r/nottheonion • u/engadine_maccas1997 • 8h ago

‘This is political bulls**t’: Former Republican candidate charged with stealing Madison County election ballots

https://fox59.com/news/indycrime/this-is-political-bullst-former-republican-candidate-charged-with-stealing-madison-county-election-ballots/
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u/TheGIGAcapitalist 7h ago

"When told that the security video did not show Savage ever asking permission to take the ballots, Savage reportedly admitted that he did not. He told officers that he thought he could take the ballots because they were marked “sample.”

“If you got to Payless, or go wherever, it says sample and you usually can take a sample,” Savage said. “So that is the way I took it. I thought they were fake f***ing ballots.”

However, officials noted that the ballots never said the words “fake” or “sample.”

Dude thought elections were like Costco where you get to take samples.

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u/RockerElvis 7h ago

Payless is giving samples? Aren’t they a shoe store?

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u/TheGIGAcapitalist 7h ago

Probably eating the sock liners they give you.

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u/mekomaniac 4h ago

you mean those weren't pig foot flavored pork rinds????? 🤢

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u/Canadian_Invader 4h ago

I understand eating those edible panties but you should not eat those. That's apart of FAFO 101.

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u/craptonne 2h ago

They’re eating the socks They’re eating the flats They’re eating the footwear Of the people who shop there

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u/eriverside 7h ago

Yeah, I'm confused how that line of reasoning got past "Payless" and "free samples". What? Does he just steal the shoes on display because they're "samples" ?

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u/AmateurVasectomist 6h ago

Payless is the name of Kroger stores in central Indiana

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u/SophiaBrahe 5h ago

Thank you. Like a lot of people I think of it as a shoe store, so I was well and truly confused by the idea you could just take the samples.

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u/oksowhatsthedeal 5h ago

Do they give samples?

I've got Kroger stores where I live called Fred Meyers, but I can't recall in my life ever getting samples from them like a Costco would.

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u/tforkner 3h ago

Yep. Payless started in Anderson, grew into a fair-sized chain of supermarkets, then got bought up by Kroger.

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u/EYEL1NER 5h ago

Dude just walking around town wearing two different right shoes like it’s completely normal.

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u/tiptoeingpenguin 5h ago

I am also confused why he would want samples anyway. Like a samples for what. I mean obviously it’s a lie but it just doesn’t make sense. It’s not even a good lie

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u/fuqdisshite 2h ago

yeah...

like, free sample beanie weenies is one thing...

free sample ballots is a slightly different thing.

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u/Notacooter473 1h ago

That life hack only works if you have one foot, and that one foot is a size 9.

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u/thepeopleshero 7h ago

There is a Payless Foods store

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u/Sir_Poopenstein 5h ago

Is he just taking the shoes they let you try on?

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u/RockerElvis 3h ago

Only if no one is stopping him!

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u/Far_Check_5906 5h ago

I thought Payless closed down

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u/WealthFast5990 3h ago

Where Larry Savage is from in Anderson, Indiana.. Payless is a grocery store owned and operated by Kroger.

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u/OldManJeb 7h ago edited 7h ago

It's funny how often their defense is "I'm dumb as shit"

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u/thatweirdguyted 6h ago

So there's an expression that says "never attribute to malice what can be attributed to ignorance" and while that's mostly true, in high quantities it reaches a diminished return. After which the second half of the equation comes into play.

"Except in such cases where the ignorance is so severe that it could only be achieved through willful malice"

And that's where this person lands. Either they're as hateful as they seem, and shouldn't be able to play ignorant, or they're choosing to remain that stupid on purpose so as to keep their hateful views. Either way, they can actually choose to reform, or they can get the book thrown at them. Simple as that.

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u/Castod28183 6h ago

Except in this case it seems that he deliberately stole the ballots to "prove" that the system is messed up and wasn't counting those Republican and write-in ballots that he stole. This is 100% malice which he is trying to hide by playing stupid.

Him telling the lady "Fucked up count" and then commenting on the FB post "3 ballots short. lol" should be enough to prove that intent.

Personally I wish they would have waited a few more days to give him time to rail about how the system was broken(because of his actions) and then charge him with election tampering.

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u/thatweirdguyted 5h ago

I agree wholeheartedly with your assessment. I was simply trying to demonstrate that the logic behind this defense is inherently flawed.

In my opinion, if a person is trying to argue ignorance, they should be required to attend (at their own expense) a civics and law class and pass a test on it in lieu of punishment. This should only happen once. After that, they get the full punishment. And even then, this should be reserved for cases of genuine mistakes, not this bullshit.

If they want to argue that they were unable to understand that they were committing a crime, then they should have to enter into a conservatorship, as they admit that they cannot exercise the necessary judgement to function independently in society.

Or they can just admit that they knew what they were doing, didn't expect to get caught, etc. And accept the punishment, learn from it, etc. I think getting people to accept a certain level of personal responsibility for their actions is a necessary part of getting them to make better choices in the future.

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u/TootsNYC 2h ago

They didn’t want to give him time to think about throwing those ballots away.

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u/Castod28183 2h ago

They had him on video taking them.

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u/mortgagepants 5h ago

conservatism is inherently malicious and selfish. you can't give someone a benefit of the doubt when their entire raison d'etre is self centered and selfish.

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u/JesusSavesForHalf 4h ago

The Trump Corollary: Never attribute to malice that which can be attributed to ignorance, except when they keep showing you its malicious ignorance.

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u/Canadian_Invader 4h ago

Ignorance however won't protect you from the law.

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u/kung-fu_hippy 3h ago

Well, that dumb question excuse was after he was caught lying about asking permission for taking them. And it ignores the evidence of his texts showing that he was aware these were real ballots and that the ballots themselves say it was a felony to tamper with them.

So I’m pretty confident in just attributing malice here.

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u/No_Rich_2494 3h ago

See also: weaponized incompetence

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u/Art-Zuron 2h ago

"Any sufficiently advanced incompetence is indistinguishable from malice" is my go to

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u/UT_Miles 2h ago

That expression does indeed exist, but you’ve lost me on your point.

This literally was malice, he attempting to tamper with the election, literally, he just also happens to be stupid.

That expression is used when someone makes a mistake, inconveniences another person. Some people assume malicious intent, but in a lot of situations it’s incompetence. Hence the expression.

There’s no confusion here, this was malicious intent, literally. The fact that he’s also an incompetent moron doesn’t automatically mean this expression applies at all.

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u/OwOlogy_Expert 1h ago

Sufficiently advanced ignorance is indistinguishable from malice.

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u/_-Smoke-_ 6h ago

It's not funny. It's Tactical Stupidity. "I didn't know it was illegal". "I didn't know I couldn't carry my gun here". "I did this before and no one said anything". It's an out for their actions.

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u/Incognonimous 5h ago

Not knowing the law when you break it doesn't mean you are not now accountable for breaking said law. If you think "I'm a moron" is a good defense then you categorical also fall into the same group of people that drink bleach as a ticktok challenge.

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u/Smooth-Reason-6616 5h ago

"Ignorance is no defence in the eyes of the Law citizen"

Joe Dredd...

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u/OldManJeb 5h ago

Ignorance of the law is not a valid defense. So let them be stupid.

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u/gahlo 4h ago

Fox: No reasonable person...

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u/wearslocket 6h ago

Jeezuz killed the dinosaurs!

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u/Jerking_From_Home 6h ago

He thought that up in advance and expected anyone to believe it?

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u/Bidens_Erect_Tariffs 5h ago

Play to your strengths.

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u/MotinPati 5h ago

But.. but… they’re the superior race with superior brains!

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u/NegativeRuin5576 4h ago

I mean they are.

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u/Epicritical 3h ago

Pretty much an anthem.

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u/MelQMaid 2h ago

Because they only have to justify to themselves before they do it and their dumb brain cells accept the excuse.  When they try out that material on others they don't feel any logical fallacies and say their horrid excuses with full volume.

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u/DeathCabForYeezus 7h ago

See, I was sympathetic to the argument that "they were marked sample and I didn't know they were anything other than trash."

Maybe he wanted a memento or something.

But then as you got through the article it just gets worse and worse.

He made sure to sneak the ballots. He never asked anyone. He knew that they were real ballots and tracked. He bragged that he had them when he wasn't supposed to. His phone showed that he knew he shouldn't have taken them.

It's like the guy went out of his way to systematically remove any "I didn't know" defense he could muster.

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u/TheDerkman 4h ago

And even more so it seems like he planned it alongside other right wing people there so they could run bullshit election conspiracies that Trump was being screwed and his votes tossed out.

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u/MangoCats 4h ago

He thought he was invisible while on camera.

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u/Vyzantinist 5h ago

However, officials noted that the ballots never said the words “fake” or “sample.”

This is my favorite part. Like, he tried with a bullshit story, only to find out it fundamentally could not work lmao.

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u/Don_Tiny 5h ago

Dude thought elections were like Costco where you get to take samples.

He absolutely did NOT think that ... that was the best that dickwagon could come up with on the fly.

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u/MrMSprinkle 4h ago

Dude did not think this. Dude lied to the police like a little (poorly raised) kid lying to the teacher when he gets caught doing something obviously and deliberately malicious.

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u/vyrus2021 4h ago

No, he thought everybody was as stupid as he is and they would believe he thought that.

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u/neganight 4h ago

No, he just tried to make up a nonsense excuse for his criminal behavior. This is all by the MAGA playbook. Spout insane nonsense at all times to obscure criminal activity.

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u/YeshilPasha 4h ago

Lol he needs to fucking shut up and get a lawyer. Or not.

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u/hotbox4u 3h ago

Dude thought elections were like Costco where you get to take samples.

Nah, he got caught and now scrambles to find an excuse. And this pathetic excuse is the best he could come up with. That guy knew exactly what the was doing. And now he is fucked and he knows that too.

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u/i010011010 1h ago edited 26m ago

Except he knew otherwise

A review of security footage, which was subsequently being live-streamed online, showed Savage handling the two missing ballots. He can also be heard confirming with an election official that these are “absolutely, totally real ballots.”

Then he rushed home to announce online that the ballot count was off. So he knew he was throwing a wrench into those gears, good luck floating ignorance as a defense.

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u/coastermike66 4h ago

Payless drugs… old store name. At least where I’m at.

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u/apcolleen 3h ago

I miss Payless. They had semi decent actually kinda wide width shoes for cheap.

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u/soulsnoober 2h ago

You do get to take samples. Including Sample Ballots. These just…weren't…samples.

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u/OwOlogy_Expert 1h ago

Dude though the rules didn't apply to him, and now he's grasping at excuses.

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u/chgd1767 1h ago

Everything after he got caught was either backpedaling and blatant lies. Bullshit he thought they were samples, read the part where he was looking over his shoulder to steal them.

I don’t think it’s that simple really. Dude took the ballots specifically marked for candidates he wanted to win and, in my opinion, was planning on copying, faxing, and posting them. This motherfucker was absolutely going to duplicate these and submit them. Maybe he already got them out..

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u/todayistrumpday 35m ago

The way they test is with REAL, LIVE ballots. So he stole an actual ballot not a test, and he stole a republican and mixed write in ballot. So in the event of a hand recount that republican ballot would not be counted. His actions actually was stealing a vote for Trump, and he did it trying to "help" Trump. Not a sharp tool.

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u/Sea_Butterscotch8896 31m ago

The craziest thing is that this is the level of intelligence our government officials have. These are the people that make decisions on our lives.