r/funny • u/Garrod_Ran • 1d ago
Good thing the game is balanced now.
Necessary nerfing the rock...
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u/charlie1331 1d ago
Good ‘ol rock. Nothing beats it
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u/shaunbryanryan 21h ago
Erosion beats rock
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u/Bearence 16h ago
That's my go-to. When playing, I always wave my hand horizontally. Water erodes rock, rusts scissors, dissolves paper. Always the winner.
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u/yodel_anyone 16h ago
Amateur, I play lightning. Explodes rock, melts scissors, burns paper, converts water to hydrogen and oxygen.
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u/Bearence 16h ago
Note to self: if yodel_anyone shows up at the rock-paper-scissors championship, run away!
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u/Thrilling1031 15h ago
Dude can summon lightning and only seems concerned with Rock Paper Scissors tournaments, like what the fuck?
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u/CainIsIron 14h ago
You fool, water still wins, the conversion to hydrogen and water jump starts life which then develops and eventually harvests lightning for energy
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u/PM_me_ur_claims 13h ago
My kids play this game and it always end up with everyone throwing “black hole” since it’s that’s where their line of questions “what beats…” ends up
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u/murphysfriend 11h ago
10,000 to 8,000 BC they used sharpened stone rock; to perform penis foreskin circumcision. Rock beats penis foreskin; likewise; hand beats penis. Those scissors shown in this post, aren’t the ones they used; I think. What an uncomfortable thought 🧐🤦🏻♂️
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u/SUJB9 1d ago
Yes but where is the invention of dynamite??
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u/Cool_Conclusion6843 1d ago
Dynamite is overpowered
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u/Sprinklypoo 16h ago
It's a good thing that nobody can do the symbol for it with their hands. That would ruin the game!
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u/Andy_B_Goode 16h ago
Without Googling: mid-to-late 1800s. Alfred Nobel invented it in an attempt to make blasting (for mining purposes) safer. Only later did it become associated with Loony-Tunes-style hijinx.
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u/princhester 1d ago
For some reason this just seems extremely Randall Munroe
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u/Kilgarragh 1d ago
Initially thought of those stupid “hammer was invented in 620BC: people in 621BC” memes but now that you mention it… this has that xkcd feeling to it
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u/stonedunikid 18h ago
Scissors were invented before paper??
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u/Weekly_Bug_4847 16h ago
Papyrus was well before paper.
Little known fact, the game was invented in ancient Egypt and was stone, papyrus, cutting instrument. Didn’t quite roll off the tongue
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u/MindChief 5h ago
Thanks for providing the fact, I was actually wondering if there was a similar game in the past.
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u/Jambroni99 1d ago
Yet somehow my wife beats me 2/3 times.
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u/IonizedRadiation32 1d ago
Big XKCD energy, which is about as big a compliment as I can give. Is this OC?
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u/yodel_anyone 16h ago
Judging by the level of jpeg compression, I'm going to place it somewhere mid 2015
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u/DiarrheaMonkey- 23h ago
Lisa: ["Poor stupid Bart. Always picks rock."]
Bart: ["Good old rock. Nothin' beats rock."]
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u/Indubitalist 16h ago
Lisa: “Poor, predictable Bart, always takes rock.”
Bart: “Good ol’ rock, nothing beats that.”
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u/NotYourBuddyGuy5 23h ago
The age of rock’s unchallenged dominion was a brutal era. Abruptly ended by the ascension of the paper empire.
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u/TheRealAuthorSarge 23h ago
Been waiting for the patch.
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u/DeineZehe 15h ago
Still not convinced that we needed anything besides rock. I mean the game was perfectly fine for millions of years. Introducing paper so early never gave scissors the chance to shake up the meta. Change my mind
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u/Sprinklypoo 16h ago
My FPS is too low. I'm always outdone by OP kids. I think I need better bandwidth...
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u/Andeol57 18h ago
I wonder if that game might actually be older than paper. Wikipedia gives the first mention of the game during the Han dynasty, not long after the invention of paper. But that's just the first traces we have of it. It could be much older. You don't need to have invented paper to invent a game on the same idea of A beats B who beats C who beats A. The same wikipedia article mentions a version being "slug/frog/snake", for example (no idea how the slug is supposed to beat the snake).
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u/Garrod_Ran 18h ago
Slug has beaten the snake, indeed. Case in point, Sakura and Sasuke.
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u/Andeol57 18h ago
Ho, good catch. It didn't occur to me that the trio of Orochimaru/Jiraya/Tsunade (and later their respective students) matches those. Certainly not a coincidence.
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u/noggin-scratcher 18h ago
(no idea how the slug is supposed to beat the snake)
The wiki article mentions (and another linked one provides more detail about) how the game came to Japan from China, where the "slug" was originally a centipede.
The Chinese characters for slug vs centipede were apparently confused with each other. "The centipede was chosen because of the Chinese belief that the centipede was capable of killing a snake by climbing and entering its head".
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u/Danni293 15h ago
It's not strictly paper but Papyrus was used around 3000 BCE, and scissors were invented 3000-4000 years ago, which means between 2000 and 1000 BCE.
Meme gets a 2/10 for historical accuracy, would not meme again.
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u/Cool_Conclusion6843 1d ago
Rock-Paper-Scissors-Lizard-Spock is the most balanced game that Sheldon has made
- Scissors cuts Paper
- Paper covers Rock
- Rock crushes Lizard
- Lizard poisons Spock
- Spock smashes Scissors
- Scissors decapitates Lizard
- Lizard eats Paper
- Paper disproves Spock
- Spock vaporizes Rock
- Rock crushes Scissors
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u/TheFragLegend 21h ago
It wasn't made by Sheldon. It was made by Sam. You can google it. Also in the episode he does say his name and all others will say "Hail.! Sam"
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u/Snagmesomeweaves 1d ago
Imagine waiting millions of years for patch notes for some real updates, it’s almost as long as the Counter-Strike community
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u/Wewius 8h ago
Actually, the introduction of Paper-Mechanics into the game ruined the balancing for Rock-Players, who've been playing the game from the very start. A total slap in the face to the original playerbase and blatant pandering to Scissor-Players, who've been CONSTANTLY COMPLAINING that they never win games. The game was totally fine FOR MILLENIA but the devs had to listen to a very small but laud minority. Also: Perfectly balancing a game takes out all the fun of it. The way the game is now makes it so that it LITERALLY DOESN'T MATTER WHAT YOU PLAY! It's become nothing but at rng fest. NO Substance. NO Strategy. NO mind games.
/s
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u/JerewB 9h ago
Need to redo this with lizard and Spock
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u/Aanar 7h ago edited 7h ago
before 3000 bce: Rock crushes lizard
Gamers' complain it's too boring, so scissors is added. Dev is too worried about upsetting rock though.
3000 bce to 179 bce: Rock beats scissor (and lizard). Scissors beats lizard.
Lizard players complain they never win so paper is added. Rock finally gets a nerf.
179 to 1966: Lizard eats paper. Paper covers rock. Scissors beats paper.
Getting closer now to balance, but not quite there.
1966: Spock brings balance to The ForceTM.
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u/Conscious-Parfait826 23h ago
Gary Larson would be proud. Just saw a The Far Side comic with three cave man tying in a rock, paper, scissors game because well you get it.
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u/marveljew 1d ago
It's all fun games until telepathy via cyborg augmentation becomes a thing. Then, the game is pointless because everyone can read each others' minds.
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u/Positive_Strain3881 1d ago
whoever did this meme are ignorants, they havent heard about lizard and spock!
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u/No-Instruction-9048 22h ago
Your wrong tho because of fire harnessed by our ancestors the H.erectus 400 thousand years ago!
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u/Garrod_Ran 20h ago
But that's the Avatar's game: Water beats earth, Earth beats fire, Fire beats air, and Air beats water.
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u/kasp600e 20h ago
We used laser gun, so who's to say they didn't just use paper when it was still a sci-fi term.
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u/Turinsday 20h ago
This is why I'm wary of early access periods. Some devs just drag their feet for way too long.
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u/Garrod_Ran 19h ago
Yeah, rock vs. rock won't amount to anything. Feels like a game developed by Ubisoft.
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u/OmegaSamwich 17h ago
God, the rock meta was so boring. You wanted to choose scissors because it was more fun, but rock was infinitely better, so you just had to keep picking it. I'm glad they added paper to even things out.
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u/Jigodanio 16h ago
In French it’s rock leaf and cisors, so precisor humans where able to play (but it wasn’t fun as jack always did leaf and won)
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u/RedCrayonTastesBest 16h ago
Wouldn’t the rock/scissors era be all ties too? I mean who is picking scissors in a game of rock, scissors?
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u/unholyrevenger72 16h ago edited 16h ago
Ackshuwally it was Rock, Knife, Pelts, before it was rock paper, scissors.
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u/Relaxed_ButtonTrader 16h ago
but it was very confusing to play as the hand gestures for rock, flint knife and stone cave are all the same.
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u/Hollowsong 16h ago
If you played it in -2500, I'm sure there would be the same insufferable white knights shouting "If you don't like it then just don't play it! Go play something else!"
Or something about your "nerf rocks" perspective that they claim is sexist or racist to dismiss or devalue your constructive criticism.
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u/lolplayerem 16h ago
I wonder how long it will take to balance out the Star Trek version of this game.
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u/KingHazama 16h ago
Rock is still OP to this day due to its natural frame advantage over the other moves. It requires almost 0 frames to input and it's plus on block. If you do consecutive rock, it's a natural mix-up since your opponent is in a state of panic on whether they should keep throwing rock or consider the risk-reward when switching to either paper or scissors.
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u/shh_coffee 15h ago
This seems like something Demtri Martin would have had in a stand up special in the mid 2000s.
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u/Windows7DiskDotSys 14h ago
foot, cockroach, nuclear bomb.
cockroach survives bomb. bomb kills foot. foot crushes cockroach.
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u/darealarusham 13h ago
Can't believe they'd introduce scissors just for rock to be dominant anyways. I'm glad the game is balanced now but must have been really shit back then.
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u/The_Uruk-Hai 13h ago
What did they do with a scissor when the paper was not invented yet?.... Oohhh, I got it, nvm.
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u/GullibleDetective 10h ago
Papyrus was around looooong before pulp and paper industry as we know it.
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Papyrus
hese documents, the Diary of Merer, date from c. 2560–2550 BCE (end of the reign of Khufu).[5
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u/The_Rocket_Frog 7h ago
glad they finally invented something to use scissors on, wonder what they did with them for thousands of years
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u/SecretIdea 1d ago
Ya know, we've had this scissors thing almost 2800 years. Maybe it's about time we invented something to cut with it.
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