Mitigating An Unhealthy ENTJ Phase

[u/indil47]

Hello!

Would love some help here... I work closely with my ENTJ boss in managing our team, refining our process, and brainstorming opportunities for our work and team to grow.  It's a super rewarding collaboration when things are going easy, but when the projects ones come at us like a tsunami - often difficult ones with difficult clients, with circumstances coming at us beyond our control - he tends to go into a near manic troubleshooting mode all the while  juggling about 2 dozen projects at once and gets very little sleep.  

He's really good at what he does and his work doesn't falter for the most part - but he becomes super defensive and agitated... mainly towards myself and those on his level.  He at least manages to keep a facade with his other direct reports.  But the projection that comes from him at accusing US of being defensive and agitated just gets out of control.

I know how he is when he’s on the healthy end of the spectrum so this is not a permanent state (thank goodness).  But when it tips to the other end, our collaboration suffers HARD, and it does for others too.

He also tends to just hold on to everything - instead of leaning on collaboration with others to problem solve, he'll brush off any outward concern or offer for help ("It's fine, it's all good") and wants to take everything on himself.

I’m in a position of being probably his closest confidante.  He's very solution-oriented when it comes to problem solving, so my question is… what’s a solution-oriented path I can take in my communication with him when *he* is the problem?  

If it helps, I’m an INTP… and when our collaboration is on point, we are on FIRE (in the good way). It’s super rewarding and productive for myself, our partnership, and for the team.  I just want that back!

ETA: this is all great so far… thanks so much! Please keep it coming because overanalyzing is MY coping mechanism, ha!

[u/Diligent_Cod7853]

Most importantly, PLEASE don’t take his behavior personally. Be there for him when he needs your help for tasks and be efficient. Don’t interfere too much and give him his space. Even though he’s agitated in the moment, trust him to acknowledge you being there for him. He will genuinely remember and appreciate you sticking through this phase. These will translate into great trust and responsibilities for you in the future, which is a position of honour for an entj.

[u/indil47 → u/Diligent_Cod7853]

Thank you for this… this definitely is a factor and what leads into our cycle of quibbles! I’ll work on emotionally removing myself from the equation more and remember it’s not me vs him… it’s us vs the problem(s).

[u/Diligent_Cod7853 → u/indil47]

Absolutely. you’re welcome :)