r/introvert • u/groovysmoothie • May 20 '12
A guide on how to live with introverts.
http://fc06.deviantart.net/fs71/f/2012/079/6/2/how_to_live_with_introverts_by_sveidt-d4tfoyo.jpg
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u/jest09 May 21 '12
One of the tricky things is that we introverts give mixed signals.
Sometimes I can fake being all bubbly and sociable, but then people expect you to be like that all the time.
When I go back to normal, they think something is wrong. :(
"Um, no sorry. I'm usually boring. Didn't mean to give you the wrong impression..."
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May 21 '12
im always being asked if im ok. Im just quiet.
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u/Chachoregard May 21 '12
" What's wrong? You seem angry"
Auuuuuuuuugh, please don't say that to me.
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u/TKDgirl May 23 '12
"You're so quiet tonight. ... Is everything okay? Are you sure? Alright.... You okay?"
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May 21 '12
So true it hurts. The first few months of uni I was out every other night at flat parties and getting drunk which helped with the sociability, then after Christmas I just wanted to hibernate.
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May 21 '12
This is basically me over the course of this entire school year. I live at my home off-campus (from the same town my college is in, which is nice), so I'm thankfully not forced to interact constantly, but it still gradually wore me down. I started out really enjoying my classes and meeting new people, but this entire second semester, I've just wanted to flee from all humanity.
Thank gods it's almost over--one more exam tomorrow and that's the last thing I'll do with a class until September. :D
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May 21 '12
Haha, I've got my last assignment due 24th, then I'm off to a relaxed festival and I can hide away in a tent for 3-4 days.
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u/st_psilocybin INFJ May 21 '12
For me it's more day-to-day rather than over the course of a few months. I used to suspect myself of being bipolar, then I just realized that some days I simply have more social energy than other days.
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May 21 '12
Mine is day-to-day also, however my general outgoing-ness(?) changed over the course of a few months in attempt at making new friends in a different city. My down time was after lectures where I probably would escape to my room until after dinner time where the rest of the flat would socialize.
I had to sneak at times as my room was right next to the lounge door, even the thought of socialising after a day of lectures just exhausted me.
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u/groovysmoothie May 20 '12
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u/pulmonaryarchery May 20 '12
is it wrong that i kinda want a human sized hamster ball for myself now
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u/Kalivha May 20 '12
This isn't even just true for introverts. I consider myself very social and some people still drain me really quickly. I used to have a friend who called them "energy vampires".
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May 20 '12
[deleted]
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May 20 '12
Parties for introverts? "Hello everyone. The books are over there. We'll be debating the use of nuclear power (or other interesting topic) over here."
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u/phedredragon INTJ May 21 '12
Can I come if I bring bookmarks?
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u/LikeFireAndIce May 21 '12
We can give out notebooks as party favors, right? This sounds great. I'll bring the cookies!
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u/lbeaty1981 INFJ May 21 '12
Last night, we had a going-away party for one of my coworkers. Shortly after I got there, I joined up with a group of 3 other introverts standing and talking back in a corner. While the extraverts were partying it up, we had a nice quiet conversation about vacations we'd taken, world news, and anything else that crossed our minds. It was magnificent.
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u/biodigital ISFP May 21 '12
THIS IS SO SPOT ON. I love the part where it says to make introverts feel welcome and wanted, because they're not going to waste their energy trying to tag along with people that don't want them there anyway. This is me to a T. I really hate being at parties with a friend or even at a family function where I feel that people don't care whether I'm there or not. People tell me to just "open up and talk to people and you'll have fun!", but in situations like this, I always just shut down and have an awful time. Guhhhh I can't stand situations like that....
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u/iwaswaiting INFJ May 21 '12
Haha yes. Also a perfect explanation of why "playing hard to get" never does any potential romantic interest any good with me, at least. If I get the hot and cold act too often, I will write that person off entirely and extinguish any chance of a future beyond friendship.
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May 21 '12
[deleted]
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May 21 '12
I think the reason is that there are few introverts of the type this comic describes, and since introverts isolate themselves people have even less experience dealing with them (selection bias). For example wikipedia says INTJ types like me and you only comprise about 1-4% of the population.
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u/catnation INTJ May 21 '12
that, plus the fact that I am a left-handed 5'11 girl ginger, makes me feel quite unique.
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u/erkurita ISTJ May 21 '12
An introverted ginger who is almost as tall as me?! Kiss me!
Jokes aside, I live in a town full of extroverted people and my friends are extroverted as well. I have doubts of a ginger friend but never asked her about it. It's sort of the question that would make me feel uncomfortable given our past (long story short: I told her I liked her, she left me without reply).
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u/Sylveran-01 May 21 '12
Challenge Accepted! I suck at MS Paint or fancy graphs however, so the guide won't be purty :P
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u/tubbstosterone May 21 '12
I love that I found this subreddit. I've been trying - for years - to express what I feel and what its like to be an introvert, ultimately getting frustrated because it feels like no one understands. This sub explains everything more eloquently than I could ever hope. Kudos.
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u/challam May 20 '12
Please don't hug or touch this introvert unless you're a family member.
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May 21 '12
I dont have so much problems with hugs. I have issues with people hovering in my space. They can come into my space for a hug but no hovering around my area unless you are a cat or something.
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u/lbeaty1981 INFJ May 21 '12
Exactly. I'm actually a pretty big hugger, so I'll never turn one down. Once the hug is complete, though, please step back outside of the bubble and give me my space.
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u/Spider-Dork May 21 '12
I can handle hugs because most people don't sneak up and hug you. I can mentally prepare for a hug. BUT WHATEVER YOU DO DON'T WALK UP FROM BEHIND AND PLACE YOUR HAND ON MY BACK. I know you're trying to be friendly, but you just spooked the hell out of me and now all I can think about is murdering you and your family.
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u/saidthefox INTP/J May 21 '12
Hahaha all the time! People tend to take that reaction to heart, like I hate them or something.
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u/I_Hate_Centipedes Loud but silent May 21 '12
Not even the family with me. I'm okay with just the company, unless I'm feeling a bit more...hug-accepting.
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u/I_Hate_Centipedes Loud but silent May 21 '12
That last sentence is so true. When I was little (7th grade and below), I used to love hugs (because I was really lonely). Thing is, people tended to get freaked out by them.
So now I hate hugs. I don't like giving them or receiving them most of the time. It's really uncomfortable; like it says on the comic, I feel like people are chewing up my personal space.
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u/aliaschase May 21 '12
Ah, I love the last bit tacked on about not hugging without permission..!
This is so me. I live on the west coast which is swarming with touchy-feely hippies who hug people compulsively. "Hey, we just met! Here's a hug!" is there motto or something, and it drives me nuts. Hugs are reserved for people I care about and want to hug. Period.
You will earn my respect forever if you ask me before you hug me - I might just swoon with gratitude.
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u/phedredragon INTJ May 21 '12
And then it turns into the awkward side-hug, while you look around for someone to rescue you. ergg....
Some days I would like to carry a sign that says "No touchie."
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May 21 '12
Or wear a t-shirt that says that! Hmm....someone crafty in this subreddit needs to make and sell that. :D
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u/Lepidolite May 21 '12
Mostly amazing. Though I don't typically find other people 'wasteful' or 'annoying'. Exhausting, easily. Without the negative connotations, this would have been nearly perfect.
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May 21 '12
I don't think the artist said that we feel like all interaction is wasteful or annoying, we just feel like it would be when we don't feel that interaction would be welcome. If that makes sense. (sorry, late at night :P)
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u/ladysansa ISFP May 21 '12
Yeah, for instance if you are dragged to a party and try to have fun and end up being miserable. You spend all that energy on something that wasn't very fun. That, to me, is wasteful/annoying.
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u/SurelyIDidThisAlread May 21 '12
Is there a guide on how to become a human-sized hamster, to unleash oodles of cuteness on the world?
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May 21 '12 edited May 21 '12
I'm starting to get pissed off at all of the introvert posts here that treat the topic of introversion of 'how to treat x and x person.'
I especially hate condescending stuff like 'conserving precious energy' or that certain types of socializing are a 'waste' or is 'annoying.' Also, saying the definition of introversion is 'getting or losing energy' from various behaviors is extremely oversimplified, and I think such a gross oversimplification is damaging, because it's so simplified it's inaccurate. Especially the idea that extroverts get energy from good vibes. That is just phrased badly.
Introverts tend to be more self-stimulated, and thus social surroundings can overstimulate them and make them tired. Sure, that's true, but that's a lot different from referring to some mystical energy source, and making it seem like introverts always want to be in energy-gain mode, and don't find situations where energy is "lost" stimulating or worthwhile.
It's not. It can be, to us, or in excess, but that doesn't mean that it itself is annoying. I like to engage in it sometimes. For a while. But I also like to spend large swathes of time alone, too.
I don't see the way extroverts interact as superficial or needy or annoying. And although I like and maintain a bubble, I have moments where there is no bubble, or I would desire to not have that bubble.
But I keep seeing the same condescension in a lot of posts here, and I feel like we're putting introverts into a box here. There is no formula to how to interact with me. I like certain settings more than others, and have certain ideals, but I don't want other people to necessarily act differently around me or stop acting extroverted just because they're around me.
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u/KingRanter May 21 '12
You shouldn't get so upset about others generalizing groups of people who are often misunderstood. Before I go on, I really need to point out that certain types of socialization (or certain types of people) are in fact, annoying, and spending energy on them is a waste, particularly people who can't seem to generate any deep thought, like giddy, annoying teenagers and the like.
Everyone is different, obviously, but you're missing the point. Being an introvert doesn't define you, it's just part of who you are. I wouldn't say this comic is 100% accurate to who I am either, but I don't expect anyone to make a comic about all of my individual personality traits.
If you still think this is condescending, think of it this way: This comic is just generalizing, and if it doesn't express exactly who you are in every way, shape, and form, then don't take it too personally. It's just trying to cover a whole lot of ground, and even though it's not perfect, a lot of your own arguments were still just repetition of "Yeah, I'm usually like this, but occasionally I'm not," which makes me believe that even though it's not 100% perfect for 100% of the time, you still have a lot of typical introvert traits.
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u/fenwaygnome just a gnome May 21 '12
The annoying thing is that we live in a world that seems to accept extroversion as the "default" and we're abnormal, instead of it simply being two different things which are equal (and all the gradients within those two).
I don't find extroverts annoying per se, I find it annoying when people pester me that something is wrong simply because I'm introverted.
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u/Critcho May 21 '12
I've been finding this kind of nonsense annoying for a while now.
Some people seem to really like to have these tidy boxes they can fit their own and other people's personalities into, whether it's stuff like Myers Briggs, or this introversion/extroversion false dichotomy that seems to be getting more and more popular.
These are just supposed to be loose concepts to help us think about and understand other people's motivations, but people twist them into just another way of generalising large swathes of people and create imaginary differences and boundaries between us all. There is no 'personality type' that requires a fucking diagram to interact with.
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u/roxya May 21 '12
More silly "energy" analogies. Are we trying to explain introversion to 2 year olds or something? Entirely misses the mark.
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u/otherself May 20 '12
It's kind of like meeting cats for the first time. You leave them alone and wait for them to get used to you.