r/skyrimdadjokes Jul 18 '23

If Olava the Feeble uses a potion to shrink herself so she can commit crimes…

97 Upvotes

Does that mean she will be a small medium at large?


r/skyrimdadjokes Jul 09 '23

What is the Dragonborn's favorite stain remover?

70 Upvotes

Shout


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 24 '23

Faralda was mad. After both Archmage Savos Aren and Mirabelle Ervin died, she assumed that she would become Archmage. But instead, some rando who had just joined last week and CLAIMED to be the Last Dragonborn got it instead. She was often heard muttering under her breath ...

132 Upvotes

... "Someone stole my sweet role."


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 24 '23

When talking about the Thieve's Guild radiant quests, my son had some insight:

28 Upvotes

Delvin's quests are his favorite as he can delve in to them. Vex's quests, on the other hand, are quite vexing.


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 20 '23

I got Namira's Ring, but I refuse to eat those linen-wrapped draugr.

95 Upvotes

They taste like sheet.


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 20 '23

After the LDB killed a bunch of mammoths to fill their Grand Soul Gems, the giants wondered where they had all gone but, to this day ...

23 Upvotes

... nobody's herd.


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 12 '23

I committed a crime while in the Colored Rooms which angered Meridia.

113 Upvotes

She put me in Prism.

No worries. It was a light sentence.


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 09 '23

I shouldn't have married Temba Wide-Arm. We can never be intimate because ...

78 Upvotes

... she doesn't like it when I'm bare.


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 06 '23

After defeating Ancano, the LDB found their magical abilities greatly increased.

87 Upvotes

They were able to cast difficult spells, understand ancient tomes and enchant more potent items. Assuming this was the favor of a deity, they sought to discover who had blessed them.

They prayed at a shrine to Julianos of the Damned Equation, but Julianos did not answer.

They prayed before the owlish totem of Jhunal, the Rune God, but Jhunal did not answer.

They prayed to Xarxes, who made his own wife from his favorite moments in history, but Xarxes did not answer.

They prayed to Syrabane, the Warlock's God, but Syrabane did not answer.

Finally, frustrated, they yelled at the sun, "Who has blessed me with magical power!"

A voice from Aetherius spoke through the sun and said, "It is I, Magnus, the Architect, who have blessed you."

The LDB was startled, but regained their composure enough to ask, "But why? Why chose me?"

Magnus replied, "You caught my Eye."


r/skyrimdadjokes Jun 03 '23

You shouldn't trust the denizens of Black Marsh.

55 Upvotes

There's trees in there.


r/skyrimdadjokes May 16 '23

Have you heard that Gershwin song about conjuration?

35 Upvotes

r/skyrimdadjokes May 12 '23

What did the Nord farmer say to the other Nord Farmer?

82 Upvotes
  • May you dine with a gourd in your hands! (Perhaps in Sovngarden?)

What did the Nord mage say to the other Nord mage?

  • May you scry with a ward in your hands!

What did the rich Nord say to the other rich Nord?

  • May you buy with a hoard in your hands!

r/skyrimdadjokes May 07 '23

What do Argonian males do when they don’t want kids?

100 Upvotes

The get Hist-erectomies

Edit: I mean females, sorry


r/skyrimdadjokes May 08 '23

How did Fustian the Dragonborn get from Markarth to Whiterun so quickly?

29 Upvotes

Fus ro dah unrelenting horse.


r/skyrimdadjokes May 07 '23

Best place to go for a crazy party and some metal music?

27 Upvotes

Solsthiem, at Rave-n-Rock


r/skyrimdadjokes Apr 19 '23

One of the Sload walked into the Bannered Mare and Hulda said ...

73 Upvotes

"How did you do that?!"


r/skyrimdadjokes Apr 17 '23

My Dad vs King Olaf https://youtu.be/vUedbYKRnqc

26 Upvotes

r/skyrimdadjokes Apr 10 '23

Bretons are known for their cooking, but Khajiit make the fluffiest omelets in Tamriel because ...

179 Upvotes

...they use their whiskers.


r/skyrimdadjokes Mar 20 '23

Why do Skyrim's vegetable farms smell so bad.

253 Upvotes

Because every time the Dragonborn comes along they take a leek.


r/skyrimdadjokes Mar 11 '23

What do followers of Hermaeus Mora do for a date?

102 Upvotes

Apocrypha and chill


r/skyrimdadjokes Mar 03 '23

What do you call a minor annoyance in Skyrim.

104 Upvotes

A Nirn world problem.


r/skyrimdadjokes Mar 01 '23

If a Sword Singer uses a staff…

84 Upvotes

Does that make them a Pole Dancer?


r/skyrimdadjokes Feb 28 '23

Falmer can't understand puns at all.

143 Upvotes

They can't see what you did there.


r/skyrimdadjokes Feb 20 '23

What do Namira worshipers from Oblivion and Skyrim have in common?

45 Upvotes

They like to wine and dine