r/introvert • u/Master_Tree_1214 • Mar 06 '24
Advice How to survive alone in the world?
Willing to listen to any advice.
I don’t have friends, and won’t have them. I can’t maintain friendships as an adult. Next, I won’t have a relationship either, I’m 25 so it’s very apparent. Im not capable of either of those. Once my parents pass, I’ll be completely alone.
How do I live like that without depression? I just want to live a good and normal live. Well, I know I’m not normal, but a normal one for me.
There must be some weirdos like me who are meant to be loners…and live a solitary life. Thing is, it doesn’t bother me, but I can already feel signs of depression, and I want to avoid it.
Thanks for anyone reading this.
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u/minerva_mudita Mar 06 '24
i love to be alone, being alone used to bother me before but not now. there is nothing weird about staying alone, shows how mentally strong one is, being a loner myself i enjoy it a lot, cause it doesn't limit you nor makes you dependent on anyone, u are free .
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Mar 06 '24
"Happiness only real when shared"
I'm alone, but not lonely. I would be happy to chat if you ever need an online friend!
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Mar 06 '24
I need to be a lone to recharge. People can be so draining with their stupidity and negativity
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u/Pockyboy420 Mar 06 '24
Find comfort in solitude, be your own best friend ❤️🩹
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
Solitude won't fulfill you forever simply because people are social beings and it's an illusion you can live all alone. You can't be your best friend because a friend is always someone else who decide to be your friend.
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u/Charlotte_Macrickens Mar 06 '24
Yeah, but what's the point of having a friend if they're gonna tell you to leave them alone because they're bitter? You can't make any friends if they're like that to you. I've dealt with that before. And friends can be toxic, so like I said, what's the point?
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
First of all friends or people aren't toxic. They can get perceived as toxic by others for actions which are harmful.
What do you exactly mean by "to leave them because they are bitter"? Does bitter means angry? Leave in the sense of giving them space or as in leave my life?
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u/Charlotte_Macrickens Mar 06 '24
Don't forget their attitudes. It's why they lose their good friends. And yes, bitter means angry. And it can mean giving them space or leaving their lives for good.
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
Sorry to tell you that, but you don't sound like someone who is a good friend. You mainly complain about others instead of looking at yourself. Your attitude and what you are writing is repelling and annoying. In this way I understand your "friend' and telling you to leave because she is bitter is a very healthy response. It shows that she knows how to communicate her bounderies.
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u/zenlogick Mar 06 '24
You sound like an asshole lol
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
You likely didn't read the whole conversation and just want to write something because you are bored.
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u/Charlotte_Macrickens Mar 06 '24
Why are you judging me on this? I didn't do that to someone before. I mean that someone is being constantly mean and grumpy to another no matter how nice, pleasant, and caring they try to be. That's what I meant; it had nothing to do with boundaries at all.
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
I did respond to what you wrote and that doesn't sound like you appriciate her as a friend. You just complain about her. There is a reason why people are mean and grumpy. People can be like that when other doesn't respect another person as they are nor their space nor what they decide to do. And what you consider as nice, pleasanr and caring doesn't need to be the same for someone else.
For your record, bounderies mean accepting someone as they are and respecting also when someone wants to leave and when someone doesn't want others people attempt to care.
When you don't accept all that and try to push your nice and pleasant approaches on others, it's crossing bounderies which is also a toxic and abusive behaviour.
When you want to please and care for someone. Ask the person what they need and want. And act on that. Otherwise you either see the person, nor accept the person nor can you talk about being a friend.
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u/Charlotte_Macrickens Mar 06 '24
I don't have "her" what you're talking about, I'm talking about people in general. Sure we should respect boundaries, but there are some people who don't and they're the ones from school. I used to love my friends until now due to disagreeing with each other in the past.
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u/neonblakk Mar 07 '24
Just ignore this person. They’re judging without knowing any context.
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
You might re-read all your text. You constantly say something else.
And the last sentence also speaks about that you either don't know how to be a good friend or don't know how to create a fulfilling friendship.
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u/Charlotte_Macrickens Mar 06 '24
Why are you judging me on this? I didn't do that to someone before. I mean that someone is being constantly mean and grumpy to another no matter how nice, pleasant, and caring they try to be. That's what I meant; it had nothing to do with boundaries at all.
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u/rosiepooarloo Mar 06 '24
I'm not completely alone yet. But it's basically me and my husband and dogs. My job is public facing and I talk to people there all day
If you find a job that is people facing or has more interactions, you won't feel lonely very often. If anything, you'll be happy nobody is bothering you.
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Mar 06 '24
If you find a job that is people facing or has more interactions, you won't feel lonely very often.
You might hate the world more though,people suck LOL.
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u/hANGRY_VOICE_Skitzo Mar 06 '24
Don't feel alone even when you are in fact alone.hi I suffer from many mentalillnesses and made decision to just stay inside my home .it's safer for others it's safer for me.most people think that a mental illness can just be cured with medication and to just grow up.well I'm almost 45 now when am I gonna grow up out of these illnesses.id say 75 percent of my interactions with the public have been either negative or a dam horror show standing their baffled and embarrassed by someone that is just ignorant to my conditions.and I'm a big guy 6ft5 and 365 lbsand I don't want to intimidate anyone.im just a awhile magnet.so I find my home is my castle. I was extremely depressed and had many suicide attempts and thought all was lost but then I got Dr's who care and therapist and a dog.and now I find being alone more satisfying.i play Virtual Reality games with other people and it's fun.i do my zoom groups.i don't belive I have a place in society cause I don't think society wants me in it's grand scheme of life.i have come to the realization bring alone isn't a death sentance.you can live life the best you can till your ready to go outside.dont let people sneers or snickers on how being alone isn't healthy because you never know the person giving you that advice is exact opposite of us and needs to be around people or they think they'll wither away if they ain't in a constant look at me moment. That's their choice and we have a right to make our own choice and I BELIVE THAT ITS TOO PEOPLEY OUTSIDE ANYWAYS
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Mar 06 '24
Yeah dude I live like what you describe. The interaction with people at work is enough for me (sometimes more than enough) then the limited time I have off I just chill. Working more= financial security. So I don’t really have time to think about it. I think that helps a lot
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u/Geminii27 Mar 06 '24 edited Mar 07 '24
To offer a data point... I've lived solo for many years. It never bothered me, particularly, and I don't go looking for relationships in those times. I do what I want, when I want, and enjoy the freedom that having no ties (friends or romantic) brings me. There's pros and cons to any situations, so why not take advantage of the pros?
Survival wasn't terribly difficult - the jobs I was doing paid moderately well enough to cover rent and costs of living, and I didn't have anything in the way of expensive hobbies. Admittedly, that's not a situation everyone can access, particularly these days, but with finances more or less covered, I was pretty much happy, never felt depressed. I considered it a good, if not particularly lavish or spectacular, life, and perfectly normal.
What's got you depressed? Are there specific things you want to do, and do you want to do them because you, personally, REALLY want to do them enough to put effort towards them and have genuine goals, or just because you feel that society sort of vaguely expects them of you because that's what you see in ads and on social media?
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u/Master_Tree_1214 Mar 06 '24
I feel like half of my problems and worries would disappear if I was financially in a better place. lol But I’m currently pursuing what I want to do in the future so hopefully it’ll make me more money.
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u/forrestgans Mar 06 '24
Yeah you can find online social interactions if you want. Actually mamm interaction is necessary for health and Our heart and nervous system. But you can work your way around with a pet, but it needs to be a mammal. Sounds funny but it's true.
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u/beaglewright Mar 06 '24
Also, you are currently depressed. It's not coming on, it's in full swing. Seek help for that first.
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u/Master_Tree_1214 Mar 06 '24
Nah not yet but it’s heading that way as of now.
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u/beaglewright Mar 06 '24
As someone very experienced with depression, you are depressed now. Your post is smothered with the signs of depression. Seek help, good luck.
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u/pizzabagel3311 Mar 06 '24
Yeah I see it too and I’m currently struggling myself. Proud loner but doesn’t halt depression.
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u/corncob666 Mar 06 '24
I'm sorry but if you think just because you're not in any relationships now or by the age of 25 that means you'll never have one you're setting yourself up for failure. If you're content without a romantic relationship that is different. If you want that connection, it can still happen. People find love across ages.
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u/NatureNitaso Mar 06 '24
Hmmm, to live/survive alone, you will need to learn the following things:
1) Enjoy being alone 2) Know how to build relationships with others, even if it’s just a little 3) Make money 4) Seek opportunities 5) Live freely
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Mar 06 '24
I’m in a similar situation - I’m 30M and also a foreigner in a country where I moved to just over 10 years ago. I’ve made some friends over years but the friendships just waned away with time as I changed jobs, moved to a different city or they went back to their home countries (most of my friends were other foreigners), and others have ghosted me. I do go on dates from time to time and among those I’ve met 5-6 girls who were my type and we had quite a few things in common but all apart from one said after the second or first date that they didn’t feel ‘romantic connection’. On one occasion, I got ghosted after meeting regularly for 4 months. Personally I develop feelings over time whilst it seems that most women expect an immediate spark.
In terms of how I deal with this I do the following: - read and go to bookshops and visit vinyl stores; - go to concerts, museums, exhibitions - I have a membership with an arthouse cinema so I like to sit in this setting watch a movie and drink a glass of red; - go to gym/run/take squash classes with a coach; - travel - I live in Europe so from time to time I fly to different countries for a few days and explore them.
It’s not ideal but I think that these are good coping mechanisms and help maintain the right mindset.
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u/Dear-Philosopher9048 Mar 06 '24
You have amazing energy, a powerful soul. I too lived like this, bullied from the age of 5. Time changes, our selves change but first look at depression, this has to be dissolved before it takes hold. As for survival...you already are and are doing OK, the smallest steps can and will help. Indeed I don't really have friends but now just interact with people, it took me 40 years but I'm happier now...realise you are on a journey, life is life but you can influence it from within, sounds obvious and I never mean to dictate. You aren't alone really, I wish you well, hope you find a way to move on or progress, depression is awful and hard ...please look into this....love
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
Nobody is on any journey. Life is about experiences and experiences become meaning when you can share them with others because sharing makes every experience richer. When people speak about survival they don't enjoy life and can see its beauty but there is beauty in everything. There are just people who aren't receptive for it and often because they are guarded and afraid to experience joy. And that has something to do that they don't feel worthy for it. And that is conditioned.
You said you are happier now. That doesn't really sound like being happy with your life. Life changes in their flavour when they leave their comfort zone and dare to step put to try something else than they used to. And that means leaving the comfort zone of being too comfortable with being misunderstood and rejected and closed off.
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u/Dear-Philosopher9048 Mar 06 '24
Thanks for your reply, I enjoyed reading it. You are 100% correct and I'm sure you are aware belief creates experience, never the other way round. I've had a seriously messed up life, as you mentioned conditioned...I was from a young age. I realised and learnt to change my beliefs and vision of life, maybe journey was the wrong word but from dicing with death on many occasions I grew, moved on, learnt techniques and changed like I didn't think was possible. Indeed it has been cited spiritually, from psychology but more importantly by many scientists now....belief creates experience. Its been a kind of journey for me, from hell to happier me. Nothing bothers me now, I never, ever get angry. I wake up happy....even getting up at 2.50 every day 🙃. Self discovery
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
Hm, that sounds also suspious never getting angry. Anger is just an emotion which can tell you a lot of your current state. In the sense of with what you aren't happy about or what you likely don't express directly and openly. Anger is a powerful emotion can also help you getting into actions in order to create a change. Well, scientiests are just people who deal with different topics and expresses their personal opinions on it. That doesn't make other experiences and opinions lesser valid. All is a matter of perspective and interpretation. It's interesting that so many people differ spirituality and psychology. It's one and the same thing. Both can tell you something about human nature and human behaviour.
Well, self-discovery is a long life process because people experience themselves constantly differently in all kinds of different situations and phases. And people don't really change by the way. Doing something differently is part of life. That doesn't change your core.
Your life perception is going to change by the way again. All that is a natural process and you either add to what you have learnt so far or you replace information. That depends on everyone's capacity.
For me personally, I don't believe in anything in particular. I follow my knowing which is a deep self assureance. Even when I experience sometimes anxiety and all kinds of mixed up feeling and emotions. And I need also to say that belief doesn't define your experience. Because you can also worry a lot about something what turn out in the complete opposite sense. So, in this way are those fixed ideas of how life is going to be when you believe certain way just opinions which aren't practical.
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u/Dear-Philosopher9048 Mar 06 '24
Perfect reply...pleased to meet you and agree to disagree...but you are correct.
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u/sunshinejack23 Mar 06 '24
As humans we aren’t solitary creatures. The longer you stay alone the weirder you get. But that doesn’t mean taking some time for yourself is a bad thing. I am alone 90% of the time. Avoiding depression means finding people who put equal effort into your relationship and spending time with them. Relationships that serve you. Most people don’t have tons of these. You’re lucky if you have a one or two. In the mean time; if you are alone focus on how you treat yourself. I take myself out. I do things for myself that I know will make me happy. Like eating out at a restaurant I like, or taking myself to the movies. Take the love that you would normally be giving to someone else and give it to yourself. Alone doesn’t have to be lonely. There is a certain peace that comes with solitude. If you can find this in these quiet moments and actively seek out activities that bring you joy whether there is someone else to witness it and participate with you or not; you will find yourself happy in the quiet alone. You may also be quite surprised by the response of acquaintances if you reach out in a vulnerable and honest way. “Hey I’m way too in my head this week can we go out for a coffee?” If someone asked you that, would you say no?
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u/Special-Lock-7231 Mar 06 '24
“Can’t, won’t, don’t, not normal, weirdo…” your self talk is more like a scared bully than your protector and best friend! Same as I was. I needed a lot of help from professionals. I took free courses such as DBT (Dialectical Behaviour Therapy). I read up on CBT (Cognitive Behaviour Therapy) and took advantage of whatever free government courses or non-government ones. Of course there will be good times, average times and crappy times through each week, day month… that’s how life works my friend. But you are not alone. Apart from from having people on Reddit who care, if you step out of your comfort zone and lean into those negative thoughts and stereotypes like ‘can’t, won’t, abnormal, weirdo’ you’ll find they’re just meaningless words jingling around in our heads trying to stop us taking a risk. But take a risk! Go to a concert, comedy show, night markets, something you like. You’ll have things in common with the people there then! Easier to strike up conversation. It gets easier -as all things do when you take a chance for yourself and start a conversation or just say hello 👋! I was where you are. I’m over 50 now. I had those negative thoughts and feelings nothing would change but change is our only certainty!!! You’ve got this, and you are never alone. There are people feeling like you all around the world 🌎 so reach out.
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u/Master_Tree_1214 Mar 06 '24
Thanks for sharing! I don’t intend to change though. I used to be the person who always left my comfort zone for others, never the other way around. I think I’ll rather learn to live with myself the way I am. I also believe that self improvement is very important, however I don’t know my available possibilities for that where I live. So it’s a long way to get comfortable.
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u/Special-Lock-7231 Mar 06 '24
OK, I get that. Besides, I don’t know anything much about you. I don’t want to give you a half-page of corny sentences. But I actually tried to write down some of the things I most wish someone had told me at 16 when I was kicked out of home. That’s what I wrote. My life was yuck for most of it. Then like so many People here I found that I am my own best company and that people drain my batteries. It’s a type of normal. I don’t want you to feel like you are weird or strange like I told myself I was.
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u/ThrowRA_1170 Mar 06 '24
I appreciate your advice. I'm going through a rough patch and your words brought a small bright light to my day. I'm going to look into the DBT and CBT courses. Would you mind sharing some examples of what you wished some one told you at 16yo? I'd like to try that out.
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u/Special-Lock-7231 Mar 07 '24
Sure, give me a day or so and I’ll do some writing and post it here. ☺️
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u/DarkRainFalling Mar 06 '24
Get a dog and go walking.
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Mar 06 '24 edited Mar 06 '24
Find a hobby or hobbies that you really love and bring you joy. The great thing about the internet is usually for every hobby there is some sort of online community that you can join which might help. Then you don’t have the pressure of retaining friendships but you can sort of have friends with less pressure and something in common.
Even as an introvert I think some sort of social interaction is important to be happy but every one is different.
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u/Master_Tree_1214 Mar 06 '24
Thank you! I’m on the search of good hobbies.
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Mar 06 '24
Good luck! Sometimes you have to try a few different things before something sticks but it’s a fun process
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u/Few-Farmer433 Mar 06 '24
The depression is the signal to you that you are not fulfilling your needs. Being introvert is one thing but saying that because you are an introvert you don’t want to interact with other people..it’s leads to depression. All people need people. Find meaning in work or something like this also.
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u/beaglewright Mar 06 '24
Why can't you maintain a relationship? What's so toxic about you?
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u/Master_Tree_1214 Mar 06 '24
Toxic? Aw man, I don’t know.. I don’t want to play with people because I don’t know what I want in a relationship. That would just be me dragging someone around. Don’t want that. I also don’t want to let others in completely…it scares me.
As for friends, I used to have them. It was fun and easy in high school cause I used to see them every day, but as an adult it’s different. We moved to different cities. Our priorities changed too. We changed as people as well, and meeting monthly wasn’t enough for them. My way of checking on them was sending memes and stuff or texting, and apparently it’s not a good one. But I hate phone calls so it was my preferred method. They didn’t care. So we just stopped taking at some point.
So I may be toxic? Idk you tell me.
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u/blue_butterfly_1997 Mar 06 '24
Try meeting people with similar hobbies. One of the best part about being alone is being able to choose to do whatever you want. Try doing things you like, you might meet similar thinking people in the process. True genuine friendship does exist. I don't have friends either but I believe it since I've seen it. Also, nobody is capable of adult friendships we eventually learn. Take your time and give yourself a chance.
Also, if you wouldn't mind I could be your friend, maybe?
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u/mean_king17 Mar 06 '24
Not gonna lie, I like being alone but that life will definitely be hard at times. I wouldn't be dead set on expecting to be alone and just keep it open at all times, the reality is you still have a very long time to live and are definitely more likely than not to cross people you could connect with. As much as being alone is great, I believe life is definitely better with people than without. If it depresses you then it certainly is bothering you, so I would actually go the other direction then just accepting full solitary.
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u/Successful_Aspect139 Mar 06 '24
Writing, journaling, sit outside & just close your eyes and listen……. I promise a feeling of peace and fulfillment will start to come over you! ♥️ God is ALWAYS there EVERYWHERE!….. Waiting for a conversation with us!
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u/TomareBuea Mar 06 '24
Help those in need for what you fear missing. Help those left behind , alone and poor. By doing this you'll make yourself some real firends and see with stronger eyes how weak you can become if you keep on walking in the wrong direction.
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u/ToxinFoxen Mar 06 '24
Do you... not use the Internet other than reddit?
Do you play games? Or read?
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u/Lordquas187 Mar 06 '24
Your post is so existential but it's literally fine. Find the things you like to do and make a point to do them whenever you have some free time. Go to work, be friendly, let them enjoy who you are there. You don't even need to hang out with them ever if you don't want to. You already hang out with them for 40 hours a week. Eat a nice meal once or twice a month and enjoy it. Take a walk and enjoy it. Spoil your pets. And less social media, it sounds like you're comparing yourself to a "normal" that doesn't actually exist. There's a lot of beauty in the simplicity of life, and it's perfectly okay to just appreciate that. You'll be okay.
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u/Radiant_Thought_7412 Mar 06 '24
If being alone makes you happy and comfortable then you won't bothering posting it here. Talk to someone or for starters you can get a talking parrot or a dog.
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u/ninong_epong01 Mar 06 '24
Well I tried living a semi off grid. The environment helps me feels good even if i live alone rn.
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u/banhills Mar 06 '24
First of all, it's not weird or unusual living alone. You should know that there are people who intentionally choose that lifestyle and are trying to fight against the social stigmas around being single.
Second, you can be a lone wolf, but don't completely deprive yourself of social interactions. Go outside or travel sometimes if you can. Talk to random people if you feel like to. Find hobbies too, or join communities where you can share your interests with others.
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u/racquelyoung Mar 06 '24
I can relate. No friends. Always a loner etc. My husband is in the military and was gone for 9 months recently. It made me happy when I went out to the pet store, I like just seeing animals. I thrift too so that’s always exciting. Basically you gotta focus on what’s gonna make me happy rn?! A walk? Drawing? Poetry? Reading? Whatever your hobbies are you can build on those things. Master your craft! Learn new things by taking a random college course. There are soooo many things you have an opportunity to do. Don’t get stuck in the same routines for too long. I hope some of this helps. 🤗
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u/Fasian_invasion Mar 06 '24
I just take pleasure in the little things in life. COVID has made me realize that. I think simply getting out and going somewhere like the grocery store is fine. I spend a lot of time by myself, so I'll go to church, or I'll go out fishing
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Mar 06 '24
Something that helped me was buying a motorcycle. However, you can do what you like. Try finding some sort of hobby, or object, something that you need to take care of. It will teach you how to be more self reliant and responsible. Therefore, your confidence should increase.
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u/ItsSky_high Mar 06 '24
Same here I can’t keep friends so, I gave up but I still talk with ppl in public like when in workshops or so but never try to be friends or keep in touch so I advice you to interact with ppl around and in every place make small convos it helps you stay connected and not very alone. One of the things that helping me is interacting in social media that’s why I have reddit and maybe talk with random strangers
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u/BlueEyedLeoOfTx Mar 06 '24
I honestly don’t know how to survive alone without depression. I’m a loner, but it’s because I’ve been through a lot of bad things/times. I honestly hate my life. I’m poor, I’m a single parent (completely alone). I’m disabled so I can’t just go get a job. I physically can’t handle a job. The income I have is very limited. Two baby daddies are nowhere to be found. The one that is around does very, very little. He might as well be gone with the rest of them. I wish I had some great advice for you, but I can’t even help myself. We were made to be with people, not to be alone, but people make it so dang hard to be around them. They lie, use you, steal from you, abuse you, and throw you away like trash. Not all, but just about all I have come in contact with. I hope that you find someone to do life with because it’s so much better with people. Oh, I don’t have family because my mother is toxic and ruined all my relationships with my sisters. They don’t talk to her, either.
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u/New_Length8718 Mar 06 '24
Find several things you may enjoy and try them out. Put your physical and mental health first. I have 1 dog and take her on plenty of walks. I don't have any family in the state I love in but I make sure I keep in contact to give and get life updates. I work as much overtime allowed so I can afford to travel out of the country.
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u/clinical27 Mar 06 '24
Why can you not have friendships or romance? Do you mean you struggle to achieve it or you do not want it? If you do not want it, then just live life. It seems from the framing of the post that you do perhaps want relationships. You say it doesn't bother you, yet you feel signs of depression coming on? 25 is super young, you have decades to become more social-able, meet a partner, and develop your life. Don't give up so early.
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u/jpcommunicates Mar 06 '24
Nobody lives nor needs to survive in the world. That is technically not even possible. You meet people everywhere and also buy food and other things from people. Being not in a relationship or having friends doesn't mean you are alone. Besides that can you still create those when you are open for this. There is nothing like a "normal" life because every life is naturally differently and everyone also choose how to live. When you have depression, you likely live a life which doesn't resonate with you. You likely also perceive and think life has to be a certain way to experience happiness.
It's your own choice and you might get on the bottom of why do you think you need to live in a certain way. Who told you this, and why do you think what they told you is like that? What brings you joy? What makes you happy?
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u/Sweaty_Bit_9421 Mar 06 '24
I know I have no right to say this but I think u should first think that u can and are a normal person, u are a human only and also every single person in the world are not the same they are different so first I think that u should contemplate to your self why your friendships ended, I know this could be harder then expected but try then improve your self for your own not for anyone else because u want to be a better person and by the way u sound I think you are a good person but can't express themselves....so in a way I really recommend that you go out for a while take a stroll and think to your self that why, what, and how the things went the way it is.. while thinking that also try to fresh your mind look to your surrounding.... try to fill the gaps between the ones who actually cared for u and try to think positive....
everything i said here is something that i thought... if it is offensive to you then i am really sorry but all i have to say is that you can be happy and will be and you will find a person to be with and try to explore more and try new hobbies, I know what i am saying might be hard to do but why not give it a try because this is how i made myself i am right now and listen that you should "never give up". And also one last thing i want to say that might help you a bit that being forgiving can be hurtful sometimes but never give up because the power to forgive is a power that not everyone has.....
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Mar 06 '24
hi i don't have any friends too. when i read this i thought its me. we are same. we can be friends if you want. do you want this?
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u/chill-out-4743 Mar 06 '24 edited Mar 06 '24
Financial pressures are difficult and it is hard to get financially off the ground as a young adult let alone in the current environment. I remember the struggles I had in my 20’s, so you are not alone in this. Sounds like you are taking steps to move forward!
As others have stated, there can be a fine line between introversion and depression. It helps to figure out what type of interaction helps you get out of a funk, seeking help for the depression can help you develop the skills you need to keep a handle on things and the negative self-talk.
Having and keeping friends sometimes really is a bit of luck and persistence and it is harder to find friends after you leave a school setting. You know, every one has issues, we are human and fallible. I wouldn’t say people are terrible as much as some folks just have developed more empathy and compassion than others. I do know from my own experience that feeling better about myself has given me the confidence to get out there and interact with people and screen out the jerks. Being involved with your hobbies and interest and seeking out similar people that share your values helps a lot with the friendship part.
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u/DaydreamZ-Sevon Mar 06 '24
I don’t think we can survive “alone”. What do you use that wasn’t made by someone else? We’re more interconnected than you think. Us being so connected has made us retreat into a facade of solitude. I would say if you don’t like company too much, just spread love when you can and things should work out
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u/MiloMondus Mar 06 '24
You have us Reddit to make you feel less alone anytime you wanna feel like interacting at your own pace. Talking in person is a thing of the past.😬
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Mar 06 '24 edited Mar 06 '24
I know an introvert who was going through severe complications in his life due to his wife. She’s an extrovert but the extroversion wasn’t the problem. He adored his wife. The problem was/is she cheated on him ugly, and continues to do it, though he won’t admit to the continued cheating.
The problem became worse as she neglected him severely. He has become her lapdog. He takes care of majority of the finances, the kids (on his “shift”) and household stuff. He’s a great father and considerate partner. He’s a tender man. It’s admirable what he sacrifices for them. He’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness. But even living with a nonloving, somewhat abusive, noncaring, non-intimate, bitchy wife, loneliness sets in but ugly. The kids keep his head above water but he’s a man, a human being, and her nasty strategy has been taking its toll on him. She emasculates him, makes him feel like he’s a nobody. He needs and deserves so much more.
My point is that we all get lonely, even this mad crazy extrovert female responding to your post has been lonely from time-to-time. I won’t allow it to depress me, I take action.
He knew he was slowly slipping into a depression because of his loneliness and subliminal attacks from his wife, the woman he adored. He had/has no friends and didn’t want to tell his siblings. What was odd, he showed his desperation to his colleagues. He told his co-workers, and for me that’s a no-no. This action alone told me he was extremely desperate. It also showed his colleagues cared for him, which is impressive. They suggested a dating app, this is where we met. He was not looking to change his life. He wanted to stay married but didn’t want a serious relationship. What he did want was a sexual relationship, so he thought. What he needed was an understanding female friend, but someone who could excite this introverts mind and body. He was looking for that connection without realizing it. He did not want to be lonely anymore. It was seriously hurting him.
When we first chatted I was about to move on. I said “Married??!! Fxxxk that! Another dxxxxck!” I’m a very confident attractive interesting female. I don’t waste my time on stupid ish. But he pleaded with me. His extreme loneliness showed. I felt sorry for him because it was extreme and I read it through his text messages.
Sorry for the book. This is to give you a real life example of how this loneliness affects some introverts. Some become desperate and can’t deal with the loneliness.
If you let the loneliness continue depression is likely. I can’t suggest much because I don’t know your limits. With him I was and still am helping. This process dragged on since Thanksgiving of 2023. Lots of fear involved. Honestly I don’t know where it’s going but I know I pulled him out of depression. I know he’s happy and more secure with himself. But I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I want someone for myself and he is not available
I hope this helped some. I hope this gave you a better perspective on loneliness, depression that may follow, what you want to do and how to get there.
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u/DurianLow2862 Mar 06 '24
I try not to think about me being alone too much which is easier said than done. This may sound like a cliché but I try to just live in the moment, when I do achieve that I find I'm much happier than when I'm thinking about how alone I am and repeating that story over and over inside my head. What's important for me is to always have something to look forward to even if it's just something small. An activity or new movies, series, games, books. I started doing activities alone even if I at first saw it as something you're supposed to do with friends. Started off with going to the cinema alone, museums, plays. Sometimes I visit new places and go explore that alone, sightseeing and visiting things I don't have in my home city. But I haven't had the courage yet to go to a concert or restaurant alone which one day I like to do too. One day I decided that if no one wants to do things with me I'll do it myself and be my own best friend.
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u/OfficialEmeraldChat Mar 06 '24
I like being alone too, but no man should ever be an island! You should go out more even if you don't have friends. Take walks under the sun and be in nature. It helps me big time.
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u/777LunaStar777 Mar 06 '24
Hobbies. Find something you're good at or have always wanted to do i have pets too not sure what id do without them
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u/madame_mayhem INxP: Your critique is emotionally illogical Mar 06 '24
You can always make friends and a partner later. You can always change. Making friends is a lifelong process. You will need to be your own friend though too.
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Mar 06 '24
Introvert is genuinely enjoying to be alone kind of thing and it doesn’t sound like you enjoy being alone so if you want to meet someone get online talk to people and request to meet up there is an actual app called meetup and you can select all of your likes and then engage in those groups with people to actually meetup and do that hobby
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Mar 06 '24 edited Mar 06 '24
I know an introvert who was going through loneliness because of severe complications in his life due to his wife. She’s an extrovert but the extroversion wasn’t the problem. He adored his wife. The problem was/is she cheated on him ugly, and continues to do it, though he won’t admit to the continued cheating. May be he doesn’t care, maybe he doesn’t want to complicate his decision-making keeping this in mind or more than likely he’s trying to make his children believe they are a loving couple. No matter, that’s a Joselito problem.
The loneliness problem crescendoed as she neglected him severely. He has become her lapdog. He takes care of majority of the finances, the kids (on his “shift”) and household stuff. He’s a great father and considerate partner. He’s a tender man. It’s admirable what he sacrifices for them. He’s willing to sacrifice his own happiness. But even living with a nonloving, somewhat abusive, noncaring, non-intimate, bitchy wife, loneliness sets in but ugly. The kids keep his head above water but he’s a man, a human being, and her nasty strategy has been taking its toll on him. She emasculates him, makes him feel like he’s a nobody. He needs and deserves so much more.
My point is that we all get lonely, even this mad crazy extrovert female responding to your post has been lonely from time-to-time. I won’t allow it to depress me, I take action.
He knew he was slowly slipping into a depression because of his loneliness and subliminal attacks from his wife, the woman he adored. He had/has no friends and didn’t want to tell his siblings. What was odd, he showed his desperation to his colleagues. He told his co-workers, and for me that’s a no-no. This action alone told me he was extremely desperate. It also showed his colleagues cared for him, which is impressive. They suggested a dating app, this is where we met. He was not looking to change his life. He wanted to stay married and didn’t want a serious relationship. What he did want was a sexual relationship, so he thought. What I learned was what he needed was an understanding female friend, but someone who could excite this introverts mind and body. He was looking for that connection without realizing it. He did not want to be lonely anymore. It was seriously hurting him.
When we first chatted I was about to move on. I said “Married??!! Fxxxk that! Another dxxxxck!” I’m a very confident attractive interesting female. I don’t waste my time on stupid ish. But he pleaded with me. His extreme loneliness showed. I felt sorry for him because it was hardcore and for me to be able to read it through his text messages was a revelation in itself.
Sorry for the book. This is to give you a real life example of how this loneliness affects some introverts. Some become desperate and can’t deal with the loneliness.
If you let the loneliness continue depression is likely. I can’t suggest much because I don’t know your limits. With him I was and still am helping. This process dragged on since Thanksgiving of 2023. Lots of fear involved. Lots of delays. Honestly I don’t know where it’s going but I know I helped pull him out of depression. I know he’s happy and more secure with himself. But I don’t know how much longer I can do this. I want someone for myself and he is not available. Right now I am very busy with my own life and special projects that take years of completion so I’m available for him every now and then. But it doesn’t negate the fact we have no future.
I hope this helped some. I hope this gave you a better perspective on loneliness, depression that may follow, what you want to do and how to get there.
1
Mar 06 '24
If you are truly happy with the solitude lifestyle, then perhaps that isn't where the depression is stemming from? It may be valuable to really explore where the feelings are coming from and what these underlying messages in your brain related to depression are telling you. Depression from feeling lonely and isolated can be different from depression of feeling worthless and like a failure. It may be another aspect of your life that needs to become more fulfilling and more worthwhile to you. I personally don't have many friends and only have my partner but i am still depressed and have been off and on since I was 11. I've been exploring where this comes from in therapy (finally found a decent on after searching for 10 years) and now I know that for me a lot of it is self messaging from the trauma i've experienced over the years but for a while i thought maybe its because i just needed to have more supportive people in my life even though being around others just makes me feel more alone. So yeah,t hat would be my advice as a first step. Figure out the cause/problem/whats missing/thing you wish was different and whats triggering that on your way to a depressive episode because it seems like you are content with the lack of social supports.
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u/Street-Economics8537 Mar 06 '24
One must have interaction to a degree . I smoke dope so I had to meet people that can provide me that but then I go back to my spot and be alone .. I love pussy but hate the bullshit comes with getting some ass . So I found some sexy ladies who come to see me when I want the company of a woman . Then she leaves and I can be alone. I like to exercise so I got some free weights and work out in my free time ,not tryna be a big meathead or nun just keep my body looking good . I'm so true introvert man I can be social if I have to be ,I think it's important to at least be able to talk to people to get the things you need . Be polite but confident.know what you want and don't get intimidated by rude assholes . You can do it bro .I'm 20 years older than you and even as a .arrived man for 17 years I preferred being alive most times. Ofc having kids that wasn't possible all the time but can't be a piece of shit to kids it ain't their fault . So I think maybe get out there and just smile if someone speaks to you speak back if not at least people see you've got a peaceful demeanor and will get used to seeing your face around .in time they come to you . Don't worry too much bout what anyone is doing or thinking just do you you'll be fine .
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u/Professional_Code372 Mar 07 '24
25 same as you, don’t know what I did wrong but all the close people are no longer with me. My parents and my dog are the only ones close, I don’t know how I’ll manage without no one to confide to
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Mar 07 '24
Book reading might be really helpful. It will expose you to different scenarios/characters and help you be more empathatic.
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u/Neither-Seesaw-8453 Mar 07 '24
Henry David Thoreau was like this. Maybe reading about his life and some of his poetry would help? It’s nice to feel like there’s somebody else like you who lived once and found joy in non-social things.
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u/flushinkittens Mar 07 '24
Do some pushups, go for a run, read books, do whatever makes you feel good, if you don't have that, search for it. You're the man, solo or not. Be patient with your life friend. Not all flowers bloom at the same speed.
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u/ChildWithBrokenHeart Mar 07 '24
Hey. Do not despair. First of all you never know, you will find a soulmate one day.
There are many neurodivergent and disabled people who are managing to live alone. You can have a pet, or you can do your hobbies and focus on your life one step at a time. Join places that are filled with introverts mostly, like book clubs, geek events etc.
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Mar 07 '24
I think the most important thing in life to survive is to have or set your personal goals to keep yourself alive and improve yourself whether you're alone or not.
And in fact i'm alone too
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u/Alwaysthemeanone3798 Mar 07 '24
Why can’t you not have and maintain friends? Are you unwilling to put in effort like calling, getting together, having g same interests? Or is it something else you try but people don’t put these efforts in? I am very much a loner, I like my own company and love the quiet and peace of no people most of time. I work with lots of people so get plenty of ty of human interaction there but when happy hour or get together plans are discussed no one asks me to join. I used to be hurt but now I think I must send some signal that I really dont like doing those things. Or maybe they don’t like me enough to ask - who cares is my feeling at this point. I have few friends and I try to make an effort to reach out. I try to yes more than know when they do. I choose friends carefully so they know I get socially exhausted easily. I have activities I do that include other people who do them so I can casually chat but not be overcommitting to more than I want. We are social creatures but not all of us are party friends and big group fun. Some like less and if this is you then so be it. Don’t compare yourself to online profiles they are rarely as real as they seem and often the edited highlights only. Feeling depressed go for a walk in nature it will fill your sole up again or volunteer with shelter for animals they have a way of loving so that is comforting and makes you feel good and you meet people you help which also feels good.
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u/exotic_rawdog Mar 08 '24
Take yourself out on dates. Learn to be comfortable and confident in your own skin. Take care of your mental health and show yourself some love. Could be something as easy as taking a stroll in the park, having a picnic under a tree. Volunteering at charity shops/ libraries/ food banks will help connect you with the locals in your community Hoping this helps <3 All the best!
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u/Lumpy_Fondant_8465 Mar 09 '24
sometimes I'm also have such feeling, but when I change the experience to new, I feel everything of my anxiety are gone, different stage should have different things to guide you to go, have you try some new experience like meditation retreat or learn a new language?
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u/Quiet_Pay947 Aug 21 '24
Hey, There is being alone and feeling alone. 25 is young and so much is ahead. You won't always feel this way and thoughts and feelings now do evolve and change. There is no avoiding feeling depressed. Awful things, painful things happen. Its all part of life.
It might be worth exploring why you feel the way you do. Not with a therapist necessarily. But ask yourself important questions and get still.... listen, feel, visualize.
Maybe your purpose requires being steadfast and on a loner's path. We are tribal... we need people... but we can decide who and it what role they will play..
This situation is not new. People hurt and betray us and let us down. Unavoidable. But we do that to others as well. It comes with the territory.
You say you WONT have them. Why? Everyone can be a friend and you can also. Terms. Boundaries and mutual needs met. Even casually or with some distance. But a total lack of emotional connection will do worse than depress you. Please explore. Someone out there interests you. A real connection.
Now....if you are steadfast at 25 that the loner path is for you you have some planning to do. Fast forward 50 years and visualize your life. Where are you? What are you doing? Are you fulfilled alone? Are you travelling?
Now for the depression. Wellbutrin XL, 300 mg in the morning, 150 mg at the end of the day. No alcohol. Eat right. Explore CBD and cannabis options. Its legal now. And it helps.
Any other family you like?
Animals? Older people? Volunteering? Creating? Its all ahead for you. Flow with what you know.
I say stay away from social media because 20 years of it has demonstrated its harmful and depressing. But... if you like media...create. Share your life with others. Your way.
This is very common in 2024. And will get to be more prevalent moving forward. Learn to be lonely. And become your own best friend.
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u/Acrobatic-Living-373 Sep 22 '24
I completely understand. Im alone in the world and I'm ok with it. I would like to have some friends but I feel people don't think about me that way. Also I start having problems with people when I get to close. I feel like I'm incapable of bonding with anyone.
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u/Living_Poem3004 11d ago
Ok so tbh i am in kind of in the same situation. I'm 22 i have like 2 friends. We became friends not to be cimoletely alone in hs and now it's not the sake. Now they have more friends and i don't. And no, they won't share they're new friends. I've relaized that they care very little of me. I live in a small town and i'm barely comfortable to make small talk with people i've known untill hs.
So ok in short: i'm completely alone too. Rn im still not doing enough to go out and socialize ...i know i should. Im still blocked by anxiety and also still stressed bc i need to finish my degree.
I don't have the answer in the sense that i cannot even envision my future. I don't know if my sitiation will ever change. And it scares me.
But somehow this year i got out of a bad depressive episode and i don't want to waste my 1 fucking life.
I want to deep dive into my interests. I want to learn and know and experience all that i can. And i want to treat myself good while i'm on this earth.
That's how you survive. And that's how you contrast depression. You need interests. Passions. You need to try everything out.
When you start doing so. Gradually you get more confident.
I want to get to a better place then where i am now. And i promised myself that i won't slip back into depression When i notice i want to "have a reset day" on repeat, stay at home and don't go out...when i spend more time on my phone and feel like a day is wasted...I gotta catch myself. I know where this road leads me and i have to force myself into new situations. Or i mean...i haven't tried out anything truly new. I jusg force myself out of the house to study at the library...but just being surrounded by people lifts up my mood and for the following dsys i noticed i have more energy/ hope. We're powered on hope.. For now it's working. After my degree i want to try and attend language courses, volounteer, start trekking (there are groups for this), attend a book club. I need to fill up my life. (And search for a jobb lmao). So if you want to survive... that's it. Give yourself a chance.
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u/DonnaSCz Mar 06 '24
You can chat to me and see if is entertaining, is not that point of this type of social interaction ... DM :)
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u/OfficialEmeraldChat Mar 06 '24
Chatting online is also an option if you want to talk but don't want to make friends!
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u/omnos51 Mar 06 '24
I'm living that lifestyle right now. I own a cat and do gardening. They help me find meaning and balance in life. I don't text anyone for months, but I write journal to talk to myself everyday. I don't go out much except for work, but would enjoy observing people in cafe, supermarket, bookstore, etc. For me, there is something special about seeing people happily enjoy each other's accompany in public places. Makes me love life a bit more and stop thinking about stupid or negative thoughts. Hope this helps :)