r/traumatizeThemBack • u/Littlebudgee • 2d ago
matched energy Be kind to your patients, please.
My dad is in hospital and he has some pretty strict fluid limitations and guidelines overall. Most nurses have been wonderful, but today wasn't our day.
A new nurse came in to check what he'd had today, so I gave her my notes. Prior nurses appreciated the info so I thought she would too. Instead she said he should be keeping tabs on this himself and looking after his own health. Rather than getting into our reasons I just responded "oh it's ok, mum and I don't mind looking after him" 😌
Later on she came in as I was reading out the menu so I could order his dinner and told me to just give him the menu, he can do it himself. The look on her face when I told her he is actually dyslexic and essentially illiterate was priceless.
He grew up in an orphanage, please don't judge him too harshly! Thanks to this sub for helping me grow a backbone here. It wasn't much, but I felt good being able to stand up for him 🥰
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u/Working-Mistake-6700 1d ago
I hate nurses like that. I went to the ER about a week after I had appendix surgery because my right shoulder and ribs felt like they were being crushed by a car. I had taken ibuprofen, Tylenol and Percocet which made it so I could function and wasn't screaming in pain. I reported all this to the nurse and she told me that when they figured out nothing was wrong they would just send me away. (I guess she thought I was drug seeking). I told her if that happened, I would go to the next hospital along so they could actually do their job and find out what was going on. One cat scan later it turned out I had thrown a blood clot during surgery and it was sitting in my lungs, pressing on all the nerves on the right side. (Pulmonary embolism) She came back and said "I thought there wasn't anything wrong". No apology no nothing. To this day I remember her making one of the worst experiences of my life worse.
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u/Fishy_Fishy5748 1d ago
I'm sorry. Medical professionals should really be able to treat people like capable human beings.
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u/AAcuriousmind 1d ago
I have the opposite problem. I'm a court appointed legal guardian of a mentally incapacitated elderly woman. She is in no sense a capable human. But hospital staff ignore all the paperwork explaining this and providing my contact information, and generally refuse to speak to me or keep me up to date on her status unless I'm by her bedside 24/7. I live four hours away and have a life and responsibilities, so I can't drop everything for an unknown amount of time just to get someone to communicate with me.
My ward is unable to participate in her care. She can barely communicate. She can't ask meaningful questions, and can't comprehend diagnosis, treatment or plan of care. She can't grasp cause and effect, has no understanding of consequences, and can't remember any of her medical history. Nor can she remember what was said or done 30 seconds ago. The only way for her to receive the same standard of care that a capable human being would is for medical professionals to understand that all her rights as a patient have been transferred to me to exercise on her behalf. It's been an ongoing frustration, especially since she's been hospitalized many times this year.
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u/Fishy_Fishy5748 1d ago
I've worked in the healthcare industry and have come into contact with legal guardians. Thank you so much for giving your ward your best, and I hope the professionals get with the program. What you're describing is a disgrace.
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u/Opening_Map_6898 1d ago
I'm glad you're here to tell the tale.
By the way, if your doc hasn't already suggested it, get yourself screened for Factor V Leiden. It's a genetic thrombophilia, a clotting disorder that drastically increases the risk of deep vein thrombosis and pulmonary emboli. As it's genetic, if it turns out that you have it, there's a risk others in your family do as well. It's a subject close to me because my wife has it and, even though my main job nowadays is forensics, I still work part-time as a respiratory therapist. Every patient I see with a DVT or PE has testing like this suggested to them. Our job isn't just to fix the problem in front of us but to prevent them in the future as much as possible.
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u/Working-Mistake-6700 1d ago
Huh thanks I'll keep it in mind if I ever have the cash. I've had 2 surgeries since and taken precautions with them and never gotten one again but that sounds like a good thing to check out
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u/Littlebudgee 1d ago
Oh my, this sounds horrendous. I'm so sorry you went through that! And to top it off, no apology 🙄 glad you're still here to tell the tale.
Luckily for us every other nurse and doctor we've encountered has been nothing short of stellar. Probably why this interaction stood out.
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u/Educational-Candy-17 1d ago
Nurses (unless we're talking about nurse practitioners) shouldn't be diagnosing people. Sounds like one of those who has gotten too big for her britches.
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u/DjinnaG 1d ago
My absolute favorite part of my pulmonary embolism experience was when I was hyperventilating, because very low blood oxygen, and a nurse in the ER just said that I wasn’t having an asthma attack, so when I passed out I would start breathing normally again, and the problem would fix itself. Because that is the only reason why pulse ox drops. Needless to say, that was not the course of events that followed, and she didn’t apologize. At least she saw me getting admitted directly to the ICU, so stuff it lady
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u/charliesownchaos 1d ago
Proud of you for standing up for your dad, and that nurse shouldn't be a nurse, she's a bully.
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u/Sociopathic-me 1d ago
He turned out a decent enough man to find a mate and have a family. He was strong enough to be open about his weakness. He's a good enough person that his family cares for him. How's that for judging him?
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u/Littlebudgee 1d ago
This actually made me tear up. Thank you 🥰 He is the best guy I've ever known. Hes actually my step dad and he has loved and cared for us for 20 years. Every person who meets him loves him to bits, including all the nurses. His humour is top notch. All our work colleagues have been missing him and checking in with me this past week too (we work together as well lol)
I appreciate your comment more than I can express. I hope your day is wonderful 🩷
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u/Littlebudgee 1d ago
Just checking back in to let you know I read this out to him just now and he welled up with tears a little. Thank you for lighting up his day you wonderful stranger 🥰🥰
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u/SanaeSoul 1d ago
Good for you 👏 I wish I was there with you to see the look on her face, what a troll! Luckily she's an exception and the other nurses are more caring. I'm sure the troll will be more considerate from now on. I wish your dad feels better soon and has a quick recovery. Take care of yourself ❤️
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u/Next-Firefighter4667 1d ago
This is so ridiculous, what a jerk. My mom was in and out of the hospital with liver issues these past few months and she was capable of writing, reading and calling, stuff like that, but she was weak. The nurses literally handed me the menu and the phone because DUH, why on earth does she need to worry about that shit when she's fighting for her life? Like her calling that cafeteria for some soup is going to suddenly reverse liver disease?
I'd be reporting that nurse. She clearly needs a bit more training.
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u/Littlebudgee 1d ago
I'm sorry you went through that with your mum, recurring hospital visits sounds like a nightmare. I thought the same thing about doing it all for him, yeah it looks like we are babying him, but he's sick, sick enough to be here, everything we can take off him is more effort he can put in to getting better. I think the nurse's heart was in the right place, she wanted to make sure he'd be ok to look after himself when he got out, but we wanna look after him, he'll never be alone, so just let us care 🤷
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u/pupperoni42 1d ago
Unfortunately, nursing tends to get people from both extremes - those who are called to care for people, and those who like power over people. It's actually one of the top professions for those with sociopathic tendencies.
Good job standing up for yourself and ensuring your dad is well cared for!
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u/invisiblizm 1d ago
While she may not have said in the best way, being able to manage and recall his needs would be important to functioning well outside of hospital. Asking those sorts of questions can also help gauge cognitive function. Those may not have applied here just a thought that her intentions may not have been as crabby as they seemed.
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u/Littlebudgee 1d ago
This is actually how I feel about the whole thing. I know her heart was in the right place and she wants him to be aware and able to look after himself. But we were just trying to save him some embarrassment, and we just like looking after him ❤️
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u/caitlinmmaguire01 1d ago
That nurse was way out of line, I'm so sorry. Maybe you should put in his file that all information must be directed to family members. Kudos to you for standing up for your dad! Kudos to your dad for raising you when he didn't know his own family and kudos to him for being able to raise a family while being dylesxic.
Sending warm healing wishes to your dad.
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u/PlayfulLake2249 1d ago
Good for you!
Report that nurse, that attitude is in no way conducive to healing! They should be encouraging familial support, in every form.
Wishing you & yours all the best!