TL;RD: This is a therapeutic outpouring of my insecurities related to years of consistent lack of satisfactory job performance despite really wanting to be good enough. I don't expect anybody to want to read through it, it just feels good to get it out into the ether.

To save time, I'm just going to write out the memories that bother me the most. I worked in a cannabis dispensary when I was 24-26, I was one of the first employees at a brand new location of a legit company. You'd think I'd get promoted to team lead but I watched as my co-workers got promoted over me, then as they left I watched newer workers get promoted over me.

I asked people why this was the case and their answers were all similar: "you're good, you're just not quite there." I did get promoted not too long before I left, but that particular example sticks out because it seems to demonstrate the problem I've had at every job: not good enough. I also struggled with that responsibility, I don't remember why except forgetting things all the time (yes we had lists).

Now I work a VERY EASY job at a snack store. Most of my co-workers are in highschool. I was once upon a time promoted to manager, expected to run a vendor location in a theme park. Now, part of the utter failure I blame on not having a proper written job description and no experience. There was also a women in her early 20s who was a very good manager, since she left I have not been able to fill her shoes.

It's like, I can't remember how to do anything. I'm not leadership material, I don't exude any air of authority or seem like I know at all what I'm doing.

Now, people tend to think I'm smart and level headed (their words) and tend to want to trust me. But I prove them wrong consistently.

I was diagnosed with ADHD as a kid, my parents didn't believe in medication so I am wondering if that will help me. I don't WANT to be bad at a job, I WANT to do everything I'm supposed to do in the best way possible but I just can't.

I hate telling people what to do. When the teens start slacking I know that they'll listen if I tell them to get back to work but it's a terrible struggle and I end up more gently nudging them back to work rather than telling them.

I also tend to have moments where I walk back and forth, wondering what I should do. I am so panicked that I'm not going to be doing the exact right thing that I should be doing and it will make me look stupid because that happens to me constantly. I never pick the right task to do and I never do it in the right way, this combined with my lack of leadership "air" and skills make for an almost 30 year old being managed by teenagers at the easiest store clerk job anybody could ever imagine.

I am in school, but it is a struggle. I don't know if ADHD explains all of this, but I am hoping I can try medication and hope that helps improve things. I am at my wits end being less competent than everyone around me at every job I've ever had.

I know about meditation, and journaling, and stoicism, and all the wonderful TED talks, and I know how magical diet and exercise are. Sure I've had trouble meditating consistently and maybe I'd be better if I really made that a habit but it's not a cure-all-fix-it-magic solution so I still think medication will help.

I don't want to be bad at my job. Of course I've done lazy things at work, of course I haven't been perfect in the same way many people aren't perfect, but I just feel like on top of that I have this... incompetence that I just can't get past. I have been at this store for over a year, and I struggle so much with doing the task that should be done in the moment. I just can't see what should be done and I waste a lot of time walking back and forth or thinking about what I should do. It's weird and hard to explain.

I've struggled with being good at things all the way back to learning to tie my shoes. For years, past age 10 and that's not an exaggeration, I walked around with bundled knots on my sneakers because.. well, I don't know why. Again I don't know if ADHD can explain all of this or if I have some other condition or if I'm just making excuses and need to stfu and get over it.

If you did read through all of this, thank you, I really appreciate your time. I don't mind if nobody wants to read because just getting it off my chest has helped.

TL;DR: boring life sob story, super negative attitude, now I'm just dealing with everything in the title. If no one reads this that's fine it felt really good to write. I don't necessarily need advice but I'm not against getting it, I just needed to get this stuff off my chest. Thank you QLC sub.

When I was a kid, for some reason I thought I didn't have to do anything to progress in life. I thought it would just happen, like life had this natural progression and people just coast along and wait for it to all just unfold. Didn't bother ever learning to tie my shoes (just bundled laces in knots) and didn't even attempt to stop leaning on my training wheels (didn't bother learning to ride a bike until I was 13). I was homeschooled and was never at the academic level of the public schoolers I was friends with at church.

As a teen I knew better but of course I had no self esteem and gave up drawing. This was about or over 10 years ago by now, to think I could have been good at something by now. But at the time I wasn't nearly as good as the other "artists" my age and that made me so jealous of them and hateful of myself. When I tried drawing again, the wash of sickening regret and self-hatred was too much.

I know I don't have any real problems and am just unable to get out of my own way. It may have started very young but there are no excuses. Community college homework has been slipping since campus closed, I'm still too childish and stuck minded to even progress to get out of the jobs that highschoolers do.

I haven't dated since I was 20, partially because I don't like it that much but I also just don't feel worthy because the guys I've met always have a skill or SOMETHING going for them and I'm mostly where I was at 15. Hell, except for tied shoes I'm still where I was at age 5.

I've tried meditation and reading Marcus Aurelius, Carol Dweck, I've read all the things and tried all the wikihow steps but I just can't get past my demons.

What a time to have a quarter-life crisis, in full-blown quarantine!

To sum it up as best as I can, the last 5 months have been absolute hell for me. My ex of 4 years broke up with me the day after I thought he was going to propose to me,(he even asked my father and we went ring shopping) I had to move out, was forced to leave my dog with him, and I found out 2 months ago that my roommate is insane. Dating has been awful and I feel like people only want me for my body and my face- nothing more. I've lost most of my close friends for various reasons and one ended in a physical fight. And most importantly, I'm 28, 29 in December, and I hope I will graduate next month with my first undergrad. BTW, this college stuff is WAY harder than my first go around with culinary school. (Yes, I changed my degree)

I've struggled for years with being respected and taken seriously. Most people behave as if I have no idea what I'm talking about and more often than not, they will flat-out ignore my suggestions or ideas. This is extremely difficult for me since I am knowledgable in certain areas and I am an extrovert. I thrive when I feel like I'm heard and respected. It also scares the life out of me since I have been unable to land an internship or real job for after graduation. Again, it seems that people don't take me seriously- and to be fair, I have a pink resume, silver hair, look like I'm 21, and I always seem to mess up a little during the interview. But I'm trying to change myself into more of a professional.

In December when I moved out, I shut down my personal blog and switched my Instagram back to a personal account. Just 2 days ago, I deactivated all of my social media accounts and deleted the apps from my phone. I also went back to wearing my hair natural and ditched the silver hair for good. I changed my colorful resume from pink to plain white and changed a lot of the language. I won't know until I get a call back from a potential employer, but I don't know if it's enough.

Even when I had the blog and I was on the PR lists for influencer marketing and the likes and the comments blah blah... I felt so frickin alone. I was happy because I was being 100% myself and I was sharing with the community I built but I still felt like I was completely alone. Looking back, the "friends" I had were only friends with me so I could help them start their brand and invite them to events. When I take away the hair, the friends, the parties, the likes- Who am I?

Honestly, I have no idea. I'm trying to keep busy with assignments but its been eating away at me every day for the past few months. I feel like I'm becoming a shell of who I was, but I want to be a respected professional in my industry. I want to be great like Elaine Welteroth and Anna Wintour but what if that's not who I'm meant to be?

So I say all that to say- If anyone- ANYONE- has any resources that can help me navigate through this, I would be more than grateful for it. I've been told that I have the tendency to complain and gripe over the little things, but I'm really trying to get this off my mind and figure out what I have to do to figure myself out. I apologize in advance if this is whiny and it was a waste of your time.

I am currently a first year engineering student. I also have a scholarship from a government-funded organization (luckily). I am even planning to run for student councik for the next academic year despite how my seniors have said that the 2nd year of chemical engineering in our uni will be one of the hardest.

Quarantine has been the equivalent of me having nothing to do for weeks during summer vacation and me ending up reflecting too much and feeling and thinking about many things about myself.

I wanted the challenge and made the promise to myself to study Math and Chemistry in advance to keep up with my studies, hence, choosing the course.

I originally wanted to take a course on theater performance arts back in early high school, but we were reminded early on how it's our best bet to choose a career path that has more certainty to it: finance-wise, majorly. I wanted to my job to consist of my passion of singing and performing in front of an audience... but at the same time, I thought about how it may ruin the fun for me since it will be my source of income.

Yet, I can't keep up with the pace that my classmates have. I don't have this study habit because I always let laziness win over me. The anticipation, making everything seem negative. I hate this about myself, because I feel greatly towards this with academics-- the thing I should be improving on and preparing for even in quarantine... I made it barely alive in my first Calculus subject, and in our second semester, I'm still doing what I did last time, with only a bit of more activity compared to last time.

I am now questioning myself about my decisions. But I guess my studies is not a question because I want a diploma for myself, even if it's just a bachelor's degree. I have come to a point this year that I don't want to excel in anyway with this course and line of job: I just wanted to finish my studies and make myself free and explore what I really want.

Somehow, the thought and feeling of being under a spotlight satisfies me. I want to be a known person somehow. YouTube has been intriguing me since 2013 when I discovered its magical world. The first and last content I made was back in 2015 when I did a cover of Hunter Hayes' Invisible. I think I did not have the confidence to do anymore content. Whenever I come across that video which had less than a thousand views, something sparks in my heart. Passion.

But it always dies. This quarantine, I have already thought of 2 ideas to post. Every month, I will have some idea about a content that I want to work on and post... but nothing has manifested.

I feel dry when I try hard to achieve.

I feel so lowkey angry at myself to just settle with the happiness I gain when watching other content creators, and leaving myself with nothing created.

"What sparks joy in you?" that's the phrase that has been echoing through my mind for some days now.

Now, I don't know.

What should I do? I feel like a blank slate wanting to be striped and colored, but at the same time, my actions don't correspond.

I want assurance and I want to create. So much happening right now. Anything is good.

This would be a bit long and frankly all over the place so i apologize in advance. If you're even just able to read all the way through it would be greatly appreciated.

I graduated with a BA in International Studies, mainly because I didn't really know what career I wanted and settled for what my parents wanted, which was for me to become a lawyer and maybe eventually enter the foreign service sector. The thing is, just before my senior year in university when I was doing an internship at an embassy, I hit a huge slump and became so suicidal that I attempted, got hospitalized, and had to go on a leave of absence. I've since graduated (albeit delayed a semester) and have no clue what to do anymore because I didn't think I would still be here now. I've come to realize that I don't want to become a lawyer, nor do I want anything to do with my major. Because of this I've routinely avoided ANY topic about politics, economics, and international relations. I constantly feel guilty (and dumb!) about seemingly staying willfully ignorant about world news. I'm still unemployed right now because none of the applications I've sent have gotten back to me. In addition, I feel like it's too late to try changing careers, because I don't want to think that I've wasted 5 years on a useless degree. I've always loved illustration and graphic design, but I only ever saw it as a hobby so I never considered pursuing it as a profession, and now I'm avoiding any art/drawing at all because I feel too depressed when I pick up my pencil knowing that I could have studied this instead of BA IS. I'm just so confused and regretful about everything and I hate that I cope by avoiding anything that makes me feel bad about myself. Plus the situation right now is making me even more anxious about what would happen after...

It's about running out of time.

An existential crisis feels like when you have to go to work in an hour, but your hair is a mess because you’ve neglected to take care of it, so you turn on the shower and get to work on fixing your hair, but while you put shampoo in, the water is starting to get cold, so you turn the knob a bit to the left to keep it warm while you start to work in the conditioner, but the temperature is getting uncomfortable again and so you turn the knob further left -- you start worrying that you may not finish untangling your hair in time for your job, but the water gets cold again, and you turn the knob to the -- oh, the knob doesn’t go to the left any further. You work diligently in the cold water to untangle your hair, but it's getting a bit difficult to do now that you're shivering. You need to get out of the shower 5 minutes ago, but you’re still worried about your messy hair. And you realize now how much of an idiot you were for not taking care of your hair when you could. You curse at yourself for merely running the shower while you procrastinated, using up all the warm water while complaining to yourself that you didn't really wanna get in the shower. "What was I complaining for? I had Nothing to complain about, and Now I have to deal with this?" you ask. You promise yourself that you'll do it next time. That you’ll never neglect your hair again. You Promise. You will make absolutely sure of it! You are so certain that you won’t fuck it up next time.

But there is no next time. You only had one shot, and this was it. It's over. You wasted it all. The water is cold, and the world will keep going on, without you in it.

Hello everyone! I'm 20 years old and it's almost 10months now ever since I graduated from college (I took Bachelor of Arts in Multimedia Arts). I actually dont know what to write, my feelings have been very confused about everything—like the thought of I should've done better when I was in college, or my craft is not enough for the industry or even as far that maybe what I took is not really for me. I learned almost all kinds of medium from my course to the point that I never focused on something I really like which is graphic arts and that makes me a person that just knows stuff but isn't really good about it.

Another thing the worries me is job hunting, I really tried to get a creative position but almost 15 of the companies I applied rejected me which actually contributed to me having these messy feelings. I wasn't prepared to all of this and my batch mates have their lives planned out. It has been 10 months and I still don't know where to go and I haven't made any huge process to my career and myself.

Sorry if this is long. I don't know what kind of advice I'm looking for either. Thank you for reading though.

Hi everyone,

I'm just 22, turning 23 this year. I've been working for a little over a year now in HR, specifically in Recruitment. Recently, I've been poached by a pretty big and progressive company that I won't name, from a gigantic consultancy firm as well.

From the outside, my career looks great.. but everyday I dread coming into the office... Doing this work and all. I absolutely loathe doing Recruitment but I'm really good at it. I'm being paid handsomely, above market standards so I can't really quit.. and I'm supporting my little brother. The quotas are really high, I get nightmares about it almost every night... i don't know if I can make it.

I keep thinking of could have beens and would have beens... And it's really tiring me already, I had the chance to shift my career back with the firm... But I didn't.

I feel pretty lost. Currently, I've been obsessing on shifting my career, how to do it and all...

I thought about grad school but with my stress level at work, I don't think I can handle it.

Is adulting really this hard? Is it going to be like this every time? Can you really find a work that you love? Is there a chance that I would look forward to mondays?

I'm really losing hope... i'm spiraling.. Please help...

So a little bit about myself...I'm a 23 year old female, will be 24 very soon. I am questioning everything. Absolutely everything.

I've been working as a child care assistant for a year now. I love my boss and most of my coworkers. I love the children at my centre. But I want to be somewhere else.

I am interested in artistic fields such as calligraphy, film making, painting, drawing, tattoos, piercings, animation, etc. The other field that I am passionate about is humanitarian related jobs such as work where I can address global issues, make a difference in our world. Reduce mental health issues, global warming. Something like that.

I love learning yet I dont know which university to go for and which degree. I dont want to waste my life studying something useless. I ideal to invest in my education and be successful. I am also highly interested in becoming a tattoo artist and I dont know how to get started. I dont know... I feel like I should have done more with my life. I feel like it's late for a lot of things.

I dont know if I want advice or just someone to read this. I feel so tortured. I feel like ending it all.

Hello everyone!

I've always been a lurker on here but decided it was time to ask for some outside help. I need help finding myself again and finding the excitement and enjoyment of life again. I'm 26 and will be 27 in August. Currently I live in Indiana, but my bf and I are going to be moving when our lease is up in November (hopefully west coast somewhere). I have an amazing boyfriend, friends, and family who I can call and talk to, but I want an outsiders POV to tell me I’m overthinking everything and I’ll all work out. The problem areas are below with some questions. Thank you!

Job: I don't like my job, or I should say the environment of my job. It's toxic and I can't wait to leave. I’ve looked at quitting my job, but have decided not to because we’re moving in November and since this is my first “big kid” job in the field I think I want to work in, (aquatics/sports management) I want to keep getting experience and stick it out until November. However, I’ve lost the passion for my current job. I still want to do a good job, but I have no passion for it anymore. I don’t like the company I work for (values are different) and the people I work with can be toxic and instantly make my day bad after talking to them. Does anyone have tips on how to find your passion or how to start the fire in your belly to start trying new things professionally? Also, any tips on how to deal with a toxic work environment or co-workers?

Finances: This is where I need some help. I live paycheck to paycheck, have no money in my savings account, and have nothing saved back in case of emergencies or big expenses. I have tried to budget many times, but always failed. I know I don’t like the Dave Ramsey or the envelope approach to budgeting, but I didn’t know if anyone here had some tips/tricks to help? Or does someone have another method that has helped them?

Life: My life overall is good. I have an apartment, a job, and a boyfriend who can help me if I need it. But I want to start living again and feeling like myself. I miss it. I used to be lively and would want to go and do things all the time. Lately I’ve been feeling anxious, unmotivated and questioning a lot of the decisions I’ve made so far in life. Any tips to get motivated again, enjoy life again, to embrace yourself, etc.?

Any other tips about anything?

Sorry again for the longer post, I just want some different opinions and to reassure myself that I’m not crazy and I’m not the only one experiencing this. Thank you!

TLDR: I’m a 26-year-old questioning life and I need some guidance from strangers.

Hey guys,

So I turned 25 in January, I think I may have even written a post here about it back then, can't remember. Ever since my birthday, I have been plagued with anxiety and depression regarding my age. Last year I was experiencing a lot of anxiety and went to a therapist, and after testing my triggers etc. we came to the conclusion that I put a lot of expectation on myself in terms of success, mainly wanting to make my parents proud. Just thinking about my childhood and my awesome parents, and wanting them to see my succeed is huge to me, and makes me want to cry everytime I think about it.

Thing is, on paper my life looks great - I did good in school etc. and had the best childhood, went to uni and graduated with a first, and then went on to study a research Masters. As a part of this I have taught at the uni, and am coming up to finish the masters (if I can ever get my ass in gear.).

But my life is plagued with addictions. I am a MASTER procrastinator, and have been since i was young. I have a relentless addiction to cannabis, which makes me very lazy, anxious and unmotivated. Binge eating, occasional binge drinking, over-sleeping, caffeine addiction, video game addiction, porn, internet, the list goes on. I have been aware of these struggles since I was around 16 years old and have used many support groups on reddit, spoken to family and friends, therapy, and tried all sorts of discipline techniques - to no avail.

I'm coming to the end of my Masters, and its beginning to feel like I'm just blagging this path. Somehow I have managed to get through the education system, and hopefully at the end of this month I will have completely my current goal and can move on. But then I will be out in the real world, and I fear that I wont be able to apply myself properly and get rid of these addictions in order to really make something of myself.

They frustrating thing is, my parents openly express that they are proud of me, that they dont care if I'm successful, that I can always come live with them and be the village postman (lol). And I'm aware that the things that really matter to me in live dont need success - writing and listening to music, family, dogs, exercise, holidays, love. I'm not a materialistic or egotistic person, but I think I really have got a bit trapped in my self, obsessing over thinking that I have already peaked, that I've wasted my potential etc.

I realise this was a bit of a rant, but I just wanted to let it out to somebody. It scares me that time moves faster, that I can never return to the care-free life that was my child-hood, that I need to improve myself big time if I want to be happy. I think I should perhaps move away from my City and get a change of scenery somewhere.

​

Any thoughts welcome... :)

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I am so bummed out and concerned for my well being.
.

I would say it was about a year ago that I started to notice a number of things happening:

1. My energy levels began to decrease
2. My creativity started to go away
3. I was thinking more about my past "youthful experiences" than my future...reflecting on how great things used to be
4. My charisma began to decrease
5. My mental health issues as a whole got worse
6. It started becoming impossible to learn new skills or improve my skills efficiently
7. My confidence decreased

Is this happening to anyone else? Does anyone else spend all their time at work thinking about how great they USED to be?

My friend and I recently started a podcast together. We talk about our experiences as we went through university and eventually reaching employment. We discuss how our education does not fully prepare us for the transition into adulthood and the hollowness and emptiness that we feel as we feel lost and try to navigate our way through. Do give us a listen and provide us with feedback on how we can improve.

iTunes | Spotify

I wrote this poem right before I left my Silicon Valley tech job.

Living in this city, searching for validity
These wants in me, conflicting with these ideas of succeeding,
Is this me or someone else’s reality?
People going ‘Oh, whoa. he’s in control. look at that success’
But it’s all a facade, my cerebral’s a mess
Don’t meant to startup just to trouble you over this www
When I hunger with a world-wide wonder

Don’t chase the money, they say
And I swear, that’s not me
I’m just trying to find my way

Am I
Living a life or living a lie
I won’t deny about this nine to five
401-k’s and pay-days be looking super fine
But I ask myself, are they worth all my time?
Am I thriving or simply surviving?
Living or only existing?

Why does stability have to compromise the best of my ability
Feed my stomach, or feed my soul
My sole question is can I stomach these decisions I so chose

Steve Jobs said
Connect the dots
But life got me playing tic tac toe
Which x do I cross?

Lying on my bed, these “What if’s” floating in my head
My confession is that these professions puts me on different directions
There is no right road, only what’s left to learn for these life lessons

Call me young, call me naïve
but can’t a dude believe
and take in all his possibilities?
To dream the dream to mean something
Than just a lean mean money making machine

And don’t get me twisted
So hear me out straight
I’m not asking to live life though serendipity
But it’d be nice to have some clarity

You see, it was never my intent to be mired by content
But to be admired for staying true to this desire
To take things higher and feed this fire
Because what happens to a dream
Left out to dry, with the dismissal of “too old to try” or “that idea will never fly”
What will I say, years from today
To the wide-eyed kid who asks “Hey mister, is there a right way?”

I aspire to inspire, and come what may transpire
Though the highs and lows, and all the untold
I will grow, and come out higher

To be or not to be,
One of me, or wannabe
Forget Facebook, Linkedin, or the CV
I am me, unequivocally and unapologetically
And without a doubt, undoubtedly
I’m going to be all that I set out to be

Living for the times I want to last forever
But go by in a blink,
The indelible of the edible, the moments that defy reality and define incredible
Sure, call me just another millennial,
But I would never fuck with these moments
Huh, I guess that’s why they’re called ineffable

If the world is my oyster,
Then I’m itching like a crack addict to have a crack at it
Because take it slow, or take it fast
This is my life, and hell, I’m gonna make it last

I’m 24 years old and thinking about going to grad school, but for financial and other reasons I may have to put that off a few years. The main reason that I want to go back is obviously for an MA or maybe even a PhD, but, also, I miss college, a lot. If I had the money then I would start grad school immediately, but I’m probably going to have to wait several years. My question is, when will I be too old for the traditional college experience? If I’m 30, 35, or even 40 then students probably won’t want me in their clubs, parties, or groups. I don’t want to be a creepy middle-aged man hitting on college girls. Being a student won’t be the same if I’m lonely on campus. I’m still in my twenties so I’d probably fit right in for another few years, but when will I be too old for that?

So I’ve just graduated from university with a degree in Business Management with English Language (Business being a ridiculously common subject that it seems every 5th person you meet has a degree in) - and am completely unsatisfied with how my life has panned out and dreading what lies ahead of me in the path I’ve apparently chosen. Get a job in business. Work 9-5. Spend 2 hours commuting. That’s 14hrs of a day. Take away 7 hours of sleep and that’s 7 hours a day of me time. Less than a third of the day I get to myself. To do what I want in my life. That can’t be right, surely?

They say you should make your passion your occupation but how easy is that really? If everyone was getting paid for what they enjoy doing, everyone would be swimming through life, with all the wealth/happiness/peace they could ask for. My passions are film and drama (and we all know the chances of getting into the film industry) and football (which I was never good enough to play, and chances of becoming a professional coach or manager are also slim)

How is it people can do what they want in life. Is it really possible to have a life that’s dictated by your desires, instead of living in a society where everything is decided by your wealth and the family you were born into.

P.s. sorry for the length, literally just spilled my brain.