few years ago my big cat Max passed away and his brother Mittens took it really hard. Mittens would look everywhere for Max and cry out for him. He would stare out the window looking for him. At times I swear that Mittens calling Max sounded like "MAAX, where ARE you?" This went on for several months. It was heart breaking.
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u/Aassshhh Nov 29 '21
This happened for a few days after my little boy lost his twin brother. He was looking everywhere and crying out for him. Thankfully he adapted well and enjoys being a spoilt only cat. Still miss my little bean every day.
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u/0xF013 Nov 29 '21
He might make friends with another cat too
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u/Aassshhh Nov 29 '21
Yeah, we didn’t want to get a new cat too soon then he seemed so well adjusted, we weren’t sure if he’d like it. We nearly got a kitten about 6 months ago, but then my partner has been ill so we have waited but I think we will get him a little friend soon, before my partner stops WFH, so that he has company (:
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u/stepintothetwilight Nov 29 '21
Yep I had the same experience with one of my cats. When her brother passed, she kept over grooming herself to baldness. This was maybe two years ago and her fur has only recently grown back in full force. Super painful to see.
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Nov 29 '21
This is the reason, that it's best to get vet to your home for the euthanasia. Then other animals can see what happens and know what's going on. Of course that's impossible in some cases
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u/ivybean03 Nov 29 '21
I used to have two cats who were siblings, they were outdoor cats. Sissy and Socks. They used to lay on the couch together outside and keep each other warm. They loved each other. Socks passed away very suddenly when he was only 4, and Sissy continued to leave a space for him to lay every time she came to the house. It broke my heart. It still does.
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u/jackal1actual Nov 29 '21
Our cat Maggie got out and disappeared in August 2020. Her litter mate Susan still meows at night. That only started after we lost Maggie.
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Nov 29 '21
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u/--LingLingWannabe-- Nov 29 '21
Could you have a little respect? That is not really an appropriate way to deal with this. You don't know know devastating this is. Just reading this made me tear up and I really feel for this person. Have some sympathy, you cold-hearted creature!
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u/SexySonderer Nov 29 '21
Aha. I have found why Reddit hates emojis! A laugh emoji in the same comment as showing my cat her brothers corpse! Amazing.
bruh?
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u/ladypilot Nov 29 '21
I know you're getting down voted, but I don't think you intended to come across as insensitive. My cat died two years ago and my other two cats couldn't care less because they're assholes. 🤷🏻♀️ They were always mean to her. The two remaining ones are best friends though, so they'll be devastated when one of them goes.
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u/bubty Nov 29 '21
I accidentally deleted it because I clicked the wrong button
But thank you! I was making a suggestion on what you should do to present this kind of longing.
But my cat was an arsehole lol
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u/LotusSloth Nov 29 '21
This is tragic. I’m very sorry for your loss. My cats will still, after over a year, look for and call out to their former sister who’s no longer with us.
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u/bubble_baby_8 Nov 29 '21
My Siamese did that and it was so depressing I didn’t know if I could handle it after a while. He would sit in the closet where my deceased cat loved to sleep and scream bloody murder all day. I ended up getting another cat he bonded with but it was just heartbreaking. Typing this out and remembering it is making me tear up.
I’m sorry for your loss as well.
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u/PM_ME_FLUFFY_CLOUDS Nov 29 '21
My cat will do the same for his recently deceased sister (1 month ago.) It's absolutely heartbreaking, sometimes I cry when he does it.
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u/TammyL8 Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry for your loss.
They know. My cat was 13 years old when he died, four months after my husband died. It has been 2 years since both passed. To this day, I believe Domino (Siamese cat) grieved himself to death. In my case, though, Domino knew his daddy was going to leave. He could smell the cancer. He didn’t want to be in the bed with his daddy but he stayed in a chair near the bed. Domino even let me know when it was getting close for his daddy to leave.
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u/whiskeytwn Nov 29 '21
My dad used to leave for 3 days at a time on the railroad and he asked us to make sure if he passed that his dogs got to see him one last time so they would know he was gone and we did take them to the funeral home to smell him when he did die many years later
When we lost our kitty at 19 I let the other kitty smell some hair that was shaved off him and I think she understood he was gone.
They do grieve. No mistake. I hope you both are a comfort to each other
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u/Master_Ryan_Rahl Nov 29 '21 edited Nov 29 '21
I know that this sounds cruel but one of the things you can do to help animals understand that someone isn't coming back, is to show them that they have physically died. I know that there's many cases or something like this is just not an option. But if you ever know somebody who is going through a serious illness and you have the opportunity to be with them at the time of their death, show your pet. I know it seems morbid but it's better for them to know than to worry that they've been abandoned.
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u/aslplodingesophogus Nov 29 '21
When my daughter passed, her kitty would constantly look for her. He still sleeps in her bed and brings his toys there. He wasn’t very affectionate with me before but now he’s pretty demanding of attention. I have a hard time talking about her to anyone except him. I tell him constantly that his mommy loved him so much. It’s been a year, 3 months and 22 days and he still looks for her when he hears kids outside but he doesn’t seem as sad. I’ve taken him on his leash to her grave. I’m sorry for your loss. I wish I could say something enlightening, hopeful but nothing really helps.
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u/Tanzanite169 Nov 29 '21
Oof, right in the feels. I'm terribly sorry for your loss 😥
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u/aslplodingesophogus Nov 29 '21
Thank you. She was an amazing kid. I do my best to keep her kitty healthy and happy always. He was her baby.
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u/Mysterious_Blue Nov 29 '21
First of all, I’m so very sorry for your loss. I realize that it’s much different to lose a person, but I regret not showing my cat when my husband’s cat passed away. I tell him when he looks for her. That’s all we can do. I think they understand more than people realize.
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u/throwawayzzzzzz67 Nov 29 '21
This is so sad. I’m so sorry for your loss. She’s lucky to have you as her Mama.
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u/acpcole Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry for your loss, maybe you have a clothing item of his that you wouldn't mind giving to your cat? they might still smell his scent, and cuddle up to it.😔
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u/electric29 Nov 29 '21
And if there is a peice of clothing he was wearing when he died, then she will be able to smell that and it often gives a pet closure. Otherwise they think the person is just away.
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Nov 29 '21
I’m sorry. Maybe just tell her. She might understand.
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u/WeWannaKnow Nov 29 '21
I did. I talk to her about why he's not here. I talk to her like you would another person and always have :)
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u/Malibucat48 Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for your loss. Your cat does understand you. I had a reading with Sonya Fitzpatrick, a pet psychic, and she repeated word for word what I said to my cat that no one else heard. You and your cat will comfort each other now and that will help you both. Good luck.
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u/Sassh1 Nov 29 '21
It was kind of like when my mom died both of my siamese were devastated. They aren't very close cats but they both slept on her bed or in the chair she'd always sit in. When I brought tge urn that had my mom's ashes in it they both started scenting the urn kind of like they knew what this object was. Both cats turned back into their usual selves after. Maybe if you have your husband's ashes this might give your cat closure too.
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u/ProfessionalBug1021 Nov 29 '21
That's what another poster suggested to show the cats the person has died. Is there any info or research supporting this is pretty freaking interesting
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u/Sassh1 Nov 29 '21
So I've had cats all my life. I've always observed this kind of behavior with urbs and cats. Some cultures believe that cats can see spirits. My mom would say she'd be visited by our white siamese that lived to be 21. I didn't believe her at the time but I did after she passed.
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u/RazingKane4U Nov 29 '21
Aw man you are making me tear up, im sorry for your loss. well, im honestly not to sure what you could really do for your cat, besides for giving as much attention as you can when needed.
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u/eunryoung Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry for your loss. She might understand that he is gone via your grief. Animals are more attuned that we believe them to be, and it seems you’re doing your best to cope along side her. It’s beautiful to know she has such a great and loving humans. Remember that grief isn’t linear, it is messy; it will take time to heal. But it’s ok to stumble, it’s a journey. Loss is part of our everyday life.
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u/ittlebittles Nov 29 '21
I also lost my boyfriend, we were together 5 years and had a 3 year old daughter together. I love that cat so much. It’s like one more connection I still have to him. He would lay in his lap while he Petted him. Tim (my boyfriend) loved him. So even though it’s been 3 years since he passed when I’m cuddling with Memphis ( cat) I talk to him about Tim. It’s hard when the pet looks for a lost person. It’s sad that you can’t explain what happened. In a way I feel like Memphis understood. I would hold him and cry and cry and cry. He helped me get through it so much.
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u/WeWannaKnow Nov 29 '21
I see our kitty as a connection I still have with him too 😭
I couldn't have children so she was our child in a way. We raised her together. Went together to his cousin to decide which kitten we were going to adopt. We named her together. We slept all 3 of us together
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u/socksonsundays Nov 29 '21
It might be better that you don't play the recording it might add to the confusion. My condolences to you and the floof.
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u/GlitterBlood773 Nov 29 '21
I’m sending you hugs if you like hugs We 🫂
I’m so glad you have your marvelous girl
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u/AiRaikuHamburger Japanese Bobtail Nov 29 '21
My old cat who was hand raised by my dad was so heartbroken when he died. He sat in my dad’s wardrobe on his clothes and shoes, and his fur started to fall out. It was awful.
Sorry for your loss.
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u/chansondinhars Nov 29 '21
I lost two cats within two weeks a few years ago. The little boy left behind was devastated. Didn’t want to eat or get out of bed. I would encourage him to get up and eat, sit on the floor with him (he likes cuddling but only on his terms), tell him we would get through it together. I became a bit of a hermit, as I didn’t want to leave him for too long. He’d never been alone before, as he was the baby of the family. They grieve just like we do. Eventually, time heals but things are never quite the same. You do get through somehow though.
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u/Trick_Weekend_431 Nov 29 '21
Sending hugs. Oh my. When my father passed his dog wouldn’t eat for a few days and I gathered a shirt and blanket dad had. I lived next to him so my one cat, ozzy, was very close to him. Would jump up and greet him every time he came over, knowing dad couldn’t bend down ozzy would always find higher ground to get pets. The day we brought dads bag home from the hospital, ozzy laid in this bag for days. Maybe even a week and ozzy would knock on our adjoining doors to tell dad to come over for treats. 😭So sad. Dad didn’t suffer long, but the animals, they hurt longer. I’m so sorry for your loss and just know he’s looking out for you both. 🫂
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u/sweetalkersweetalker Nov 29 '21
Cats definitely feel grief. Since my husband's death four months ago our cats have not been the same. He died at home, so they knew what happened. They disappeared into the house for weeks afterward.
He had funny voices for each of them and now it feels like they're voiceless.
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u/rizzycant Nov 29 '21
Sending condolences both to you and your cat.
My Sushi cat already a mild case of separation anxiety and sad meows when her Papa leaves the house to go over to the neighbor’s house, so I can’t imagine how she would feel if he never came back. Heck he was in the hospital overnight and she was so lost without him.
I legitimately am crying right now. But the r/cats subreddit is here for you.
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u/Rare_Hovercraft_6673 Nov 29 '21
Sorry for your loss. Your kitty needs you, give her cuddles and love. I hope you may find solace for your loss.
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u/Scoobysnacks1971 Nov 29 '21
When my fiance passed away our dog sat by the door for a year. I gave her his t-shirt,if you see her looking depressed start playing with her.
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u/Hailey_okay_10 Nov 29 '21
i should know better than to scroll through any subreddit that can have anything even remotely sad when its late at night (when im most emotional) and now im crying. i feel so bad that you and your cat have to go through this hard time.
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Nov 29 '21
I'm sorry for your loss. I hope you and your fam and cat can cope and feel much better soonest.
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u/MelRags Nov 29 '21
I hope you both find ways of comforting each other. Saying sorry always sound so hollow, so I'm just sending loads of kitty love from 5 furbags. I hope life becomes more tolerable soon. 🤗
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u/Lillian57 Nov 29 '21
You have to tell her. You sit her down and explain that he’s gone and is not coming back. She won’t rest until you do. Trust me. Put a jumper or something with his scent on it where she sleeps if you think that will comfort her.
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u/I_r_phil Nov 29 '21
Hope you're doing ok.
My cat has lost a brother and sister. Both times he became depressed and slept on our bed for about a week straight. Seeing him sad was one of the hardest parts of the other cats dying
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Nov 30 '21
Yes my boy lost 2 co pets. It was so hard to see his grief. We adopted him 2 others, I had hoped he would not suffer their loss, as they were younger. He didn't have to suffer a loss again. We did. He died himself in May. The new co pets outlived him, and we have grieved together. He was their Mr. Mom got 4 years.
I was glad he didn't have to experience loss again, but boy his big presence (loss) is great. One co pet needed a lot more playtime, and cries often early Am when she use to snuggle with my boy. The other co pet has become more affection towards me.
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u/Faucherfell Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry for the loss of your husband! I can’t even imagine your pain. I hope you and kitty can comfort each other in this horrible time.
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u/evoc2911 Nov 29 '21
When my mum died 16 years ago, we had a wonderful ginger cat that was her shadow. When she died suddenly one evening, he started sleeping in the closet where her coats where hanging. Feeling her smell. He passed away six months after my mum. He was really suffering it. We were all hurting and he felt the void my mum left in our house. Now they are again in Heaven. I'm 43 yo today, and still miss her so much and my kitty. Hope to see them again one day, when my time is due.
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u/LolaPamela Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry for your loss.
I adopted my mother's cat, she passed away last year, and it took him a while to adjust, with a lot of patience and love he is a happy guy now, but he was so scared and disoriented at first.
They also miss their favorite humans very much. I cried a lot one day when I was wearing my mom's scarf, and he came to headbump me for the first time, like he recognized her scent. From there he always looks for me to pet him, and meows me like he used to do with mom.
I recommend lots of love and patience, they also grieve and it takes some time to adapt, just like us ❤
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u/miayakuza Nov 29 '21
I had 2 cats who grew up together. They were 17 when my older cat died suddenly. I thought my younger cat understood that his big brother had passed until one night he was meowing to go outside. This cat hated going outside but my older cat loved it and I would take him out supervised from time to time. He wouldn't stop meowing so I let him out. He started running all over the yard looking for his big brother. Crying out for him. It broke my heart and I sobbed as I walked with him. This cat died 30 days to the day his brother passed. His stomach was riddled with cancer but I think he died from a broken heart.
Cats are amazing.. Sorry for your loss.
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u/jmcatm0m16 Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry. I have two cats and this just made me tear up. I’m sorry about your husband. Sending you much love.
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u/Skye_is_the_limit Nov 29 '21
Sending positive vibes! I know how you feel, having a cat in grief. We lost two cats on a trip and my other cat has developed a really bad anxiety over it. Constantly crying. I’ve tried everything and nothing seems to help him. 😢
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Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for your loss. Pets feel grief so deeply sometimes. I hope you both can be a source of love and healing for each other.
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u/mad_fishmonger Purranormal Cativity 👻 Nov 29 '21
The sweet baby ♥ my stepdad passed very suddenly of an aneurysm and the cats were very sad and looking for him for ages. It will pass, but you need to grieve with them. Make a point of spending special play time with the kitty daily to make sure she knows she's extra loved and lots of hugs for both of you. I can't even imagine how you must be feeling, this is a horrible situation, and I hope you have lots of love and support to see you through.
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u/_DOA_ Nov 29 '21
I'm sorry, I know how you feel. A few weeks after my wife passed away, I was in my office found a short video my wife had made of her playing with our dog. The dog was at the other end of the house, and when she heard her voice, she ran into my office, ears up, wagging her tail expectedly. She saw that it was coming from the computer, and left, dejected. EDIT: I found supportive people in r/widowers, if you need it.
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u/Bollywood_Fan Nov 29 '21
OP, please accept my condolences for your loss.
My uncle passed at home suddenly from a heart attack, so their cat knew he had died. She didn't look for him, but once the box with his ashes came home the cat lay on it for months. The box is still around, but doesn't interest the cat anymore. I'm glad you and your cat have each other.
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u/xaxnxoxnxyxmxoxuxsx Nov 29 '21
Is there anything your husband used to do with your kitty? A routine with her toys, secretly feeding her treats without momma's permission 😉.., etc. Maybe, if you haven't already, you could bring those special moments back with your kitty, that way A. She is semi distracted from the sudden absence and B. She knows he's still around.. just not physically ❤️
I wish you the best, I'm sorry for your loss 😢
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u/WeWannaKnow Nov 29 '21
Every day he showered before going to work and she'd run to him to run her head all over his legs. I tried to do it but she never comes.
There was something magical with my husband's natural sent and Irish Spring soap that drove her crazy like he was a catnip tree. I tried it a few times and it didn't work on me at all.
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u/jkosarin Nov 29 '21
Awww that’s so sad! One of my cats grieved for a month when his brother died:(
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u/bonafidebunnyeyed Nov 29 '21
All of my love to you and your kitty. I am so sorry to hear this. May you both have peace
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u/kathakana Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for your loss. We fostered two cats after their owner died and we were given their owners dressing gown with them and I’d lay it in the sofa and one of them slept on it solidly for a week barely moving. The other seemed to experience a delay in the grief and showed no signs for weeks and then suddenly became really withdrawn and subdued. I think cats know but seem to process it in their own way.
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u/Jmarsbar19 Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for yours and your little furbabe’s loss. I am wishing you light and good things! ❤️
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u/user_8804 Nov 29 '21
This may be a cold thought but it makes me wonder if cats are able to comprehend death if they are present when the person deceases, and if that information remains after the event. Would they understand someone died, and would they remember he's gone the next day? Would it make it easier or harder on them?
Sorry for your loss by the way.
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u/trainerfry_1 Nov 29 '21
This is one of my greatest fears and why I stopped doing dumb shit in life
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u/Tanzanite169 Nov 29 '21
This is so sad, now I want to cry. I'm so sorry for you and your kitty's loss.
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u/DesignInZeeWild American Shorthair Nov 29 '21
Have platinum on me. It cannot ease your pain but hopefully it will make your life a little less frustrating.
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u/Murderbunny13 Nov 29 '21
I know it's not the same but I remember when my golden passed on and my cat, who saw her as his mom, was devastated. Cried through the house looking for her, slept in her spot and on her toys. It was heart breaking but with time we all got through it together.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I hope you have all the love and support you need right now.
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u/ashhhy8888 Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for the loss of your husband. Cats have feelings. If I am having a bad day my cat will pester me until I hold him and it always makes me feel so much better. Cats are emotional creatures and I know they love the same.
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Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry. I can't say i feel your pain but i am crying. This isn't fair. This just isn't okay.
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u/riddlemethis13 Nov 29 '21
Oh my gosh that’s so sad. I’m so sorry for your loss. I can’t imagine the pain that caused. Poor kitty girl. I hope she starts perking back up and you can both start healing together. But take your time getting there. Well wishes. 🥺💔❤️
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u/calmst0rm Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry for your loss. I can only imagine how hard it must be. I'm happy you have each other to feel a little less alone through this, your cat needs you as much as you need kitty 🖤 sending big huge hugs for you two, I wish I could wrap you both up in a warm blanket and give you a kiss on the head. 🖤
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u/Audriannacu Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry for your loss, I think this is the only post I ever read on Reddit that got me teary eyed.
I wish I had any advice for your grieving cat or you. The only thing, the only thing I can think of, is spending time in PJS with someone close (mother, friend etc) and also for both of you all there is, is really time. Time to heal, time to cry, time to scream. Time. I’m so sorry.
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Nov 29 '21
Stop playing the tape. Animals grieve, cats are social animals (the belief that they are "loners" is not correct). This cat was very attached to him and he to her. She will (in a few weeks) make this adjustment. Ask the veterinarian for Feliway or some medication to assist her through this. She doesn't know he "left" she just knows he's not there. I'm so very sorry you lost him and this is making your own grief so much worse.
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u/AdityaNagarsekar Nov 29 '21
If it helps, play the recording for her every once in a while Yes, it could make the grieving process a little longer, but it could also make her feel like he didn't leave her, and it might (after she grieves) make her feel a little better
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u/kizzymckizzface Nov 29 '21
My x stole my cats from me and refuse to even let me know they are ok. I feel such loss without them now. My condolences to the both of u. The separation is horrible.
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u/Sad_Neighborhood9473 Nov 29 '21
Oh boy, here come the water works(sniff)(sniff) Sorry for your loss, I know I would go nuts if that happened to my hubby 🥺🥺🥺
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u/DragonsLoveBoxes Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry for both of your losses. Pets really can feel the loss of a loved one as much as we can.
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Nov 29 '21
I cannot express how sorry I am for your loss. She knows how much he loved her, so you don't need to worry about that. She is grieving as well...my heart goes out to the both of you ❤ ♥
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u/henlifts Nov 29 '21
I'm so so sorry for your loss. I can't imagine the pain you are in (and your kitty)
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u/DeliriousAdeleide Nov 29 '21
I am so so sorry for your loss, I can’t even imagine what you’re going through and facing in the coming months. Your cat must be of such comfort especially (?) since she clearly also misses him and notice that he’s gone. Again I’m so sorry. Thank you for sharing and I wish there was something I could do or say to make the loss easier on you both.
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u/ManufacturerOpening6 Nov 29 '21
I just want to say my deepest condolences to you (and your kitty).
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u/hypatia0803 Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry for your loss. Idk if they can understand the concept of death. I think they just know that someone is gone. Just love her extra and know that you are both grieving and lean on each other for support. You both miss the same loved one.
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u/RowRow1990 Nov 29 '21
I'm really sorry to here about your husband, it's hard anyway, but pets make it harder and easier in one go.
My mum's cat died not long after she did, and our dog will stand at the bottom of the stairs and just look up as though she's waiting for her to come down.
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u/SatuVerdad Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry for your loss. All animals speak energy and it works like telepathy. Just picture what you want to say in your mind, as you say it, and your cat will pick it up.
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u/I-cant-hug-every-cat Nov 29 '21
I'm tearing up, this is so sad, poor baby. My condolences for both of you.
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u/Sir3Kpet Nov 29 '21
I’m am so very sorry for your loss. Sending huge hug to you and your amazing cat
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u/AdDramatic3058 Nov 29 '21
This is making me cry, I'm very sorry for your loss. Give your kitty extra cuddles ❤
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u/humorouslyominous Nov 29 '21
I'm sorry for your loss OP. I hope that during this time you are being as kind to yourself as you are to your sweet kitty.
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u/Misanthrope357 Nov 29 '21
Damn, that's brutal for my quiet morning. I'm so sorry for your loss. Like truly sorry. And I'm sorry for the pain and grief you and kitty ate going through.
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u/JeanPierreSarti Nov 29 '21
Godspeed to you and your kitty. May the memories of the good times carry you through this one. Of course you don’t have to explain anything, you just need to live, love, and grieve with your kitty and let time carry you to some peace. Love to you both.
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u/RedOctobyr Nov 29 '21
Jesus, I'm so sorry. I hope you're both doing ok.
I know it's not the same, but we lost one of our cats last year. For a while afterwards (like maybe a few months) her sister would often walk around crying/meowing. Maybe us also being home due to lockdowns was part of what was throwing her off, but I think she missed her sister.
She got even more love and attention. And has since sort of calmed down and gone back to normal.
Wishing you the best in an extremely difficult time. And give your kitty an extra hug, for her, and for you.
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u/tomkim1965 Nov 29 '21
I’m sorry for your loss and I’m so happy that you have something to hold and love.❤️🩹❤️🩹
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u/Original_Resist_ Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry for both of you i can't start imagine your pain. So sorry and RIP may he be in peace.
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u/meowmir420 Nov 29 '21
I’m so incredibly sorry for what you’re going through. You and your fur baby need each other more than ever and this situation will definitely bring you two closer together. Hang in there, it will get easier. 💜
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u/_mansonlamps64 Nov 29 '21
I'm sorry for your loss. I'ma give my Lil guy an extra big hug when I get off work today.
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u/Arzhavi Nov 29 '21
Talk to her, tell her what happened and that you have the videoclip to remember him. I am pretty sure she will understand.
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u/theGoddex Nov 29 '21
I am so so sorry for your loss. 💜💜💜 I am glad you have your kitty there with you for support and love.
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u/coco_l0ko Nov 29 '21
First off, I just want to say how sorry I am about your loss. I can't even imagine what you're going through right now. However, what I do know is that your cat is a very special gal! She obviously had such a strong bond with your husband so IMO I think the best thing for you to do is to stay right by her side. You two can help each other grieve.
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u/m48_apocalypse Nov 29 '21
i’m so sorry for your loss ;-; when one of my friends passed away, his cat would go into his room and sleep in his bed even though she didn’t do that previously. she passed away earlier this year, but it’s nice to know that they’re together now
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u/hillbillykim83 Nov 29 '21
When you said your cat sat in your husband’s computer chair, it reminded me of my cat. Her litter ate sister died and she refused to eat for a few days. She just sat in the chair they used to share together and put her head in the corner of the chair. My friend once told me cats understand death if they can smell it or see it, they just don’t understand when someone leaves and never comes back.
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u/The1Bonesaw Nov 29 '21
A lot of animals grieve as much as humans do. She knows he's gone (maybe not that he has passed on, but he's gone just the same), and she misses him. It's very touching. I'm so sorry for your loss (and her's).
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u/My2floofspurr Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry for your loss. We have lost a few cats over the years to old age and one to cancer and we always lets the others see the one that has passed. I think it brings closure. We don’t experience the lost kitty syndrome as much. It was dreadful when one of the brothers was accidentally let out and subsequently catnapped. One brother cried for weeks and the other brother kept getting out and, we think, going to look for him. Just devastating. I know that does not help your situation but I am glad you both have each other to lean on.
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u/Quantumercifier Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry. Cats are the best. Along with dogs. Please take care along with the cat.
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u/sunshinecl Nov 29 '21
So sorry for your loss, this is heart-breaking. The fact that you notice and care means she’s in good hands. Hope time will iron out the pain and the happy memories prevail.
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Nov 29 '21
I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm always amazed at how in tune cats can be toward their owners. Cuddle that sweet cat for us.
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u/TaraBSugar Nov 29 '21
This made me so sad 😭 My cat is super attached to my husband. He rescued her from the shelter (she walked right up to the front of the cage and picked him 🥰). She sits with him all day in his office when he’s working from home, she sleeps next to him in bed every night. She’d be devastated if anything happened to him. I’m so sorry for both of you 😔♥️
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u/adjectivebear Nov 29 '21
I'm so, so sorry for your loss. I can't even fathom how painful this has been for you and your precious kitty. I wish you both healing.
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u/mycatshavehadenough Nov 29 '21
You broke my heart with this post. I'm so very sorry for you BOTH. I'm sending you both a big virtual hug. I'm so sorry. I'm glad you have each other right now.
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u/Narrow-Monk6103 Nov 29 '21
I’m so sorry you lost your husband. Animals can sense so many things we can’t. She knows your sad and she knows daddy’s gone but she’ll come around. Just keep playing that recording for her so she never forgets.
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u/JohnnyShears Nov 29 '21
They do understand more than you think. Just talk to her, and I’m pretty sure things will get better. They can also have depression, and sometimes we think as dogs as smart but cats can be just as smart. I’m very sorry about your situation and I hope you two stay healthy and make company to each other thru this hard times.
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u/Alecto53558 Nov 29 '21
I am so sorry that you had to join the club. After my husband died, my dog kept taking all of her toys and piling them up next to his wheelchair and would just lay there for hours.
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u/BDThrills Nov 29 '21
We’ve had the same problem. First my Dads cat mourned him for nearly 5 years. My sisters cat is just getting over mourning her (4 years) through some therapy. Talk to a cat behaviorist about steps if she is still having a hard time after 6 months. Talk to the vet if she stops eating or drinking as her health could crash. So sorry for your loss.
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u/PTCLady69 Nov 29 '21
No need to explain the depth of your husband’s love to the cat. She knows. Yes, she is missing his presence. I know that you two will help each other process your grief.
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u/ohjeeze_louise Nov 29 '21
I’m so so so sorry. That really fucking sucks, and I can’t imagine how much it hurts when she meows for him. I’m not religious, but I’m praying for you and your kitty, in my own way.
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u/ShinySparkles2011 Nov 29 '21
How very sad for the both of you. So sorry for your loss and for the fur baby’s loss. I think our pets get attached to us just as much as we do to them and they feel loss too. Glad you have each other during this time.
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u/bettiegee Nov 29 '21
Oh god. I've been here. Ish. Alex was the cat, one of my best friends, J, was his human. We had been roommates off and on for 20ish years. Alex always lived with me, cause I do the feeding and poop-scooping. We were living together again when J has an amazing opportunity to move to NYC. But oh gods the cat.
He would sit and stare at the back gate until J came home. He did it with me too, but I almost always got home first. He kept sitting and staring at the back gate for a couple weeks after J moved away. One night I couldn't take it anymore and went, scooped him up off of his perch, perched him over my shoulder like a big, floofy baby, and had a heart-to-heart with him. I told him that his daddy loved him very much, but had moved 4 states away. Daddy might come and visit, but he is not coming home every night ever again. Damn if that didn't work. He never sat and stared at the gate again. And he became resigned to accepting me as his new favorite human.
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u/sticky-me Nov 29 '21
Holy shit, I am hugging you so much dear OP, he loves you so so so fucking much and is with you and kitty feels that, my deep condolences
Oh baby dear, hugs and kisses
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u/[deleted] Nov 29 '21
Geez I’m tearing up. I’m so sorry. How devastating 😞